Fena je späť. (Сука вернулась.)

I still have hopes of going back to Lawrence, Kansas and staying there until I can go to Europe or somewhere that I can get in international LGBTQ rights. After I get my phone turned back on I need to get my birth certificate changed and a new Passport. I have a lot of catching up to do on Facebook and with email. I will never be completely caught up with Facebook, but that's all right. I also will try to get caught up some on Google+. I am glad that I will be able to get in touch with friends online.

I really need to be around people with whom I can talk openly and laugh freely. I long to be able to have uncensored conversations. I have never been very good at small talk. I am getting better, but I do not want to spend a lot of time with chitchat. What is important is for me to find people who will accept me completely as I am and who will be their true selves with me. I do not want to act differently in different places. I am not saying I would suck dick everywhere, but I am not going to hide the fact that I suck cock. I want to be in a place where I do not have to hide my views on sexuality, religion, politics, music, film, languages, etc. I do not have the time to worry about what other people think about me. I also want to be able to be with people with whom I can drink a good beer. I have not been able to afford good beer lately, so I have not been drinking beer. Beer is one of the things on which I am not going to compromise. I will not buy cheap beer. I might drink it if a friend gave it to me, but I am not going to buy it for myself. It is not a grave matter, but I have to have some standards. Some people might think that it is fucked up that I have higher standards for beer than I do for what cocks I suck, oh well. I am proud of being a slut and a beer snob. I feel the same way about cigars. I will not smoke cheap cigars. I also have standards for Vodka, only Russian, Polish, or Czech Vodka please. As for Vodka it is not the price that matters but the country of origin. If I want a good wine I would want one from France, Italy or Germany, but France is not where I go for good liquor. The pretentious snobs can keep Grey Goose. I'll stick with the stuff from people who know how to make the real stuff.

I am back, and it feels good. Je vous aime, mes amis. Kocham was, moich przyjaciół, Я люблю вас, мои друзья. Miluji vás, moji přátelé. Milujem vás, moji priatelia. Ljubim te, moje prijatelje. Te iubesc, prietenii mei.

Music Keeps Me Sane

It is good that I do not need to have internet access in order to play music and watch movies on my computer. The music of Gogol Bordello has definitely helped my mood. I watched a DVD of one of their concerts. I would definitely love to see them in concert. This concert footage is about eight years old, but they are still putting out great music. I definitely would not stand still. Their music makes me want to move. Eugene Hutz, the lead singer and main songwriter of the band, talked about the influences of the band's music. One side of his family is Gypsy. He also talked about the music of Georgia, the country not the state in the U.S.A. He piqued my interest in music from that country. I have been interested in learning about Georgia, but I do not know if I would be able to learn the language. It is in that part of the world to which I am attracted. I will write more soon, but it is time for me to go to bed.

Goodnight.

Это хорошо, что мне не нужно иметь доступ к интернету для того, чтобы играть музыку и смотреть фильмы на моем компьютере. Музыка Gogol Bordello определенно помогло мое настроение. Я смотрел DVD одного из их концертов Отзывы. Я бы, безусловно, любовь, чтобы увидеть их на концерте. Этот концерт кадры около восьми лет, но они по-прежнему выпускают отличную музыку. Я определенно не будет стоять на месте. Их музыка заставляет меня хотеть двигаться. Гудзь, солист и основной автор песен группы, рассказал о влияний музыки группы. Одна сторона его семьи цыган. Кроме того, он говорил о музыке Грузии, страна не государство в США Он возбудил мое интерес к музыке из этой страны. Я был заинтересован в получении информации о Грузии, но я не знаю, если я буду в состоянии выучить язык. Именно в этой части мира к которой я Привлеченные. Я напишу более скоро, но это время для меня, чтобы лечь в постель.

Спокойной ночи.

To dobrze, że nie muszę mieć dostęp do internetu w celu odtwarzania muzyki i oglądania filmów na komputerze. Muzyka Gogol Bordello na pewno pomógł mi nastrój. Patrzyłem DVD z jednym z ich koncertów Recenzje. I na pewno chciałbym zobaczyć ich na koncercie. Ten materiał filmowy koncert jest około ośmiu lat, ale nadal są one oddanie się świetną muzykę. I na pewno nie będzie stać. Ich muzyka sprawia, że chce się przenieść. Eugene Hütz, wokalista i główny tekściarz zespołu, mówił o wpływy muzyki zespołu. Jedna strona jego rodziny jest Cygan. Ponadto mówił o muzyce Gruzji, kraju, a nie państwa w USA On wzbudził moje zainteresowanie muzyką z tego kraju. Byłem zainteresowany nauką o Gruzji, ale nie wiem, czy będę w stanie nauczyć się języka. To właśnie w tej części świata, do których pociągają mnie. Napiszę więcej wkrótce, ale to jest czas dla mnie, aby pójść do łóżka.

Dobranoc.

კარგია, რომ მე არ უნდა ინტერნეტით იმისათვის, რომ ითამაშოს მუსიკა და უყუროთ ფილმებს ჩემი კომპიუტერი. მუსიკა Gogol Bordello ნამდვილად დაეხმარა ჩემი განწყობა. მე ვუყურე DVD ერთი მიმოხილვა მათი კონცერტები. მე ნამდვილად მიყვარს, რომ მათ კონცერტი. ეს კონცერტის კადრები დაახლოებით რვა წლის, მაგრამ ისინი კვლავ ავრცელებენ დიდი მუსიკა. მე ნამდვილად არ დადგეს მაინც. მათი მუსიკა რაც მე მინდა გადავიდეს. ევგენი hutz, ტყვიის მომღერალი და ძირითადი სიმღერების ავტორი ბენდი, ისაუბრა გავლენა ჯგუფის მუსიკა. ერთ მხარეს მისი ოჯახის Gypsy. ასევე მან ისაუბრა მუსიკაზე, ქვეყნის და არა სახელმწიფო ამერიკის შეერთებულ შტატებში მან piqued ჩემი ინტერესი მუსიკა ქვეყნიდან. მე უკვე დაინტერესებული სწავლის შესახებ საქართველოში, მაგრამ მე არ ვიცი, თუ მე შეძლებს ვისწავლოთ ენა. ეს არის იმ ნაწილში, მსოფლიოს, რომელიც მე მოზიდული. დავწერ უფრო მალე, მაგრამ ეს დრო ჩემთვის წასვლა საწოლი.

Goodnight.

Back to my regular schedule

Internet is back on at home. I will be back to my regular schedule without the whining. YAY!!!

I am still going through rough times. It does not help that I do not have anyone with whom I can talk. I feel totally cut off. I know things will work out, but it is not easy. I am in danger of losing my cell phone service completely. What I need most is emotional support. It is not easy not having anyone with whom I can laugh and share my interests. This may be boring to read about, but I am desperate for friends. I am able to enjoy music and movies during the evening. I wish I had more time to write posts.

One of the things I was thinking about earlier is one of the reason that people are afraid to seek psychological help when they need it. In 1989 I was in a mental hospital for about nine months. Being in a mental hospital is probably like being in jail. You are not able to make your decisions about what you eat or when you eat. You are very limited in your choices of how to spend your time. As a patient in a mental hospital you are treated as if you were less intelligent, and often you are not treated like an adult. You are treated as "less than." Psychiatrists can ruin people's lives with a false diagnosis. People who are eccentric are often seen as being mentally ill. Mental illness is not something that one needs to be ashamed of, but not all those who are labelled as being mentally should have this label.

I will try to be more entertaining soon, but this is what is on my mind right now.

An Unexpected Post

I got off work early today, so I was able to come to the public library and get online. Internet access here is limited to two hours a day. I am making notes at home for future posts.

Yesterday I watched "Olympia," Leni Riefenstahl's documentary about the Berlin Olympics in 1936. There is some beautiful camera work, especially during the fencing and diving. Of particular interest aspect is seeing Jesse Owens and the reactions to his wins. I notice at one time he is referred to in German as the black American runner, but in the English subtitle it just refers to him as the American runner. In one race there is a reference to competition between "the black and white races." There is another shot that can be seen as racist, a man from India is seen hopping, then there is a shot of a kangaroo jumping. Is there supposed to be a connection between these two shots? The documentary is divided into two parts, "Festival of Nations" and "Festival of Beauty." At the beginning of the second part there are men running then they are seen swimming nude. They then relax and get somewhat intimate in a sauna. There is no sex, but arms are rubbed. Penises are seen. It is a nice, gentle interlude. It is interesting to see which teams give the Nazi salute at the beginning of the games. The French are among those who give the salute. "Olympia" is definitely worth watching at least once if just for the camera work.

I am currently rereading Witches of Eastwick by John Updike. The book and the movie have very little in common with each other. I will write more about this after I have finished the book, and I have more time online.

Still no Internet at Home.

I still have no internet at home and no cell phone. I am catching up on watching movies. I miss all of my friends on Google+ and Facebook.  I feel very cut off. I do not have anyone with whom I can really talk. I do not have anyone with whom I can share interests. Hours are picking up at work, so I hope it will not be much longer before I can get my cell phone back. I do not know, probably still a few weeks though. I will post when I can. I do feel the need to be involved in the international struggle for LGBTQ rights, but I do not know how I can do that. I will find a way. Time is almost out on my access. I will post as soon as possible.

My Last Post For Awhile

I no longer have internet connection, and my cell phone service has been suspended until I pay my past due amount. I do not know when I will be able to do that. I will survive, but this cuts me off from most of the people who are important to me. I  will only have access to computers on Tuesdays. I will post as often as I can, but it seems like this will only be once per week. Please have patience with me. I really do not know what I am going to do to get out of my current situation. Please do not give up on me. Things will work out. I just don't know when.