More About Men to Whom I Am Attracted and Some Fetishes that Need to Remain Twisted Fantasies (Although I did act on one)

I am attracted to men who are muscular, but this is true only if they have some visible body fat. I am not attracted to men who are completely ripped without any visible body fat. This does not mean that I am not attracted to men who are not muscular. I am especially attracted to men who have some muscular definition, some body fat and multiple tattoos. I am also attracted to men with moderate amounts of body piercings. I like the look of Prince Alberts, but I do not like the taste.

I don't know if I have mentioned either of these fetishes before. One I should not practice again, and the other should remain a twisted fantasy. I am turned on by the idea of sharing a needle with a guy to whom I am sexually attracted. I did this a couple of times. I know that this was a stupid thing to do, and I definitely do not plan on doing it again. I continue to test negative for hiv and hep c, and I want to keep it that way. The other fetish is related to that. I have not acted on this one, and I do not plan on doing so. I discovered this fetish when a friend had shot up, and there was blood on his arm. I was tempted to lick the blood off of his arm. He fits the description at the end of the first paragraph. He has muscular definition, some body fat, tattoos, and body piercings. He also has a great personality; unfortunately; he is straight. I had to leave the room in order the temptation that I mentioned. I have a vivid imagination, but I have self control.

It Looks Like Things Are Going to Get Better

I have had a better day today.

My orientation for my new job will be taking place on the 27th day of this month. It is a fast-food job, but at least I will have a job. I will be making $8.00 per hour. I will be paid every two weeks.

I saw one of my best friends today. I had been worried about him. He had been in jail then the hospital. My best friends have spent time in jail. I would prefer being around these people than hypocrites who claim not to judge me while looking down their noses at me. So I have had contact with three out of four of my best friends today.

I might have found a place to live when I start making money. It will be with a couple of guys I know vaguely.They are panhandlers. They might be a couple. I don't know. One of them is sexy with silver hair. I know that I would love to have fun with him.

I still don't know how I am going to get my things out of my old place. I am still working on that.

Struggling with Depression

I have been struggling with depression for awhile now. I know that things are going to get better, but it has been difficult lately. It seems that the people whom I have known the longest are the people whom I cannot trust. There is a friend whom I have known for twenty-four years who is one of those people. I have kept his secrets for a long time, and I will continue to keep them. I found out that things he has told others about things that I told him in the hope that our conversation would remain private. It has become more and more difficult to have any kind of contact with him. He always says that he will call me, but he never calls me. It seems like the people whom I can trust most are my friends who are on the fringes of society. These are people who are often treated as outcasts by society, drug users, shop lifters, hustlers, alcoholics and other homeless people. My best friends now are people whom I met on the street or in the homeless shelter. The church that I have attended is letting me keep my belongings in the attic of the church building until I can get a storage unit or an apartment. I appreciate this very much, but I think that I will have to leave that church after I retrieve these things. I have not felt very welcome there. At times when I attended the congregation was encouraged to reach out to some specific people who were not present. We were encouraged to let them know that they were missed. When I am not there are no attempts by anyone from the church to reach me. I was told that it was because my phone is often out of service. They use this an an excuse. They do not even try to call my phone to see if it is in service. There are people there who are friends on Facebook, and they know how to contact me there. They have not done so. I believe that it is time for me to move on.

Last week a friend whom I had not seen in several months died of a heroin overdose. I found out about his death the next day. The night after he died I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Fortunately I did not have many pills at home. I also considered those close to me who would be affected by my death. I also the knowledge that others would have to do something with my corpse.

I know that I will survive. I am not giving up. I will continue to reach out to my friends. I will not always be alone.

An Extremely Short Post with Brief Adult Content.

I haven't had computer access for quite awhile. I will try to write more soon. Things have been up and down. One friend is in jail. Another friend was arrested today. I am in a homeless shelter now. There are good things too. I know that I have friends who really love. I got to suck some dick today. No cum though, but I hope to get some soon.

Another Post About My Awesome Best Friend

I don't think that my best friend truly knows how much he has helped me

 It is just because he helps me pay rent and buy food. He has helped me build my self confidence. He has helped me to be sure that I eat enough. He thinks that I have a crush on him. I don't know if that is true. I would not want anything to harm our friendship. I know that I cannot make him happy in ways that a woman could

 I really want to see him happy. I would love to see him find the right woman who will love him and not hurt him. I do not tolerate anyone hurting him, and he would not put up with anyone hurting me. When he is down I feel down, and I am happy when he is happy. Fortunately he is not perfect, because if he were he would not want to be around me. I know that we will not be together for the rest of our lives. It will hurt when we have to go in separate ways, but I believe we will still be friends. He knows that I would do anything that I can for him. He is awesome.

Short random post

I started a new temp job. I am getting more hours than I did at the brewery. I did not want to leave the brewery, but I was not making enough money there. I miss the people with whom I worked there. My new job is in packaging.

I met a gay friend of my straight roommate. He came for a visit. I would like to get to know him better, but I do not know if I can trust him. He alternated between a nice guy and being a complete ass.

I will continue to be a loyal friend to my roommate. I totally trust him. He is an awesome guy. Communication between us keeps getting better.

I have lost weight I now weigh 125 pounds (about 57 kg).

I have been having fun with Tina.

5/9/17

I am still looking for a full-time job. I wish it was noty so hard for me to find a job. I have been more successful finding jobs through temp agencies. I have been working a temp job for over a year, but I need a job where I work more hours. I like the job I have and the people with whom I work, but I need to make more money.

I have been spending time with the friends I mentioned in recent posts. They have helped me a lot lately. This is especially true of my roommate. I hope we can find a larger place soon. We both need more privacy. I love spending time with, but we both need to have time to ourselves. We help each other, and I hope that we can be friends for a long time.

I have not been sucking much cock lately, and I miss doing that. On the other hand I am very happy that I am spending less time alone, and I am spending time with people with whom I can talk openly without having to hide anything.

There are times when I go for two or three days with about two or three hours of sleep.