Rambling

I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely with a lot of people around. I work with people who only speak to me when they want me to do something for them. When they do speak it is often rudely or only one word. I see them laughing, but I feel left out. To be honest whether they speak in Spanish or English I am not interested in most of what they have to say. I need some intellectually stimulating conversation. It would be nice if I had someone with whom I could have conversations that stimulate our intellects, imaginations and libidos. I am trying to stay positive, but it can be difficult when my body is so tired. I know that this is not permanent. From time to time I am able to give pleasure to a man. I have not been able to do that in awhile, but I know that I have the ability to do so. I can use my brain, tongue and hands to please a man. I look forward to the day when I can do that again. Until then I have my imagination, some porn and my right hand to give myself pleasure. I also have books and DVD's to stimulate my intellect, and I have music to bring joy or catharsis.  Here comes another day of being the best me I can be.