I need some real human contact. That includes sex, but other contact as well

I need some real human contact. I need a man to hold me and whom I can hold in my arms. I was able to hug and kiss the man I sucked a couple of weeks ago, but I would love to have a man I could suck in the morning after we spend a night together in bed. I would love to have a man for whom I could cook and clean and take care of his sexual needs. One of the best things is to wake up next to man and to be able to take his cock in my mouth. I would love to have a man who would have me drink his pee first thing in the morning. Whenever we were together I would want to drink all of his pee. I would not want to displease him, but if he was not happy with me for some reason I would want him to let me know. I would want to correct whatever I did to displease him. I would want to make him happy in every way that I can. At the same time I would want to be with someone who accepts me as I am. I would not want to have to hide my lace panties. I understand that others may not enjoy all of the music, books and movies that I do, but I would want to be with someone who would not say that I am strange to like the things that I do. I would like to have someone with whom I could share my love of languages and different cultures. If I end up with someone who does not share these interests that would be all right as long as he understands that they are part of who I am. I will respect his rights to enjoy the things that do not interest me, and I would want the same from him. I want him to let me know the ways he wants me to please him, but I also want him to give me the chance to speak openly about my feelings and interests. I want both of us to be open about who we really are.

I Want to Please a Man in Every Way (Adult Content)

I do want to be able to please a man in all ways. That includes being able to let him fuck me. Currently I am not able to get anything in my anus. It hurts. It may be because I am not able to relax it enough. The last time I was fucked was by a young guy with a small dick. He was a cute guy from Puerto Rico. I wanted to see him shoot his load, but he had cum in a condom while in my ass. I wanted to see him again, but I never heard from him. I was fucked by a friend a few times, but it never felt very good to me. I did cum one time while he was fucking me. I came, because he told me to do so. He was someone I loved very much, but he only saw me as a sex toy. I was just a means for him to get off. He knew how I felt about him, yet he would remind me at times that I may as well have been a dildo. I do not know if he was being intentionally cruel. I have had a few men tell me the same thing. The only other man who was able to fuck me in the last twenty-five years was a guy I had sucked and cuddled with many times. He was in a relationship when he fucked me. He was on his back as I sat on his cock. As I was taking his cock in my ass he told me he loved his partner. He was wearing a condom. His relationship ended soon after that. His partner told people that I was the reason for the end of their relationship. Both guys were known to be having sex with multiple men, yet I was seen as the one that caused their breakup. Oh well. As I was saying I want to be able to please a man by being able to let him fuck me. Maybe I should start with a small dildo or butt plug and work my way up. I love pleasing a man with my mouth. I love to use my tongue to make a man feel good all over. I love being able to make a man cum with my mouth. I also like for a man to use me as his toilet. I want to be able to please a man outside of bed. I would love to clean for him and do his laundry and to cook for him. I love to cook for a man the foods that he likes. I would want to be faithful to him and only have sex with men that he would choose. I enjoy being obedient. I do want to find a man who will let me please him in all these ways.

Twice in One Day (Sexual content)

There was a lot of cruising at a mall in a city I lived in once. During one of my successful excursions I was sucking a guy off at the urinals of a department-store restroom when another man walked in on us. He said that we needed to be careful. He watched as I continued to give the guy head and he kept watch in case anybody else might walk in on us. I kept sucking until I was rewarded with a tasty load of cum. Our guard then asked me to go home with him and suck him off. It turned him on to see me give a blow job, and it turned me on to be watched as I gave head. He had previously sucked the guy whose cum I had just swallowed but without getting a load, because he was too nervous about sucking too long in a public restroom. I went home with him, and we got naked. He was not going to be in the area long, and there was not much furniture in the house. He sat in a chair and I sucked him. He wanted to sound himself, but I did not really want to see him stick anything into his urethra. I did enjoy sucking him, and he promised me a mouthful of hot cum. He asked how the other guy's cum tasted, and I said it was delicious. Eventually I was rewarded with his tasty cum. This was not the first time I got cum from two men in one day, but it was the first time one guy saw me get a load from another man before giving me a load of his own cum. I would love to get loads from two or more men in one place one after the other.

Krótki film o zabijaniu

I just finished watching "Krótki film o zabijaniu," a film by Krzysztof Kieślowski. It was an extension and alteration of one of the episodes of his television series, "Dekalog." The main characters are a young lawyer who. during the film, passes his examinations to become a lawyer, a young man who alternates between showing great sensitivity and brutality and a cabdriver who treats other people with contempt. In this short film we are able to learn a lot about the personalities of these characters. The lawyer seems to be an idealist who wants to make a difference in the world. He argues against the death penalty. The young man mentioned above kills the cabdriver. In one scene he takes to be enlarged a photograph of a young girl. We learn that this girl was his sister who had been killed in an accident. At the same time he shows acts of violence. In one scene he drops a rock off of a bridge so that the rock will hit the windshield of a passing vehicle. In another scene he is urinating at a trough in a restroom. A young man comes in happy and whistling. He looks at Jacek, the young man. Jacek pushes him into the trough. The cabdriver in one scene is washing his taxi. A couple approach and asks if he is free. He mentions what he is doing. The couple say that they will wait, because it is cold. When he has finished what he is doing, he leaves without any thought of the couple who have been waiting for him. Before he leaves he offers a ride to a young woman whom he has been eyeing. In another scene a man is walking two small dogs. He honks his horn to scare the dogs. He laughs as the dogs bark and their owner tries to get them settled down.

The theme of a rope runs throughout the film. In the opening credits a cat is seen hanging with a noose around its neck. Hanging from the windshield of the cab is what looks like the head of a demon hanging on a rope. Jacek is seen several times playing with a rope. This is the rope with which he strangles the cabdriver. It becomes obvious what he wants to do with the rope before he does it. There is a scene where he enters a cafe where he has coffee and a pastry. The lawyer is in the cafe. The lawyer later wonders if he could have prevented the murder, because Jacek talks about playing with the rope in the cafe. In the end Jacek is hanged.

This film is said to have led to national debate concerning the death penalty and led to the repeal of Poland's capital punishment statutes. (This is from the notes from the DVD case from Kino Video, 2004.)

Krzysztof Kieślowski was a maker of very films that are very moving.

Not Putting Up with Shit at Work

At work I try to be easy yo get along with, but I am not going to put up with people giving me shit. Yesterday I had someone get in my face about something trivial. He kept on and on until I finally yelled at him. I do not like doing that, but he was would not let up. Sometimes people there indicate whatever they want done by pointing. This is not very effective. I have had supervisors who give very vague instructions. They say, "I need you to go over there" without saying what they want me to do when I get to where they pointed. If I a am doing a job I want to do the best job that I can, and I want to help other people to do their jobs. People at work are learning what they need to do if they want me to do something. They just need to ask politely. I treat other people with the same respect. They also need to ask in complete sentences or say more than one word. Most of the people speak Spanish, and sometimes they will just yell "caja" or whatever they want. It is not always clear what they want. Sometimes I do not know who has spoken, especially if I am looking the other way. Sometimes I have several people asking me to do something at the same time, and they all want me to do what they want immediately. The person who has treated me with the most respect gets my attention first. Sometimes there are other people who are in a better position to do what they want. It irritates me when other people are allowed to stand around and chat without doing any work, yet when I take a few seconds to catch my breath I am immediately told to do something. I am a person, not a machine, and when I am pushed too much I push back.

Deutsch Hockey Jersey

My German hockey jersey came in the mail today. Actually it was made in Canada, and I bought it from someone in Hungary on eBay. I am happy with it. The Russian jersey will be here soon. Here are photos of the German Jersey. I will post the Constellation one as soon as I get it.

Update on Constellation Jersey

I was afraid that the Russian Constellation hockey Jersey had been lost in the mail, but it reached New Jersey and is on the way here. I am looking forward to getting it. I have a German Jersey and another Russian Jersey on the way. I have one more jersey that I plan on buying, a Hungarian football jersey. (If I refer here to what Americans call soccer. If I am talking about the other sport I will call it American Football.) I don't plan on buying any more jerseys soon. I will need to buy a pair of shoes soon. Eventually I do want to buy another Soviet jersey, but that will have to wait.

I would love to see the World Cup in person. This would be both for the games and to be in the international group of people who would be in attendance. I also want to attend a hockey match, especially somewhere in Europe. I am not giving up on my hopes of travelling in Europe. It would be nice if I had a man with whom I could do this. I have usually travelled alone, and it would be nice to have a man with whom I could do it, especially if I could share my love of languages with him.

I am listening to Rammstein again. I have learned some German from their songs. It is fun to start to be able to understand their word play. Their music is fun too.