"The Damnation Game" by Clive Barker

Clive Barker is one of my favorite writers. The Damnation Game was his first novel. It was published in 1985. It is a book that I found hard to put down. He has written some of the most frightening passages that I have ever read, in this book and other stories and novels. He is expert at combining the erotic with the horrifying. He is good at creating characters who are very likable as well as characters who are completely repulsive. There are characters who are a combination of the two. I am often surprised by plot developments. Fortunately there are still books that he has written that I have not read. I think that I would enjoy meeting him in person.

This is going to be good year

This is going to be a good year. I am learning some difficult lessons, but I will make it through these lessons. It is difficult for me to ask for anything. It is especially hard for me to ask for any kind of help. This is even true where social and government agencies are concerned. I am going to stop letting this stop me from getting the help that I need. I am still going to help others, but I am going to take better care of myself.

I am going to stop being so hard on myself. I beat myself up too often. For example. I have written before about how much I value friendship, and I would not want to do anything to hurt a friendship. I have a straight friend whose company I enjoy very much. At times I am attracted to him sexually. I would not act on this attraction, because I know that it would damage our friendship. I have been beating myself up today for having these thoughts. I just have to let thoughts go, and not dwell on feeling bad about them. We enjoy doing things for each other. He knows that I would do anything for him that he wants me to do. I am comfortable with his knowing this, because I know that he would not take advantage of me. We used to eat lunch together occasionally. I hope that we can do that again. It is much more fun to eat with someone who makes me smile. He has an awesome smile. I need to focus on what we can do together, and enjoy those things. I have enough friends with whom I can enjoy sexual activities.

I am focusing more on what I need to say here than I am on getting the grammar, paragraphing, etc. perfect. If you don't like that come give me a good spanking...😉I might enjoy that if the right people do it.

A Recent Hospital Stay

I recently spent a week in the hospital. I had an abrasion in my esophagus, and I threw up about half a liter of blood. I do not know where I got the abrasion. I was told that it was the size of a paper cut. I had been sick all day. I threw up in the library restroom. I went to the bus station where I continued to regurgitate. I could not make it to the toilet when I threw up the blood. Someone called for an ambulance, and the bus station was evacuated.

It seemed that the doctors were trying to get me out of the hospital before I was ready. I was still feeling unsteady in my feet, and I was having difficulty swallowing even liquids and soft foods. On the list of prescribed medications that I received at the hospital was listed a piece of Nicorette gum. I remember a nurse giving me a piece of chewing gum. When I asked her what it was she said that it was for my breath. I was asked several times if I smoked cigarettes, and I told them that I usually did not smoke more than one or two cigarettes on a day. I do not know why I was told a lie about this gum.

While I was in the hospital my glasses could not be found. (Well, one of the lenses had been missing for awhile, but I can could still see better with one lens than I could without it.) The absence of my glasses added to my headache. I was not able to read while I was in the hospital, and I do not watch TV. I asked several times where my glasses were, and I never received a direct answer. I was told that this kind of loss was common at the hospital. Of course they do not compensate patients for this loss. I did find my glasses when I received my belongings when I left the hospital, but I do not know how long they had been there.

A few times before I left the hospital I was told that my blood counts were good, and that I was ready to leave the hospital. They paid more attention to numbers than they did to how I actually felt. For part of my stay in the hospital I wore a wrist band with the words "Fall Risk" on it. This seemed to be ignored. There were times when I felt dizzy and had difficulty getting anyone to walk with me to make sure that I did not fall.

I am even more convinced now than I was before that the hospitals in this country are more interested in making money than they are in the health of the patients, that they consider the rules of the hospital more important than the health of the patients and the main focus of the healthcare system of this country is making money.

"Illumination Night" by Alice Hoffman

Alice Hoffman's novel Illumination Night is one of the better novels that I have read in a long time. It was published in 1987. The characters are diverse. Not all of the characters are likable, but life is like that. The plot is well conceived. I grew to care about the characters and wanted to see what they would do and what would happen to them. There are surprises in the plot. I would be interested in reading more books by the same author. I would recommend this novel.

Friendship

I enjoy it when I can spend money on friends or give money to friends, but the guys who want me to do these things for them should at least act like they want to be around me for other reasons too. I may enjoy paying guys to be able to suck them off, but if I am going to pay a guy to let me suck him off I refer paying someone who is not a friend. I am willing to give a friend money, and I am willing to give blow jobs to friends. I prefer not to pay friends to let me give them blow jobs. I love doing anything that I can for friends, and this is not limited to oral sex. I like to see my friends happy, and I want my friends to feel good about themselves. I love my friends unconditionally. I have a few friends whom I miss very much. This time of year is usually hard for me, and not having a home is making this year more difficult. I will survive though. I still want to enjoy some ice cream with some friends.

"Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption" by Laura Hillebrand

The time I spent reading Ubroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption by Laura Hillebrand was time well spent. It is the true story of someone who went from a child who was often in trouble to being an inspiration. There are things in the book that are hard to believe, but whether or not the book is 100% true is not important. I have friends to whom I recommend this book. I have a friend who is not happy with where he is in life, and I want him to know that his current situation is not permanent. I want him to feel good about himself. I do not want to lose his friendship, and I will do anything that I can to help him to be who he wants to be. Anyway, this book is well written. There is one minor thing that irritates me about this book. It has notes at the end of the book. If you are going to put endnotes why not put numbers in the text of the book? This does not detract from the book, but it is an irritant to me nonetheless. A film based on this book has been written. I have not decided yet whether or not I want to see the film or to read the books that were co-authored by the hero of this tale.

"Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl" by Harriet Jacobs

I learned a lot by reading Incidents of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs. I learned that what we have been taught about slavery in the United States has been watered down. This book should be required reading for the people say about the Confederate flag that it is not hatred but heritage. They for get what the heritage is. Slavery was a cruel institution. Slaves were not treated as human. The author's daughter was pt in jail at the age of two, because the author had run away from slavery. The son was also put in jail at close to the same age. The masters could legally treat the slaves in any way that they wanted. This included throwing infants and murder. The marriage of two slaves could be ended by the master. No one should have ever been treated as the slaves were. This book needs to be read by more people.