This is going to be a good year. I am learning some difficult lessons, but I will make it through these lessons. It is difficult for me to ask for anything. It is especially hard for me to ask for any kind of help. This is even true where social and government agencies are concerned. I am going to stop letting this stop me from getting the help that I need. I am still going to help others, but I am going to take better care of myself.
I am going to stop being so hard on myself. I beat myself up too often. For example. I have written before about how much I value friendship, and I would not want to do anything to hurt a friendship. I have a straight friend whose company I enjoy very much. At times I am attracted to him sexually. I would not act on this attraction, because I know that it would damage our friendship. I have been beating myself up today for having these thoughts. I just have to let thoughts go, and not dwell on feeling bad about them. We enjoy doing things for each other. He knows that I would do anything for him that he wants me to do. I am comfortable with his knowing this, because I know that he would not take advantage of me. We used to eat lunch together occasionally. I hope that we can do that again. It is much more fun to eat with someone who makes me smile. He has an awesome smile. I need to focus on what we can do together, and enjoy those things. I have enough friends with whom I can enjoy sexual activities.
I am focusing more on what I need to say here than I am on getting the grammar, paragraphing, etc. perfect. If you don't like that come give me a good spanking...😉I might enjoy that if the right people do it.
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