Another Kinky Post

I need something in my mouth. I do not mean food. I want to taste something creamy and something yellow and salty. I want to make a man feel good, and I want to be on my knees. I may be a professional asshole, but I am also a submissive bitch. I want to please a man every time he wants to be pleased. I want to be a loyal, obedient cum dump and urinal. I want a man who will be proud to lead me with a leash. It would make me happy for people to know that I have a man to whom I belong. When I am with a man I am happy only when I can please him. Being disobedient is not something I enjoy. I want to be rewarded with his piss and cum. I need this so bad.

I Want to Get Back to Lawrence

I want very much to move back to Lawrence, Kansas. It would be more of a move towards something than moving away from something, but it will be both. As I have mentioned before I miss my friends there. When I was in Lawrence I heard people say that once you live there it is hard to stay way. I did not believe them, but I now see the truth in what they said. I miss the downtown. Lawrence has a very diverse, lively downtown. Many businesses have stickers in their windows saying that they are gay friendly. It is also easier to find good beer in the liquor stores than it is to find them in stores here. I would be happy to go back to my old job there. it is a better job than the one that I have now. The best thing would be be closer to my great friends there. I fucked up when I moved away from there, but I learned some lessons. I do hope I can move back there soon.

I Still Need to Get Off of My Ass (Adult Content)

I do not know what I need to do to get out of the situation that I am in, but I have to do something. I need to do more to stimulate my brain. I read during my lunch break at work, but this is not enough. I need to spend more time in the evening in intellectual pursuits. I also need to look into ways to get another job. Job hunting for me is something I have never done very well. I would love to find a job where my body and brain are exercised. I definitely would like to find a job where I am treated as more than a replaceable part in a machine. Until then I can exercise my imagination at work. I want to connect more with people with whom I can communicate about my love for languages, films, music and sucking cock.

My ideal man would be one with whom I have open, honest communication. I definitely need someone who will listen to what I have to say. I want someone with whom I can have intellectually stimulating conversations as well as raunchy sex talk. I want someone with whom I can laugh. I want to be the submissive one in the relationship, but that does not mean that I do not want to be valued as a person. The physical appearance is not that important to me. To be honest the men to whom I have been most strongly attracted are the ones who want me to suck their cocks. I love it when a man pulls out his cock and motions for me to get down on my knees and take it in my mouth. I love showing off my oral skills. I would love to have a job with a boss wanted me to do that for him as part of my job duties.

Rambling

I would rather be lonely by myself than lonely with a lot of people around. I work with people who only speak to me when they want me to do something for them. When they do speak it is often rudely or only one word. I see them laughing, but I feel left out. To be honest whether they speak in Spanish or English I am not interested in most of what they have to say. I need some intellectually stimulating conversation. It would be nice if I had someone with whom I could have conversations that stimulate our intellects, imaginations and libidos. I am trying to stay positive, but it can be difficult when my body is so tired. I know that this is not permanent. From time to time I am able to give pleasure to a man. I have not been able to do that in awhile, but I know that I have the ability to do so. I can use my brain, tongue and hands to please a man. I look forward to the day when I can do that again. Until then I have my imagination, some porn and my right hand to give myself pleasure. I also have books and DVD's to stimulate my intellect, and I have music to bring joy or catharsis.  Here comes another day of being the best me I can be.

Someone I Love

I just got through talking with someone I love. We have had some heated talks and some tender talks. He is a caring person who has been through a lot lately. I would never want to hurt him, and I do not think he would want to hurt me. We have not met in person. We have spent a lot of time texting and talking to each other on the phone. I wish we could meet in person sooner than it seems like we are going to be able to do so. I do not want anyone to say anything hurtful to or about him. I do not want anyone to say to him or me that he is not worthy of love. He is a tender person, and he is definitely worthy of love and respect. My main concern now about how we could get together is where we would live and how we could get all of our stuff to a new place. We would have to move to a new place, and I would have to find a new jobs. He is going to see a doctor next month about some health issues. I hope and pray that what is thought of as a possibility is not what is going on or that it can be caught in time. I do not want to lose him.

Work Conditions

I am considering bringing to public attention the conditions at my work place. We start out at $8.00/hour. We do not receive any holiday or vacation pay for the first year. Workers get one day off during the week and Sunday off. Every ten weeks we get two Saturday off. That means we work our regular day off in order to have two days off together. We never know at the beginning of the day at what time work is going to finish and what time we will start work the next day. There have been times when we work until after 8:00 p.m. then start the next day at 6:00 a.m. The company wonders why there are worker accidents. Workers are overworked. There is no appreciation shown for a good job. They only complain when mistakes are made. The company wastes money on bad produce. We have to go through this produce to pick out what can be used. They do this instead of paying decent wages and paying decent wages and giving holiday pay. They list Memorial Day as a holiday in the employee handbook, yet we work that day. When asked about that I was told that the company pays for eight hours extra for that day. I am in danger of losing my job, because I cannot do one of the tasks that is rarely asked of me. There are men there who are younger and stronger than I who are more able to do this task. Good jobs are difficult to find in this area, and this may be the same in the other area where the main company employs people. They say that the irregular hours are due to the fact that we deal with produce. They say that we have to supply the customers when they want the product. There are times during the year when employees are not able to live on the money they earn, and there are times during the year when we work over fifty hours every week. There is a lot of lifting. It is frequent that we do not have enough people to do what needs to be done, so more is expected from the people who are there. They act like they are surprised that they are short handed. They seem to forget that we are human. Either they forget or they do not care about their employees. Work conditions like this should not be allowed to continue.

"Dookie" by Green Day and "Teatro" by Willie Nelson

I am listening to "Dookie," the CD by Green Day. As it was for a lot of people, this was the first one I heard from them. They had released music before On Lookout Records. I would like to hear some of their earlier stuff. Their music is a lot of fun pop-punk. One thing that appealed to me about them is that they did concerts with Pansy Division, a queercore band. Anyway, Green day is a band whose music can cheer me up. My favorite songs on this are "Longview, "Welcome to Paradise" and Basket Case." The lines "When masturbation's lost its fun You're fucking breaking," always makes me smile.

I have a CD by Pansy Division somewhere in my stacks of CD's I want to get new copies of their other ones.

Willie Nelson is another performer whose music I enjoy. "Teatro," released in 1998, was produced by Daniel Lanois. Some songs that Willie Nelson had recorded before are given a different sound. I do not think that anyone would be surprised that I like his music. I like the country musicians who do not fit into the main stream.

I Need Someone

Sometimes it is hard to keep my head up. I do it, but it is not always easy. I think that I should know where I want to go with my life, but I do not have a clue sometimes. I need someone to walk by my side with or without a leash. I want someone with me who will reassure me that things will work out. I need someone who reassure me that I am not alone. I need someone with me who will say, "I love and accept you as you are. You are not strange. I need someone with whom I can work towards a common goal. Sometimes we will look lovingly into each other's eyes, and sometimes we will be back to back hand in hand protecting each and sometimes we will be side by side holding hands working towards our common future. We will love and respect each other and listen to each other. I may be a romanticist, but I am not giving up on this dream.

Me Phi Me

I have been listening to Me Phi Me. I do not know if he released more than one album. This one came out in 1992. He did acoustic rap with positive messages. He did songs about  the importance of individuality. He also dealt with issues of homelessness. There are some songs about sex as well. I first read about his music in "Interview" magazine. His positive message is one I needed to hear today.

Something I Will no Longer Tolerate

I have gotten tired of men for whom I am a guilty pleasure. I have known too men who want me to suck their cocks in private, but barely acknowledge that they know me when other people are around. I do enjoy being submissive, but there is more to who I am than being a good cocksucker. I am also tired of people who will talk to me in private, but as soon as other people are around they ignore me. It hurts when people you think of as friends do not speak to you in front of other people. They may be embarrassed to be seen associating with someone who speaks as openly as I do about views that do not fit into the mainstream. I am not going to apologize for being who I am. I want to be with someone who is willing to stand up beside me in public and say that we love each other, and we make each other happy. I want someone who will stand with me when times get hard. I want a relationship with someone who will not pay attention to what other people and who will not hide relationship because of what other people might say or think. I am tired of feeling alone when I am with a group of people when I cannot get anyone to say in front of other people, "This is my friend." I am hurting, because I have found very few people who are willing to do this.

Being Slow and Careful in Giving my Heart to a Man

I am going to be slow in giving my heart to anybody. Communication in any relationship has to go two ways. I want someone who will tell me how he feels, but I also want to be able to tell him how I feel. I want him to tell me the ways that he wants me to make him happy, but I also need to be sure that he cares about me. If I feel tired or down I want to know that he will give me some care too. What would make me happiest would be to give my man pleasure, but I have to take care of myself too. Hopefully when I find a man to marry I will not be working a job where I am working long, hard hours, but the only long, hard thing I would be dealing with would be his cock. Well, it doesn't have to be too long. I would want to have a job that gives me a livable wage but also leaves me enough time and attention to please my man in every way. It is hard to please a man if I am exhausted from a job where my work is not appreciated. I am ready to give my love and obedience to a man, but I am going to be careful in giving these.

The Clash

I am listening to "Sandinista!" by The Clash. I had it on vinyl when it came out as a triple album in 1980. My radicalization had started by that time, so their political views appealed to me. I remember when their album "London Calling" came out. It has been called one of the best albums. "Sandinista!" is very eclectic. There are touches of reggae and rock. There are some abstract tracks here. They are referred to as a punk band, but they do not seem that punk to me. To me their music defies categorization. Not everything fits neatly in a certain box or category. Their message is still pertinent today. I have never gotten tired of their music. I am not sure if I have other CD's by them. I may have to order new copies.

Goodnight. I will try to post more soon.

Ambulances: Needed but Over-Priced Services

I understand that ambulances provide a valuable service, but they charge too much for these services. They can give a ride to the hospital to some one who is not able to make a decision and then force that person to pay hundreds of dollars for that service. Three times when I had seizures I was taken to the hospital when I did not have insurance I was taken in an ambulance to the hospital. I was very confused after these seizures, and I was not given a choice about going in the ambulance. For each ride in the ambulance I was charged over four hundred dollars. I could not get the ambulance company to give me a total of how much money I owed. I could not get any cooperation from the company. I was unable to pay these bills, and now my pay checks are being garnished ten per cent. A friend was unconscious and was taken from one hospital to another, and he was charged over eight hundred dollars for this. I am thankful for the people who operate these vehicles, My problem is with the companies that own them, and their high prices. They are very hard to work with. They do not care about the people to whom they give their services. They are only interested in getting a lot of money. This is one part of the healthcare system that still needs to be fixed.

Winding Down for the Night

Winding down for the night. I'm listening to The Verve Pipe. "The Freshmen" is a song that moves me. It almost makes me cry.

Among the CD's I just got back is one by a Greek grunge band, ΥΔΡΟΓΟΝΟ 3. I have not been able to find out anything about this band. I found some of their videos on YouTube, but I do not know if they have released any  more music. I like their music a lot. I have a CD by a Greek rap band, Entassi, that I also like, and I also cannot find anything about them.

In the box with these CD's there was the DVD , "Buena Vista Social Club." It is a documentary about some awesome Cuban musicians who gave a concert at Carnegie Hall. I want to watch it again soon. It was directed by Wim Wenders.

Goodnight.

Crushes on Bosses

I have had minor crushes on a couple of supervisors at jobs I have had, but in one case I was in denial about this. I was made a little uncomfortable by the actions of one store manager with whom I worked. This was not because I did not like what he was doing. It was because I was not sure what he was intending, I definitely would have given him a blow job if he had wanted. We would be working together during the lunch rush sometimes. I would be preparing food for a customer, and then I would see one of his arms at my side then the other at the other side as  he reached around me to prepare some food. His chest would be close to my back. He was married, and he never made any advances, unfortunately. I was hoping a little that he would want me to suck him off, but I would never say anything about that of course. I had another boss for whom I would have done anything to please. I think he realized I had a little bit of a crush on him. He was cute and also a friend. He was Czech, and that added to the attraction. He was someone I could talk comfortably, so even if I did not find him attractive I would have enjoyed working for him. I gave him chocolates and cigars sometimes, because I enjoy sharing things I like with other people that I know would enjoy them. I do miss both of these guys, especially the latter. He was in a hardcore band, and I have a couple of their t-shirts. Partly this was because I really liked their music and the design of the shirt. They were also inexpensive. I do regret somewhat not getting to taste the cock of either of them.

This does not mean that I have to have a crush on a boss in order to want to do a good job, but it does help.

Feeling Tired: A Quick Post

I am working long hours again. They say it is because this weekend is Memorial weekend. I worked about twelve hours yesterday and thirteen hours today, so I am tired. My brain is not functioning fully now, and by legs are a bit sore. It always takes me awhile to unwind before I can go to sleep. I haven't checked my email addresses in a few days, so that will take awhile. Well I did glance at one email address for personal messages that need attention. Facebook and Tagged will have to wait until I have more time.

I will write more about the Gay Pride event I went to recently. I was surprised that that there was a hardcore metal band there. I enjoyed their music, but the people I was with thought it was awful. I will also write more about last weekend.

Goodnight.

Starting off the day with Sublime

I'm starting off the day listening to Sublime. I did not hear their music until their music until their last CD was released (There have been compilations since then, but this was the last they recorded as an album.), and Bradley Nowell had died. I still love their music. I have some of their songs as ringtones on my phone. I like there less polished music and this more polished one equally. They are another group that I would have liked to see perform live. Their music makes me want to move.

I got a box of CD's that my friends had. There are some CD's that I forgot that I still had, some of my favorites, Sublime, Ryuichi Sakamoto, Mina, Puya, Donato y Estefano, Third Day, Innsyderz, Σάκης Ρουβάς, and more. I will write more about these as I get to listen to them.

I am going to need lots of caffeine to stay awake today.

I believe in having a sense of humor

I believe in having a sense of humor. I try not to take myself too seriously. That does not mean that I do not not respect myself or that I do not think that I deserve. We are all worthy of love and respect. I enjoy laughing and joking. There are some people who think that I am always serious, but they do not know me very well. When I am being serious I build myself and other people up. I do not let others treat me with disrespect, and I do not treat myself or others with disrespect. I need to get ready for bed, because I have to get up very early for work. I will post again as soon as possible.

Feeling Better (Some Adult Content)

I feel much better today, physically and emotionally. I was in desperate need of rest. I am better equipped to face the work day today. I still need friends and a special man in my life, but I feel a little less alone now. I know that I have friends from whom I do not have to hide anything. I spoke with a couple of them on the phone last night. I know that I can make a man happy, and I will be happy when I have a man whom I can please in and out of bed. I would not say to a man who wanted me to give him oral pleasure. I would still like to experience being on my knees and being a urinal and cum dump for multiple men, but I would not do that if I were in a relationship unless my husband wanted me to. I am not quite ready to go to work yet, but I don't think I will ever be really ready to go to this job. I will survive today, and I will keep my head up.

Still Trying to get Back on Schedule

I am still trying to get back on schedule. I got some rest, but I spent a long time checking email. I have been getting touch with friends today. I do know that I have some good friends. It is always good when I can stay in touch with them.

Issues I Am Dealing With

I stayed in bed all day yesterday, a combination of being exhausted and sinus problems. I am trying to get things worked out so I can go back to work without a doctor's note. I wish I could move somewhere else and get a different job. I need to be around friends. I was with people who said that they loved me, but they did not seem to be interested in spending time with me. I need to be with people with whom I can speak openly. I did have some fun this weekend, but I still felt like an outsider. I know that if I had spoken about questions and doubts that I have about faith I would have been outcast even more. I know my self worth does not depend on others, but I would like to get some emotional support from friends. I will feel better after I eat more. I did not eat anything yesterday. I know that something will work out. I just do not know what to do right now.

I'm back

I'll be back on my regular posting schedule tomorrow. I had a relaxing weekend. I have some things to think about. I am too tired to think very well now. I need to make changes in my life. I just do not know what I need to do right now.

Слава Богу, сегодня пятница

Слава Богу, сегодня пятница. I have two days off, and I am going out of town. I won't be getting much rest this weekend probably, but I will have Tuesday off, so I will be able to rest then. I will be on good behavior. Even when I am behaving I usually manage to piss somebody off just by being my awesome self. That's their problem not mine. I enjoy being the way I am. I will try to take some photos at the march. There won't be any sex for me this weekend, but that is not unusual for me lately. At least I will be with friends. I do not know who will be there. I won't be on my computer for a couple of days, but I may post something here from my phone.

Some people say it is better to be pissed off than pissed on. I say it depends on who is pissing. I prefer being pissed in.

I'm not ready to get ready to go to work, but it's time. Go be your awesome selves. If anybody doesn't like it they can fuck themselves.

Слава Богу, сегодня пятница. У меня есть два выходных дня, и я собираюсь в городе. Я не буду получать больше отдыхать в эти выходные возможно, но я буду иметь от вторника, поэтому я буду иметь возможность отдохнуть, то. Я буду на хорошее поведение. Даже когда я веду себя я обычно удается мочиться кого от просто быть моим удивительным себя. Это их проблема не моя. Мне нравится быть таким, какой я. Я постараюсь, чтобы сделать несколько фотографий на марше. Там не будет для меня секс в эти выходные, но это не является необычным для меня в последнее время. По крайней мере, я буду с друзьями. Я не знаю, кто там будет. Я не буду на моем компьютере в течение нескольких дней, но я можете прикреплять что-то здесь с телефона.

Некоторые люди говорят, что это лучше быть пьяный, чем пьяный на. Я говорю это зависит от того, кто писает. Я предпочитаю быть обозленный в.

Я не готов получить готовый идти на работу, но это время. Перейти вашими удивительными себя. Если кто-нибудь не нравится, они могут трахаться себя.

Дзякуй Богу, сёння пятніца. У мяне ёсць два выходных дня, і я збіраюся ў горадзе. Я не буду атрымліваць больш адпачываць у гэтыя выхадныя магчыма, але я буду мець ад аўторка, таму я буду мець магчымасць адпачыць, то. Я буду на добрыя паводзіны. Нават калі я вяду сябе я звычайна атрымоўваецца мачыцца каго ад проста быць маім дзіўным сябе. Гэта іх праблема не мая. Мне падабаецца быць такім, які я. Я паспрабую, каб зрабіць некалькі фотаздымкаў на маршы. Там не будзе для мяне сэкс у гэтыя выхадныя, але гэта не з'яўляецца незвычайным для мяне ў апошні час. Прынамсі, я буду з сябрамі. Я не ведаю, хто там будзе. Я не буду на маім кампутары на працягу некалькіх дзён, але я можаце прымацоўваць што-то тут з тэлефона.

Некаторыя людзі кажуць, што гэта лепш быць п'яны, чым п'яны на. Я кажу гэта залежыць ад таго, хто пісае. Я аддаю перавагу быць раззлаваны ст.

Я не гатовы атрымаць гатовы ісці на працу, але гэты час. Перайсці вашымі дзіўнымі сябе. Калі хто-небудзь не падабаецца, яны могуць трахацца сябе.

Другой русский хоккей Джерси

My new Russian hockey Jersey arrived in the mail today. I am happy with it. I bought it from someone in Hungary from the same person from whom I bought my German jersey. This one was made in Canada too, and the price was listed in British Pounds. Here are photos.

Мой новый русский хоккей Джерси прибыл в почте сегодня. Я счастлива с ним. Я купил его у кого-то в Венгрии от того же человека, от которого я купил мой немецкий майку. Этот было сделано в Канаде тоже, и цена была замечена в британских фунтах. Вот фотографии.

Dreams of a Sexual Odyssey Across Europe

One thing that would be fun to do is to do research comparing the taste and scents of men's cocks, balls, asses and pits from one end of Europe to the other. Also I would compere the taste of their piss and cum. Also to study the different shapes and sizes. I do not think I would find much difference from country to country, but it would be fun to do the research. I have not tasted smegma, so I do not know if I would like the taste or smell of it. Maybe I could do some research in that area too. To be honest the men I am most strongly attracted to are the ones who let me know that they want me to suck them off. Usually they do this by grabbing their crotches and groping themselves and giving me a certain look or a nod. In some circumstances they pull out their cock and nod or indicate verbally or nonverbally what they want me to do. I could include this in my research as I cross Europe, the different ways that men have of letting me know that they want me to give them a blow job. I might want to take knee pads. I would love to explore the scents of all of the parts of the bodies of men throughout Europe. I would keep my tongue busy with languages and other things.

Права геев в России и Африке

I just saw a video in which Madonna talked about the arrest of men who were attending her concert. They were arrested for being gay. It saddens me that this is still going on. I wish I could join the fight for LGBTQ rights there. There are too many places in the world where people can be arrested for being a member of the LGBTQ community. In some countries in Africa they face the possibility of receiving the death penalty. It seems that words seem feeble when I try to express my feelings about the situation in these places. On Facebook I have friends in Africa who fear for their lives, because they are gay. I wish I knew more Russian. I do not know what I could do if I could go to Russia and join in the fight. None of is free until all of us are free.

I will write more later when my brain is functioning better. I am tired, and my sinuses are bothering me. When I start using cliches I know it is time for me to stop writing.

Я только что видел видео, в котором Мадонна говорили об аресте мужчины, которые посещали ее концерт. Они были арестованы за то, что гей. Это печалит меня, что это все еще происходит. Я хотел бы вступить в борьбу за права ЛГБТ там. Есть слишком много мест в мире, где люди могут быть арестованы за то, что член ЛГБТ сообщества. В некоторых странах Африки они сталкиваются возможность получения смертной казни. Кажется, что слова кажутся слабыми, когда я пытаюсь выразить свои чувства по поводу ситуации в этих местах. На Facebook у меня есть друзья в Африке, которые боятся за свои жизни, потому что они геи. Если бы я знал больше, России. Я не знаю, что я мог сделать, если бы я мог поехать в Россию и принять участие в борьбе. Ни один из не свободен, пока все из нас не свободен.

Я напишу более позже, когда мой мозг функционирует лучше. Я устал, и мои пазухи беспокоит меня. Когда я начинаю с помощью клише, я знаю, что это время для меня, чтобы остановить запись.

Looking Forward to Getting out of Town

I am looking forward to getting out of town. I have Saturday off from work. I am going to see some friends. We are going to a gay pride march in a small town. It will be with a group from a church, so I will have to be on good behavior. There won't be any sex for me this weekend. I am looking forward to seeing friends I have not seen in awhile. One friend I have known for close to twenty-two years. I won't be able to sleep late like I usually do on my days off, but at least I won't be going to work. I have not been to a pride march in a long time. I have not been to many. The first one I went was a very big one in Washington D.C. in 1987. I was not there long enough to see any speakers or performers, but I did march. There were thousands of people. People from other states snubbed those of us from North Carolina. People were marching with other people from their own state. Groups from different states would run towards each other and hug each other, but for some reason no one would hug those of us from North Carolina. I thought this was pretty shitty behavior. It was a fun experience though. I have been to a couple of others, but they are not very memorable. This will be the first pride march in the town where we are going. I am not sure if I will be at a table set up by the church or what I will be doing. I am going to be myself, just toned down a little bit. Being around friends will be nice. I may wear one of my jerseys though. I am not sure. I will be going to church services on Sunday.

I am starting off the day with Rammstein's first CD, "Herzeleid." There are songe on this CD that I really like. They are some of my favorite songs. I am wearing my new Polish Jersey. I am not ready yet, but it's time to go to work.

Polskie koszulka piłkarska

My Polish football (no, not American football) jersey came today. I like it. There is a red one I may buy later, but like this one because of the design that has the colors of the Polish flag. Here are pics of me with my silly crooked grin.

Beginning a Potential Relationship

I am getting to know someone through talking on the phone and messages. We met on Tagged. If we get together we will not be able to get together for a year. He does seem like a very sweet, loving guy. We are learning about each other. I have a hard time opening up about myself to someone new, especially on the phone. If we get together it will have to be somewhere other than where I am living now. I will not reveal things about him here. I will say that he had a rough upbringing. I do not want either of us to hurt the other. I wish there was some way to visit him. I am afraid of committing myself to someone I met online and with whom I have not spent time in person. I definitely want someone in my life. It would be nice to sleep and wake up beside someone. I hope that I will be able to stay faithful to him. I have only been with two men in short-lived committed relationships. I did love the first guy, and we are still friends. Our sex was boring though. There were other issues too. I have mentioned before that he did not want anybody to know that we were a couple. I need to be with someone who will be willing to let other people know about our relationship. That guy was too worried about what people would say if we broke up. The other guy was the unbathed guy in Rhode Island. With the new guy a concern that I have is that neither of us has much money. I am concerned about how we would find a place to live together. It is well known by now how much I want to get away from where I am. This is going to require a lot of thought and planning.

Some of my Favorite Things

People ask me what my favorite foods, music and movies are. I do not have a simple answer to these questions. I like a wide variety of foods. One of my favorite kinds of food is Thai food. I tend to like foods that have very subtle flavors or are spicy or sweet or sometimes salty. It depends on the food how salty I like it. Really the only really salty food I like is anchovies or some other seafoods. I guess some of my favorite musicians would be Rage Against the Machine, Hank Williams III, Patti Smith, Yoko Ono, Rammstein, Laibach, Gogol Bordello, Richard Muller, Daniel Landa, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Operation Ivy, Jacques Brel, Serge Gainsbourg, Edith Piaf, Manau, Beau Dommage...the list goes on. As I emntioned before I tend to like European films, but there are films from all over the world that I enjoy. There are some American films I enjoy. I will write more about films I enjoy as I get the chance to watch them again. I do enjoy the horror films by Clive Barker and Rob Zombie. I am fond of the films of John Waters. I want to eventually get whatever I can get by these directors. I have "Hallraiser" and "Nightbreed" by Clive Barker and will write more about them. I do not try to be eclectic, I am eclectic.

Beginning Another Workweek

It's the beginning of another workweek. I'm not ready for it yet, but I'll survive it. I look forward to having two days off together. I will be seeing some friends this weekend. We are planning on going to a gay pride march. I will have to behave with these friends, but I am looking forward to seeing them and getting out a bit. In the meanwhile I am not going to let what other people think about me worry me. I have to focus on doing my job and feeling good about myself. I am still on the journey to where I want to be in life. Ideally I would have a man by my side and friends with whom I could spend time and relax and laugh and drink a few beers. I wish that recreational use of marijuana would be legalized then I would smoke a bit of that. I look forward to the day when I can travel. I need to be around people who do not think I am trying to be different but who realize that I am just being myself. I want to be accepted by people around me, but it is more important that I am happy with myself.

Dobrú Noc. Gute Nacht. Bonsoir. На Добраніч.Спокойной Ночи.Noapte Buna (Two rambling paragraphs)

There is a site where you can find out approximately how many people in the United States have the same as you. According to this site the number of people in the U.S.A. named Vlk Leafe is one or fewer. They do admit that their information is not completely accurate. There are approximately 133 people in this country with the same surname. On Facebook there is a professor with my middle name as his first name with the last name of Vlk. That is interesting to me. Somewhere I saw that there were some people named Leafe in Russia. That is also interesting if it is true. I find the origin of names interesting. I am also interested in the meanings of names. There are some people named Leafe in England. I think my great-grandfather moved here from there. I would like to visit the town that his family lived, Derby.

Right now I feel very uncertain about my future. We never know what the future holds, but sometimes I feel a bit more insecure. I am not giving up, but I am working at a job where I make very little money. I need to build up a network of emotional support. I know I have friends. I just wish I was closer to them. I am a bit afraid of not having a home. I live from paycheck to paycheck, and that can be a scary thing. I am keeping my head up. I am happy with who I am and how I am developing as a person. I just have to express my fears sometimes. I do hope that I will be with a man I can love and make happy someday. I want to be in a situation where I can perfect the things I do best with my mouth, giving blow jobs and speaking languages.

Dobrú Noc. Gute Nacht. Bonsoir. На Добраніч.Спокойной Ночи.Noapte Buna.

A Kinky Rumor that Was Spread About Me

There have been rumors spread about me over they years. At a church I was attending someone spread the rumor that a friend had tied me nude to a tree and left me there. This, unfortunately was not true. I think I was the last person at the church to hear about this. Under the right circumstances I would enjoy being stripped, tied up and used as a cum dump and urinal. As long as my mouth and hole are easily accessible this would be a fun experience. A tree might not be the best place for this. I think I knew who started this rumor. I think he was hiding things about himself, and he wanted to draw attention away from himself and onto me. He was one of the people who would complain about anything I did that would be considered questionable by anyone. I would prefer enjoying to worrying about what other people are or are not doing.

Those who point their fingers at me complaining about what I wear or do or say should hope that they are perfect. One thing I do not tolerate is hypocrisy. I do not make decisions based on what other people might think. No matter what you do somebody is going to complain. If they want to be miserable that's their problem. I enjoy who I am and how I am developing as a person. How kinky I will become remains to be seen.

Short Work-Related Rant

I am going to interact with my coworkers as little as possible. I am going to do my job, and talk with most of the people only about things that are related to the job. I will continue to do the best job that I can, but I have learned that there are too many people who are willing to stab others in the back. I am getting tired of going to work and worrying what complaint is going to be made about me. I am not going to spend time worrying what other people at work think about me. I am not going to let them make me miserable. I am not going to change who I am. I have little interaction with other people there anyway. I am there to work, not to be popular. I know that I am not the only one who has been stabbed in the back. I am just going to stay out of the drama as much as possible. I am sure people will still complain about something I have or haven't done. Well, fuck'em.

Waking Up Is Hard to do

They say that waking up is hard to do, Now I know I know that it's true. Well, I've known that for a long time. Sometimes my brain wants to stay in bed long after my body has left. Asleep or thinking about sex. It takes a few cups of coffee to wake me up in the morning. Once I get out of bed my body gets going, but the hard part about that can be getting out of bed. I use the snooze on the alarm on my phone a lot. I have to set my alarm for about an hour at least before I want to get out of bed. Even after my brain wakes up it takes me awhile to think in English. Ideally I would be with someone who speaks other languages, so I could mix things up a bit. Or he would not mind if I used expressions from other languages. He would not mind if I said "kurwa mać" or other similar phrases. I would also like to say things like "Я люблю тебя" or "Je t'aime" or "Te iubesc." I would want to be with someone who would not mind if my accent got a bit funky from time. I would love to be able to play with language and do other things with my tongue with him. Well, get  ready world, here I come.

I would Rather Write About Frustrations then Keep Them Bottled Up

Sometimes I write here about things that frustrate or about feeling down. It is the best way for me to deal with these feelings. If I hold things in then they grow and become burdens. If I talk or write about them I can get rid of them. I may look back at what I have written and remind myself that I can make it through things I am dealing with. It is a sign of strength to show one's true feelings, good and bad. I am more likely to trust someone if they are willing to be vulnerable. Keeping emotions locked up is not good for anybody. I would rather express my weaknesses and turn them into strengths than hide them and give them strength over me. I am not afraid of being completely open and honest about who I really am. It is liberating for me.

Frustration at Work

Sometimes I have to remind that I cannot let what other people think of me affect how I feel about myself. At times at my workplace it seems that no matter what I do somebody is going to complain about me. I can do exactly what I am supposed to do, and someone will still find something wrong with what I have done. People often speak to me rudely, yet they expect me to respond in a polite way or just do whatever they want. Some of the people have learned that if they want me to do something to ask politely. It seems at times like I am expected to help everybody else, yet it is difficult for me to get someone to help me when I need help. At times I am told to do heavy lifting when there are others who are stronger than I standing around doing nothing. There is a supervisor who sometimes just points at what he wants me to do, and I have no clue what he wants. Sometimes I do not understand what he says, and I cannot get him to repeat what he said. Often when I need information it is not given, but when instruction is not needed it s repeated several times. I just have to focus on the focus on the humor that can be found. I have to focus on doing the best job I can and forget that in this state an employer does not have to have a reason to fire an employee. It looks like work is easing off, so I will be able to focus more on the things that matter to me, like languages and writing. I may joke that I am not very smart, ale ja nie som hlúpy. I have to find creative ways to let my inner asshole out.

Русский хоккей Джерси: Созвездие

My Russian Constellation hockey jersey arrived in the mail. I had been afraid that it had gotten lost in the mail. I am looking forward to wearing it.

Мой русский хоккей Джерси Созвездие прибыл по почте. Я боялся, что он заблудился в почте. Я с нетерпением жду, чтобы носить его.

Automated Phone Answering Systems Should Be Eliminated.

Automated phone answering systems do not work very well usually. The only ones that are not completely annoying are the ones that allow you to enter a number for an extension or to press 0 to speak to a person. Many of the ones that ask for verbal input do not work very well. This is especially true of the ones that ask me to say then spell my first name. People who are calling for customer service are usually not happy about something, and having to deal with an inefficient telephone answering does not help the situation. By the time I get through to an actual person I am frustrated already. This frustration is increased if the representative has a script to use when dealing with a customer. Things would go much smoother if customer service lines were answered by a person. Yesterday I had to contact the USPS to get a package redelivered. This is not the first time that this has happened. Every time it is frustrating. In the past if a notice had been left about the delivery notice about a package or letter further attempts would be made until you could sign for the item. This is no longer true. You have to request that online or on the phone the item be redelivered. For some reason I have not had much success doing this online. So I have had to call. As with many automated systems when they ask for verbal input it is not clear when to respond. Sometimes insufficient time is given. Every time I have eventually been spoken to a representative. This is after a long hold where annoying repeated music  with repeated messages have been heard. Yesterday I had checked the status of the Russian jersey for which I have been waiting since March. The tracking record showed no indication that it was out for delivery. Our mail arrived at around noon. There was no sign of the package, so I thought I might get it today. An hour later a notice was left concerning the package. I did not hear anyone knock at the door. After getting frustrated again with the system I was able to arrange for redelivery today. I have left the signed notice in the mailbox, so hopefully I will have the jersey when I get home. The postal service phone system is frustrating for the customer, for the mail carriers and for the customer service representatives. I have been told that they are working on fixing the problem. I will believe that when the system has actually been fixed. Automated phone answering systems should be eliminated. Phones should be answered by a person who does not speak from a script but actually listens to what the customer wants or needs. I do not know anybody who is happy to interact with these systems.

I need some real human contact. That includes sex, but other contact as well

I need some real human contact. I need a man to hold me and whom I can hold in my arms. I was able to hug and kiss the man I sucked a couple of weeks ago, but I would love to have a man I could suck in the morning after we spend a night together in bed. I would love to have a man for whom I could cook and clean and take care of his sexual needs. One of the best things is to wake up next to man and to be able to take his cock in my mouth. I would love to have a man who would have me drink his pee first thing in the morning. Whenever we were together I would want to drink all of his pee. I would not want to displease him, but if he was not happy with me for some reason I would want him to let me know. I would want to correct whatever I did to displease him. I would want to make him happy in every way that I can. At the same time I would want to be with someone who accepts me as I am. I would not want to have to hide my lace panties. I understand that others may not enjoy all of the music, books and movies that I do, but I would want to be with someone who would not say that I am strange to like the things that I do. I would like to have someone with whom I could share my love of languages and different cultures. If I end up with someone who does not share these interests that would be all right as long as he understands that they are part of who I am. I will respect his rights to enjoy the things that do not interest me, and I would want the same from him. I want him to let me know the ways he wants me to please him, but I also want him to give me the chance to speak openly about my feelings and interests. I want both of us to be open about who we really are.

I Want to Please a Man in Every Way (Adult Content)

I do want to be able to please a man in all ways. That includes being able to let him fuck me. Currently I am not able to get anything in my anus. It hurts. It may be because I am not able to relax it enough. The last time I was fucked was by a young guy with a small dick. He was a cute guy from Puerto Rico. I wanted to see him shoot his load, but he had cum in a condom while in my ass. I wanted to see him again, but I never heard from him. I was fucked by a friend a few times, but it never felt very good to me. I did cum one time while he was fucking me. I came, because he told me to do so. He was someone I loved very much, but he only saw me as a sex toy. I was just a means for him to get off. He knew how I felt about him, yet he would remind me at times that I may as well have been a dildo. I do not know if he was being intentionally cruel. I have had a few men tell me the same thing. The only other man who was able to fuck me in the last twenty-five years was a guy I had sucked and cuddled with many times. He was in a relationship when he fucked me. He was on his back as I sat on his cock. As I was taking his cock in my ass he told me he loved his partner. He was wearing a condom. His relationship ended soon after that. His partner told people that I was the reason for the end of their relationship. Both guys were known to be having sex with multiple men, yet I was seen as the one that caused their breakup. Oh well. As I was saying I want to be able to please a man by being able to let him fuck me. Maybe I should start with a small dildo or butt plug and work my way up. I love pleasing a man with my mouth. I love to use my tongue to make a man feel good all over. I love being able to make a man cum with my mouth. I also like for a man to use me as his toilet. I want to be able to please a man outside of bed. I would love to clean for him and do his laundry and to cook for him. I love to cook for a man the foods that he likes. I would want to be faithful to him and only have sex with men that he would choose. I enjoy being obedient. I do want to find a man who will let me please him in all these ways.

Twice in One Day (Sexual content)

There was a lot of cruising at a mall in a city I lived in once. During one of my successful excursions I was sucking a guy off at the urinals of a department-store restroom when another man walked in on us. He said that we needed to be careful. He watched as I continued to give the guy head and he kept watch in case anybody else might walk in on us. I kept sucking until I was rewarded with a tasty load of cum. Our guard then asked me to go home with him and suck him off. It turned him on to see me give a blow job, and it turned me on to be watched as I gave head. He had previously sucked the guy whose cum I had just swallowed but without getting a load, because he was too nervous about sucking too long in a public restroom. I went home with him, and we got naked. He was not going to be in the area long, and there was not much furniture in the house. He sat in a chair and I sucked him. He wanted to sound himself, but I did not really want to see him stick anything into his urethra. I did enjoy sucking him, and he promised me a mouthful of hot cum. He asked how the other guy's cum tasted, and I said it was delicious. Eventually I was rewarded with his tasty cum. This was not the first time I got cum from two men in one day, but it was the first time one guy saw me get a load from another man before giving me a load of his own cum. I would love to get loads from two or more men in one place one after the other.

Krótki film o zabijaniu

I just finished watching "Krótki film o zabijaniu," a film by Krzysztof Kieślowski. It was an extension and alteration of one of the episodes of his television series, "Dekalog." The main characters are a young lawyer who. during the film, passes his examinations to become a lawyer, a young man who alternates between showing great sensitivity and brutality and a cabdriver who treats other people with contempt. In this short film we are able to learn a lot about the personalities of these characters. The lawyer seems to be an idealist who wants to make a difference in the world. He argues against the death penalty. The young man mentioned above kills the cabdriver. In one scene he takes to be enlarged a photograph of a young girl. We learn that this girl was his sister who had been killed in an accident. At the same time he shows acts of violence. In one scene he drops a rock off of a bridge so that the rock will hit the windshield of a passing vehicle. In another scene he is urinating at a trough in a restroom. A young man comes in happy and whistling. He looks at Jacek, the young man. Jacek pushes him into the trough. The cabdriver in one scene is washing his taxi. A couple approach and asks if he is free. He mentions what he is doing. The couple say that they will wait, because it is cold. When he has finished what he is doing, he leaves without any thought of the couple who have been waiting for him. Before he leaves he offers a ride to a young woman whom he has been eyeing. In another scene a man is walking two small dogs. He honks his horn to scare the dogs. He laughs as the dogs bark and their owner tries to get them settled down.

The theme of a rope runs throughout the film. In the opening credits a cat is seen hanging with a noose around its neck. Hanging from the windshield of the cab is what looks like the head of a demon hanging on a rope. Jacek is seen several times playing with a rope. This is the rope with which he strangles the cabdriver. It becomes obvious what he wants to do with the rope before he does it. There is a scene where he enters a cafe where he has coffee and a pastry. The lawyer is in the cafe. The lawyer later wonders if he could have prevented the murder, because Jacek talks about playing with the rope in the cafe. In the end Jacek is hanged.

This film is said to have led to national debate concerning the death penalty and led to the repeal of Poland's capital punishment statutes. (This is from the notes from the DVD case from Kino Video, 2004.)

Krzysztof Kieślowski was a maker of very films that are very moving.

Not Putting Up with Shit at Work

At work I try to be easy yo get along with, but I am not going to put up with people giving me shit. Yesterday I had someone get in my face about something trivial. He kept on and on until I finally yelled at him. I do not like doing that, but he was would not let up. Sometimes people there indicate whatever they want done by pointing. This is not very effective. I have had supervisors who give very vague instructions. They say, "I need you to go over there" without saying what they want me to do when I get to where they pointed. If I a am doing a job I want to do the best job that I can, and I want to help other people to do their jobs. People at work are learning what they need to do if they want me to do something. They just need to ask politely. I treat other people with the same respect. They also need to ask in complete sentences or say more than one word. Most of the people speak Spanish, and sometimes they will just yell "caja" or whatever they want. It is not always clear what they want. Sometimes I do not know who has spoken, especially if I am looking the other way. Sometimes I have several people asking me to do something at the same time, and they all want me to do what they want immediately. The person who has treated me with the most respect gets my attention first. Sometimes there are other people who are in a better position to do what they want. It irritates me when other people are allowed to stand around and chat without doing any work, yet when I take a few seconds to catch my breath I am immediately told to do something. I am a person, not a machine, and when I am pushed too much I push back.

Deutsch Hockey Jersey

My German hockey jersey came in the mail today. Actually it was made in Canada, and I bought it from someone in Hungary on eBay. I am happy with it. The Russian jersey will be here soon. Here are photos of the German Jersey. I will post the Constellation one as soon as I get it.

Update on Constellation Jersey

I was afraid that the Russian Constellation hockey Jersey had been lost in the mail, but it reached New Jersey and is on the way here. I am looking forward to getting it. I have a German Jersey and another Russian Jersey on the way. I have one more jersey that I plan on buying, a Hungarian football jersey. (If I refer here to what Americans call soccer. If I am talking about the other sport I will call it American Football.) I don't plan on buying any more jerseys soon. I will need to buy a pair of shoes soon. Eventually I do want to buy another Soviet jersey, but that will have to wait.

I would love to see the World Cup in person. This would be both for the games and to be in the international group of people who would be in attendance. I also want to attend a hockey match, especially somewhere in Europe. I am not giving up on my hopes of travelling in Europe. It would be nice if I had a man with whom I could do this. I have usually travelled alone, and it would be nice to have a man with whom I could do it, especially if I could share my love of languages with him.

I am listening to Rammstein again. I have learned some German from their songs. It is fun to start to be able to understand their word play. Their music is fun too.