I feel good.

I had a relaxing day. I went for a walk. I treated myself to a tasty lunch at a Thai/Japanese restaurant. I ate yellow curry with shrimp. I had a cute waiter. Nobody had the pleasure of getting a blowjob from me. That's ok. I did what I most needed to do, I took care of myself and rested. I spent some time on Facebook, not a lot but some. I spoke with a man I love, and I texted another man I also love. I do not know if I will be able to live with either of them. They are both currently far away. I could use some more rest, but I will try to get more sleep tonight. I still do not know what to do about finding a new place to live, but I feel better than I did before, Dobrú noc, meine Freunde, imbratisari si saruturi.

Plans for Today

My top priority today is being kind to myself. I have things I want to to today, but I may not get all of them accomplished. At the end of the day I will focus on what I did get done instead of what I did not get done. I am going to treat myself to a good lunch at a restaurant downtown. I am going to masturbate at least once. I will work towards at least one of my goals. I am not going to worry about what other people think about me. If someone wants me to suck his dick I will suck it. I am going to go for a relaxing walk. If I have time I will get online. I am not going to let myself get stressed about not getting in touch with everyone I want to contact on social media. If they are truly friends they will be patient with me. I am just going to pamper myself, and at the end of the day I will be content.

I Wish I Knew What to Do

I wish I knew what to do to get out of the situation I am in. I know that I need to move, but I am not able to do that by myself. I do not know who can help me. I wish I was better at doing practical things like looking for a job and a place to live. I know that it would not be a good idea for me to live by myself in the area where I am now. Without someone with me I would probably become very depressed. I am not giving up. I just need to be with friends. When I am not working I am often too tired to do much. I need someone to help me make decisions about what I need to do to get to where I need to be. I do not want someone to make my decisions. I just need help. There are many things that I know how to do, but what I need to do now is not among those things. I know things will get better. For the time being I can only continue to reach out to my friends for help and support.

"Thinking Outside the Box"

I think that anybody who uses the cliche "thinking outside the box" cannot be doing what they claim to be doing. For people who are really original thinkers there is no box. They do even consider using cliches like this. Original thinkers do not do things just to go against set rules. They make up their own rules. They do not measure their thoughts and actions against set standards, they set their own rules. Those of who are independent thinkers make own paths, and others follow us. I do not choose my way in life to go with or against the standards of others. I take the path that feels right to me.

Happy with Supreme Court Decisions

I am happy with decisions made by the Supreme Court recently. One concerns the Affordable Care Act, and the other concerns single-sex marriage. Both of these affect me, but the former affects me more at this time. I cannot afford to lose my health insurance. The healthcare system is still fucked up, but it is not as bad. The cost of procedures is still too high. Without insurance I could not afford the medication that I have to take to keep from having seizures. I still have not been able to see a neurologist to be able to determine the exact cause of the seizures, but it is probably connected to having two concussions in two years. I have not had any seizures since I have been taking this medication. I just wish it did not make me so sleepy. Without the Affordable Care Act I would not be able to change insurance because of a preconsisting condition. As for the latter decision I may benefit later. If things work out with the guy with whom I have been texting and talking on the phone we will be able to get married. It does feel good to know that when I have the option of getting married. Do I have to choose between getting married and being the slut that I am? That would be a decision to be made with whoever I marry. Now, we just need to get big money out of elections.

I definitely need to find a new place to live. I wish I could do it completely on my own, but due to current situations, like not driving and not having enough money, it is not possible. Sometimes I wish I was better at planning things like this.

I need sleep and sex.

At times at work today I had to stop and remember to speak in English. I was so tired that my brain was starting to switch to French. Fortunately I can speak in Spanish to most of the people. When I am tired or drunk it is easiest for me to do simple math in Slovak. There have been times when I was very tired and was unable to add in English. I switched to Slovak, and it was very easy. I do not know why this is true, but it is. I definitely need some sleep and some intimate time with a man. I also need to spend time with friends with whom I can drink a few beers and laugh. I think some of the people at work think I am serious all of the time. That is far from true. I just don't put up with their bullshit. I respect everybody who respects me. I ignore those who treat me with disrespect. There are a few guys I would enjoy sucking off, but I don't think that will happen. That's all right. There are few people with whom I would want to spend time outside of work. I am so tired of spending most of my time alone. I know this is not a permanent situation, and when the time is right I will be with a man I can please completely. Gute Nacht, mes amis, tengo que acostarme. Até logo.

F**k that s**t

The first song I heard this morning is "Fuck that Shit" by Combichrist. That fits my mood. It starts about not letting somebody else tell you how to talk or live. It mentions people who do not know how to think for themselves. There are definitely too many people who let other people think for themselves. They do not like people to speak openly and honestly. I know people who do not like me, because I do not put with their bullshit. Fuck that shit. I am going to be honest, and if people don't like that, it is their problem, not mine. That song has a great beat too. Now I am listening to "Get Your Beat." I don't know why I find the lines "Get your body beat, let your blood flow," so arousing. I would not want to do this in reality. It also says, "Don't give a fuck what people say." I definitely agree with that. Well, sometimes I lapse in that. I am going to try to remember that today. I don't want to go to work yet, but I can deal with that. I will listen to "Give Head You Got it" when I get home. I would love to do that.

This is "I Don't Give a Fuck" Friday. Enjoy yourselves whatever you do. Hugs and kisses (and more for those who want it from me.)
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Andy LaPlegua: One of My Favorite Musicians

I am listening to one of my favorite industrial bands, Combichrist. I like all of Andy LaPlegua's  projects that I have heard, Combichrist, Icon of Coil, Panzer Ag and Scandy. He has another one that I have not heard, Scandinavian Cock. It strikes me as pretty funny that the CD entitled "What the F**k is Wrong With You People?" has a "Parental Content Advisory" on the front. With a title like what would people expect? His music videos are nicely twisted. Here are lines I really like from one of his songs, "I am a bitch, how do you want me? From behind or on my knees?" I can think of situations where I could say that. One of his songs that I find sexually arousing is "Enjoy the Abuse." Another one is "Get Your Body Beat." I like the idea of getting beat, but I do not think I really want hard core abuse. "Fuck that Shit" and "Shut up and Swallow" are among my favorites. It was hard to find an affordable copy of the CD he did as Scandy, "13 Ways to Masturbate." When I am in an aggressive mood I put in one of his CD's on and listen to them at high volume. It is very cathartic. I want to get more of his music. He is one of the musicians whose music I can listen to repeatedly.

I am starting to ramble, so I guess it is time for me to jerk off then go to bed. Wet dreams everybody whenever you go to bed.

More Musings on Skinheads

To be honest the skinheads that I find sexiest are the non-racist ones. I would love to give pleasure to a redneck, country boy, but he would have to be open minded. I know there are open-minded rednecks. I have met a few of them. I am against any form of hatred. The only symbol from the Nazi era that I have tattooed on my body is a pink triangle on my left shoulder. Well, it has faded. I need to have it re-inked. Yes, I would enjoy being seen pleasing a skinhead punk. I think it would be fun to be forced to suck a skinhead's cock and a black cock together, or any other mix. I do not know if I could have a serious relationship with someone with a Confederate flag or Nazi symbols tattooed on his body. It is the skinhead look that i find sexy, not the ideology. I do like S.H.A.R.P. (Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice) and A.R.A. (Anti-Racist Action). I support their actions against white supremacist groups. One of my favorite t-shirts reads "Fuck White Supremacy." I have not been able to wear it often. I am against the treatment of any group as being inferior. Yes, I do like to flirt with some of the stances associated with fascism, but this would be done as a form of exaggeration not of endorsement. There are lines I will not cross. I would probably suck the cock of a skinhead whose ideology I do not accept. I am a proud slut.

One of My Favorite Ways of Being Intimate with a Man

One of my favorite ways to begin getting intimate with a man is to sit on the floor by him and start rubbing his feet. I take his socks and enjoy the aroma. Then I suck on his toes and give his feet a complete tongue bath. Then I go up his legs kissing and licking. I nibble and lick his inner thighs. Then if he wants I kiss his mouth. I then work my way down. I kiss and nibble on his ears then neck. I put my nose into his pits and sniff and lick them. I work my way to his nipples and nibble and suck on them. How hard I do this depends on what he wants. I kiss and lick my way down to his crotch. I wash every pert of his body with my tongue. I enjoy the musky taste of his hole. I lick and suck on his balls. I wait for his permission before I take his cock in my mouth. If at any time he wants me to take it in my mouth so he can pee I am happy to oblige. I enjoy the aroma of his balls. I never get tired of the scents of a man. I enjoy the taste of his precum as it coats my tongue. I can suck a cock for hours. I do whatever he wants until I am rewarded with his cum. Of course I continue to do as he wants after he cums. If I am really lucky I get to drink his pee. If he wants me to do so I fuck him after he cums and pees in my mouth. I fuck him at whatever speed and in whatever position he wants. I do not cum until he gives me permission to do so. Afterwards I go to sleep in his arms.

Starting the Day with MC Solaar

I am slowly waking up to start the day. I am listening to MC Solaar. J'aime bien les paroles et la musique. The CD to which I am listening is "Prose combat." I would eventually like to get more of his music. Qulelque part j'ai un CD de Serge Gainsbourg. It is lost in one of the boxes I have in my room. I like the eclecticism of both MC Solaar and Serge Gainsbourg. I do not have many friends in the U.S. who would appreciate MC Solaar. Too many people lump all rap together. They do not realize that there is a vast diversity in hip hop. There is a large range of styles and themes in this genre. OGG (Original Gospel Gangstas) and Ill Harmonics are both Christian bands with different styles. Manau is a French hip hop group whose music I love. Me Phi Me plays acoustic rap with a positive message. Tupac was a rapper with vast talent. More to come about later, but I have to go to work. Nashledanou.

I Survived Another Birthday (Adult Content)

I made it to another birthday. I need to focus more on what I have accomplished in life instead of what I have not accomplished. I have some good friends. I may be far from them now, but they are still good friends. I am still alive, and I can accomplish more. If guys think I am too old to suck their dicks that is their loss. I still have a talented tongue and brain. I have a good imagination and I can think of many ways I can use my tongue in different languages and pleasing a man in different ways. I can use my cock to please a man too. I am mostly an oral bottom, but I do like how it feels to put my cock into a man's ass, especially if it is a tight ass. I know that I can fuck the cum out of a man. The best feelings are the one of a man's cock as it pumps cum into my mouth and the velvety feeling of the inside of a man's ass around my hard cock. The warmth as I pump back inside him is something I cannot adequately put into words. I cannot usually cum until me sax partner does, even when I am fucking him.

I am not ready to go back to work tomorrow morning, but I will survive. I still have plans on making a difference in this world. I am working on that.

Boa noite, друзья мои.

Nina Hagen

I am starting the day off with Nina Hagen, her album on CD, "Fearless." It is hard to believe that it has been more than 30 years since this album came out. I remember seeing the music vodei for the song "New York New York" on MTV, The veejay said "Believe it or not she was classically trained as a singer." I thought "What an idiot." It's obvious that she knows how to sing opera. Her music combines disco, opera, reggae, punk, rap, etc. She has never shied away from controversy. I read that she demonstrated a masturbation technique on a television show for teens. Her stepfather was an avant-garde artist. To get out of East Germany she said that she planned on being like him. She was allowed to leave the country. I became a fan of her music immediately. It does not matter what language she sings in I always enjoy it, but I do have a special fondness of her songs in German, of course. I am very fond of her recording of "Irgendwo auf der Welt." More recenty she did a song with another of my favorite singers, Loka Nunda.

Look out world here I come.

Liebe in Gedanken

I watched "Liebe in Gedanken" earlier. It is a melancholy movie. Daniel Brühl and August Diehl play teenage friends in this film that is based on a true, Paul, played by Brühl is a poet from a working-class family. Günther, played by Diehl, is from an upper-class family. They go to Günther's family house out in the country where there is a party planned. Paul has a crush on Günther's sister, Hilde. Günther has a crush on a guy named Hans who has been flirting with him and having sex with his sister. Hans is a cook in Berlin. Paul and Günther make a pact that they are going to kill themselves when love fails them. On the train out from the city they play around with a gun that they have with them. Among a group of friends that Hilde brings out to the house is Elli who is rather shy but wants to experience sex. At the party there is a lot of drinking and probably sex. Hilde says that she does not want to settle down with one man, but it becomes clear that she is falling in love with Hans. Günther is jealous of their relationship, because he wants Hans for himself.  During the night of the party Paul and Elli have sex. She seems to be a very insecure young woman. Günther decides that he wants to follow through with the suicide pact, but Paul has changed his mind. I enjoy the music of the film. It has one of my favorite songs "Irgendwo auf der Welt." In the movie there is a device about which I have not been able to find anything on the internet, a horoscope-mobile. It resembles a turntable with the sun and planets on the top. There are tarot cards. There are handles on wires coming from the device. The person holding the handles thinks of a question while holding the handles. The answer to the question is supposed to come from the card on which the device stops.
Paul and Günther also talk about dying when they are at what they think will be the happiest moment of their lives, because they say that their lives would be saddened by that moment. This film was released X-Filme Creative Pool who has released a lot of interesting films. Watching films in German has helped me to learn that language. I have a couple of DVD's of Rammstein I want to watch soon. One is "Live aus Berlin" (the edited U.S. version) and Lichtspielhaus, a collection of music videos. I have not made it all the way through the former without masturbating at some point. I also have some Laibach DVD's I plav on watching.

Plans for Sunday

I get to sleep late tomorrow. I will try not to sleep too late though. I want to get some things done. I will go food shopping. Maybe I will find something to suck on, but there may not be too many people out in the heat. I will try to watch a DVD and do some studying. I was able to have some pleasant conversation at work today. A lot of people think that I am Russian or Bosnian. I avoid the people who are not nice to me. They are not worth worrying about. I want to call some friends. I will spend some time online. I have met some good friends on Facebook, Tagged and in Google+ groups. I enjoy being able to meet people from all over the world. I have been fortunate not to have to deal with negative comments on my blog or Facebook. I would not tolerate drama on my Facebook timeline. I have had to block a few people who tried to stir up drama in messages. I also enjoy being able to express myself and know that there are people who accept me as I am. Dobrú noc, mes amis, Estou cansado. Se vidimo kmalu.

Danes je sobota, Moja petek.

I got in touch with some friends through texts this week, and was nice. I would like to be able to see these friends and drink a few beers with them. These are guys who accept me as I am. I have had few friends at any workplace with whom I spent time away from work. These three are in that group. They are true friends.

I feel good this morning. My situation has not really changed, but I am making steps in doing what I enjoy. I am going to use my time better, doing things that are important to me or that I enjoy doing. I try to watch at least one film each week. This helps me with languages, and it is entertaining.

I am listening to Laibach. They are an interesting group. I like the wide variety of their music and their provocative stance. They have piqued my interest in Slovenia and the Slovenian Language. I am  also interested in NSK, Neue Slowenische Kunst, of which they are part. I still want to get one of their passports if they are still available.

I may not be able to fulfill some of my dreams, but I will not give up hope.

Dobil sem v stiku z nekaterimi prijatelji preko besedil ta teden, in je bilo lepo. Rad bi, da bi lahko videli te prijatelje in piti nekaj piva z njimi. To so fantje, ki so me sprejeli, kot sem jaz. Sem imel nekaj prijateljev na vsakem delovnem mestu, s katerimi sem preživel čas odsotnosti z dela. Ti trije so v tej skupini. Oni so pravi prijatelji.

Počutim se dobro, to jutro. Moje stanje se je res ni spremenilo, ampak delam korake v to, kar sem užival. Bom uporabiti svoj čas bolje, počne stvari, ki so pomembne za mano ali pa da uživam v tem. Jaz poskušam gledati vsaj en film vsak teden. To mi pomaga z jeziki, in to je zabavno.

Jaz sem poslušal Laibach. So zanimiva skupina. Všeč mi je široko paleto njihove glasbe in njihovi provokativno držo. Imajo zbudilo moje zanimanje za Slovenijo in slovenski jezik. Prav tako me zanima, NSK, Neue Slowenische Kunst, katere del so. Jaz še vedno želim, da bi dobili eno od njihovih potnih listov, če so še na voljo.

Jaz morda ne bo mogla izpolniti nekaj mojih sanj, ampak ne bom obupala.

I Need to Get Serious about Language Studies Again

I need to get my language books out of boxes and get to work studying. Mostly I will study German, Czech, Slovak and Polish. I also need to do more reading in French, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese. I wish I had someone with whom I could practice languages. I do get some practice with Spanish at work. My comprehension is not as good as I want it to be, but it is definitely improving. I find the Spanish in films from Spain easier to understand. Romanian is another language I would like to learn some day. I have learned some phrases. It might be a challenge not to get languages mixed up, but it is a challenge I enjoy immensely. Along with being able to give a good blow job being able to express myself in several languages gives me great pleasure. I also want to get back into the study of Russian. I am completely selfish in my desire to study languages. I am a bit embarrassed that I do not currently speak languages other than English as well as I want, but I am working on changing that. I look forward to a day when I can spend time outside of the U.S.A and can get immersed in other languages and cultures. I may add Basque, Ukrainian and Hungarian to my long list. Gute Nacht, meus amigos, à demain.

More Dreaming

Heute ist Freitag. I still have to work tomorrow, oh well. I am starting off the day listening to Einstürzende Neubauten. I wish I could go to their concert in Slovakia. I wish I had been able to visit that country when I went to Prague. Einstürzende Neubauten's music has softened over the years, but I still enjoy it. I seriously doubt that they will tour in the United States, and everybody knows how much I want to return to Europe. I still have not sucked cock in Europe, and that is a situation I want to correct. I want to taste beer and recycled beer in different countries. maybe I can find a Master who would lead me through different countries. I would want to go to places that are not usually visited by tourists. I would also like to get involved in LGTBQ rights there. I would also want to fight against the exploitation of gay youths. These are two things about which I feel strongly. I feel like I have a European soul, and I would love to be filled with European food, beer, liquor, cum and pee.

Sometimes I Am Uncertain

Sometimes I am afraid of offending friends with what I write here, but if they are true friends they will accept me as I am. I am only completely when I do not hide who I am. I know that not everybody will like everything that I write here. I have to remind myself that my primary goal here is self expression. I hope to entertain and/or educate. I am a gay asshole slut. I am not ashamed of that. I have sucked a lot of cocks, and I have made a lot of men feel good. Some people think I am serious all of the time. That is far from true. I definitely enjoy laughing. I can have a twisted sense of humor. I enjoy making other people laugh. I still have questions about faith that I will explore. I also have intellectual pursuits about which I will write. I have more sexcapades and fantasies to share. I am afraid that I will bore people or lose people with my rambling style. As I stated, I am of the Andy Warhol school of editing. The way things come out here is the way they stay. A big thank you to all my readers. Hugs and kisses and more for the men.

Some Phrases I Want to Learn in Other Languages (Sex Things, Of Course)

I want to learn the phrases from the previous post in other languages, especially Slovak, Polish, Czech, Russian, Romanian and Ukrainian. I would love to be able to learn them in situations where I will be doing the things these refer to. It would be easier to remember how to say, "I want to give you a blow job," and "give me your cum," if I learn them in the right situation and in the right position. It would also be easier to remember phrases a man would say to me when he wants me to give him pleasure. I would surely remember how to say, "Suck my dick," if he said this as he was getting ready to stick in my mouth. There is my favorite thing to hear from a man, "I'm going to come." It would be more memorable if I hear it immediately before getting a mouthful. I do still need to learn basic German grammar. I have been told that I pronounce German well. "Kommen" is another word I learned in German. I want to learn that in other languages. I dream of being an international cocksucker. I also dream of fighting for international LGBTQ rights. If anybody wants to send me phrases in these or other languages I am always happy to learn. Nashledanou. Auf Wiedersehen.

Ein paar Dinge, die ich gelernt habe

I am learning some phrases and words in German that I would like to use. "Ich möchte dich zu blasen," is one of them. "Du machst mich ganz heiss," is another. I want to see a man ein Rohr kriegen and suck on his Brustwarzen and Morgenlatte. He won't have to worry about Hobbyflecken, because I will swallow it all. I will practice more later, but I need to go to bed, and Ich möchte vor dem Schlafengehen zu wichsen. Gute Nacht.

Sexy Guys at Work

There were some good parts to work on Monday. I was working with a tall guy who kept adjusting the front of his pants. I was trying not to stare too obviously. He usually does not work where I do, and he said he liked to come out there sometimes because of the women. He has a rough background, recent jail time. He's one of the types of guys I am attracted to....a bit rough. He could easily get me on my knees. At one point he turned around and undid his pants to fix his belt. I do not think he noticed that I was watching that. He lives with a women and they have a child. I know I won't be able to do anything with him, but if he asked I would definitely love to give him a blow job. There is a guy I work with sometimes whom I find very sexy. He has a sexy tummy that is a bit furry. I know this, because he has pulled his shirt up a couple of times. I think he has called me "hun" a few times. I am not sure. He mentions a girlfriend from time to time. He could easily get me on my knees. Well, it isn't difficult for a man to get me on my knees. He just needs to let me know he wants me to suck his dick.

Work Rant and What I Need

I rested today. I had a long tiring day at work yesterday. We wasted several hours trying to get an order for a store. There was not enough good produce to fill the order. We worked over four hours before we had 1/3 of the order ready. People were getting tired and irritable. We wasted time and money. They did not care about the workers. They wanted to get the order out, and they did not seem to see how much time was being wasted. I have never worked for a company that wastes as much time and produce as this one.

I need to be around people with whom I can have intelligent conversations and hot sex. I wast to be in a man's arms and between his legs. I want to be around people with an international point of view. I want to be around people who are more interested in football than American Football. I want to be with people with whom I can practice and learn multiple languages. It feels like part of me is missing. I hope some day to be with a man who will encourage me to use my tongue in many ways.

Das ist mir scheißega

There are people where I work who do not believe that I was born in the United States. I do not know if it is because of my accent or because I am interested in and have studied different languages. It is often assumed that Americans do not learn languages besides English. I know that there are Americans who speak more languages than I do. One good thing about where I work is that I am able to practice Spanish some. I wish I could be somewhere that I could practice other languages as well. I have learned some phrases in Romanian. That is another language that interests me because of its combination of Romance and Slavic languages. The best way for me to learn to speak these other languages is to live in Europe. I would want to make occasional trips to the U.S. to see my friends here. During the trips I have made to Europe I have felt like less of an outsider than I do here. One day I will find a place where I can live and fit in. For the time being I am just going to continue to be myself. If anybody does not like that I can use one of my favorite phrases. "Das ist mir scheißegal."

A Relaxing but Sexless Day

I had a relaxing day. I did not get much accomplished, but I did laundry and went food shopping. There are a few guys I would like to see and suck again, but I have not seen them lately. A hard man is good to find, but I have not been able to find any lately. I did jerk off a couple of times today. I did talk to the man I love. I wish I could help him to feel better. We are continuing to get to know each other. I do not want to hurt him, but I hope he will accept me completely as I am. If we are meant to be together we will be able to do so, but neither of us has much money. That may make things difficult. He definitely has some issues, and I hope I can deal with them. I still have the desire to have a German or Slavic Master who will teach me one or more languages and how to completely please him. I can use my tongue in many ways to please a man.

Versuche mich Deutsch lehren

I am trying to teach myself German. I am starting with some of the naughtier phrases. I am studying a phrase book. I have another book I need to find. I need to devote more time to studying languages. There have been times that people have thought that I was German, and it is one of the languages that I love. For a time I spoke French with a German accent. I think it was the way I said r's. I do have some German ancestors. Mostly I am drawn to the Romance languages, Slavic languages and German. I made the mistake of mentioning German beer to a Czech guy in Prague. I would like to compare the beer from both countries in those countries. I could also compare the tastes of cum and pee across Europe, along with trips to do the same in Brazil, Madagascar and Thailand.

Well it's time to get ready for work. Whatever happens today I will not lose sight of who I am.

Ich versuche, mich Deutsch unterrichten. Ich beginne mit einigen der naughtier Phrasen. Ich studiere einen Sprachführer. Ich habe ein anderes Buch, das ich brauche, um zu finden. Ich brauche mehr Zeit, um das Studium Sprachen zu widmen. Es gab Zeiten, die Leute haben gedacht, dass ich Deutscher war, und es ist eine der Sprachen, die ich liebe. Für eine Zeit, die ich Französisch sprach mit deutschem Akzent. Ich denke, es war die Art, wie ich sagte, r ist. Ich habe einige deutsche Vorfahren. Meistens bin ich zu den romanischen Sprachen, slawische Sprachen und Deutsch erstellt. Ich machte den Fehler zu erwähnen, deutsches Bier zu einem tschechischen guy in Prag gemacht. Ich möchte das Bier aus beiden Ländern in diesen Ländern zu vergleichen. Ich könnte auch den Geschmack von Sperma und Pisse vergleichen in ganz Europa, zusammen mit Reisen zu den gleichen in Brasilien, Madagaskar und Thailand.

Nun ist es Zeit für die Arbeit fertig zu werden. Was auch immer passiert, ich werde heute nicht aus den Augen verlieren, wer ich bin.

Snažím se naučit sám Němec. Jsem začínající s některými zlobivější frází. Studuji frázi knihu. Mám další knihu musím najít. Musím se věnovat více času na studium jazyků. Tam byly časy, že lidé si myslel, že jsem byl Němec, a to je jeden z jazyků, které mám rád. Nějakou dobu jsem mluvil francouzsky s německým přízvukem. Myslím, že to byl způsob, jak řekl r to jsem. Mám nějaké německé předky. Většinou jsem upozornit na románských jazycích, slovanských jazyků a němčině. Udělal jsem chybu, za zmínku německé pivo českého chlap v Praze. Rád bych porovnat pivo z obou zemí v těchto zemích. Mohl bych také porovnat vkus cum a pee v celé Evropě, spolu s výlety, aby učinily totéž v Brazílii, na Madagaskaru a Thajsku.

No to je čas se připravit na práci. Ať se stane cokoliv dnes nebudu ztrácet ze zřetele, kdo jsem.

More on the Scents of a Man

I wonder how the natural scents of the human body came to be seen as things that need to be covered up. I do enjoy the scents of a man's body, especially under his arms, his feet, his crotch area and a relatively clean ass. There are limits to how strong I can take body odors. One of the ways that I love to show love to a man is to sit at his feet and lovingly massage and kiss them. I had one friend who would want me to massage his feet. With him this would always lead to me sucking his cock. I have another friend who likes for me to rub his feet, and I love to rub them. I sometimes kiss them. With him this does not lead to sex. This is someone I trust completely. He knows that I would do anything for him that he wanted. I know that he would never take advantage of this. We have had sex before. He has the tastiest hole that I have ever tasted. Of course his cum is tasty. I have enjoyed licking the pits of some men. With the passing of time I have grown more fond of the taste and scent of a man's body. How far this will go I do not know. We'll find out.

Ready to start another day

I'm ready to face the day. I am ready to take on whatever I have to face. I will remember to laugh and not to put up with bullshit. Yesterday I had to put cucumbers into boxes. I think everybody knows what I was thinking about when I was doing that. A guy I was working with held one of the larger ones up and smiled. We had some boxes for cucumbers, peppers and eggplant that read that the contents were coated with a lubricant. No one would say why the cucumbers were lubricated. One of the supervisors reminds me to relax and not pay attention to what people say. I need to be reminded sometimes. I am not in the ideal situation, but I will make it through this. Dum spiro spero. I hope I can help other people feel better about who they are as I continue to feel better about who I am. This is another day of being the most awesome me I can be.

Feeling Better. Ich würde gerne eine deutsche oder tschechische Skinhead-Master haben. (Adult Content, pro dospělé obsah)

Being able to be open about things I am going through has helped. It has also helped to get supportive messages from friends. I may not have met these friends in person, but their support helps me to feel less alone. It has also been fun to meet online  people with similar sexual tastes. It has been fun to have some sexy talk with them.

I still would love to meet a German skinhead who would teach me to say sexy things in German or a Czech skinhead who would teach me the same things in Czech. I would love to be lead around with a leash by a sexy skinhead and be completely obedient. It would be especially fun if I were only wearing a collar and maybe knee pads. I do love being obedient, and I would want to have a Master I could make proud. I would be on knees as much as he wanted doing whatever he wanted. My rewards would be getting filled with pee and cum and knowing I made my Master happy and proud.

Die Möglichkeit, über Dinge, die ich durch die geholfen hat, gehen offen zu sein. Es hat auch dazu beigetragen, unterstützende Nachrichten von Freunden zu bekommen. Ich kann nicht, diese Freunde persönlich getroffen, aber ihre Unterstützung hilft mir, weniger allein fühlen. Es war auch Spaß Online-Menschen mit ähnlichen sexuellen Geschmack gerecht zu werden. Es hat Spaß gemacht, etwas sexy talk mit ihnen haben.

Ich würde immer noch gerne einen deutschen Skinhead, der mir beibringen würde, sexy Dinge in Deutsch oder Tschechisch Skinhead, der mir die gleichen Dinge in der tschechischen lehren würde sagen, zu erfüllen. Ich würde lieben, um mit einer Leine von einem sexy Skinhead führen werden und völlig gehorsam. Es wäre besonders Spaß, wenn ich nur trägt ein Halsband und vielleicht Kniepolster. Ich liebe es, gehorsam, und ich möchte, um einen Master I stolz machen könnte. Ich würde auf die Knie, so viel er tun, was er wollte, wollte. Meine Belohnung würde, sich mit Natursekt und Sperma und zu wissen, habe ich meinen Meister glücklich und stolz, gefüllt werden.

Být schopen otevřeně hovořit o věcech, já jdu přes pomohl. Pomohl také získat podpůrné zprávy od přátel. Možná jsem se setkal tito přátelé osobně, ale jejich podpora mi pomáhá cítit se méně sama. To také bylo legrace setkat on-line lidi s podobnými sexuálními chutěmi. Bylo zábavné mít nějaké sexy promluvit s nimi.

Ještě bych se rád setkal s německou skinheada, který by mě naučil říkat sexy věci, v němčině nebo v České skinheada, který by mě učit stejné věci v češtině. Byl bych rád, aby se vedl kolem s vodítku sexy skinheada a být naprosto poslušný. Bylo by obzvláště zábavné, když jsem byl na sobě jen límec a možná kolen. Miluji být poslušný, a já bych chtěl mít Mistra bych mohl udělat hrdý. Chtěl bych být na kolenou tolik, kolik chtěl dělat, co chtěl. Moje odměna by dostat naplněné močí a cum a věděl jsem udělal můj mistr šťastný a pyšný.

A Dream Job (Adult Content)

One thing that would be part of my dream job would be working with several guys who would let me give them blow jobs. They would all share me, and they would all talk about how my sucking makes them feel good. I could go with them to the restroom during breaks and be their urinal. I would do this for all of the guys who wanted me to do it. They would all talk to me while we worked, and I would be able to grab their crotches during the day. We would all have smiles on our faces and wet spots on our jeans.

I Cannot Be Blackmailed (Adult Content)

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Sometimes I Have Doubts

Sometimes I feel afraid when I look towards the future. There are times I am more confident, but this is not one of those times. I wish I had the means to move somewhere that I could be happier, but currently I cannot do that on my own. Sometimes I think that I should have achieved more in my life than I have. I will be 56 in a couple of weeks. I have not had a real career. I try not to measure myself by what society finds important, but sometimes I fall into this temptation. I had thought I would have found someone with whom I could share my life by this time in my life. I sometimes ask myself if there is something wrong with me that causes others not to want me as more than a mouth into which to put their cocks. As you can see I still have a lot of work to do in building up my self confidence. I know that there things I do well, but I am not sure how to turn these things into something I can do to support myself financially. I need someone with me who will help me find my way. I do not want someone who will make all of my decisions. I need someone who will listen to me when I need to talk. I am keeping my head up, but sometimes it is hard.

Buena Vista Social Club (DVD)

I watched "Buena Vista Social Club," a film directed by Wim Wenders with music produced by Ry Cooder. Ry Cooder had gone to Cuba in 1997 and produced a CD by some of the greats of Cuban music. Some of the musicians had been forgotten in their own country, and they were excited to play again. Cooder went back to Cuba to work again with these musicians. In this film they tell about how they got started playing music. They all started playing at young ages. Ibrahim Ferrer was an amazing singer. It is a wonderful thing to hear him singing with Omara Ochoa. Eliades Ochoa was twelve years old when he started playing his guitar on the streets in the red light district to earn money to help his family. Ruben Gonzalez started playing the piano when he was seven. It is fortunate that they were able to get these musicians together do record the CD, and to perform concerts together. They performed first in Amsterdam then at Carnegie Hall. It is very good that we have this record of their backgrounds. It is sad that most of the performers who played and spoke are probably are no longer living, but they live on in these recordings and other CD's they recorded. They show it is not material possessions that are really important. They were all very rich in talent, and they were generous in sharing their talent with others.

One of My Favorite Things to See and Hear (Adult Content)

One of my favorite things to see and hear is a man holding his cock and saying to me, "Come on and suck it a little for me." I had a friend who would say this to me at least once a week. I looked forward to this. I would gladly get on my knees and take his cock in my mouth. I would sometimes be rewarded with his pee and cum. He was the first guy whose pee I drank. He was someone with whom I could talk about anything. I do not remember how the subject of me drinking his pee came up in conversation. I had wanted to drink a man's pee, and he had wanted to pee in someone's mouth. I had sucked his cock several times, and he had fucked me a few times. I think we were slightly drunk the first time he peed in my mouth, but I would have done it sober. There was a guy I saw a couple of times in a mall restroom. Both times he had his pants open, and while holding his cock said to me, "Do you want to suck it?" I said ,"Yes," of course. We went to more secluded restroom where I gave him a blow job. Both times he asked me if I wanted his come. The first time I said "No," but the second time I said "Yes." He said he loved a freak like me, and I love the taste of cum. There was another guy who did the same thing in the same restroom. We would go in a park in his car. We would go out into some trees by a walking trail. He would take his cock and balls out of his pants, and I would get on my knees and suck him. He loved having his balls sucked, and I love sucking them. He would always give me a tasty load of cum. These were both African American men. I love the smell and taste of black cock. I love the taste of cock in general, but most of the black cocks I have tasted have a taste I really enjoy. So, if a man really wants to make me happy, he can just pull his cock out of his pants and tell me to suck it. I especially like it when he gives me piss and cum....pee then cum then pee.

Ascolto canzoni di Lucio Dalla - thinking of a dear friend - you know who you are

I am listening to Lucio Dalla. A dear friend introduced me to his music quite a few years ago. He had some 45's that he had bought in Switzerland as a child. One was the song 4/3/1943. I did not hear much more of the music of Lucio Dalla for a number of years. I found this CD, a greatest hits collection in a Borders Bookstore. I could not resist buying it. The song mentioned above remains one of my favorites along with "Disperato erotico stomp," "Attenti al lupo" and "Ciao" There is a music video for "Ciao" that I like a lot. I think of this friend whenever I hear Lucio Dalla. We do not see each other often now, but he is still a dear friend. He was my first real friend. He also introduced me to Mina through her song "Insieme." I remember hearing him sing that song occasionally.

Spuštění den poslouchal Orlík

I am starting off the day listening to Orlík again. I like the energy of their music. I bought both of their CD's while I was in Prague. A Czech guy who worked in the cafe I was attending borrowed them from them. I thought it funny that he was borrowing Czech music from a visiting American. (Things like that happen in my life frequently, like having French people ask me for directions in Paris and ordering a t-shirt for Wichita State for a friend in Kansas after I returned to North Carolina and have it delivered to him there.) One of the more unusual tracks is "Minuta Ticha" that is about one minute of the sound of a clock ticking. My favorite song is "Prima večer" that starts with the sound of beer being opened. I am also very fond of "Ty vole, Lád'o" that starts with an out-of key piano. I like the rhythm of "Bílá liga." It would be fun to be in a mosh pit with this song being played.

I do find skinheads very sexy, but I prefer skinheads who are more open minded. I would enjoy being made a skinhead's bitch. They are especially sexy if they are wearing boots and have a lot of tattoos.

Jsem rozjezdu den poslouchat znovu Orlík. Líbí se mi energii jejich hudby. Koupil jsem oba jejich CD let, když jsem byl v Praze. Český člověk, který pracoval v kavárně jsem se účastnil půjčil jim z nich. Myslel jsem, že to legrační, že se půjčování českou hudbu z hostujícího Američana. (Věci jako se to stalo v mém životě často, jako s francouzští se mě lidé ptají na cestu v Paříži a objednání tričko Wichita stát pro přítele v Kansasu poté, co jsem se vrátil do Severní Karolíny a mají to tam dodáno k němu.) One z více neobvyklých kolejí je "Minuta Ticha" to je asi jedna minuta zvuku hodiny tikají. Moje oblíbená píseň je "Prima večer", který začíná zvuk piva otevření. Jsem také velmi rád "Ty vole, Lád'o", který začíná s out-of klíče klavíru. Líbí se mi rytmus "Bílá liga." Bylo by zábavné být v mosh pit se tahle písnička se hraje.

Dělám si skinheady velmi sexy, ale já dávám přednost skinheady, kteří jsou více open minded. Chtěl bych nyní byl vyroben skinhead je mrcha. Oni jsou obzvláště sexy, jsou-li na sobě boty a mají spoustu tetování.

What Is the Cause of Low Voter Turnout in the U.S.A.?

I do not think it is very hard to understand the reasons for the low voter turnout in the U.S.A. I talked about one of the reasons for his, the Electoral College. When voters cast a vote in the presidential elections they are not voting for the presidential candidate directly but for a member of the Electoral College who is not obligated to vote in any particular way. There have been presidents who were voted into office by the Electoral College without winning the popular vote. Many people feel that their vote really does not make much difference in the presidential election. As for voting for members of Congress many of feel that whoever we elect into office will really not represent the people they are elected to represent. Instead they represent the people and corporations who finance their campaigns. They also are more likely to do what lobbyists want instead of what the general population want. I distrust the Democratic Party less than I distrust the Republican Party, but I do not really trust either party. I would like to see a stronger Socialist Party. We need strong election reforms in this country. The political system in this country is broken, and it needs to be fixed.

What I Miss About My Old Job

There are things that I miss about the job that I had in Lawrence. I did need a break from it, but I liked most of the people with whom I worked. I did not have to hide anything about myself. I could joke with people there. I had people with whom I could talk. There was always graffiti on the walls of the restroom stalls. A few times sometimes someone wrote "I love pussy, Vlk." I blacked this out each time. Everybody knew my sexual orientation. I thought it was funny that someone would write this. There were a few guys who would only talk to me when there was no one else around. That was their problem, not me. A couple of guys would joke about the other one wanting me. It made me feel more comfortable. The job benefits were better than they are at my current job. This job is physically demanding but without as much bullshit as there is at the job I have now. There was bullshit but definitely not as much of a cause of stress. I did not have people complaining about me behind my back like I do now. I still want to go back there.

I am listening to Tarkan. I like his songs when he songs when he sings in Turkish. They are better than when he sings in English. He is sexy too.

A Short Post

Mostly at work I do not interact with many people. If they don't like me I am not going to worry about it. I am there to work not make friends. There are some nice people, but there are some people who frequently run to supervisors to complain. I do not have time or energy to worry about that. I think that people are getting overly tired and irritable. This company does not give a fuck about its employees. They just see them as replaceable pieces of equipment. It's a low-paying job from which I get no satisfaction. There are some fun moments, but I want to get out of this area. There is nothing here for me. I know someday things will get better and I will again be practicing my oral techniques. (All meanings of that are implied.)

Two Unrelated Paragraphs (Work and Sex)

I have to put on emotional armor before starting the work day. It gets heavy sometimes, but I cannot afford to let the treatment that I receive at work hurt me. It is not only the physical aspect of my job that is tiring. I do not know why some of the people think that they can treat me like shit and then expect me to do things for them. Some of the people have learned to treat me respectfully. I will do the best job I can. As for the people who treat me like shit, fuck 'em.

I need some physical contact. I need to feel arms around me from time to time. I would love to feel the touch of a man's lips against mine. I want to explore a man's body with my hands and mouth. I want to feel a man's balls touch my chin as his cock fills my mouth. I want to fill his cock pulsate as he fills me with piss and cum. I want to taste his ass, feet and pits. I want to get to be able to take a man's cock in my ass. I want to get past the pain and be able to completely please a man. I want to hold nothing back.

Look out douchebags at work, here I come.

The Electoral College: It is time to get rid of it.

It is time for the electoral college to be eliminated. The president in the United States should be elected directly by the people. The framers of the constitution did not trust the general population with this decision. People like to throw the word unconstitutional around. They act as if the constitution was infallible. These people seem to forget that there have been amendments to that constitution. This is one of the many things that needs to be fixed in the politics of this country. This is supposedly a democracy. The only people who are truly represented in Washington are the rich and corporations. We also need to get rid of lobbyists. They are not the only cause of corruption in our government, but they have too much influence on Congress. We need to get rid of politicians who can be bought and replace them with ones who will truly represent the people. I do not know if this is possible, but I can dream.

I Need to Get More Practical About Getting out of My Current SItuation

I wish I was better at finding practical ways to get out of the situation I am in. Waiting for others to help me is not going to get me anywhere. Other people have their own lives to deal with. It seems that sometimes things like looking for a job are difficult for me. I need to build up my self confidence. I also want to be in a situation where I have time to devote to the things that are important to me...things like learning languages and learning about other countries. I am worn out by my job. I wish I knew how to find a job where I can use my brain as much as I do my muscles. I know that have the capacity for learning languages. I can fantasize about traveling around Europe sucking cocks and learning languages, but until I find a practical way to get out of my current situation these remain only fantasies. Perhaps I need to get involved somehow in an international group fighting for LGBTQ rights. This is important to me, but I also have to be able to support myself financially at the same time. I also need to be more focused in my writing. I do enjoy writing rambling posts, but I do not know if people enjoy reading them.

I need to get my birth certificate changed and get a new passport as soon as possible. Without a passport I cannot travel around Europe giving pleasure to men. I know it will probably never happen, but I would like to be an international Jake Cruise...well I would like to be a bit more kinky. Would it be possible to be an international, kinky slut and an advocate for international LGBTQ rights? I need to look further into how to get more involved in the international struggle. If anybody has any ideas about how to do this I am open to all practical solutions.

What Is Money?

The concept of what is money has become more and more abstract. At one time money was based on something tangible that was thought to have value, gold for example. Then money became coins and pieces of paper with things stamped or printed on them stating that these things had value. Mostly since 1997 my salary from work directly deposited into a checking account. Before that I was receiving disability payments that went directly into a checking account. At some jobs I have gotten a pay stub stating how much was deposited into my account. For some I did not receive this. I could go online and see how much money had been deposited. I did not receive anything tangible that served as money. I just saw a figure online from the company, and I could go online to check how much was in my bank account. Basically it is a number representing money. We can but downloads of music, films and books online with money that we have never seen. We do not receive anything tangible for this money. We can listen to the music or watch the movies or other forms of video or read books on devices. It is possible to pay for internet access with money we have never seen. There are sites that charge people to communicate with other people without ever meeting them in person. On Second Life people exchange money for Linden and buy virtual goods. Pieces of virtual land are rented. There are people who make extra money on Second Life renting land and buildings that only exist on a program or designing things and personae for others. It is possible to buy tangible and intangible goods without making any contact with money. It is possible to buy the necessities of life that way. I wonder when there will be vending machines that take debit cards. It would be possible to eliminate tangible money altogether.

Ночной дозор фильм (updated)

"Night Watch" is a Russian film that deals with a struggle between forces of dark and light. The film opens with a battle between the two forces. Both sides are equally balanced. The leader of the forces of light stops when he realizes that the battle will not end until all have died. A truce is made. The Night Watch are set up to make sure that the forces of dark do not break the truce. The Day Watch are set up to make that the forces of light do not do the same. The main character, Anton, at the beginning of the film consults a practitioner of dark magic to get his wife back. He is told that she is pregnant with a child who is not his. He agrees to let the child die to get her back, but he starts to regret this decision. We learn along the way that he has been told a lie. In the film there are people who are the "Other." Anton is one of these people. They all have special powers. Some of those who belong to the forces of dark are vampires. Some of the Other are shape shifters who can change into animals. There has been a prophecy that someone special is expected to be born, and this person wil shift the balance between dark  and light. Each Other chooses dark or light, and whichever side this Other chooses will be the one that becomes dominant.

The Others are able to travel from place to place in what is called the Gloom. It seems like it may be another dimension. When you are there you can only be seen by Others. It seems that it is a dangerous place for those who are not familiar with it. Sometimes the Gloom requires blood. When members of the Night Watch are going to hunt a vampire they drink blood before starting the hunt. Anton has a neighbor and friend who is a vampire. His apartment seems to be like others from the outside, but inside there seems to be a slaughter house. It is much more vast than could be physically possible.

There is a sequel, "Day Watch." I will write more about these when I watch that one again.

"Ночной дозор" является русский фильм, который имеет дело с борьбой между силами света и тьмы. Фильм начинается с битвы между двумя силами. Обе стороны находятся в равновесии. Лидер сил света останавливается, когда он понимает, что битва не закончится, пока все не умерли. Перемирие сделал. Ночной дозор настроены, чтобы убедиться, что силы темноты не нарушить перемирие. Дневной дозор настроены сделать что силы света не сделать то же самое. Главный герой, Антон, в начале фильма консультирует практикующего темного магию, чтобы получить жену обратно. Он сказал, что она беременна с ребенком, который не является его. Он согласен с тем, чтобы ребенок умирает, чтобы получить ее обратно, но он начинает сожалеть об этом решении. Мы узнаем, по пути, что он был лгал. В фильме есть люди, которые "Другое". Антон является одним из этих людей. Все они имеют особые полномочия. Некоторые из тех, кто принадлежит к силам темноте вампиры. Некоторые из Другое форма оборотни, которые могут изменить в животных. Там был пророчество, что кого-то особенного, как ожидается, рождаться, и этот человек Виль сместить баланс между темным и светлым. Каждый выбирает Другое темно или светло и какой бы стороны это другое выбирает будет тот, который становится доминирующим.

Остальные возможность путешествовать с места на место, что называется Мрак. Похоже, что это может быть и другое измерение. Когда вы там вы можете увидеть только другие. Кажется, что это опасное место для тех, кто не знаком с ним. Иногда требуется Мрак кровь. Когда члены Ночного Дозора собираетесь охотиться на вампира пьют кровь перед началом охоты. Антон имеет соседа и друга, который вампир. Его квартира, кажется, как и другие извне, а внутри, кажется, бойня. Это гораздо более обширное, чем может быть физически возможно.

Существует продолжение, "Дневной дозор". Я напишу больше о них, когда я смотрю, что один раз.

Monday Again

It's Monday morning again. I have never dreaded going to work as much as I do at this job and the one I had prior to this one. I need to focus on what I can control and not on what I cannot control. I cannot control how other people treat me or talk to me. I can control how I react to them. I cannot allow them to tear me down or cause me to be stressed. I know that I deserve better treatment. I will focus on doing the best job that I can. There are people at work who are nice to me. I am not going to worry about the others. There are people at work whom I would prefer avoiding, and I avoid them as much as possible. I do not know why these people want to focus so much attention on what I am or am not doing. They need to focus on themselves instead. I will survive this, but I will be happy when I can get away from the situation I am in. I need to keep on writing here in order to keep from not being able to communicate. I wish I had someone with whom I could talk. It becomes more and more difficult to open up to others. This blog is my outlet. Keeping things bottled up is tiresome. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming. There is so much of this world I hope to see. There are so many cocks I want to suck. Those who do not listen to me do not know what they are missing. It is their loss not mine.