"Orlando" and "No Man's Land"

In addition to watching "Teorema" I watched "Orlando" and "No Man's Land."
"Orlando"was based on the novel by Virginia Woolf. I haven't read the book yet. The book was written in 1928, and the film was made in 1992. At the beginning of the book and the film the title character is a male aristocrat at the end of the Sixteenth Century. The book ends with Orlando as a modern woman in the 1920s driving a car, and the movie ends in the 1990s. From here I will just refer to the film, because I do not know how close its story line is to that of the book. Elizabeth I makes Orlando one of her favorites, and she tells him that his family home and the land around it will be as long as he does not get old and die. He does not show any signs of aging after this, but in the Eighteenth Century Orlando becomes a woman. The roles of the sexes, class differences and xenophobia are dealt with in this film.  The role of writers in different eras is also dealt with. There are places where members of the upper class act like the members of the lower class are subhuman. In one places there are some rich men skating on a frozen lake. They see a woman who was probably selling apples frozen under the ice. One of the men points at her and laughs. There are other examples of similar behavior. Orlando gets engaged to an English woman, but he falls in love with Russian woman. People comment that she is not worthy, because she is a foreigner. Orlando becomes an ambassador in a middle eastern country. The English characters look on the people as inferiors. Orlando is called upon to help defend the city where he is. Some English men are there to confer an honor on Orlando. During the battle Orlando tries to aid an injured member of the invading forces. When told to ignore the injured man he says that the man is hurt. One of the English men says that he is a man but an enemy. The metamorphosis from man to woman takes place abroad. Gender inequalities are dealt with. Orlando, since she is definitely a woman, is not able to keep the land unless she marries of bears a son. There are some very funny scenes that seem to parody romance movies. There are places where actions taken by Orlando that do not reflect well only, but later there is pay back. There is gender bending in the casting. Tilda Swinton played Orlando, and she did a very convincing performance as an androgynous man. Quentin Crisp did the best portrayal of Elizabeth I that I have seen. Jimmy Somerville performs two songs during the film. At the end of the film he appears as a feminine-looking angel. It is a hilarious film with a message.
"No Man's Land" is a dark comedy written and directed by Danis Tanović. It shows the absurdity of war. The roles of the U.N. and the media are skewered. It takes place during the Bosnian-Serb conflict. Soldiers from both sides and up together in a trench between both lines. They are forced to help each other, but both continue to see the other as the enemy. The media shows up pretending to want to tell the truth, but it is clear that they have their own agenda. The U.N. becomes involved, but they are not very effective. This is a humorous, thought-provoking movie.
These films are very different from each other, but I would recommend both of them.

Saying "I am not prejudiced, but" then Making a Prejudiced Remark Means You Are Prejudiced

I know that what I am about to say has been said before, but I think that there are people who do not seem to grasp the concept. Saying "I am not racist (or homophobic or sexist or prejudices, etc.), but" before making a racist comment is not very convincing. Many times the person is about to make a racist, homophobic or sexist remark. They often refer to statistics to justify a prejudiced point of  view. Statistics can be manipulated to justify almost any point of view. The same kind of "logic" was used by the Nazi party in Germany. If you have to preface something with the above mentioned phrase it might be better to reconsider what you are about to say. Saying you are not prejudiced then making a prejudiced does not make sense. It just means that you are in denial about being prejudiced.

"Teorema"

I watched Pier Paolo Pasolini's film "Teorema" earlier today. In most of the things I have read about this movie, including what is on the DVD case, it is said that the character played by Terence Stamp seduces all of the members of a family and their maid, yet each of the people initiate contact. Each of the people is affected differently by these encounters. They are all changed profoundly by the experience. Some of the scenes seem to be unconnected, but in the end we realize that it jumps around in time. There are shots of a desert-like wilderness throughout the film. It is not clear throughout most of the film the reason for these shots. I wonder if Andy Warhol was familiar with this film. In the film the son in the family (the one with whom the Visitor shares a bed on one or more nights, making him the one with whom the Visitor spends the most time) becomes an artist after the Visitor's departure. There is a scene in which the boy is seen urinating on a canvas that he had painted blue. I mention Andy Warhol in connection to this because he later did a series of paintings called the "Oxidation" series. These were canvases that Warhol painted with metallic paint and had someone urinate or ejaculate. It is a very interesting film. I have never had a sexual encounter that has had that much of an effect on me, but it might be possible. I don't think it is likely though. Maybe Pasolini was being somewhat satirical.

More on the Fiasco In Rhode Island

I want to write a little more about what happened in Rhode Island. He did keep a few of his promises. He greeted me with a kiss at the airport. He gave me the ring that he had promised. We did do some of the sexual things that he had promised. I was not there long enough to do have the time to do some of the things we had discussed. We had talked about taking showers together, but I never saw him take a shower while I was there. As promised, the guy living with him would come into the bedroom and pull his cock out for me to suck. As had been discussed before, the guy who had promised to marry me asked the other one if I had done a good job after he came in my mouth. Of course he said yes. I am proud of my cock-sucking abilities. The other guy would leave the room without saying anything to me. I'll call them Prick 1 and Prick 2. Prick 1 said that he would have Prick 2 do this to demonstrate that most guys just wanted me for sex but he loved me. I did not get any real signs of love. He would not pay attention to anything I had to say. Real love involves listening as well as talking. We did do some of the kinky things I enjoy doing. I was not there long enough to go out with him. He had promised to take me to leather bars where I would be able to please him in front of his friends. He had said that I would not have a room of my own when I moved in with him. I did not realize how much not having a space of my own would affect me. Once in a while I need to be able to withdraw and spend time to myself. I had not talked with Prick 2 before moving there. If he had complaints about me he would not say anything to me, but he would talk to Prick 1. I would have gladly helped with the housekeeping, but I had been told that Prick 2 had his own way of doing things. I was told not to interfere. Prick 2 complained that I was treating him like a slave. I never asked him to do anything. Prick 1 said that I should ask Prick 2 what he wanted me to do. I found it very difficult to talk to someone who would not speak me, especially when he would make complaints behind my back. I think if I had had more time to adjust to the new living arrangement and if they bathed a little more frequently and I had some personal space it might not have been as bad. No, I doubt it. Open communication is something that I absolutely need in any relationship. I do share some of the responsibility for the fiasco in Rhode Island. I should have paid more attention to the warning signs before I went there. I should have visited before moving there. That Prick 1 would not agree to that should have been a big red flag. I did learn some valuable lessons, and I do not regret taking the chance. I should not have been so desperate to find a husband.

Never Apologize for Being Who You Are

Never apologize for being who you are. If anyone cannot accept you as you are, they are the ones who should apologize. Great literature, art, music, and discoveries were never made by people who let others dictate how they should act or think. Progress is made by people who are not happy with the status. One of my heroes, Quentin Crisp, spoke of going with the flow only faster. I do not remember his exact words, but I believe that was the basic idea. Gains in civil rights were not made by people who silently sat at the back of the bus. Progress in rights is made by people who are willing to take the risk of arrest or being killed to stand up for what they rights. Many of us were taught that Rosa Parks did not move to the back of the bus because she was tired. What has been left out of her story so many times is that she had been elected as a secretary of the Montgomery chapter of the NAACP and had long been active in the civil rights movement. I do not think I need to go into detail about how much impact the Stonewall Riots had on the fight for LGBTQ rights. In the realm of music I have mentioned Beethoven. Most people today do not realize that many of his compositions went against what was accepted in formal music at the time. There were people who were scandalized by some of his pieces. People thought of Andy Warhol as being shallow, but some of his insights are proving to be very true today. He spoke of people who were famous for being famous. This is especially true today with the rise of some of the reality TV stars. He started as a commercial artist, and he was making a large amount of money. He decided that commercial art was not the path for him, so he stopped doing that to pursue another art career. He did this with a very big loss on income financially. He ventured into painting, print making, photography, music promotion, film, writing, etc. The opinions of him and his work are mixed, but he followed the path that he felt was the right one for him to take. Malala Yousafzai at a very young age showed great courage, even after being shot, in fighting for women's rights. She became the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. I seriously doubt that I will have the impact that the people have had, but I am striving to make an impact on the world. If I can entertain people or get them to think I will have succeeded at least in part.

Some Not-too-Serious Thoughts from an Old Fart

I grew some facial hair to see how it would look. I need to shave it off again. It makes me look like an old fart. I may be an old fart, but I don't want to look too much like one. People say that age is just a number. I definitely do not want to be a stodgy old fart. I am not worried that that is going to happen. I need to find a hairstyle that fits how I feel. It may be something that I look silly or that I am trying to look younger. That's OK, I do like being silly sometimes, but I do not want to try to hard to look younger. People who try to hard to look younger usually end up making themselves look younger. I still have things that I want to accomplish in my life. I may not accomplish all of then, but that is not going to keep me from working on them. Life is a journey, but I do not want to arrive at my final destination any time soon. (That sounds like a cliche, but it's true.) The journey is what is important not the destination anyway. I have met some like-minded people on Facebook, and having a connection with them does make me feel a little less alone. It would be great if I could meet some of them in person sometime.
I need to set aside more time for writing on this blog. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get started, and before I get much written. I am going to fix that problem quickly. I know that not everything I write is terribly original, but that's all right. I try not to post anything that is not true. I am always honest about my thoughts and feelings. I need to work still on censoring myself less.

Is Thanksgiving Just the Beginning of the Christmas Sales Season?

It seems that there are retailers who think that their profits are more important than their workers and letting their workers spend holidays with family. Most people enjoy family gatherings. Thanksgiving is a day when many people like to do this. There are retailers who were open today so that they can start making sales for Christmas. Do they want to rob this day of meaning? Do they want to turn Christmas completely into a commercial occasion with Thanksgiving the beginning of that season? For long time I have not been especially fond of holiday seasons, but for many people they are seasons of celebration. I do not think that Thanksgiving is necessarily a Christian holiday. It can be be a day of giving thanks to whoever you want to thank. I am not going to tell anyone how they should celebrate Christmas, but it seems that many retailers are more interested in making a profit. They really do not care if anyone celebrates. Their only concern seems so be whether or not they can make a lot of money.

Longing for More of a Connection with My Family, both the Biological Family and My extended Family of Friends

Holidays are difficult for me as they are for many people. I enjoyed spending time. I love them, and I know they love me. My sister and I have talked about how in ways it seemed like we grew up in different families. I am not sating negative about her and her sons with whom we had Thanksgiving dinner. I find it difficult to find things that would interest the others at family gatherings. To an extent it is the same with groups of people. I am better at talking with friends and family members when I can co it one on one. Spending an evening making superficial conversation without making a real connection leaves me feeling very empty. I would like to find a better connection with my family, but at this time I am not sure how to go about doing that. I do not want to change them or myself. This is not a question of someone being right and others being wrong. It is simply that we are different from each other. The last time that my sisters and I were together in one room was at my mother's funeral and activities before and after that. It was said that our mother was the glue that held our family together, and sadly this has been proven to be true. I love my family, and I would not try to change them. I miss my friends who have become family to me over the years, and I hope I can be with them again. I would never want to say or do anything to hurt family members, and I hope that I can form more of a bond with them. Concerning the friends with whom I cannot connect in person it helps knowing that they are still friends and are still part of my extended family.

Thoughts Provoked by a Dream About Christianity and Buddhism

This morning right before waking up I dreamt that I was in a large lecture where people were discussing Christianity and Buddhism. The point was being made that the Buddha never asked his followers to worship him instead of someone else. In the dream there had been bumper stickers asking "Do you worship (here there is a cross) or do you worship (here there is a Buddhist symbol)?" ignoring that ignoring that Buddhists do not worship him but follow his teachings. I stood up and said that most Christians tend to forget the things Jesus said and focus all of their attention on his death and resurrection. I questioned the use of the cross as a symbol of Christianity instead of an image of Jesus. I went on to say that Jesus was not afraid to say things that pissed people off. In the hall there were some people who clapped after I said this, but the majority of people did not pay much attention. Some of the people stood up, and I thought they were going to applaud, but they were just getting ready to leave the hall. In the back of my mind I was imagining people saying how true what I was saying was.
When I woke up I started thinking about some of the points that came to my mind in the dream. Jesus told his followers to take up their crosses and follow him. He did not tell them to make a cross a holy symbol. The people whom Jesus pissed off in the Gospels were the religious leaders of his time. Jesus told his followers that if they wanted to be the greatest in Heaven they needed to be servants to others on earth. He never told people that they needed to have large numbers of followers and lord it over them. He never told them to have people to give them money so they could buy expensive houses, planes, clothing, etc. There are so-called evangelists who have large numbers of followers who send them money, and with this money they do the things mentioned above. Jesus did say to take care of the marginalized of society, to poor, the sick and those imprisoned.By his actions he showed that we should reach out to those who are ostracized by society.
I have heard Protestants say they use the cross instead of a crucifix as a symbol, because Jesus did not remain on the cross. To me this is not a valid argument. According to what is written in the scriptures Jesus died on the cross and was removed from it. Do they want to stand and look at a cross and ignore the actions and words of Jesus? I see the words and actions of Jesus as being more important than the means by which he died. It makes me think of someone standing at a podium and speaking. After they leave we do not stand and look at the podium or pictures of the podium. Hopefully, if is is a worthwhile speech we learn from the speech.
My thoughts at the end of the dream made me think about myself. In sharing what I think I do not want to become arrogant. I write about things that interest me. Sometimes these things are intellectual in nature. This does not make me more intelligent than other people. There is more that one kind of intelligence. Gertrude Stein, in The Making of Americans said that everyone has their own way of being stupid. I would to that everyone has their own way of being intelligent. I want to entertain and provoke thought through what I write. I also want to build other people up. I want to be considered equal to other people, not lesser than or better than anyone else.

I Want More Open, Honest Communication and Less Empty Small Talk

I have never been very good at small talk. It is hard to find people who really want to communicate. A lot of people are more interested in talking than they are in listening to other people. For a lot of people asking how someone else is doing is a formality to get out of the way. They are not really interested in hearing how the other person is. Instead of listening to what the other people they are more interested in thinking of what they are going to say next. I have had people express surprise when they realize that I actually listen to and care about what they have to say. I do admit that I do not always give all of my attention to what other people say, but I do try. I am interested in hearing what other people have to say, but I also want to spend time with people who will listen to what I have to say. I do like joking and laughing with friends, but it takes time for me to relax enough with people enough to do this. It seems that with some people conversation does not move beyond surface discussions of health, weather or work. When I am not at work mostly I do not want to think too much about my job. That is one of the benefits of writing this blog. I can write about the things that interest. I am not saying that I want all of my conversations to be serious. I want the people with whom I talk to feel comfortable to talk honestly about what is on their minds. If a friend is dealing with a problem I want them to know that they can talk about it. If a friend wants to joke and laugh I want us to be able to do that. I am a strong believer in open, honest communication. I am more interested in what other people have to say than how they say it. I confess that I was once a perfectionist about grammar, but I remembered how I felt when my Father would frequently correct my grammar even in casual conversation. It made me feel very uneasy, because I never knew when he would pounce on grammatical mistakes. I realized that I do not want to make other people to feel that way when talking with me. I would like to have people around me with whom I could talk about philosophy, religion, music, art or literature, but it is more important to me to be with people with whom I do not have to censor what I say. I do not want to worry about whether or not they will be offended if I say "fuck." I would like to be around people who know what the phrase "kurwa mać" or "être con comme la lune" mean. I want so much to be back around people with whom I can enjoy good food, good beer and good conversation. It would also be nice if I could find someone with whom I can enjoy those things along with cuddling, kissing and good sex. I do not expect people with whom I talk to always agree with me, but I would want to be able to discuss calmly areas where we disagree. I would also like to find people with whom I can enjoy raunchy conversations. I do not want tense conversations. Having conversations like that is more tiring than a long workout at the gym. I guess you could say that what I want in conversation eclecticism I want in the other areas of my life.

Leader of the Free World? Not the U.S.A.

One of the things that does not make sense is when people in the president of this country as the leader of the free world. The president of the United States is the leader of this country only. This country does not lead the free world. I do have freedom that are not available in all countries, but that does not mean that there are not other free countries and they have their own leaders. One of the areas where the U.S.A. leads the world. According to things I have read 25% of the people in jails on this planet are in jails in this country. This country definitely does not have the best health care system. It is not even in the top ten. The leadership claims to be against oppressive dictatorships. The only reason that the leaders in Washington would want to get rid of a dictator is that the U.S. wants to get oil from that country. The U.S. supports oppressive dictators if the U.S. can get what this country wants from them. There are fundamentalist Christians in this country who want to export their hatred of homosexuality to other countries. They realize that this hatred is losing its power in this country, so they are encouraging it in Africa. They are in favor of the death penalty for the LGBTQ community there.
In 1999 I knew people who said that the world was going to end when 2000 started. On New Year's Eve I was talking to one of these people. It was already 2000 in many parts of the world. I said that if something catastrophic was going to happen it would have happened already. He could not grasp that if this was going to happen it would probably not happen first in the United States. They seem to have the mistaken belief that the U.S. is where the heart of Christianity is. That is arrogance that is laughable.
The United States of America is one of the free countries on this planet. It does not lead the free world. There is no single country that leads the free world.

What Is Success? The Answer Is not the Same for Everyone

What does it mean to be successful in life? What gives anybody the right to decide whether or not someone else is successful?  I do not believe that there is an answer to this question that fits all people. I think it depends on what values we hold dear. What might define success for one person defines failure for someone else. For me part of success is being truly alive not just exist. Standing up for what I believe is very important to me. I need to make more of a stand against all kinds of injustice. I do not want to just fight for my right to express myself freely. I also want to fight for all people to have this right. To me it is very important to build other people up. If I have the means to work for justice and do not do so, for me that is failure. For me success is to live my life fully, enjoying the things I like without worrying about whether or not they are popular. It would include doing everything I can to help others to accept themselves and to love themselves. For me success includes doing whatever I can do to show love and to give support to friends, lovers and family. I cannot end oppression by myself, but I can do my part to end oppression. Being successful for me means looking at what I have accomplished in life instead of what I have not been able to do. There are many things I cannot do, but there are a lot of things I can do. What success means for me is being fully who I am meant to be. Success for me means making a positive change in the world. Doing what I can to reach out  to the marginalized in the world is part of what would make me successful. I dream of a day when no one is seen as more than or less than someone else. All people have something to contribute to others. Christy Brown was an Irish writer with cerebral palsy who could only use his left foot, well that is the only part of his physical body he could control. It is not what he could or could not do with his body that is most important. He had imagination and skill as a writer. It is not what he could not do that matters. It is what he could do that is important. I have only read his autobiography, and I want to see if I can find any of his other books. We cannot let other people decide for us what we can and cannot do. I have imagination and I can write. I need to develop these to the fullest that I can. I do not want to stop learning and loving. I would like to find a spouse with whom I can have a committed relationship. I enjoy being a slut, but I do not know how long I will be able to do that. The future is uncertain, but I want to learn to enjoy what I have and stop worrying about what I do not have.

Why Do People Go out of Their Way to be Mean? Also Some Comments on Public Urination, Masturbation, Sexual Comments and Whistling

I cannot understand people who go out of their way to say mean things about other people. Someone on Facebook posted a video of Yoko Ono doing one of her more experimental songs along with unkind comments. Meaner comments followed. Someone said that he wanted her to be shot., he put "lol" at the end of the comment. I commented that there was nothing funny about that comment. I also commented that if they did not like something they should just not listen to it, because there are people who like her music. I also said that one shouldn't judge the entirety of somebody's musical output based on a short example. Yoko Ono has put out a large range of musical styles. I have seen cruel comments made about other people's appearance. If you don't like how someone looks, keep that opinion to yourself. Comments like this can be very hurtful to the person at whom they are aimed, and they have contributed to suicidal thoughts, A difference in opinion can be stated in a way that does not insult the person whose opinion differs from ours. I have laughed at photos of people taken at WalMart of people wearing unusual attire, but I realize that this is not a good thing. These are people who have feelings. We do not know why they went to the store wearing what they did. This is a form of cyber bullying, and this type of activity needs to be stopped. Before leaving an unkind comment, stop and think how you would feel if someone said it about you. I try to leave only positive comments. I have left some comments that I should not have. I do regret that, and I am making an effort not to repeat that action. My inner asshole comes out when someone goes out of their way to be cruel.

I am a feminist, but that does not mean that I agree with everything that is said by feminists. I have seen videos and comments where some feminists act like some questionable actions by men are aimed at women. In some countries men urinate in public places. I know that there are men who enjoy doing this. Sometimes it is just needing to pee. Some guys do this to attract the attention of other men. I have seen videos of men masturbating in public. This action is often a personal turn-on or an attempt to attract other men. I am not defending or attacking this action. I am just saying that the action is not always aimed at women. I am definitely not defending those who purposely do this aimed at a woman who is passing; flashing, sexual comments, etc. I am sure that it happens more often to women than it does to men, but I have been the recipient of sexual comments and whistles when I was walking down the streets. I have had women whistle at me, well not in a long time. How I feel about the sexual comments from men depends on the circumstance in which they are made.

Risky Sexual Behavior

One time at Greyhound bus station I was getting ready for a short trip. I noticed a sexy guy who was wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm not wearing underwear" on the front. He got on the bus I was on. He sat across the aisle from where I was sitting. He smiled and nodded his head towards the back of the bus. I hesitated, but I went to the back seat. He came and sat beside me. He pulled out his cock (He was wearing underwear.) He asked me if I wanted to suck it. I got on my knees between his legs and started sucking. I was a bit afraid that someone would need to use the toilet, but no one did. I know I made him feel good, but I was not able to make him cum before we reached the next city which is where I was getting off the bus. He had me stop sucking him when we exited the interstate. A friend was meeting me at the bus station or I would have tried to finish the job in the restroom. Sometimes I can tell when a guy starts talking to me that he really wants to have sex. I was downtown when a guy starting talking tome. We talked about the town, where we had gone to high school, and things like that. We  was living in a rooming house, and we went to his room and talked for awhile there. He acted like I was interested in finding a room there. He did not want to raise suspicions with the people living in the house. We just chatted without having sex, but I had a feeling he wanted to do something. He talked about some women he fucked. We walked to a local park, and he asked me if I wanted to give him a job. (a blow job) He said that guys frequently did things like that in this park. He pulled out his cock, and I sucked it until he was close to cumming. He asked me if I wanted him to cum in my mouth. I said no. I wish I had said yes, but I was a little nervous about the number of women with whom he had had sex. He pulled his cock out of my mouth and came on the ground. There are now cameras in that park, and there is no longer that kind of activity going on there. In another city there was a guy I saw a few times in a mall restroom. He would ask if I wanted to suck him. You know the answer to that. We would go to a park where there was a walking trail, and I would suck him until he came in my mouth. Another time in the mall where I would see this guy a young guy indicated that he was interested in me. He had me follow him to a more secluded restroom, and a man who liked watching followed us. Eventually there were about six guys standing around masturbating while I sucked the young guy, but I think he got a little nervous about having that many men watch. He did not cum. I mentioned before that I am en exhibitionist, so it was a big turn on for me. Another time in a restroom I was giving a guy a blow job when another man came in. The other guy watched and kept watch as I satisfied the guy I was sucking. I ended up going to this guy's house where I also sucked him. I have mixed feelings about being as much of a slut as I have been. I enjoy it, but I also would like to marry a man and have a committed relationship.

Legalize It

I hope that recreational use of marijuana gets legalized all over this country. The ones who benefit the most by it not being legal are the people who bring it into the country. It would be better if it were controlled by the government, like alcohol and tobacco. I would hope it would bring the proce down.  Mostly there are two reasons that I do not smoke it now. (1) I would not know where to get it. (2) I cannot afford it. It is legalized for very limited medical use in North Carolina, it can be used in pill form by people whose seizures cannot be controlled by other medications. The medicine I am taking controls my seizures, so I am not eligible for it. I would like to be able to smoke it to control them. There are some things I did when I was younger that I would not do now. They were a lot of fun, but I need to be more careful. At one place where I was working I had an hour lunch break. What we did was not the best thing to do, but it would help me to be relaxed during the afternoon. We would go to my apartment and drink a beer and smoke a joint. Well, I would drink a beer, a Pilsner Urquell, and he would drink a near beer, Bud Light. It was not a stressful job, but the weed never harmed my job performance. I would sometimes be half an hour late back from lunch. My boss knew I always got my job done and even more than I needed to do. There were days that I would work half an hour late off the clock, so he did not mind me being late occasionally. This was a rare occurrence. I was active at a church I was attending. Before services I would find people to do Scripture readings. We would have services on Christmas Eve. I had readers set up for the service, so I thought I was not going to have to do anything during it. I went to a Christmas party and we drank beer and smoked some. This was not a good idea. I got to the church a little late, and the one of the people who was supposed to read was not there. I had to do the reading. I was a bit uncertain if I was going to be able to do it. As far as I know no one noticed my state. There were people who would have complained to the Pastor if they had noticed. They would bitch to him about anything I did that they did not like even if it was known that they did the same thing. Smoking pot is also something I do not like to do alone. It is more fun with good friends.

I Need to Stop Worrying that People Will Think I Am Trying to ImpressThem and Books and Films of Alain Robbe-Grillet

I spend too much time worrying that other people will think that I am trying to impress them. I need to relax and just say what is on my mind. Sometimes I am surprised to find that others share an interest in something I did not know they knew anything about. I like being around people who share their interests with me and are open to learning about my interests. I am not going to just arbitrarily bring up subjects that most of the people I am around do not know about. In most conversations I am not going to talk about the novels or movies of Alain Robbe-Grillet. I will write about them from time to time here. I do not have much to contribute to many conversations at work, because they tend to be about spouses and children. I do not have either, and I am not interested in hearing about those of coworkers. I would be more in interested in hearing about those things from friends. I would like to find a man whom I can marry and to be able to talk about my spouse. I am trying to get the people with whom I work to help me practice speaking Spanish. I also need to improve my comprehension of what they are saying in Spanish. Most of the people with whom I work are from Mexico, and their Spanish is different to what I am accustomed to. During the past few years I have watched the films of Pedro Almodóvar. I find the Spanish in his films easier understand than I do that of my coworkers. My intentions for wanting to do this are completely selfish. I want to improve my Spanish.

I have some books by Alain Robbe-Grillet that I want to read or re-read. I made the mistake of trying to read an English translation of one of his novels, La jalousie. In English it falls flat, because one of its main themes is built on a play on words in French that does not translate well into English. In this book we see things through the eyes of a husband, but he is not mentioned directly. It is interesting that his novels are better known in the U.S. than his films are. One of my favorite films is, "L'année dernière à Marienbad." He wrote the screenplay for that film. In it a man encounters a woman, and he says that they had planned on meeting again, She has no recollection of this. It is not clear in the film whether or not there had been a previous meeting between the two. I have only been able to find one of the films that he directed, "La belle captive." There is again the uncertainty of what has happened to the characters in the film and what they are just imagining. Of course none of is real, because it is just a film. He plays around with what is "real" and what is "imagined." He wrote a collection of very short stories called Instantanés. In these he treats some commonplace things. an escalator for example, in a way in which they do not appear commonplace at all. People have said that his writings are very objective because of detailed descriptions. I disagreed with a professor who had this point of view. I said that it is not possible to be completely objective, because the words one uses to describe something are always subjective. "He drove a blue car down the street," and "He cruised in a navy blue automobile along the tree-lined avenue," could both describe the same event, but the words chosen color the description differently. After I had that discussion with the professor I read aan essay by Robbe-Grillet about his writing, and he said the same thing that I had said concerning his writing.

If You Don't Like a Post Just Skip it, Something You Enjoy Will Pop Up Later

I realize that not everyone will like everything in this post. Mostly I will continue to write about my life story, politics, religion, sex, literature, film, music and whatever else comes to mind. I am not aiming to shock or offend. I am also not aiming to please. I do not want to have multiple blogs and write about different things on different blogs. I know that some posts may not interest interest everyone. I do want to entertain, but I cannot always write things that everyone will enjoy. The views and events I write about make up who I am. I do not want to have my life compartmentalized, and that is why I want to have just one blog. If you are not interested in one post just keep looking, and something you enjoy may pop up (No, I am not talking about my cock.) I am thing of putting AC in the titles of posts that deal with sex, so that if anyone does not want to read about that can skip those posts. I haven't decided, but I do not want to censor myself too much. Mostly I do not know who is reading this, so it seems that what Gertrude Stein wrote in The Making of Americans is fitting here, "I write for myself and strangers." These are the thoughts and views of a left-leaning, intellectual, language-loving, open-minded, queer, asshole slut. I use the word queer, because I am adamant about gay rights in an in-your-face punk sort of way.

Flirtation and Sex or Not

At a place where I was working there was a guy who was working in IT who was very friendly. He seemed to be flirting with me, but I was not sure that he was. He said that he was married, so I thought that he was just a friendly guy. I thought he was a good-looking. I thought that maybe it was just hopeful thinking on my part. He was fired while I was still working there. Later I was in a restroom that was known to be a cruising place at a local university. I was sitting in a stall when a guy in the stall stuck his hard cock under the stall. I started sucking him, then he came into the stall where I was. I saw that it was the guy mentioned above. He seemed a little surprised that I was the one who had been sucking him. I sat back down, and he stuck his cock back in my mouth. This restroom had a deodorizer that made a noise. The noise scared him, because he thought someone was coming in. I never saw or heard from him. I think he had been flirting with me. I am a bit disappointed that he left without cumming in my mouth. I am also disappointed that I never heard from him again. Even without the sex he was a nice guy.
I have mixed feelings about having sex with married men. I would not have sex with a man who is married to someone who is also a friend. I have met some men who were married to women yet were having sex with a lot of men.
I do enjoy flirting with guys with whom I know I will never have sex. It is fun to have friends with whom I can relax enough to do that. There have been a few straight friends with whom I have done that. I would never do anything to harm the friendship. As long as both of us are comfortable with it I see nothing wrong with that.

Being Slow in Conversation Does not Mean My Brain Is Slow

Sometimes I am slow to respond in conversations. One reason for this is that my areas of knowledge tend to be rather obscure. Another reason is sometimes the first word that comes to mind is in another language. My active memory does not always hold all of the vocabulary in my long-term memory. It is not a good idea for me to assume that because I know something the others with whom I am speaking will also know about it. On occasion I find myself about to ask someone how to say something in a language they don't know. I have not done this yet. One of the things that I have enjoyed about Facebook is meeting people who share some of my more obscure tastes or are willing to learn about them. There have been times when I have posted links to videos for songs that I am not sure if anyone else will likes, and others say that they also like it. It has also been fun to meet people with whom I can practice languages and people who are willing to teach me their language. As I have made clear their are four things I like to do with my tongue, give tongue baths, suck cock, taste good food and speak languages. Sometimes when people treat me like I am stupid I have to remind me that that is not the case by saying something an a language they do not know. I do not want to take too much effort proving this to people who are not important in my life.

It Is Time for Me to Be Able to Think of Myself as Intelligent Without Worrying That Others Might Think I Am Arrgant

There is one recording of a song I want to be played at my funeral. (No, I do not want that to happen soon, this is not to be taken too seriously.) is Klaus Nomi's recording of "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead.")
Now to continue with what I was writing about this morning, It is hard for me to say that I think I am intelligent. I have a tendency to focus on the things I cannot do instead of what I can do. I also have a tendency to say that what I can do is not anything special. I still wish I could find a way to use my intelligence to find a job that suits my abilities. I am still alive, so that can still happen. I am getting more confident about my language abilities. I have a lot of learning to do, but I know that I can do it. I am not saying I am better than anyone else, but I am saying I am as good as others. If I say I am intelligent I am not being arrogant. I keep telling other people that they are not dumb. I need to tell myself that. I am growing to be happy with my appearance. I am not saying that I may not change the way I look, but it won't be because I think I am unattractive. I still want to get some more tattoos and maybe some piercings. I do have things I can offer to others in addition to my ability to give a good blow job. I am good at encouraging others. I need to encourage myself too. I have been putting myself down for too long. I am not perfect, but I am an intelligent man who has much to contribute to this world.

Self Image: Physical and Intellectual

On Facebook and some other sites I have had people say that I am sexy. My first thought is that the person is either not telling the truth or does not see very well. I have a hard time thinking of myself as sexy, yet when I see men with similar physiques I find them attractive. Mostly we are not taught to like the way we look. We tend to focus on the areas that need improvement. I am trying to develop healthy self confidence. I mentioned in an earlier post that I am a bit of an exhibitionist. This is true, but I have never felt very confident that anyone would really want to see my body. One of the things that I had hoped to enjoy with the guy in Rhode Island was going to leather bars where wearing minimal clothing was acceptable. I know that I would not be the only one whose physique was not perfect who would be showing a lot of skin. I know I would probably feel self conscious at first. I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I have a pair of tight neoprene pants that are probably too small for me now, but I enjoyed wearing them. They accented the crotch area. I never felt completely wearing them unless I was wearing a shirt long enough to conceal that area. At the same time I was a bit excited (No, not that excited) by what they accented.
I fell the same way about my intelligence. I have often been afraid of people thinking I am arrogant. The only circumstance in which I have felt comfortable giving an opinion or saying what I knew about a subject was in a classroom situation. I took a class in Latin-American Theatre. Most of the students were graduate students.I may have been the only undergraduate student. In class most of the people would just write down what the professor said. I was the only one who would get into discussions with him. He would often refer to French plays that I had studied, and I would often disagree with him. I remember he said that in Sartre's play Huis clos it is never stated that hell is other people. Anybody who knows this play knows this is not true. In the final exam's essay question I showed opinions that contradicted things he said in class, but I had all of my arguments backed up with quotes from plays translated to Spanish from French. He gave me an A+. This blog is helping me to gain more confidence in my intelligence. I have a brain, and it is time for me to use it more.

More Sexcapades

A few months I got together with a guy I met on Tagged. We went out to eat at a Chinese buffet. We had an enjoyable meal and conversation. After the meal we returned to the house I live in with my sister. She was out of town. We sat on the couch and talked for awhile. Then we started kissing. We went to my bed where we took our clothes. We cuddled. I sucked him some. He is not able to stay hard long. He sucked me too, and I fucked him. It was very hot sex. I am not usually able to cum until the other guy does, but this time I was able to do it this time. I believe that he had fun too. I am usually very oral, but I do not want to be too restricted in what I will do to please a man. Our work schedules make it hard for us to get together. He works evenings, and I work during the day. The fact that I do not drive does not help matters. I am not ashamed of it, but it would be awkward for me. I am in contact with this guy sometimes, and I hope we can see each other again.
 My sister knows I am gay, but I would not feel comfortable having sex in my room when she is at home.
I have had sex in houses where I had roommates, but that is a different situation. When I was in Kansas I kissed and cuddled with other guys with my roommates present, and they did the same thing. It was a very relaxed living situation. I had sexual play in front of a couple of my roommates. I had sex with a couple of my roommates. A few guys moved in and out while I was there. We had parties with a gay, straight and bi friends. A few times I ended up in bed with a gay friends. These were furry parties. I am in touch with some of these friends. I miss them. There was one roommate who was quite a bit younger than I and as much of a slut as I. We cuddled a lot. He had a boyfriend who lived in another city. He was supposed to be trying to find a job, but he did not try very hard. H ended up moving in with his boyfriend. The last weekend he was there we started cuddling and kissing a few times, and he invited me to his room three times that weekend. I fucked him three times. He came with me in him each time. I need to get in touch with him to see how he is doing.

A Bed Is the Hottest Place for Sex

For me the best place to have sex with a man is a bed. It is better if we have taken time to talk and get to know each other before we get into bed. I am slow in opening up to others. Once I do open up to someone I talk freely. I also listen to what the other person has to say. What is important is that we both feel free to express what we think and how we feel. We do not have to agree about everything, but honoring each other's thoughts is important. Here is an evening I would enjoy: I would cook dinner for us, and we would talk as I cook. What talk about is not important as long as the conversation is uncensored. We could talk about what we are going to do in bed after we eat. The meal would be long and relaxed. We take time to enjoy the food, our conversation and the company of one another. I like cooking what other people like. I like a lot of different foods, so that is not an issue for me. We could have good beer or wine with the meal. I would prefer beer. After the meal we could sit on a couch and cuddle and kiss. I love long deep kisses. After getting more relaxed we would go to the bedroom and remove our clothing. There would be more kissing and cuddling. I would cover his body with kisses and licks. I would get to know the scents and tastes of all of his body. What would come next depends on what both of us want. What I would really like would be to suck him until he cums in my mouth, and then I fuck him. After we have sex we do more kissing and cuddling until we fall asleep next each other. There could be some kinky stuff. I would swallow anything from his cock that he wanted me to swallow.
There was a guy who worked in a laundromat where I was doing laundry weekly for awhile. He was bi. He was married to a woman, but he still wanted to do things with men. We talked about a lot of different things. Then one week we went into the office where I sucked him. He came in my mouth. He apologized for doing it, but I told him it is what I wanted. We did not do anything else while he was with his wife. The marriage ended later. He was not always there, but one night he was. He told me that when he saw me his thoughts turned to sex. He had a wet spot on his jeans. We went into the office for another blow job. Unfortunately this was this the last time I saw him. Sex in bed is the hottest, but sex in other places can be a lot of fun too.

Being Submissive Does not Mean Being Treated Without Respect (Warning: Some Graphic Content)

In love or sexual relationships I tend to be submissive, but that does not mean that I do not want to be treated with respect. I have a good memory for what people like. This is especially true for the men who are special to me. I enjoy very much cooking meals that those who are special to me. I like to surprise friends and lovers with things that I know that they like. I remember birthdays easily. If I love a man I have no problem with other people knowing that I like to please him in every way possible. In fact I feel some pride when I am able to please a man and other people know that I am able to please him. I do not do this because I feel inferior to anyone else. I do this, because it is one of the ways in which I enjoy showing love. I enjoy being told what to do by a man I love, and I enjoy being obedient. I do not like being taken for granted. There would have to be more to the relationship than sex or me being given orders. I would need to get to know and come to love the person before we get to that point. There has to be mutual respect.
I am an exhibitionist. I enjoy being seen pleasing a man sexually. It is a big turn on for me to have people watch as I give a man a hot blow job or whatever else he would want me to do. I like for people to see that I am able to please a man sexually. I enjoy displaying what I can do with my tongue sexually and linguistically. It would make me happy, if I met the right man, to have people know that I am his and I am willing to do whatever he wants to make him happy.

The Scents of a Man: What Turns Me on About One Man Man Turn Me Off Coming From Another

I have noticed over the years that the men with whom I have had emotional bonds have also had body scents that I find attractive. I would like to think that the emotional bond is the one that develops first, but I cannot be completely sure of this. There have been close male friends whose body scents arouse me, nit just sexually but emotionally as well. There have been some men with whom I did not have emotional bonds whose body odors have the opposite effect on me. When I smelled the scents of one very close friend I would feel strong sexual attraction. Ours was not a sexual relationship, so I did not let him know about this arousal. I tried to understand why the smell of his body affected as it did. He was also very attractive physically as well, and he was someone with whom I could be open about myself. There was another time when the smells of a man's groin had an unwanted effect on me. I had worked out in a gym, and I had taken a shower afterwards. I was approached by a man, and we sat in his car talking. He asked me what I thought of gay men, and I told him I was gay. He gave me a ride home, and we went up to my bedroom. He had showered at the gym, but his groin still smelled strongly of semen. I tried to fellate him, but I could not keep from laughing. I apologized for this, and he said he understood. I did not want to laugh, and I felt bad for doing so. I never saw him again after that. This has bothered me since then. I did not want to hurt him in any way. I did want to give him pleasure. I do not know why the smell of his scrotum and penis affected me in that way. Over the years I have become more fond of the smell of that part of a man's anatomy. I have a friend I sucked off and rimmed once. The smell and taste of his anus were wonderful to me. I had another friend with whom I have had sex play. Other friends said he had bad body odors, but to me there was nothing bad about the way he smelled. I found him very attractive. Even when I placed my tongue in his anus I only smelled only pleasant scents. Another scent of a man that I find very attractive is the smell of his feet. I do not feel this way about all men, and I do not know how I would feel if the scent was very strong. I have a pair of socks that smell of a certain man's feet, and they arouse me strongly. The same can be said of the underarms of men. I do not know how I would react if I placed my face in the pit of a man with a lot of perspiration there.

Watching Kieślowski Again; the music of Van den Budenmayer

Today I watched three films by Krzysztof Kieślowski: "Blue" and "Red" from the "Three Colors" trilogy and "The Double Life of  Véronique" ("La double vie de Véronique" or "Podwójne życie Weroniki") I wish I had someone in my life with whom I could watch these movies. In "Blue" Juliette Binoche played a woman whose husband and child are killed in accident. She seems to be somewhat cold on the outside, but she seems to be trying to control her emotions. It seems that if she let her emotions out there would be a great flood of them. Her acting in this film is amazing to me. Few directors have been able to fit as much into ninety minutes as Kieślowski did. The DVD of "The Double Life of  Véronique" has two discs and a book of essays. I had not paid much attention to the book until today. When I bought this DVD I was not familiar with the writing of Slavoj Žižek. I was looking at the DVD box today, and I noticed one of the essays was written by him. Also it was just the other day in "The Puppet and the Dwarf" I read what he had written in it about "The Decalogue" which was directed by Kieślowski, It is interesting to me to see a connection that I had not noticed before. This is especially interesting to me, because the film has different connections between the characters. In the film Irène Jacob played two characters who look exactly alike. One is French, and the other is Polish. They both feel as a special bond to the other without knowing that the other really exists. One dies after following a career path, and the other avoids taking the same career path without really knowing why. That is an over simplification.
Kieślowski and Zbigniew Preisner, the composer of the scores of several of Kieślowski's films, created a fictional composer, Van den Budenmayer. There are references to his music and examples of his music in several of Kieślowski's movies. Van den Budenmayer is referred to as an eighteenth century Dutch composer. It is funny to me that there have been people who claim to know all about his music and his life. He never existed. This is particularly funny to me, because the compositions sound very much like the music of Twentieth-Century Poland and not Eighteenth-Century Holland.

Postmodern, Post-Historical Bullshit, Simple Vocabulary Versus Complex Vocabulary

Two words I would not mind never reading or hearing again are postmodern and post-historical. Both of these are usually used by pretentious people. Modern is a relative term. It can have a very broad meaning. I understand where postmodern comes from, but I still find it annoying. Why can't we just use the term "modern" to refer to things that are contemporary? As for post-history, an explanation I heard that this refers to the time after the fall of the Iron Curtain. I was told that some people say that this act signified the end of history. That sounds like bullshit to me. I do not deny that this is a significant event, but significant events continue to happen.
I enjoy having my vocabulary expanded, but I also think that some beautiful writing has been done using simple vocabulary. Being able to explain a complex concept in simple terms displays the understanding of that concept. I have also enjoyed reading things that were written with complex terminology. The Coming of the King by Nikolai Tolstoy was written in a very rich style, and it is one of my favorite books. It deals with Merlin. This was supposed to be the first of a series of books, but none came after it. I do not like to read writings by people who try too hard to impress with the size of their vocabulary. Usually people who try too hard to impress end up making themselves look foolish. What we say is definitely colored by the words we choose to use. I try to be straightforward. With me what you see is what you get.

More About the Coming Out Process in School

When I was in school starting the coming out process I did not know any gay guys I could relate to. Most of the guys I met were very much into disco, and I was more interested in punk and twentieth-century composers. I did not find any guys who were interested in me either. I would not have let differences in tastes keep me from making friends of having sex with a guy, but I could not get any of the gay guys to talk me. They only made catty remarks. Mostly I wanted to have gay friends. I did meet someone at the end of my sophomore year, and we became friends. He got me to see a counselor at the school. At first I was sating I was bi, but I knew this wasn't true. The counselor helped me, but only saw him that semester. I felt uncomfortable when he asked me to write down my sexual fantasies for him. I did not know much about gay sex yet, so I did not have any concrete fantasies. I just knew I wanted to suck dick. I could not find any gay guys who were willing to help me with the coming out process. I went to some meetings of gay students, but none of the guys would speak to me. some of the guys acted like they were afraid that I wanted to have sex with them. I do not know why none of them wanted to do that. I was trying to figure out who I was sexually, spiritually and politically. I guess the bitchiness of the guys I met my own age was one of the reason that I became attracted to older men. I did develop some crushes on straight guys my first two years at school, but I would never have said anything to them. The only action I saw in school was masturbating in the shower. I was very frustrated sexually by the time I graduated from college. It was not until years later that I found gay men my own age with whom I could relate. I am very open minded, and now for me age is no longer an issue. What matters to me is that we both treat each other with respect. I like all types of men. I still like to mix masculine and feminine clothes. I think it is fun to mix the two. No dresses for me though, except as a joke. I accept others as they are, but I do not know if I could have a love relationship with a feminine man. The main reason for that is that I tend to be submissive in relationships. I am open to the possibility though. I just want someone who is comfortable with who he is.

Three Colors: White, Trois couleurs: Blanc, Trzy kolory: Biały and some more on Slavoj Žižek

I just finished watching "White," Which is one of the films in Kieslowski's trilogy. "Trois couleurs: Bleu, Blanc et Rouge." Blue and Red are in French, White is in French and Polish. It is a wonderful, dark comedy. I would like to see more films with Zbigniew Zamachowski. He and Jerzy Stuhr play brothers as they did in one of the episodes of "Dekalog." I can definitely identify with the character played by Zbigniew Zamachowski, especially after my fiasco in Rhode Island. The difference in my case is that the I loved at one time is not worth the effort of taking revenge. I love Zbigniew Preisner's music for Kieslowski's films. I tried to find something likable in Julie Delpy's character, but I love hating her. She does redeem herself some by the end of the film, but she deserved what she had to go through to get there. I will watch the other two again soon. I can watch all three over and over again. Zbiegniew Zamachowski looks very sexy to me in this movie.

One thing I find slightly irritating with the books by Slavoj Žižek is that in footnotes he refers the readers to sources that are difficult or impossible to find. In one case he tells the reader to see an unpublished manuscript in French. In other cases he refers the reader to out-of-print books in Slovenian. I just don't see the point of doing this. Is he trying to be funny?

In The Puppet and The Dwarf he talks about the book of Job in the Bible. It has made me think about that book. He says that in this story God is impotent yet boastful. It has made me think about it. It reminds me of a play by Cocteau about Oedipus. The main point of that play is that Oedipus was a pawn of the gods. In the book of Job where God and the devil are discussing Job I am reminded of people playing chess. How could a loving God allow a person to be put through what Job went through just to make a point? It doesn't make sense to me.

The Queers, Orlík, Tři Sestry, Feeling B, Rammstein, Ramones, Pansy Division

I am listening to The Queers. They are have songs with purposely immature lyrics. Their music is funk punk music. They are definitely not politically correct. The CD to which I am listening is entitled "Love Songs for the Retarded." They are not a queercore band. Their aim is not to offend, but it is to entertain and have fun. They succeed in that. One of the things that I like about them is that they are not trying to impress anyone, and they don't five a fuck what others think about them. I can just turn of my brain a little bit and just enjoy the silliness of their music.
One of my guilty pleasures that I mentioned much earlier is the group Orlík. I enjoy their music, but I disagree their politics. They have tried to say that their songs have been misunderstood, and they were not meant to be racist or anti-gypsy. "Bílá Liga" (White League) sounds like a rather racist song to me. In the case of their songs I do not understand a lot of what they are singing. I can enjoy the music for itself. They only put out two albums, in 1990 and 1991. It was fun to listen to their CDs with earbuds on the streets of Prague knowing that this is not the music that many people from the U.S. would be listening to. (As a funny note, one of the guys who worked in the cafe at the school I was attending borrowed the CDs of their music and some other Czech music I had. That was not what I expected to happen, a Czech guy borrowing Czech music from somebody visiting from the U.S.) A friend of mine who can understand Orlík's lyrics said they are pretty dumb. He introduced me to their music. When I bought one of their CDs in a music store in Prague I when I approached the cash register the cashier was speaking English to the customer in front of me, and when I stepped up to make my purchase she spoke to me in German. I could figure out what she was saying by context and the few words I understood of what she said. She was asking if I had any coins. Daniel Landa, the lead singer of that group has put out solo CDs, and I wish I could find some of them.
Another Czech punk band whose music I enjoy is Tři Sestry. I wonder how they chose to use that name. Three Sisters seems like an unusual choice for the name for an all-male band. I bought a couple of their CDs in Prague. I made the mistake of loaning one of these CDs to someone at a church I was attending. He disappeared without returning a couple of CDs of mine. Orlík referred to them in one of their songs. They did a recording in Czech of a song by Screeching Weasel, "Homosexual." I still have one of their CDs.
Feeling B is a German punk band whose music I enjoy. A couple of the guys were later members of Rammstein. I got one of their CDs through Amazon.com. They did one song in English and very bad Spanish. If their CDs were not so expensive now I would buy more of them. I do not know how many they put out.
Rammstein is another of my favorite bands. They do not seem to take themselves too seriously. I wish I could understand their lyrics better, because they like to play around with words. They also seem to like to play with gender identity and sexual identity. They did a song entitled "Zwitter" (Hermaphrodite) that has the line "I am a beautiful bisexual. A friend said they got terms confused. Why couldn't a hermaphrodite also be bisexual? In some of their concerts the lead singer simulates anal sex with the keyboard player. When he was ashed about he said that he liked to fuck Flake, the keyboard player. In another of their songs, "Mann gegen Mann," they play with the word "Schwul" (gay). They had been accused of being fascists. To counteract that they recorded "Links 2-3-4" (Left 2-3-4) stating they they leaned to the left politically. Their song "Du Hast" plays with the wedding vows. It plays with the similarity of the sound of "Du hast" (You have) and "Du hasst" (You hate). One of their early influences was the band Laibach.
I enjoy the music of the Ramones in small doses. The length of their albums when they were released on vinyl was the right length. On CD they have too many bonus tracks. After awhile I start to find their music annoying. In small doses it is fun.
My favorite Queercore band is Pansy Division. Some of their songs are very sexually explicit. Unfortunately they started to take taking themselves too seriously. I prefer their songs like "Horny in the Morning," "Dick of Death," "James Bondage," "Pee Shy," etc.

Some Fuck Buddies and a Strange, Funny Rumor

After I stopped seeing John I played around with a co-worker. He said that he was bi. He said his roommate was homophobic and did not know that he was attracted to men. I let him tell me what to do. We worked together in a convenience store. He said that he had been tested, and he knew he was h.i.v. negative. We usually fooled around in my room in the house where I was living. I did suck him and rim in the back of the store one night after we had closed. Then he asked me to go to a bar with him. I did not know until we got there he and his roommate were celebrating five years as a couple, the roommate who was supposedly homophobic. He also said that he had been very sick with non-hodgkin's lymphoma, but until he  found that out he had been afraid that he had A.I.D.S. I don't think he had been tested before that. Before this night we had not seen each other for awhile. We were no longer working together. He introduced me to a friend named Bruce. At that time that was the name everyone called me too. (This is not the first guy named Bruce with whom I had sex.)
Bruce and I saw each other for a few years. That night we spent the night in a motel room with a friend of his. (No, we didn't have a threesome.) Bruce did not drive. Several times he had a cab pick me up to take me to his place. We did go out to eat once, but mostly we just got together for sex. He wanted me to be faithful to him, but we rarely saw each other. I was not having sex with a lot of men, but I did play around with a few guys. Our "relationship" faded away. At the end of it he said that he was upset that a guy with whom he was supposed to be in a committed relationship was fooling around on him. He was upset that this other guy had been having sex with other men at the time that he and I were having sex. One time Bruce spanked me, because a guy had been flirting with me. He did not spank me hard, but I was angered by this. I went to the bathroom, and I passed out. The next thing I knew was that I was on the floor in the bathroom, and he was asking if I was all right. We saw each other before and after I was in the hospital.
There was another guy with whom I occasionally had fun, mostly cuddling and mutual masturbation around the same time. When we first got together he was married. Later after I was out of the hospital he was in a relationship with another guy. I saw him at a church I attended for awhile, an MCC. (Well, we did see each other one weekend while I was still in the hospital.) Anyway, both of them were known to sleep around. We picked me up one afternoon, and we ended up going to his place. While he was fucking me with a condom he told me that he loved his partner. When he was taking me home we held hands while he drove. Later the two of them split, and his ex-partner told people that I was the one who caused the end of their relationship. Neither of them had been faithful, (Both of them, had made passes at a friend of mine.) yet he claimed I was the one who caused the breakup. Nobody who mattered to me took this claim seriously.
At a gay-friendly where I was attending  later a strange rumor was spread about me. I was hanging out with an unusual guy who also attended the church. We just went to bars together, but there was no sex. Anyway, the rumor was that he had tied me naked to a tree and left me me there. I was the last one to know about this. I thought it was funny.

My First Sexual Relationship

The first time I had sex I was 26, and I was desperate for some dick. I was in a bookstore (no, not an adult bookstore). A man approached me. He said he was looking for the novel based on the movie "Fright Night." We started talking, and he invited me to come to his apartment. He was 46, which was fine. It was not stated directly, but I knew I was going to finally have some sex. I later found out that he was was a bigger slut than I was later to be. I am not being judgmental. It is just the way It was. I do not remember what we did, but it involved me kissing his feet and sucking his cock. I started spending a lot of time at his place. There were a lot of men, mostly married, who would come by to have their cock sucked or to fuck. There were some I started sucking, and some fucked me. I never liked being fucked. It hurts too much for me. There was one friend I spent a lot of time with. I would usually fuck him. John. the Fright Night guy. spoke of me as his boyfriend, but he wanted me to have sex with all of his friends. There was one guy I thought was sweet, and I was in the apartment on Thanksgiving morning. He was the turkey I ate that Thanksgiving. He was arrested for manufacturing cocaine and selling it over the phone. (He worked for the security company that worked at the local coliseum. There were several people running the company also arrested.) He also had another friend I fucked several times. The end of my relationship with John started when he wanted me to have sex with him and another guy for money. I was not comfortable with him wanting me to have sex with all his friends, but this crossed a line. I also met some guys away from there. I eventually stopped seeing John.

Some Books Rediscovered, One of my Heroes, One of my Favorite Songs, and a Note on a Hypocrite

I was very happy when looking through my books that I still have some books by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. He is best known for Le petit prince. It is one of my favorite books. Too many think that being an adult means limiting their imagination. It is with good reason that this book has been translated into many languages. I was also happy to find my copy of the collected poems of Nikki Giovanni. She is one of my favorite poets. I have introduced friends to her poems. I would definitely recommend her books.
I want to read more books by Vaclav Havel. He is one of my heroes for his role as a dissident in Czechoslovakia who later became president of Czechoslovakia then the Czech Republic. I admire those who stand up for freedom from oppression.
One of my favorite songs is "Non. je ne regrette rien" by Édith Piaf. I am not at the point where I regret nothing, but I am getting there. In 1979 I saw her grave in Paris. She had died in 1963. It was covered with flowers. There were several people there paying honor to her. Her songs and those of Jacques Brel move me very much.
I had a friend on Facebook  who was married to a woman and having sex with men. What brought about the end to our friendship was that he said it was sick for two people of the same gender to marry and raise children. He refused to acknowledge that two people of the same gender could have a healthy, loving relationship, yet he definitely did not have an honest relationship. He was cheating on his wife, and at the same time he pointing his finger at others saying they were displaying sick behavior. That's fucked up.

My Current Reading List

Books I need to put on my list of books to reread are some by Sartre and Camus, primarily L'étranger and Caligula by the latter and Huis clos by the former. These are books that have a major influence on me. Also I need to include Le malentendu by Camus and some other books on existentialism. Le malentencu is a rather depressing play that deals with the lack of communication. I was first introduced to existentialism by a history teacher in high school. Along with those I will read In Defense of Lost Causes and Living in the End Times by Slavoj Žižek. The latter deals with what Žižek sees as the last days of capitalism. I am gradually reading The Making of Americans by Gertrude Stein. It is fitting that I am reading it gradually, because she often spoke of gradually writing it. One point that is made in this book is that we get to know other people through what "their repeating." This is very true in speech and action. What people say and to which they refer repeatedly and actions the repeat reveal the things that they are important to them. Somewhere along the way I will reread Myra Breckinridge by Gore Vidal. I want to see if I find it as funny as I did when I read it years ago.It had an impact on my attitude when I was younger.

More Sex Talk

One of the things about living in the town where I am is the lack of sex. The downtown was once an active place where it was easier to find men who wanted to play around. Things did get a bit out of hand in the public restroom, and it was closed for awhile. Often there would basically be an orgy going on. guys sucking and fucking each other. I was surprised the first time I saw this. This is a small, conservative. The restroom has been reopened with signs outside that say that the ares is under twenty-four-hour surveillance. This scares away a lot of the men who once went there for quick, anonymous sex. I have had some fun with a couple of guys I met downtown. I am trying to be careful, but I have a hard time saying no to a hard, black cock.

Something Is Fucked Up When People Are Arrested for Feeding the Homeless

There is definitely something wrong when there are cities where people are being arrested for feeding the homeless in public. Fort Lauderdale, Florida is one of the places where this is taking place. A ninety-year-old man was arrested for doing that, and there have been other cases of this happening. This is definitely a law that needs to be protested. Lawmakers who make laws of this kind need to be voted out of office. There are politicians who want to give the rich tax breaks, and at the same time they want to do away with programs that help the homeless and other poor of this country. Homelessness and poverty are on the rise.
I am strongly in favor of a flat tax rate. The rich claim that programs for the poor put a strain on the economy. They also are against a minimum wage. The major drain on the economy is the continuation of tax breaks for the rich.

An Ideal Date

An ideal living situation would be one in which I am able to hear and speak different languages. I want my intellect, emotions and libido to be stimulated. I would love to be able to have intellectual stimulating conversations in different languages. I would also love to be able have sexually stimulating conversations in various languages as long as it does not involve just talk. I have discussed philosophy in French and Spanish, but I have only spoken English during sexual encounters. One of my dream dates would be to eat Czech food and drink Czech beer while listening to a Slovak or Czech music, then watch a Polish film, have a romantic walk hand in hand, go home and have some kind of drink and cuddle. The conversation would not have to be intellectual as long as we talk and it involves some talk in a language other than English. We would finish the evening with slow love making. Whatever we do would be done with mutual consent. I would not go to sleep thirsty. I would not mind having a relationship in which I have intellectual conversations with friends and hot sex and fun conversations with my life mate. For me open mindedness, honesty and open communication are the most important things in friendship and a romantic relationship.

My Ideal Relationship

I think my ideal relationship would be with a man for whom I could cook and clean and pamper. Open, honest communication would be absolutely essential. I would want him to accept me as I a, and I will accept him as he is. We would be able to enjoy common tastes, but we could also allow the other  to have tastes that are not shared. We could enjoy both our similarities and differences. I would love to be with someone with whom I am relaxed enough to laugh freely. We would spend time together, but we would spend time apart from each other. Trust is also necessary. I would want him to expect me to be faithful to him or not to do anything with someone without his permission. We would have two bedrooms. We would spend most nights together in bed, but there would be a spare one for nights when one of us wants to spend a night alone. I would want to please him an all ways. Ideally  we could spend romantic, silly, kinky and relaxed times together. I would want him to feel comfortable kissing or hugging me or holding hands with me in front of others. I love cuddling and kissing. I would love to be able to suck and fuck him frequently. I do not have a particular type to whom I am attracted. Mostly what attracts me in a man is not visible. I am open to any age (Of legal age of course), nationality and race. To be blunt The men I like most are the one who are willing to stick their cocks in my mouth. Would it be considered racist if I say that I am attracted to the scents and tastes of a black man's body. I do like all of the scants and tastes of any man's body as long as they are not too strong. I would like to have some experiences with European men. I have enjoyed being a slut, but for the right man I would give that up.

Sex Talk: Don't Read This if You Do Not Want To Read about Gay Sex

I still find it hard to completely open up and not censor what I write about my true feelings here and when talking to people. I have been open here, but I often hold back about talking about personal feelings. There is always the fear of offending people and scaring away readers.
I am sometimes afraid that I would not be able to have a committed relationship with one man. I do want that, and I want to be with someone who wants me to be committed to him. I have only really tried twice, and these relationships did not last long. One lasted a few months. I was in my early thirties, but I did not really know how to keep a relationship going. It was not helped by him not wanting anyone to know we were in a relationship, not even people who knew we were both gay. He was afraid of what rumors would be spread if we broke up. I wish he had focused less on that and more on keeping our relationship from ending. It did not help that our sex was very boring. I would always lose energy whenever we tried to do anything together. I tried to be faithful, but I did play with a couple of guys, but not a much as he thought. The other guy was the one in Rhode Island.
For me the be best sex is when there is an emotional attachment, but I do enjoy sucking dick in parks, restrooms, cars, etc. The danger of being caught adds to the excitement. I try to be careful, but I like the idea of a man seeing me on the street and wanting to take me home so I can give him a blow job. I do enjoy making making a man feel good. I do like for a man to tell me what to do sexually, but this does not mean that I do not want to be respected. I do get a lot of enjoyment out of being able to make a man cum through my oral skills. Speaking languages is not the only thing I can do well with my tongue.

"American History X" and some more after watching "Илузија"

I just watched "American History X." It is a powerful movie. It is sad to me that this film is being used by white supremacist. groups to promote their views. One point that is made in passing in the film is that it is easier to hate a group of people if we do not get to know them, as long as they are "the enemy"and not individual people. When we get to know  each other and learn to see individuals instead of a skin color, sexual orientation, gender identification then we can break down walls of prejudice. I am still working on this myself. I am not going to change the opinion of those who are homophobic by arguing with them. I can refuse to let their views affect who I am. I would say that other than being gay I am just like them, but I cannot honestly say that I am like most people. On the other I can show that there are more areas where we have things in common than they realize. I also have to be open to meeting people who are different from me. I enjoy finding common ground with people I meet from different backgrounds. At times at the place where I am working people assume I do not speak any Spanish. It is fun at times when they learn that they are not correct in that assumption.
On a different note regarding "Илузија." While watching it I was trying to figure out how some of the words would be spelled in Macedonian. After I finished watching it I looked up some of the words on Google Translate, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I had spelled them correctly. I enjoy being able to do that, especially with a language about I have very little knowledge. Language is fun.

Илузија and the Attractiveness of Living on the Edge

I just finished watching "Mirage" (Original title: Илузија). It is a film from Macedonia with themes that are international. The main character with a troubled home life who is bullied at school. He dreams of leaving his home and finding a better life. He hopes that he can do this through his writing. At first he is mentored by a teacher, but this teacher lets him down. The teacher too is bullied by the same students. Marko ,the main character, meets a mercenary who is passing through town. The mercenary is named Paris. Marko would like to escape to that city. Paris, the mercenary, is also a thief. He teaches Marko that in life "It is eat or be eaten." In this film there are some who have power, those who do not, and those in between. Those in between take out their feeling of powerlessness on those with less power than they. Marko longs for someone to help him out of his situation, and in the end he ends up following a dark path. In ways I can identify with Marko. I remember at times during life when I was attracted to those who did questionable things but were willing to befriend me. I have never felt the desire to hurt anyone, but I can understand the attraction of things that are outside the norms of society. I have seen the attractiveness of living on the edge. Once when I was much younger I rode home on a bicycle carrying a flashing road barrier that was not in use but was still flashing. It was a silly, childish act, but I enjoyed the thrill of being able to make it home with it and put it in my room. I do not know what became of it. I understand the attraction to those who are a little dangerous. I am not recommending this, but I do understand it. I know the feeling of being so lonely that you will put up with questionable behavior to be accepted by someone.

Fair Treatment of Workers Everywhere and More on Immigration

I have heard people argue that immigrants are coming into the country and taking jobs away from people who live here. This is absurd. The ones responsible for job loss in the U.S. are the companies that export manufacturing jobs to countries where they can get away with paying extremely low wages and having unsafe work conditions. If manufacturers ship jobs abroad they need to make sure that the work conditions and wages are the same as they would be here. I refuse to shop at stores where clothing made in Bangladesh is sold. The reason for this is that the people working in manufacturing there work for very little money in unsafe work conditions. These companies include WalMart and The Gap. Companies are more interested in making as much money as they can instead of the welfare of those who manufacture the goods that they sell. They seem to forget that these are people who are living in poverty so that they can get richer and richer. When jobs are shipped abroad this weakens our economy, because those who lose their their jobs no longer have money to put into the economy. People who would prefer having jobs are forced to file for unemployment and also depend on other government programs.
I am also very much in favor for the raising of the minimum wage. This is not just because I need to make more money. There are too many large companies who refuse to pay their employees living wages. They prefer having their employees depend on Food Stamps and other programs.
I want to speak again about immigrants coming into this country. It seems obvious to me that not all people coming here do so for the same reason. There is as wide a variety of people coming here as there is among the people already living here. Some people come here to go to universities and return home in the hopes of being to use their educations there. Some people come here in hopes of getting good jobs. Some people come here looking for freedom. There are still countries where it is possible to be executed for being LGBTQ. There are many very talented, educated people who have come into this country for different reasons. We all have something to contribute to this society. We can also learn from those coming into this country. They can learn about the different cultures in this country, and they can teach us about their own cultures. We can all learn from each other by sharing our stories. I remember when I was in school during what was called the Iran Crisis there was a young woman from Iran at the university. Because she was from there she had to stay in school during summer sessions or lose her student visa. She was not able to travel home to visit her family. She was not responsible for the actions of her countries government. She wanted to attend school in the U.S., and the treatment that she received from the U.S. government was not warranted.
All stereotypes need to be smashed.

Immigration Reforms Are Needed in the U.S.A.: Blood Flows Through the History of this Country

People in the U.S. tend to forget that English was not the language that was originally spoken on this continent. Before Europeans came here and robbed the people living here of their land there were many languages spoken. Yet there are many who want to protect English as the only official language of the country. They do not want to make changes to an immigration policy that is badly in need of reform. There is no one coming and taking the land away from us by force as was done to those who were living here when Europeans decided to colonize this continent. Those people who were forced off of their own land are still treated as second-class citizens. There are many languages that were once spoken here that have died off. I have seen editorial cartons showing Native Americans saying they wish they had had stricter immigration policies. People laugh at that, but it is a view that I can understand. If a day comes when we see signs in stores saying "English spoken here" that might be a bit of justice. I doubt that real justice will be done for the people who were originally here. People tend to forget that the history of this country flows with the blood of people, those native to this continent and those brought here against their own will to be slaves. We need to change immigration policies that rip families apart. We need to be open to letting people who want to come to this country for opportunity to come here. We will all be enriched by the introduction of people of different cultures. Our culture, our economy and our progress are enriched by people from many different cultures. People tend to forget that this country is not just one cultures. It is a quilt of many cultures. We also need to treat the Native Americans as first-class citizens.
More needs to be said on this topic.

I need to stop dragging my feet

At times I wish I had more marketable job skills. I am still happy with who I am, but I sometimes feel like I have not accomplished very much in my life. I need to get more focused in developing the skills I do have. I would like to learn more computer skills. I would not mind having a data entry job. I like it when I can figure out how to do new things on the computer. I need to learn how to type in different languages on my computer. A lot of the time I use a translator and copy and paste. I do this even when I know the words I want to type so that I can place the correct accents and other markings on letters, like a tilde in Spanish or soft marks in Czech and Slovak, or when I want to type words using the Cyrillic alphabet. I do not mind having a job like the one I have now as long as I have a creative outlet. I also need to figure out a way to get closer to my friends. It is hard for me to save money to do this. It is hard for me to help for help from other people. I know there are people who would help me if they could, but I do not want to be a burden on others. I also miss being around people with whom I can talk openly and freely laugh. I know that things will get better, but this is not going to happen if I just wait for it to happen.

I Am Too Fucking Disorganized

When I was still in school a friend gave me a book he said was in Russian. I did not know what language it was in, but I knew it was not Russian. There was a letter used that is not used in Russian. I showed it to the professor who taught Russian at the school. He told me it was the story of a murder written in Ukrainian. The book had been published in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I remember it showed the name of the city where it was printed, and when I hear Toronto in my mind I still see it spelled "Торонто." This was long ago, but for some reason that has stuck in my mind. I gave the book to the language department, but I wish I had kept it. I still would like to be able to read it. (When I think of the book I also think of the friend who gave it to me.) Now the only book I have in Ukrainian is a Bible. I wish I could find a good Ukrainian-English dictionary. The only Czech, Slovak or Ukrainian dictionaries available in the U.S. are mediocre at best.
My books, CDs and DVDs are in boxes all around my room. They are very disorganized, and that is driving me crazy. (Yes, I know that is like making water wet.) Sometimes I get a pleasant surprise when I find something I thought I no longer had, but sometimes I look for days before I can find something I want to find. I would love to be able to put these things on shelves. May of the jewel cases for CDs are broken and need to be replaced. I like to have things organized. I need to get these things and my life in general back in order. Oh well.
One of my great-grandmothers was from Montreal. I found that out somewhat recently. I also saw something about some people with the surname Leafe being in Russia. I wonder if they are distant relatives. These things could explain somewhat my love for both languages. I remember when I was learning to do cursive writing I kept writing uppercase "E" like a "3." There is a letter in Russian that is almost close to that. "э." That is probably just a coincidence though.
I remember finding a pro-Soviet children's book in our house when I was growing up. I do not know where it came from. My Father was a Republican. I do not remember the title, but it was about a girl in the Soviet Union who was trying to decide what she wanted to be when she grew up. I remember that it said "In the Soviet Union girls can be (or do?) whatever they want. It showed children in school helping each other, "because in the Soviet Union we all help each other." The book had been published in 1945 at the beginning of the Cold War. Unfortunately this is one of my books that was stolen long ago. I have not been able to find another copy.
I may never find out why my brain works the way it does, but I enjoy trying to figure it out. I enjoy being the way I am.

Beau Dommage, Speaking Quebecois with Richard and Bullshitting in French

I am listening to one of my favorite groups from the 70s, Beau Dommage. They were from Montreal. A graduate student introduced their music to a French conversation group I was part of when I was living in an international student dorm.  I had a good friend from Quebec who did not like their music. He said that their accents were "too country."This is rather funny, because his accent too was very "country." Their accents were very similar. I could not find their music in the U.S. for a long time, and a friend of mine went to a jazz festival in Montreal. I asked her to see if she could find some music by them, and she found a cd of their music which she brought back for me. If I had not spent time speaking Quebecois with my friend from Quebec I would probably have a hard time understanding them. To me their music is a lot of fun.
From spending time conversing in Quebecois with Richard (I have mentioned him before. He was the friend I mentioned before when I wrote about us finishing each other's sentences, etc.) I became able to speak two forms of French, Quebecois and French as it is spoken in France. The French that Richard and I spoke was far from polite at times. I took a year off from school to make money to finish my last year. During that time Richard was the only one with whom I spoke French, and when I went back to school my French was much less formal. Sometimes I would speak in class in language that I thought was a little too informal for that situation, but the professors did not mind too much. I would like to go back to France and to go to Quebec so that I could practice both.
One of my favorite words in French is ouaouaron which means bullfrog. Ouaouaron fits better. It reminds me of the sound that those frogs make.
I took a class in French Canadian literature. Each week we read a novel and we also had supplemental reading. I did not do all of the supplemental reading. We had the final exam at the professor's house. It was an oral exam. We were each required to answer two questions. We could pass on one question. I answered one question and passed on the next. The third question was on an article that I had not read, it was part of the supplemental reading. I could tell basically what the article was about because of the title. Basically I bullshitted my way through the question in French. Amazingly the professor did not realize that I had not read it. During the exam we had a meat pie that his wife made for us and drank hard cider. That was the only time I ever got buzzed at a final exam.

Two very different topics: Pierogies and No discrimination anywhere

I do not remember where I first found out about pierogies. I think I just saw them in a grocery store. I did not know anything about them, but I decided to try them. I have had prepared them a few ways. I have usually eaten them with whatever else I have had on hand. I had my Mother try them, but she wanted to know what things would traditionally be eaten with them. I did not know, because I did not know where they originated. Later I cooked them for Aziz, I mentioned him in an earlier post. He is fond of them too. It was not until I had grown fond of them that I learned that they originate in Poland or Ukraine.
When I was at the school in Prague there was a very cute guy with dreads working in the cafe. He was always very friendly, and I enjoyed talking to him. Then one day I asked him if there was a phrase in Czech similar to a Slovak phrase I had learned from an article, Čau feši. There was an awkward moment. I do not remember his exact words, but it was obvious that he had a condescending attitude towards Slovaks. I was disappointed with this. I still enjoyed talking to him, but I did not see him the same after that. When I was in Paris in 1979 I met a young woman from Yugoslavia. She was studying at the Sorbonne. She was sad, because her treatment at the school was not very kind. She had been told by professors that she needed to return home, because her French was not good enough to be in school in Paris. I do not know whether or not she stayed in France. She was very hurt by this treatment. I know that in many places that gypsies face discrimination, and this has always seemed unfair to me. No matter where it is no group of people should be treated badly based on who they are or where they are from.

My Brain Is Wired A Little Differently

I remember seeing "Animal House" when it came out in 1978. I laughed once during the film. I saw it again later, I did not laugh any. I tried at times to watch "Saturday Night Live," but it has never been very funny to me. The only one I really found funny on that show was Gilda Radner. I did enjoy the Coneheads at times, and the Weekend Updates when Chevy Chase did them. I do not know why I do not enjoy much American humor. I enjoyed "Mork and Mindy." I have always been fond of Rita Rudner. I tend to enjoy humor that is understated. My brain is just wired differently I guess. At the same time I do find the books of Tucker Max to be hilarious. I love Carrie Fisher's novels. I enjoy the films of John Waters, and there is nothing understated about them.
I am very fond of the Theatre of the Absurd, especially the plays of Ionesco. In 1979 I saw two of his plays performed in Paris. My early writings were definitely influenced by his plays.
One movie that I enjoy is "Chłopaki nie płaczą" ("Boys Don't Cry") which was directed by Olaf Lubaszenko. He got his start working with Krzysztof Kieślowski. It has been called a Polish "Pulp Fiction."
Among the DVDs that I plan on watching are some of Kieślowski's films and the series that he did for Polish Television, "Dekalog" which was built around the Ten Commandments (The Decalogue). I never get tired of his films. I do not know any other film maker whose movies touch me as deeply. I also enjoy his dark sense of humor.
Don't misunderstand me. I love laughing. Nothing is better than relaxing with friends, drinking a few beers and laughing.