We Need to Continue to Fight for LGBTQ, Racial, Women's and Religious Rights.

Things have gotten better for the LGBTQ community, but we still have work to do. I was saddened to learn of the suicide of another transgender teenager. Her parents did not accept her as she was. I cannot understand parents who do not love their children unconditionally. She left a suicide note online. She had felt like a girl in a boy's body since the age of four years. Her mother said that God did not make mistakes. To me it seems similar to other birth defects that needs to be corrected. Thankfully there are more parents who are supportive of their transgender children, but even one suicide caused by the lack of parental support is one suicide too many. Another thing that needs to be changed is that in some of the states in the U.S.A. people can be fired because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. (In some states, like North Carolina, an employer does not have to give a reason for firing someone.) In too many countries members of the LGBTQ community face the death penalty. We need to fight for human rights for all people all over the globe. Members of the LGBTQ community, women and members of religious minorities are facing severe inequalities and sometimes punishment in too many places.

We cannot stop fighting for an end to racial profiling by the police. The killing of black youths by the police has to stop. Police officers who commit these crimes need to be brought to justice. Racial and religious profiling of any kind needs to stop.. Too often people who are thought to or are Muslim are assumed to be terrorists. Have people forgotten that many terrorist acts have been performed by white supremacist groups? We need to continue to speak out until their is true justice for all people.

Passing Thoughts

Sometimes I have noticed that when I am out walking and see a man and woman walking together the man will smile and speak while the woman glares at me. I often wonder why I get this reaction. It is rare for both of them to smile and speak. I have the fantasy that maybe the man is attracted to me and the woman notices this attraction. Nothing happens beyond this. It is just a fun fantasy. I wonder what would happen if the man winked at me. I do not get this reaction from women when they are alone. Sometimes I have encountered a man whose cock I have sucked with a woman. I often wonder if the woman is his girlfriend or wife. In these circumstances I usually do not get greeted by the man. I do get a secret thrill from having been able to give pleasure to the man that the woman hopefully does not know about. Does this make me a bad person? I would not want to break up a relationship. It would be fun if she wanted to see me sucking her man's cock. Some women do like this, or I have heard that it is true. I have not had the experience where I have seen a man and woman together where the woman smiles and speaks and the man glares. I am not complaining about that not happening. I just wonder sometimes why it never happens that way.

Combichrist

Andy LaPlegua is someone whose music I enjoy. He has an aggressive hard edge. I like is work with Iconof Coil, Combichrist, Panzer Ag and Scandy. There are things that I find sexually stimulating in his songs and videos that I would not like in reality. There is something about the song "Enjoy the Abuse" that turns me on. I would not want to be abused like he sings about in the song. Some of it would not be possible. "I will fist fuck your brain until I'm smiling again." In another song by Combichrist a woman sings, "I am a bitch. How do you want me? From behind or on my knees?" That's me, well I don't like being fucked. It hurts. I do like the hard drive to much of his music. Some of the images in his videos arouse me and disturb me at the same time. I would enjoy hearing and dancing to his music played loudly in a club even though some of the people would think I am an old fart. Oh well, I would enjoy it anyway. There is a cathartic element to listening to his music, but to be honest I just like it. I do not know many people who like his music. I know there are people who like it. I just haven't met them yet. He is fucking awesome.

Im Juli

I watched "Im Juli," a film directed by Fatih Akin with Christiane Paul and Moritz Bleibtreu. I love this movie. Moritz Bleibtreu plays a student teacher, and Christiane Paul plays a young woman who has a stand in an outdoor flea market. She sees Daniel Bannier, the character played by Moritz Bleibtreu, and she has a crush on him. (Her name is Juli, which is also the month July in German. It doesn't work quite as well in English, because the name of the month is not pronounced the same as the name for a person. Fortunately the movie is in German.) She is too shy to speak to him at first, but a friend gets her to speak to him as he goes by. Daniel is a bit nerdy and awkward at the beginning of the film, but he opens up during the story. Hopefully he did not lose all of his nerdiness. Anyway, she sells him a ring that she says has special properties. She also gives him a flyer to an outside party with live music. She hopes to meet him there, but first he meets a woman from Turkey. Initially he is planning on staying in Hamburg instead of  going anywhere during his vacation, but after meeting her he decides to try to meet her in Istanbul. That is where she is going. Along the way he keeps meeting Juli. Along the way he has many misadventures. He loses his glasses, his passport and wallet are stolen and he and Juli have misadventures together. The movie is full of coincidences, but they do happen in real life. (I have some to write about later.) Both of the main characters take chances, and eventually these chances pay off. Sometimes we have a choice of taking chances or stagnating. I love the ending. The movie also has a lot of great music along the way.

Why Are We Taught To Be Ashamed of Our Bodies?

I cannot understand prudishness about nudity. It does not make sense to me that it is frowned on more in our society for a child to see nudity than it is for a child to see violence. In some places it is legal for someone to walk around with a loaded gun displayed openly, but it is not legal for people to walk around with parts of their anatomy showing. This makes no sense to me. A gun is more likely to hurt someone than a bared cock or a bared pair of breasts. If we were brought up with a healthier attitude about nudity and respect for all people this would not be as much of an issue. If we were taught to treat each other with respect we would not have to be worried about anybody being objectified whether they are clothed or nude. I have never thought that someone being nude was an invitation for me to make sexual advances. This did cause a misunderstanding with someone with whom I was in a relationship. He would sometimes come out of the shower naked, and I did not always assume this was a invitation to sex. I found out that he was disappointed that this was the case. He had intended his nudity to be an invitation for sex, but he had not told me that. Often people have juvenile attitudes concerning nude beaches or other places where nudity is allowed. Nudity is not always a prelude to sex. We may appreciate the appearance of the naked bodies of others, but that does not give anyone the right to make unwanted sexual advances. I have said before that I like for men to make sexual advances towards me, but that is not true in all circumstances. I do have my limits. I have not been to a nude beach, and I do not know how I would feel about a man making sexual advances towards me. I probably would get an erection. Not that I think that would necessarily be a bad thing. Most people are not brought up with a healthy attitude about sexuality as well. I am not going to deal with sex in public places at this time, but I think that as children should be taught that sex is not something to be ashamed and should always be done with respect and consent. Children should be taught not to be ashamed of their bodies.

Another Rambling Post

I wish I could get two days in together off from work. It seems that I don't get as much accomplished when the days aren't together. That may not be the case, but it seems that way. I feel more rested when I get two days off in a row. Hopefully I will be able to do that soon.

I am listening to Bára Basiková. "Nová Gregoriana" is the name of the CD. This is the one that I mentioned in an earlier post. I went to the Bonton Superstore in Prague looking for it, and I hoped that I would be able to find it, and it was playing on the sound system. She has a beautiful voice. This CD is Europop. She has performed as a solo artist and with other people and with groups. She recorded with a group called Stromboli in the 80s.

I had to be careful when going into the Bonton Superstore, because I always saw too many CD's that I wanted to buy. I bought another CD by Bára Basiková and one by Tři Sestry. I made the mistake of loaning those CD's to someone who never returned them. I wish I could have bought at least one CD by Daniel Landa. There were some compilation CD's of country music in Czech. I wish I had bought one of those too, mostly as a novelty. I might enjoy the music on its own merits as long as it is not pop country.

Sometimes I do listen to types of music in other languages when I would not listen to the same genre in English. I know that may be silly, but it's the truth. I am not going to analyze too much why this is true. It's not that big of a deal. I do listen to Europop in English, but I prefer it in other languages. I have some Europop in Greek too.

Here comes another day during which I am not going to take any shit from anybody.

Another Post About Language and How My Brain Malfunctions in a Fun Way

Sometimes when I see capital letters that are used in the Latin alphabet and in the Cyrillic alphabet I first think of the pronunciation in Russian. At work I saw the initials H.A.C.C.P., and at first I read them as NASSR, which would be how they are pronounced in Russian. I do not know why this is true. I do want to get back into the study of Russian along with the other languages. Would you say I am a hoarder of languages? Just a little joke. I would be able to communicate with more people around the world. I want to learn more than naughty expressions in other languages. For me pronunciation in languages other than English makes more sense. It is easier for me to learn pronounce words in other languages if they are not spelled phonetically. A friend was teaching me some Slovak words and expressions. He would spell them phonetically, and I had difficulty figuring out how to pronounce them. When he spelled then as they are written in Slovak I did not have that difficulty. It is easier for me to figure out how to pronounce words in Russian if they are written in the Cyrillic language. It is more difficult if they are written with the Latin alphabet. I like the sound of the phrase "Я люблю тебя." I learned a lot of Russian pronunciation from listening to Russian operas. I had one Professor in Russian who was German. I had a disagreement with him about how to pronounce "Я люблю тебя." Later I asked someone from Russia if my pronunciation was correct, because I was not sure of my ability to pronounce it correctly. It made me feel good to learn that I was pronouncing it correctly. I also like the sound of "Я хочу" and "Я  хохочу," especially the latter,("I want" and "I guffaw," "Ya khochu" and "Ya Khokhochu.") even though it does remind me of the sound of someone sneezing. I am not making fun of the language. I would never make fun of anything just it was different from what I was accustomed to. I hope never to lose my interest in and love for languages.

Manau, Gionny Scandal, Εντάσση (or Εντάση not sure which, Entassi)

I am listening to Manau, a French hip-hop band from Brittany. Their name comes from the old Gaelic name for the Isle of Man. Their music is a blend of Celtic music and hip-hop with the influence of other genres such as jazz.Their instruments include bagpipes, violin, musical saw, harmonica, etc. Some of their songs are very funny, such as "Faut pas faire chier Mémé." It is about an older woman who is armed and does not put up with shit. "Tout le monde... (a besoin de tout le monde)" is a more uplifting song. Another humorous song is "Des kilos" that is about working out and losing weight. Some of their songs are very touching, and some of them make me want to move to the music. "Je jazz les couleurs" features Dee Dee Bridgewater, the amazing Jazz singer who sings in English and French.  I cannot say that I understand every word that they rap or sing, but I challenge anybody to understand that Snow (remember him, the Canadian guy who had the hit "Informer?") rapped.
Gionny Scandal is an Italian rapper whose music I like. His music is only available as MP3 in the United States and on YouTube. Not only is his his music a lot of fun, he is very sexy. I will get the MP3's when I have enough money.One thing I like about the videos is that I can enjoy his music and see him at the same time.
Entassi is a Greek rap group. I do not know what their songs are about, but I enjoy their music. I have a CD by them.I do not know if they have released any others. Their music definitely reflects the influence of American hip hop. I cannot find anything abut them. I wish I could find out about them and find more music by them. I bought the CD that I have from a company that sold Greek music and films.

Notes on the Art of Fellatio: Very Explicit

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What May Be Causing My Occasional Depression

I think I have discovered part of the reason for my recent depression. I need to contact my PCP, because I was just looking at the warnings about the medication that I am taking. It mentions the possibility of new of worsened depression. I hope that there is something else that I can take to control my seizures. I have not had any since I started taking this medication. I do not know if it is contributing to the depression, but I am getting tired of feeling this way. There are things that help my mood. I wish marijuana was legal and affordable. There is a marijuana-based medicine available in North Carolina, but it is only available if nothing else controls the seizures. I will talk to my doctor on Tuesday. There are other things that also contribute to my depression, not always eating enough of the right foods, money worries and being far from my friends.

Some of the things that help are writing, listening to Gogol Bordello, Hank Williams III, Laibach, Einstürzende Neubauten, Marianne Faithfull, Yoko Ono and others, building up my self esteem and sucking dick. Lately I have been able to do all of those except for the last one mentioned. Also watching movies in other languages helps my mood, especially when I can understand parts or all of the dialogue. Subtitles help, and it helps me to learn. Sometimes I feel depressed when I start to write a post, but after writing about it my mood is much better. Another thing that helps is having an I-din't-give a fuck-what-other-people-think attitude.

One thing I need is to find a good man who will treat me with respect and fuck my face. I think I will read some Tucker Max at lunch today. That will help too.

I am in a good mood now. Here comes another day in the life of a Professional Asshole.

Can I Be Considered a Writer if I have Not Tried to Get Anything Published?

When people ask me what I do for a living I think that in addition to my current paying job I will include Professional Asshole and writer. I have been hesitant to speak of myself as a writer, because I have not yet tried to get anything published. It is not yet how I make a living. Does one have to be published to be considered a writer?

I once considered myself very boring, but I think that was insecurity. I am not saying that I am the most interesting person, but no longer think of myself as boring. At times I have put myself as a sort of self defense. It was a way of saying things that I was afraid others might say about me before they had the chance to say them. Lately I have been meeting people online, and at times I do get tired of telling the same things about myself again and again. This is related to what I found boring about myself at times. At times I got tired of telling stories about myself to people who had never heard them. I do have some amusing memories, and hopefully I can tell them to others that will not bore them.

I am growing less insecure. I am a work in progress as all of us are.

How Far Do We Go in Tolerating Different Points of View?

I believe in tolerating different points of view, but how far should we go with this? When do we decide to part ways with someone whose views are different from our own? I have someone very close to me who claims not to be racist, but this person then says that African Americans commit most of the crimes in this country. I am sure if I had allowed the conversation to continue after this statement had been statistics would have been used. From what had been said previous to this statement I knew that the point would be made that the majority of people in prison are African Americans. This does mean that blacks commit most of the crimes. It only points out the imbalance in the justice system. We have seen more and more that racial profiling by the police needs to be stopped and the justice system in this country needs to be fixed. This person to whom I am referring is also in favor of the death penalty, and I am strongly opposed to it.  One of the reasons for which I am opposed to it is that there have been too many people who were executed for a crime, and it is revealed later that the person who had been executed had not been guilty. She  said that this was not true in all cases. I cannot understand how someone could use this as a defense of capital punishment. There have been many cases where a person has spent more than twenty years in prison for crimes they did not commit. I did not bring up that in most of these instances the person being exonerated is African American. How can this be called justice? I do not know how much time I want to spend with someone with these views. She said that these are just things about which we disagree, but it is not easy for me to just ignore these differences. I am struggling to deal with this. I do not want to cut this person out of my life completely, but I do not know how close I want to be to her.

"Я люблю тебя" и "Hana a jei bratia"

I just watched "Hana a jej bratia" ("Hannah and Her  Brothers") and "Я люблю тебя" ("I Love you" -a better translation than "You I Love" as it is called in English in most places). '"Hana a jej bratia" is the only Slovak film that I have seen. It is about an eighteen-year-old guy, Martin, who is trying to decide whether he likes boys or girls more as he deals with his family. The movie switches between scenes of him and/or his family members and scenes of Hana, a male, performing songs in a club. Martin places a personal ad looking for someone. At times images that are in the imaginations of the characters are seen. It is a humorous movie. The family is really not very different from an American family. Hema, Martin's cousin, is referred to as a slut throughout the film, but we learn before the end of the film that she is actually a virgin. Martin had stopped going to classes at a school that he had been attending. We see one of his teachers from the school, and it is obvious that he has a crush on Martin. I would not have said no to him, but I guess Martin may think he is too old or for some other reason he is not interested in the teacher. Martin comes close to having a threesome with Hema and a male pharmacist. Under his bed Martin keeps a porn collection, men and women. In a drawer he keeps a cucumber. At one point he takes groceries to a neighbor who has broken her arm. He develops a friendship with her. She is a photographer, and he eventually asks her to take photographs of him for responses to the letters he has gotten in response to the ad he had placed. She has a telescope in her apartment. He comments that spyglasses and solitude go together. She responds that cucumbers and vaseline also go together. I won't go into more detail about the plot. Martin does find love. "Я люблю тебя" is a Russian film. Timofei meets and falls in love with Vera. Then he meets and falls in love with Uloomji, a young guy. Uloomji's family are upset that he is gay. The film also satirizes advertising of American products, especially Coca-Cola, in Russia. It a hilarious movie. There are unexpected twists. It has a happy ending too. Both of these films deal with finding one's own path in life.

The Republicans, Especially those in the Tea Party, Are full of Shit

I get tired of Republicans saying that regulations of carbon emissions are harmful to the economy. They  are very short sighted. They neglect the damage that these emissions are doing to the environment. The tax breaks for the rich are harming the economy. Another thing that is harming the economy is the exportation of jobs to other countries where the workers there can be exploited. The economy is not helped by companies who move their headquarters overseas to avoid paying taxes in the U.S. There are also the rich people who want to keep their money in countries where the tax rates are lower. An increase in the minimum wage would benefit the economy. People would have more money to spend. Another thing that is not helping the economy is the large pension that is paid to members of Congress when they retire. I really do not think that members of either party would vote to decrease that. It seems ridiculous that if someone serves one term in Congress they receive this pension. This pension needs to be abolished or greatly decreased. The other benefits that the members of Congress get need to be decreased. The economy is far from being in perfect shape, but it has improved during Obama's administration. He is not the first president to be blamed for a bad economy that he inherited from his predecessor. A flat tax rate would definitely improve the economy.

The healthcare system still is very broken, but because of the Affordable Care Act there are fewer people without health insurance than there were before. It is unfortunate that the cost of healthcare in the United States is still too high.

Another Language I Want to Learn (Druga Jezik Želim izvedeti.)

I want to learn more about Slovenia, its history and language. I want to learn about learn about other countries too, but I want to focus on Slovenia in this post. I recently starting learning about this country recently. The way I came to be interested in Slovenia is not a straight line. It started when I read about Rammstein on Wikipedia. In the article there it said that they were originally said to be an imitation of Laibach. I decided to find out about Laibach. Laibach is from Trbovje, Slovenia. Through their music and a book I read about them I came to be interested in the country they are from. I have read that Slovenian is a difficult language to learn, but I have learned not to believe it when someone says that something is difficult. It may be challenging, but I do not want that to stop because of that. My interest in Slovenia has been deepened by reading books by Slavoj Žižek. A seed had been planted in my mind previous to my learning about Laibach. I had read about Slovenia's economy in a newspaper article soon after the provinces of the former Yugoslavia became independent country. I know I will not learn all of the languages that I want to learn, but I plan on learning as much as I can. It will keep my brain active.

Želim izvedeti več o Sloveniji, njeni zgodovini in jeziku. Želim izvedeti več o izvedeti več o drugih državah preveč, ampak želim, da se osredotoči na Slovenijo na tem delovnem mestu. Pred kratkim sem z začetkom učenja o tej državi v zadnjem času.Tako sem prišel, da se zanimajo v Sloveniji ni ravna črta. Začelo se je, ko sem bral o Rammstein na Wikipediji. V članku tam pa je dejal, da so bili sprva dejal, da je imitacija Laibach. Odločil sem se, če želite izvedeti o Laibach. Laibach je od Trbovje, Slovenija. S svojo glasbo in knjigo sem prebral o njih sem prišel, da se zanimajo v državi, so iz. Prebral sem, da je slovenski jezik, je težko, da se naučijo, ampak sem se naučil, da ne verjamem, ko nekdo reče, da je nekaj, kar je težko. To je lahko izziv, vendar ne želim, da bi prenehali zaradi tega. Moj interes v Sloveniji se je poglobila z branjem knjig, ki jih Slavoja Žižka.Seme je bila posajena v mislih prejšnjega mojemu učenju o Laibach. Sem prebral o slovenskem gospodarstvu v časopisnem članku kmalu po pokrajin nekdanje Jugoslavije postala samostojna država. Vem, da se ne bodo naučili vseh jezikov, ki sem se želijo naučiti, vendar sem načrt za toliko, kot sem lahko učenje. To bo še naprej moji možgani aktivni.

On Language and Linguistics

When I get up in the morning it is not always easy for me to think in English. I sometimes have to stop before speaking, because I realize that I was about to say something in French or another language. At times I have to think about if what I am about to say makes sense in English. I have difficulty anglicize words and names that I first learned in other languages. I am not trying to be pretentious. It is just the way my brain works. If I did not work on Saturdays I would say "Слава Богу, сегодня пятница" every Friday. (That is "Thank God it's Friday.") I sometimes say things in different languages at work to throw people off. Some of the people at work say things in Spanish to people who do not speak Spanish, and they expect to be understand. I may start saying things to them in other languages to remind them how it feels. Most of the people at work are nice. I am trying to get them to speak to me more in Spanish. I knew few people from Mexico when I was learning Spanish, so I am having to get used to the dialect. Yes, I know there is more than one Mexican dialect.

I wish I had more people with whom I could discuss languages. For me linguistics is a very interesting subject. I would like to learn about it. One thing I want to know is why we use the word "Czech" which is a Polish word. It means the same thing that is does in English, but the English pronunciation is different. Another language I would like to learn is Romanian. It is a Romance language, but it also has Slavic influences. I want to learn more about the development of the Spanish and Portuguese languages. "Falar" in Portuguese and "hablar" in Spanish mean the same thing, to speak. They are similar to each other. If I remember correctly the letter f and the letter h are linked linguistically. I love languages and other things I can do with my tongue. A Russian instructor was discussing cases, and she said that in inflected languages, the ones that use cases, the word order was not as important as in non-inflected languages. The ending of the word would give sense to the sentence. She did not like that in English the sentences, "The dog bites the man" and "The man bites the dog" did not mean the same thing. In an inflected language, because of word endings if the correct endings were correct, the words could put in either order. There are rules of syntax, and words do usually flow more naturally in a certain order. Nevertheless the form of the word is more important than the placement of the word in the sentence.

I guess I got carried away with that, oh well.

Taking My Armor Off

Why is that often we think of being willing to appear vulnerable as a sign of weakness? I think is a sign of strength to be expose our weakness or things that may be seen to be weakness. By removing the armor that protects us from the barbs that can come from others we may appear vulnerable. It is only when we allow these barbs to hurt us that we are weak. It takes strength to keep ourselves from the barbs. Often when we expose ourselves to the possibility of receiving barbs we find that we receive warmth and friendship. If others turn away from us because of what we reveal it is their loss. Armor does not change in size. If we want to grow we have to remove armor that can prevent us from growing. I still find it hard to laugh and cry in front of other people. Laughing is the easier of the two. It has taken me a long time to relax enough to laugh in front of other people. The armor I was wearing to protect me kept upright but too rigid to laugh. Laughing is a great release. We are taught that crying is a sign of weakness. It is a great release. If we are willing to share our weaknesses we help others who have the same weaknesses. Needing the help of others is not a sign of weakness. It is obvious that people together have more strength than they would have alone. Of course, there are times when we all need time alone, but this needs to be balanced with being with others whom we trust. True growth comes from within, but we can help each other to grow. I am removing my armor.

Doing Better, but I Still Need to Be Closer to Friends

The money situation is still stressful, but I am working on some things. I need to be closer to friends. I love my family here, but I do not have anyone here with whom I can talk openly. It does help to know that I still have friends around the world. I have met the best ones in person. I still have some very nice friends that I have met on Facebook. It is nice to receive messages of support from them.

It seems that as long as I stand firm in my convictions I feel much better. It seems that if I start to waver in my views on religion, politics, human rights and other views I start to feel uneasy. I have to be true to who I really am if I want to be truly happy.

With the help of friends I will be able to make it through this difficult time.

It also helps me to write about what I am going through. I know that my present state is not permanent. If I hold the stress inside it grows like a tumor, but it if I express my feelings I reduce the pain that it causes me.

I will endure.

I Need to Find a Place to Live

I have to find a place to live. I am going to have to reach out to friends for help. At this time I do not know what I am going to do. I would like to be able to write a funny or thought-provoking post, but right now I am struggling to keep myself together. Things are not working out where I am. I do not want to say much about this at this time, because I do not want to write something that I will regret later. I need to get away from this fucking town. The last time I felt this alone was when I made a suicide attempt in 1988. I am not saying that I am thinking of doing that. I do not want to leave my shit for somebody else to deal with. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I desperately need the support of my friends. I am not giving up. I just do not know what to do at this time.

Oh No, This Shit Again, Really? Oh Well

We are often told that there are things about ourselves that should not be revealed to others, but as we reveal things about ourselves we soon find others with whom we have things in common. I would not reveal anything about someone else without consent. As I reveal more about myself I feel more liberated. Keeping things hidden inside me becomes a burden to me. If I worry that other people might not like me because of what I reveal I am letting them have power over me. I do not want to hurt anyone else with what I say, but I do not want to hurt myself by keeping the things that make up who I am. I am the only one with whom I spend all of my time. The most important thing is for me to be comfortable with who I am. This has been a long journey, but it is a journey that is worth taking. I am not asking everyone to accept everything about me, and I am not asking for anyone's permission to reveal the things that I reveal. I have to admit that I do have a fear of this blog becoming too much like a reality show. I have seen very few reality shows, so I do not know if this is a possibility. I do want the things, aside from the fiction and poetry, to be a realistic portrayal of who I am, warts and all as some people say. If I write about something I regret having done I am not going to continue regretting that action. Regret is a weight that I do not want to bear. If I write about something that caused me pain I let the pain go. I am not going to let anyone else cause me to feel shame. I refuse to let anyone have that power. I have allowed others to make me feel bad at times, but I do not want to do that any more. I do have some fun and some funny things that I am going to write about. To quote the last words of Caligula, my favorite of the Caesars, "I'm still Alive." Yes, I know that he did not say it in English, but I don't feel like looking up the Latin right now. Fuck it.

Love

I would love to feel arms around me and to have my arms around someone else. I want to feel our hearts beating together. I want to feel a body pressed against mine. I want the first embrace to be one of tenderness. Erotic embraces will come soon enough, but I want to build a loving, tender relationship before moving on to the passionate level. I want to feel lips touching mine. Our tongues will meet in time, but I want our lips to get to know each other first. With the passing of time we will get to know the tastes and scents of each other's bodies. We will share thoughts and bodily fluids. We may disagree from time to time but in kindness. This will not always be true, but we will work through differences. At times we will look lovingly at each other, and at other times we will look outwards together hand in hand. We will not need to hide things from each other. We will be able to enjoy our similarities and our differences. At times we will be back to back protecting each other from anyone or anything that might try to bring harm to either of us. When one of us needs to be held together the other will be there. At times both of us will need to be held together. We will be strong enough to share our weaknesses. We will be family.

Fuck that Shit

Sometimes when I am around people whose conversation starts to annoy me I just say to myself, "fuck that shit" and walk away. I am not saying that I am better, but I am not enough of a masochist to want to endure asinine conversation. One thing that I can find annoying is when people state their opinions as if they were facts. Everyone has the right to his/her own opinion, and the right to express them. I also have the right not hear their conversations. Sometimes I remind people that other people have different opinions, but it is not always worth that effort. Sometimes if I hear what is uneducated opinion concerning which I have knowledge I educate the speaker. How gentle this education depends on the relationship I have with the speaker. If it is a good friend I am very gentle, but if it is someone who is not a friend and who seems to be proud to be ignorant I am not so gentle. If I am with people who start racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. speech I am more likely than I used to be to let people know that I do not like to hear that. Most of the people with whom I am close do not start that type of talk. I do think that political correctness can be carried too far. Sometimes we have to discern what is simply meant to be funny from what is meant to be hurtful. This can depend on the source. I try not to take myself, and I do not mind if good friends make jokes at my expense. I often joke about my foibles. There is definitely a difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone. I would never want to be seen as making fun of anyone; however, I do enjoy bursting the bubbles of those who take themselves too seriously.

I do still have a bit of a juvenile streak. From time to time I enjoy getting a reaction from people by using language that is stronger than they expect me to use.

Don't Pass Up Meeting Someone Based on Their Outer Appearance

How many times do we miss out on meeting someone who could enrich our lives because we are too quick to judge based on appearance.I have to include myself in this, because I have been guilty of this. Often when people see someone who has a lot of tattoos and piercings they have preconceived ideas of what person is like. I was guilty of that until I had my first body piercing done. I went to have my navel pierced. I did not expect expect a negative situation, but I was surprised by the friendliness of the people working there and the other customers. I felt very comfortable with the open atmosphere. I think that others working in the public sector could learn from the people working in the tattoo/piercing establishment. the latter were very professional in what they were doing, and they listened to what their customers wanted. I was surprised when on of the tattoo artists who said that he had the hots for Martha Stewart. I don't think this was just because he was covered with tattoos and piercings. Some of the people I met who had many tattoos and piercings were very shy, and this was the way in which they felt most comfortable expressing themselves. There are very different reasons for reasons for which people get pierced and/or tattooed. Mostly I got my piercings, because I like them. I no longer have my navel and nipple piercings. My navel piercing kept getting infected because of the perspiration in that area. I made the mistake of letting someone who was temporarily important in my life talk me into removing my nipple piercings. I miss those. I still have my Prince Albert. My tattoos have served as an impetus for conversation. Sometimes people are not ready for my response, but that is their problem.

I have also learned that often people who are dressed in a "professional" manner can be far from professional. They may look professional, but at the same time they lack interpersonal skills. They may not listen to the needs of the people to whom they are supposed to be listening. Sometimes they make up a lack of knowledge by being rude. This is a poor substitute. In no way am I saying that this is always true. I am only reiterating what I was saying about not prejudging based on outward appearance.

I have more to say on this subject, but I must go to work.

Sex in a Park

Once I lived close to a park that was known as a place where men would meet to have sex. I believe most men would meet there and have sex elsewhere, but there was sexual activity taking place in the park. When I first went to the park I did not know about its reputation. I just went there because it looked like a nice place to take a walk. Eventually I noticed that the trees, grass, and beauties of nature were not the only things that attracted my eyes. I eventually had conversations with men who were definitely there for reasons other than looking at the greenery. I couple of times I went home with guys and we played around in the bedroom. I do not remember the details of most of these encounters. One time I went into one of the restrooms and a sexy guy followed me and we talked and he hugged me from behind. He placed his hard cock between, and he said he wanted me to get together with him at the park after dark. I went to the park at the the agreed time, but I did not find him. There was another guy sitting in his truck in the parking lot. When he saw me he got out of his truck and walked into a wooded area. He nodded for me to follow him. He stopped in a clearing and he appeared to be stroking his cock. I was behind him. I walked in front of him, got on my knees and started sucking his cock. At this time I would not normally start sucking a guy off unless he asked me to do so. There should have no question in my mind that this was what he had wanted considering what he had been doing when I stepped into the clearing. I did not feel completely at ease until he said his first words, "Suck that cock." I kept sucking until he came in my mouth. He thanked me, and I thanked him. I wish I could have seen him in the park. It is probably a good thing that I moved out of that area not long after that. Several men were arrested in that park for soliciting sex.

There Is a Difference Between Fantasy and Reality: This Includes Pornography

While I do enjoy being submissive to a man that does not meant that I want to be treated with disrespect. Anything that is done during sex play must be done with mutual consent. Some people say that pornography cultivates a rape culture. If what is done in a pornographic video is done with the consent of all involved I do not see any problem. As we can enjoy role play during sex the same can be done in pornography. We have to remember the difference between reel life and real life. Just because an act is portrayed in film, video, fiction, etc. does not mean that that act should be done in real life. If someone becomes violent after watching pornography or a violent movie there is probably an underlying cause for that. If they do let the line between fantasy and reality blur they probably have another issue with which they need to deal. I do not think that any rape should be portrayed in pornography. If scenes are portrayed where someone is dominated or treated with disrespect it should be made clears that those involved in the scene do so with their own consent. I am completely against pornography in which anyone is taken advantage of. Wiktor Grodecki made two documentaries and a fiction film that deal with underage pornography in Prague. "Mandragora," the latter film is the latter. It is one of the most depressing movies that I have ever seen. A teenage runs away from home and goes to Prague. At the train station there are men who prey on young boys and girls who are on their own.They lure them into prostitution and making pornography. The treatment that they receive at the hands of this scum is atrocious. Fortunately one of  the men who was interviewed in one of the documentaries is or has been in jail. Pornography should only involve adults who are able to make their own decision. I would not want anyone to be coerced into doing this. I am against any form of exploitation. Would I consider making pornography? Maybe, but I doubt that anyone would want to pay to see me having sex. Would I want to be humiliated in video? I would have to think about that.

I Need to Get Off My Ass and Get Involved More

I need to get more involved in making real changes in the world. I have been taking the lazy way out by signing petitions concerning injustices in the world, but this is not enough. I need to do research into what more I can do. I cannot afford to contribute financially at this time. I will be glad when I can do that, but I am not sure if that is the most effective thing I could do. I also need to figure out how radical I really am. I know that some of the petitions that I have signed have made a difference. Whether by doing through this or somehow doing something through writing or taking part in demonstrations I know that I cannot do it by myself. No one can do that. One voice raised by itself is not nearly as effective as many voices raised together. I am starting tho share more frequently petitions that I have signed. I hope this will make a difference. I want to speak out more and more against discrimination in any form. My main focus is on racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, discrimination based on disability and the stigma attached to mental illness. Racial profiling by police forces needs to be stopped. I also want true religious freedom. I know I have mentioned these things before, but they are important to me. It is time for me to get off my ass and do more than write about it.

We need to encourage people to vote. I do regret not voting in the elections this year. Restrictions on voting in this country need to be done away with. The political system in this country needs some radical revision. I have a hard time trusting politicians from either major political party in the U.S.A. Actually, I have a hard time trusting most politicians in general, but I mistrust the Democratic party less than I do the Republican party. Elizabeth Warren is one politician I think I would trust. I would like to see a stronger socialist party here, but realistically I would probably be just as skeptical about the politicians in that party too. I am still forming my political views. I do think that people should be the ones making decisions not corporations.

I need to stop now before I start rambling more and stop making sense.

Let People Be Who They Are: Acceptance not Tolerance

I have often heard people say about someone else, that person must be gay because of certain traits. Most often I have heard this from people who are gay. Isn't this perpetuating stereotypes? Even if the person in question is LGBTQ he/she should not be forced out of the closet. We cannot tell by looking at someone what their sexual orientation is. If a person is seen having sex with another person of the same gender then his/her claim of exclusively heterosexual becomes questionable. I knew a man who claimed to be straight, but he had difficulty ejaculating when masturbating unless he was watching gay porn and being fucked in the ass. I felt bad for him, because he could not accept who he was. As their is a spectrum of sexual orientations there is a spectrum of characteristics within those sexual orientations. I know there are some very masculine gay men, Why could there also be feminine heterosexual men? If the person does happen to be gay but having difficulty dealing with that we need to lovingly help to accept themselves. When I was coming to terms with being gay some of the out gay guys at school made me feel very uncomfortable with some of their jokes. I do not thing they meant to hurt me. They were just being open with who they were. I just was not ready yet to go to take that step. It was not until I met people who gently helped me to accept who I was that I was able to start being open about who I am. No one should be forced to take a step in their lives before they are ready to do so. I do have issues with people who are closeted and take actions that harm the LGBTQ communities. There have been public figures who were closeted while taking a very strong anti-gay stance. I dream of a day when sexual orientation and gender identity are no lo longer issues. We need to help each other to be truly who we are. I would draw the line at political or religious views that include the harming of any group of people. I believe in the acceptance of different kinds of people not just the tolerance of diversity.

Never Say Never: That Is Usually a True Cliché

Once I thought I would only consider writing with pen and paper. I did not think that I would ever consider writing directly on a computer. Well, here I am writing this on my PC. It is easier for me to write here now. One of the reasons for this that I have arthritis in my hands which makes writing longhand somewhat painful if I do it for a long time. My handwriting has never been very good, and the arthritis has made it worse. I could print, but when I do that it is not much better. It is easier to edit here, and I have not found a pen with spell check. I hope I have not too many embarrassing errors that I did not notice in this blog. If you see something that I may have missed feel free to gently let me know. That does not apply to unconventional punctuation. At one time I did not think that I would feel as comfortable as I am writing about my sex life, political views, religious views and other thoughts. As I have more comfortable with who I am I have more comfortable reveling more of myself. There are still some things that I probably will not write about here, but nothing that really matters to me. I do want to keep parts of my life private. There are people who know things about me that will not be revealed here, but I have definitely learned not to say never. There are some things that I think I can safely say I will never do such as having sex with a woman or running for the presidency of any country. It is probably a good thing that I am not bi. I am big enough a slut as it is. I have gay friends I would not want to read about how much of I slut I am. I am glad that they will probably not read this blog. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I would gladly give up being a slut for the right man with whom I could have my big fat long gay wedding.

At work there were boxes with SK in large letters on the side. It is a produce company and those letters stood for Sunkist. For a second I thought it was the abbreviation for Slovakia, and I wondered why this was on a box there. This was just for a second, but it made me laugh inwardly at myself.

Finding People Who Really Listen Is Not an Easy Task

One of the things I miss is having someone with whom I can have true, open communication. It is very difficult to find people who really listen. At my workplace it is very difficult to hold a conversation with my coworkers. It seems like many of them cannot comprehend many simple concepts, so I limit what I say to jokes or work-related topics. I do not know if they just do not listen to what I say or if they are not very intelligent. Once in awhile someone will ask about the book I am reading (This is a rare occurrence.), but I do not think they would be interested in hearing about the ideas of Slavoj Žižek. Conversations during breaks seem to be limited to sports or family issues. Even if I had a spouse I do not think I would want to share what is going on at home with coworkers. Many of the people with whom I interact on a daily basis do not really listen. Many times people are more interested in what they have to say than what the other person has to say. Instead of listening to each other we too often try to think of how we can respond. I try not to do this, but I have been guilty of it on occasion. I do try to listen to what others say to me. I do not try to impress with witty remarks. I am not say that I do not enjoy making witty comments. As I have said several times, I like making people laugh. I enjoy laughing too. I enjoy being people who laugh at themselves, and I like laughing at myself too. Sometimes I have referred to myself as "Hlupák." This is not because I think I am stupid, but it is because I do not want to take myself too seriously. Once a friend joked that I had love handles. He explained that he was talking about my ears. This still makes me smile. It is true that I like for a man to hold me ears during a certain activity. Being really present in conversation is one of the gifts that one person can give another.

Big Dreams of an Eastern European Wedding

It might be premature to think of what kind of wedding I want to have when I have not the man I am going to marry yet, well not in person yet. I want to have one like ones I have heard about in Eastern Europe. I want it to be a real celebration lasting lasting three days with plenty of vodka and herring. I mention the herring from a song, "American Wedding," by Gogol Bordello. I hope I can find a man who will be open to this idea. I want it it to be an occasion of joy, and I want to have a man to whom I can show love in front of my friends and family. I would want it to be a multicultural event. I do not want any negativity there. It would be great if we could have a gypsy punk band or someone like Hank Williams III. I would want it to be an occasion where everybody there can feel free to be themselves. It would be awesome if it could take place in Slovakia or Ukraine. I may as well dream big. Maybe we could have Babička or Sobieski wódka and Czech beer. The main idea is not to get everybody drunk, but I would want everybody to enjoy themselves. I would love to hear a crowd of people speaking different languages. I would not want to leave out anyone who want to be there, so while I am dreaming big I could plan on helping out the people who could not afford to be there without assistance. I would not want to exclude anyone who wanted to be there. No one will be turned away for not dressing for the occasion. Whatever people feel like wearing will be appropriate attire.
In case you are wondering, this post was inspired by the Gogol Bordello song I mentioned above.
I am in a much better mood today. When I do not eat enough I get a bit down. Also listening to Gogol Bordello always improves my mood.

I May Never Make Money as a Writer, but That Does nit Mean I will Have Failed as a Writer.

I may not be able to make a living as a writer, but I will not know unless I try. I may never make any money from my writing, but that does not mean that I will have failed as a writer. Not earning money from an undertaking does not mean that one has failed at that  undertaking. If I have entertained some people I will have reached one of my goals as a writer. If I provoke some people to thought another of my goals will have been reached. If I can make people laugh then I will have definitely reached one of my goals. If I am able to get people to see things from a new point that too would be a success for me. If I can arouse some people through some of my writing I will be pleased. My ultimate goal is not to make a lot of writing as a writer, but to achieve some of the goals that I have set for myself. I have been hesitant to think of myself as a writer, because  I have neither had anything published nor have I tried to do so. I am setting out to change the latter and hopefully the former will come to pass. Maybe some day I will be able to discipline myself as a writer to be able to write a complete book and not just little pieces. If I start writing poetry I doubt that it will be like my earlier poems. I have only written one poem that rhymes and has a set meter. It is a limerick I posted earlier. Does one need to be able to write poems that rhyme and have a set meter to be considered a poet? This is a question I have pondered often. I have seen abstract art by artists who were not very good at doing more traditional forms of art. There seems to be something missing in their abstract art. I could not exactly what that is, but to me there is definitely a lack. I sometimes fear that my poetry may be lacking something that I do not realize is not there. I am not going to let me stop writing poetry. I just have not been inspired to write poetry lately. Maybe I will write some more poems when I sit down for longer periods time and write. For a period of time I did not like my earlier poems, but now they sometimes make me laugh again. My main goal in writing is self expression. As time passes I may censor myself less and less.

Working on Ways to Make Money

You might start seeing ads on my blog, sorry, but I need to start making more money. It depends on whether or not I am approved by AdSense. I will see how this works out. I will see how much revenue it generates. I am looking into other options for making money. I am not going to change what I write about, but I need to be more disciplined in my writing.
My mood is improving. I need to live my passion, and that passion is to write as an opinionated professional asshole. More will come before I go to bed tonight.

I Am Learning Who My Real Friends Are

I am still not sure what I am going to do, but I am working on it. When we are going through hard times we find out who our real friends are. I understand people get busy with their own lives and have problems of their own. I don't need for people to tell me what I cannot do. I need to focus on what I can do. Many people, if they listened to the naysayers, would not have accomplished what they did. I have been telling myself these things for long enough. I do not need other people to tell me the same things now. It's funny that people who preciously said I have always believed in your talent and intelligence before now are saying things that make me think that they were not telling me the truth. I have enough self doubts. I need to have people around me to encourage me and offer emotional support. I understand they are trying to be helpful, but the only advice I want now is from people who can give me advice on how to get things published. I do not need to be told that I may have to keep working a traditional job. I know that already. I do not need to be told that few people are able to make a living writing. I already know that. I still have other ideas on how I could make money in a non-traditional way. I am not giving up. Things will get better. I am just going through a rough patch.

I need to hear from friends

I know the situation I am in is not permanent, but I could use the support of friends right now. It is hard for me to open up when I am going through difficult times. I am afraid of sounding whiny, but we all need friends. I am feeling very much alone. It hurts when I open up to others and say I need emotional support then get no response. I know that people are busy this time of the year, but I cannot handle the things I am going through by myself. I am not asking for anybody to rescue me. I just need friends to let me know that I am not alone.

Nienasycenie

I just finished watching "Nienasycenie" ("Insatibility") a film directed by Wiktor Grodecki. It was based on the novel by the same title by Stanisław Ignacy Witkieiwics. Pier Paolo Pasolini based his last film, "Salo," on the same novel. In this film Cezary Pazura played three very different roles. It has some shocking imagery. Pasolini had thought that his film would never be seen by the public. He said that it would be destroyed before it could be shown. He was killed before it was released. I have only seen some still photography from that film, so I do not know how similar these films are to each other. In "Nienasycenie" the erotic and the violent are often juxtaposed. Much of the dialogue is bullshit disguised as philosophy. Often people who think of themselves as intellectual will accept the most ridiculous ideas as long as they are presented with big words and complex syntax, especially when the ideas contradict themselves. Even though most of the violent images appear very fake they are still shocking. It is another film that plays with reality. Was it a dream within a dream? All of the characters are insane to some degree. The line between pleasure and pain is frequently blurred. The novel was written published in Poland in 1930. One of the characters played by Cezary Pazura is a commander who is both tyrannical and masochistic. He says he loves the soldiers and for that reason must discipline them. This reminds me of what has been by totalitarian leaders. Throughout the film there is the idea that one cannot show their love for someone else without causing them harm. This idea is complete bullshit. I think this film is satirizing that idea. There are some scenes that are purposefully unrealistic. There is scene that takes place on a train. What is seen through the windows is a painted landscape. There are also juxtapositions of violence and frivolity. In one of the scenes towards the end of the film, soldiers are shooting at each other while people dance to lighthearted music in the foreground. The English subtitles are very clumsy. I wonder if the person who wrote the notes on the DVD case even saw the film. One of the characters portrayed in the film is described as a "mad gay hunchback monk." There is nothing remotely monk-like about the character. He is a composer who is probably insane to a degree and perhaps gay or bisexual. It has been said that there is a thin line between insanity and genius. I would like to know what people in Poland think of this movie. I would also like to read the book.
This film is said to be a remake of the film by Pasolini. If two films are based on the same book, is one necessarily the remake of the other? Could they not be different views of the same thing? Just because one was made before does mean that one is a remake of the other. I do not know if Grodecki ever saw Pasolini's film. His film was based on the book not Pasolini's film.

I Tell Other People that What They Can Do Is More Important than What They Cannot Do, I Need to Apply that to Myself

I have spent too much time focusing on what I can't do instead of what I can do. I have talked about that being important for others to do for themselves and in regard to other people. I need to start doing that for myself. Maybe by sharing my different point of view I can provoke thought. There must be other people who view things in a similar way. Maybe I can help others to realize that they are not alone in the world. One of the good things about Facebook is that I have been able to get in touch with people all over the world who share some of my views. I may be alone where I am, but I have friends all over the world. I wish I could meet some of them in person, but knowing that there are like-minded people helps me to feel less alone. I hope I can do the same thing for other people. If I can help others to feel better about themselves I will have reached one of my goals. I know that I still have friends in Kansas, and that helps me a lot. I have a tendency to forget that the benefit from these friendship flows both ways. I need to remember that I have things that I can give and do give to other people. The people who treat me like I am strange need to learn how much of an asshole I can be. I just need to keep in mind that some people are not worth that effort. I am not saying they are not valuable as people just that I cannot let them affect how I feel about myself. Well, I really cannot let what others feel about me affect how I feel about myself. It is not always easy to be an asshole, so I have to choose wisely when to be one.

I Am Going to Start Using My Imagination More and Not Let Fear Stop Me.

I need to start doing research on ways to get published. I think I would feel better about it if I could do it myself. I think I have hesitated about from fear of being rejected, but I need to get over that fear. If I am rejected there always other places to try. Gertrude Stein tried to find a publisher for many years, but this did not stop her from continuing to try. It seems that a lot of authors whose books were published by the first publishers to whom they submitted sold a lot of copies at first, but they are forgotten quickly. There are exceptions to this, of course. I also need to start exploring alternative means of making a living. I do not feel the need to write a best seller or make a lot of money. It would be nice to be able to make enough money to live on and to be able to help out the people in my life who mean the most to me. I have always enjoyed pointing alternative ways of seeing things. Maybe its time for me to take this to the next level. I have let fear stop me for too long. Another thing I want to do is to experiment with photography. Until I can get a good camera I can get started with my cell phone. Often I see things that other people do not notice. I also need to stop being afraid of sharing my insights. Many times I see connections between before other people. I am not always right, but I need to stop being afraid of sharing my insights. I am stopping now. Who knows, I could start making international existentialist porn. The options are limited only my imagination, and I have a very vivid imagination.

I Need to Find a Way to Make a Living Doing the Things I love

I need to find a way of making a living doing the things I love: writing, reading, languages, making people laugh and provoking thought. I wish I knew practical ways to incorporate these things in a practical ways. I really am not certain about what one needs to do to get something published currently. I need to overcome my worries about whether or not people would want to buy anything I write. I am still uncertain about whether enough I have what it takes to be a good writer. I know I need to make my writing a bit more organized. I do not know how well my rambling style is received by others. For now I will continue to develop as a writer. I would like to be able to write more in other languages. I need to learn to place accents and other marks without resorting to using a translator. I am tired of dreading when people ask me what I do for a living. I want to be able to do something that better reflects who I really am.
I am feeling down and very stressed, because I do not know how much longer I will have a place to live. I am working a job where I do not make enough money. I am also fearful about what will happen if the Affordable Care Act is repealed. I could end up without insurance, and I definitely need that. I am not giving up. This blog is where I am open about my thoughts and feelings. Things will get better some day, but for the present things are tough for me.
I will try not to be so down in my next post.

Will I Be Able to Find a Home in the Czech Republic or Poland or Somewhere Else in That Part of the World or Am I Fooling Myself?

I know it is not logical to fear things that mat never happen, but I do fear that if I do ever get to spend time in Europe will I start to be treated like an outsider? The real issue would be being able to find a job. If I want to go to the part of Europe to which I feel drawn the most language would be a real issue at the beginning. Also even if I am not treated as an outsider would I be able to find friends? It would not be a good idea for me to be in a place where I have no friends, no money and little means to communicate. I would not feel comfortable going to another country and have people speak to me in English unless they want to learn English. In that situation I would hope to be able to find people who would help me to learn the language of the country where I am. I would want to be able to contribute in some way to the society in which I am living. I would want to learn the language, history, culture, and other things of the place where I am living, but I would want to be able to become a part of the society there. If I would be able to live with someone I have met on Facebook I would want to be able to contribute financially to the household. I would not want to be a burden on anyone. I know that visiting a place and living in a place are very different things. I feel I would have an easier time adapting to life in the Czech Republic or Poland or somewhere else in that part of the world. If I could I would consider living in France. I would definitely like to be able to spend time in France. French was the first language other than English that I studied, and it will hold a special place in my heart. I would want to be able to spend time in Ukraine and Russia. Instead of studying the cultures I want to immerse myself in them. I may be mistaken, but it feels like a part of myself is there already. It may be silly to think that if I go there that I would feel more complete, but I want to find out if it is possible. As the Butthole Surfers said in of of their songs, "It is better to regret something you did than something you didn't do." I firmly agree with that.

You Can't Go Home Again

I have often been reminded of the title of the title of the novel by Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again. I definitely need to read it. Anyway this is very true, especially when home stopped being home long ago. I know there are some kind people in the area, but I feel cut off from the people who matter the most to me. I have exchanged some texts with some good friends this evening, and that has helped. It helps to know that I have friends I can count on. I have been back here for more than a year, but I still have not gotten used to some of the idioms used here yet. Most of them I grew up with but never used myself. Sometimes I almost feel like I speak a different language from the other people here. I felt more at ease in Prague learning the language than I do here. I do not want to lose contact with my family here, but I do not want to stay here. If I had to choose between having friends with whom I could talk openly, drink a few beers and laugh and having sex I would choose the former. I am glad that I don't have to make that choice, but I do have my right hand and internet porn. I miss having real dialogue with friends. I also miss laughing and enjoying drinking a few with them. I do not want to fit in in a place where I can only do so by not being myself.

Why the Fascination with Celebrity?

One thing I have never understood is the fascination with celebrities. This is nothing new. It is just that images and news are circulated much faster now. People for many years have wanted to be close to royalty. In France the queen, I do not remember which one, was giving birth. There were so many people pressed into her bed chambers that a window had to be broken so that she could breathe. On Yahoo and other sites there are often photos of celebrities trying to go about their daily lives. I have enough to do without worrying what a celebrity wears to the grocery store. People are critical of the Kardashians and their reality shows. I just don't watch them. I do not know much about them and the many reality shows on television. Instead of criticizing them for doing these shows it would be better just to stop watching them. I have never watched TV much anyway. These shows would not be televised if there were not people watching them. If the people watching them complain about the content of these shows they only have themselves to blame. As I say about other things in film, music, books, etc. if you don't like something move on to something you do like. If you don't like how a celebrity dresses or looks keep your opinion to yourself. Just because they are in the public eye does not make them less human. It does not make them anyone's property to be criticized and ridiculed by unkind, usually anonymous douchebags. Before posting something unkind about anyone, celebrity or not, one should think about how they would feel if someone said the same thing about them. If you find yourself obsessed with celebrities it is time to start living your own life. I am not living as fully as I want, but I am working on it.

Films by Clive Barker and Man Ray

As I mentioned in an earlier post I have been watching short experimental films. These have included some films that Man Ray made in the 1920s and two films films that Clive Barker made in the 1970s. It is interesting to watch them together, because they have some similarities. I do not think that Clive Barker was familiar with the films of Man Ray when he made his. Some of the techniques used by both of then have also been used by other film makers. This does not make these techniques less interesting.
First I am going to write about four films by Man Ray. "Le retour à la raison" is a very short film, two minutes. In this there are images of nails in negative, he also uses this image in another film. They are shown without background almost if they are floating in nothingness. This is one of his more abstract films. Mostly there are abstract images. At the end there is the nude torso of a woman. "Emak-Bakia" (Basque which means "Leave Me Alone") was made in 1926. It is sixteen minutes in length. It has images of nails similar to the preceding film. Many shirts made for men at this time were made without collard and detachable collars were made for them. In this film there are images of collars of this type spinning, coming apart, rising into the air, etc. In one scene we see the feet of people getting out of a car. There is a woman with eyes painted on her eyelids. She opens her eyes to reveal her real eyes. There is not really a plot to this film, mostly it is a series of images. "L'étoile de mer" (The Starfish) was made in 1928. It is 15 minutes. Throughout the film we see starfish in glass or on a table or in other places. Alice Prin, who was known as Kiki de Montparnasse and a lover of Man Ray and a subject of many of his photographs, was in this film along with Robert Desnos, a surrealist poet. Most of this film was filmed through a type of glass that vaguely distorted the images. This gives them the feel of a painting. The plot of this film is vague but not boring. "Les mystères du château du dé" Was made in 1929, twenty minutes, Man Ray appears in this film. It opens with two men in a bar rolling a pair of dice to decide whether or not they will leave. Their faces are covered by cloth masks which conceal all of their features. They eventually leave the bar and drive through the countryside. Most of the film takes place in a modern château. There is a group of people who are also wearing cloth masks, but their faces are partially visible through the cloth. They are seen playing with over-sized dice, playing in a pool. Sometimes the film is reversed. They also do various exercises. A woman and man arrive at the château and walk on the grounds. In this film and in "Le retour à la raison" there are grid-like images. These are more interesting than they may sound like here.
The films that Clive Barker made in the 1970s were not originally made for public viewing, but were released on DVD more recently. "Salomé" was made in in 1973. Doug Bradley who played Pinhead in the "Hellraiser" films appears in both of Barker's early movies. "Salomé" has a very vague plot. It is loosely based on the story of Salomé from the Bible. "The Forbidden," a longer film was made between 1975 and 1978. It was not edited until later. It contains imagery that reminds me of imagery in Man Ray's films and are also used in the "Hellraiser" movies. Barker said that he based this film on the Faust legend. Most of the film uses negative imagery. In places there images of a grid with nails at equidistant intervals. This is reminiscent of Man Ray's films, and it also resembles the nails and pattern on Pinhead's head. There are images of birds flying by a grid-like images. They appear to be animated, but this is a film effect. Clive Barker appears in this film. He does a very energetic dance. He is nude and has an erection. Peter Atkins who worked with Clive Barker on some of his later films appears in this one. He is seen being skinned and then walking around outside without skin. They did this using a technique they stumbled upon. His body was painted in layers that represented skin, muscles, bone, etc. It looks very realistic, but they were peeling away layers of paint. There are places where his eyes resemble the moon, because they are seen in negative, These films are reminiscent of surrealist films. Their plots can be open to interpretation.

Saggers: Sexy of Sloppy? Why Do People Get so Obsessed with This?

I know people who cannot stand to see to see guys with their pants sagging down far enough so that their underwear can be seen. I do not why they let this bother them as much as it does. If a guy has a nice round butt I find it attractive. I try not to look too much, but the temptation is always there. I get a little afraid of being caught looking. For someone to wear their pants like this does not hurt anyone. There are types of clothing that I do not like, but I cannot spend too much time being bothered by others wearing them. To be honest, I am working on this myself. If I was not attracted to guys wearing their pants like this, I wonder what my reaction would be. I would not feel comfortable wearing my pants like this. One reason is that I would be afraid of my pants falling all the way off. I would also look like a foolish old man if I wore my pants like that. My ass is not good enough shape to be seen like that. Also it would just not feel good to have my pants that low. It just does not feel good to me. Seeing a guy in pants that show the front of his underwear can be enticing to me. I feel a little uncomfortable when I see a guy like that, because I do not know what his reaction will be to me looking. If someone does not like this style they don't have to wear it, and it does no good to get upset about someone wearing it. I feel the same way about plumber's crack. For me it is particularly sexy if there is some hair showing. I have mixed feelings about showing a little of my crack or underwear when I am sitting. I enjoy showing it, but at the same time I feel self conscious about doing it. I do not like seeing people dressed in sweat pants or tights. To me these are pieces of clothing that are not suited for fashion wear. I don't wear them, but that does not give me the right to say that someone else should not wear them. I cannot understand the obsession that some people have with what celebrities wear. Would these same people be happy if others commented on their attire every time they went out in public?
In regards to my sometimes rambling style, I belong to the Andy Warhol School of editing. However I write it I try to leave it that way except for misspellings and things that change the meaning of what I am saying.

Is There a Link Between Deification In the Roman Empire and Canonization in THe Catholic and Orthodox Churches?

One of the things that I have sometimes wondered about is whether is a connection between canonization of saints in the Catholic and Orthodox churches and deification in the Roman Empire. Usually it was the Emperors who were said to be canonized. I do not know how accurate the historical accounts were in the book and miniseries I, Claudius, but I remember that Caligula's mother begged him to have her deified after her death, so that she would live after death. I will have to do some more research in this area. It just seems to me that the idea of canonization could have its roots there. Nowhere in the Bible does it refer to anything similar to this. I think it is the height of arrogance for someone to think they can decide whether or not someone is a saint and can therefore go directly to heaven. I know there are guidelines for this, but what are the guidelines for this? The person has to have been dead for a certain amount of time. This amount of time is shortened for Popes. This seems similar to the idea of the Emperors being deified at their death. I know Saints are not considered gods, but some of them have legends that seem questionable built up around them. Then we come to the question of beatification and the step from beatification to canonization. I may be mistaken about these things, but I do wonder about them.

"Un chien andalou" et "L'age d'or"

Yesterday I watched the films that Luis Buñuel made in collaboration with Salvador Dalí. "Un chien andalou" was filmed in 1929, and "L'age d'or" was produced in 1930. It is unfortunate that Buñuel and Dalí were no longer on speaking terms before the end of the making of their second film together. "Un chien andalou" has what is considered one of the most shocking images in film. A woman is sitting on a balcony while a man is inside with a razor. After testing the razor on his thumb he seems to slice the woman's eye with it. During this action a cloud is seen passing between us and the moon. Buñuel later said that he had used the eye of a calf for this scene. This scene, he said , was inspired by dream in which he saw a thin cloud passing in front of the moon. He said that it looked like a razor slicing an eye. Later scenes were inspired by a dream that Dalí had had about ants crawling out of somebody's hand. They had one rule when making the film. They did not want the images in the film to be ones that could be interpreted. Of course this has not stopped people from trying to interpret them. According to intertitles the film jumps around in time, but if we did not have these intertitles we would think that the action followed a simple timeline. There are images that appear in some of Dalí's paintings, Vermeer's painting "The Lacemaker" and ants among other images. One image that some have tried to interpret in various ways is that of a man trying to reach a woman, but he is pulling two ropes to which are attached priests and pianos with rotting donkeys on top of them.  At one point the woman hears a sound outside. She looks out the window as a man in a suit with what some describe as looking like a nun's clothing collapses on the street. He also has a striped box hanging around his neck.She tries to revive him, and she takes the feminine attire and places it in the box. Later she places these items on a bed. He then appears at the door. Both of them look at his hand which has ants crawling out of a hole in his palm. After a time there is a scene of an androgynous woman on the street using a cane to poke a severed hand. A crowd of people surround her. A policeman places the hand in a box similar to the one that had hung around the man's neck. The woman on the street holds the box close to her body and appears to be oblivious to the traffic passing her on both sides. She is struck and killed by a car. While this has been going on the man has been watching with excitement as she is in peril. I do not want to go into too much more detail about the images that are seen. There is a humorous image where a man rings a door bell, and we see a pair of hands coming out of holes in a wall shaking a martini shaker to represent the sound of the doorbell. At one point the woman in the scene mentioned above threatens him with a tennis racket. In another scene a man has been forced to stand with his head against the wall with books in his hands. The books turn into guns and he shoots the other man. There are many more interesting images in this film, but I want to move onto "L'age d'or." This film was banned in France within weeks of its release. Vicomte Charles  de Noailles, who financed the movie was threatened with excommunication by the Catholic church. It was shown at a private screening at the Museum of Modern Art in 1933 in New York. It was not until 1979 that the film had its official U.S. debut at the Roxie Cinema in San Francisco. The film opens with scenes from a documentary on scorpions. We then see men in clerical garb arriving on a shore and sitting. These men are referred to throughout the film as "The Majorcans." The scene cuts to a group of ragtag partisans. Upon learning that the Majorcans have they prepare to go to battle. One of the men decides not to go with them. When asked why he is not going he says, "Je suis foutu." The leader says that the others are too. The man responds that they have accordions, hippopotamuses, wrenches, mountain goats and paintbrushes. The men head out out and die on the way.  Then a group of people have gathered together for the dedication of the cornerstone of a building. Before the dedication begins a woman's screams are heard. A man and woman are rolling clothed in the mud. They are separated. The man is taken away by two men. While being taken away the man is enraged by the barking of a small dog. He breaks away from the other two long enough to kick the dog. Shortly after he struggles to step on an insect. The dedication takes place. In the next scene plans are being made for a party. The woman from the previous scene is talking to her mother. They are making plans for an outdoor concert. Mention is made of a priest who plays the violin very well. The statement is made that six musicians close to a microphone would be louder than sixty musicians ten kilometres away. I am not going to great detail about the plot of the rest of the movie, just some images that stuck in my mind. When the guests are arriving for the dinner party we see people getting out of their cars. Before one couple get out of their car they put a monstrance that had been on the floorboard of the car on the ground and after getting out of the car they put it back on the floor. I am sure that this did not go over well with the Church. (I am jumping around here, scenes may not be in the order in which they took place in the film.) The woman is getting ready for the party as the man is being led through the city by the two men. When she goes into her room there is a cow on the bed. She scolds the cow, and the cow gets off of the bed without disturbing the bed clothes and leaves the room. The cowbell is heard for a short time. The scene switches between the bedroom and the men walking in the city. She sits at a mirror. Instead of seeing her own reflection in the mirror there are clouds. Her hair and flowers in a vase on her vanity are moved by a wind coming from the mirror. As they walk through the city they pass a man who is kicking a violin. Eventually he stomps on the violin. After walking for some time the man tells those he is with that they do not know with whom they are dealing. He pulls a certificate out of his pocket. We see part of a ceremony in which he is being honored as a goodwill ambassador by an organization. He finished telling of his reception of this honor speaking in a tone that is used in recitations in church services. At one point during the party there one of the servants who is in the kitchen comes running out, and we see flames coming out of the kitchen. The guests do not seem to notice this, and somehow the fire is extinguished. While those assembled are still inside a man with a rifle outside is greeted with delight by a young boy. They seem happy to see each other. The boy gets into the man's lap, and he tries to kiss the boy. The boy jumps out of his lap and knocks something out of he hands. The boy runs away laughing and waving. As he runs away the man shoots him, once while while he is running and again after he is on the ground. The people hear the gunfire and look outside to see what is happening. Men arrive and see that the boy has been killed. The man from the previous arrives at the party. He and the woman look at each other, and it is clear that they want to get back together, but they do not yet act on their desires. At one point the mother is handing the man a glass of liqueur. She spills some on his, and this enrages him. He slaps the mother. This excites the young woman. Eventually they go out onto the grounds where there are some chaises in front of a statue of what may be a Roman goddess. They alternate between rolling on the ground kissing and kissing while sitting in chairs. At one point they are sucking on each other's fingers. In one shot the fingers of one of he man's hand have disappeared. At another point he notices the feet of the statue, and he seems to get excited by this sight. He is called away for a phone call from the ministry. He is told by the person who had bestowed the honor on him that he has failed in his duties and hundreds of children, women and old people have died because of his failure. He leaves the phone. The minister shoots himself and falls to the ceiling. He rejoins the woman outside. They talk and kiss. She speaks of the joy that she felt that they had killed their children. Soon the man who has been conducting the musicians giving an outdoor concert leaves the podium and walks to where the couple are kissing. The woman leaves the man and starts kissing  the older man. The man leaves in disgust. He goes into a bed room and tears apart a pillow. He eventually starts throwing things from a window, first a burning tree then a bishop, a plow that was previously seen in the bedroom, a figure of a giraffe and finally feathers from the pillow. The final scene is from 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. Four men are seen leaving a castle. What took place in the castle is described in intertitles. One of the men is supposed to resemble Jesus Christ. A wounded woman comes out of the castle. She is led back inside by the Christ figure. Screams are heard, and she has presumable been killed. When the man comes back out he no longer has the facial hair he had when he went inside. The last shot is of a cross with what is presumed to be the  hair of four of the women killed in the castle hanging on it. I know this description is somewhat jumbled, but the narrative of the film is not much clearer.
I am in the process of watching some short films, and I will write about those soon. This is your warning.

A Short Post About Intelligence

One conclusion that I have reached is that I do not have to prove my intelligence to anyone not even to myself. I have allowed myself to be bothered for too long by high average scores on tests that score IQ. I have never been very good at taking multiple choice tests. I am better at doing tests that require writing and imagination. With writing or talking it is easier for me to express what I know or to bullshit my way through what I am not sure about. I am especially fond of pointing out a different point of view.  Sometimes people talk about "thinking outside the box" as if it is something that few people can do. For me thinking inside the box is something I am not very good at. Once I said to someone "I am here mentally but not physically." She thought that I was being very clever. There was nothing clever about what I said. I just switched the words around. I am sometimes a little irritated by people are too fast to come to conclusions about my intelligence or lack of intelligence. Until I get to know someone I try not to jump to conclusions too fast concerning their intelligence. People express their intelligence in different ways. Someone may have a great deal of intelligence but little education. I have known people who thought they were not smart because they did not finish high school or reach some other educational goal, but through getting to know them I saw that they were some of the most intelligent people I know. I have to remind myself that just because I did not continue in college after getting my B.A. does not mean that I lack intelligence. I need to start  telling myself what I tell other people about this.

More on Filmy Jana Švankmajera

I want to write a little more about "Dimensions of Dialogue." "Food" and The Death of Stalinism in Bohemia." Both "Dimensions of Dialogue" and "Food" are in three parts. In the first segment of "Dimensions of Dialogue" There are pairs of figures that are meant to resemble people. The first pair to meet are a man formed out of different foods and a man made of kitchen utensils. The latter encounters a nab formed out of what may be school or office supplies. In each encounter one of the figures eats then regurgitates the other. The condition of the one who is devoured deteriorates each time until nothing of their original form is recognizable. In the end they become a series of men, one regurgitates another who goes from being a mass of clay into being a man who  then regurgitates another mass of clay that repeats the same metamorphosis. In the second a clay man and woman are at a table together they kiss and meld together with faces and parts of their bodies showing in the mass of clay. Then they reform to their original forms, but there is a small mass of clay moving between them. It tries to get their attention, but they just want to get rid of it. The man throws it at the woman. She throws it back at him, and eventually they start hitting each other then tearing at each other's faces until their faces are torn away. In the third segment, first we see a small table. Two small masses of clay come out of a drawer in the side of the table. They become the heads of two men. They are facing each other. They open their mouths and objects emerge. At first these items complement each other. A toothbrush is paired with toothpaste, bread with a knife and butter, a shoe with a shoe lace and a pencil with a pencil sharpener. Then the pairings do not match, for an example bread is paired with toothpaste. Then one of the items in the pairing is damaged as when the bread is paired with the pencil sharpener. Then Finally each man brings forth the same items together. By this point the items have been almost completely destroyed. As the "dialogue" deteriorates the condition of the heads has deteriorates. At the end they are almost on the point of totally disintegrating with their eyes bulging and their tongues hanging out. In the first segment of "Food" there is a man sitting at a table with his arms hanging at his sides. He has a sign that says "Instructions"hanging from a chain around his neck. (The directions are in English and have been mostly obscured. They seem to refer to making entries to a film competition, but this does not fit in with what is being done in the short film.) Another man comes in and sits at the other side of the table and knocks a paper cup and plate on the floor. He starts reading the instructions. It seems that the man sitting there is some sort of vending machine. The man keeps referring to the instructions. He pulls out change from his pocket. He tries to find where to put the money. After referring to the instructions he reaches into the other man's mouth and pulls out his tongue. He then pokes one of the man's eyes. Then the other man becomes a dumb waiter. Off of the shelf in the dumb waiter come  a cup of beverage and a paper plate with a sausage, mustard and a piece of bread. He punches the other man in the chin, and a plastic knife and fork comes out of the man's ears. After he finishes eating he kicks the vending-machine man in the shin and a napkin comes out of the man's jacket pocket. The man who had been the vending machine stretches his arms and legs, and he gets up to leave. the other man at the same time drops his arms to his size and has a glazed expression on his face. The instructions are hung around his neck.  Another man comes and does to him what he had done to the man who was sitting there originally. However he reads the instructions completely before starting the process. When he finishes the same thing happens with the change in roles. The man who was the vending machine steps out into a corridor where there is a long line of people waiting. It the second segment we first see a man who looks like a gangster putting condiment on a meal. Then he reveals a wooden hand. He drives nails into the hand and bends the nail so that the nails hols a fork. Then he starts ti eat a human hand which must have been his own hand, Then there is a runner who starts to eat a foot, then a woman who prepares to eat a pair of breasts. The last person in a naked man sitting at a table covered with cigarette ashes. On the plate are a cock a pair of balls. He covers these up with his hands and wave the observer away. In the last segment there are two men sitting together at a table in a restaurant. One man has a suit and tie with suspenders, and the other is wearing rumpled clothing. There are some flowers in a small vase on the table along with china plates along with a knife and fork. A waiter keeps walking by, but he keeps ignoring these two men. The two men start eating the things on the tables, then their own clothing, then the table and chairs. The last things left are the knives and forks. The man who was in the suit ate his first, then the other man eats his own. The the suited man brings his knife and fork back up, and the film ends as he is about to devour the other man. The suited man had refined manners, and the other is somewhat shabby in his manners as he was in his attire. There seems to be a definite class difference. In the end it is the wealthier one who eats the other one. I have some of his other short films that I will watch as time permits. I almost forgot to write more on "The Death of Stalinism in Bohemia." I need to learn more about Czech history so I know who some of the people represented in this film. I want to learn more about what is referred as the Prague Spring. I feel a connection with this period, but I do not know why. I do not know if it is a general desire for the freedom of all people or a connection with this part of the world in particular.  This is a very poignant film, I also want to learn more about the Czech Republic and Slovakia today.

Filmy Jana Švankmajera

This weekend I watched some films by Jan Švankmajer. I watched "Little Otik" yesterday after I got home from work and "Conspirators of Pleasure" earlier today. I watch several of his short films too: "The Flat," "Food," "Dimensions of Dialogue," "Meat Love," "Flora," "The Death of Stalinism in Bohemia," "Darkness Light Darkness" and "The Garden." "Little Otik" ("Otesánek" in Czech) is built around a Czech fairy tale, "Otesánek," written by Karel Jaromir Erben in the Nineteenth Century. Both the story and the film are about a couple who cannot have children. The husband digs up a tree stump that resembles a baby, and after it has been trimmed it eventually comes alive and acts like a baby. But this baby has a voracious appetite. In the film in the building where the couple live there is a precocious girl. At first she is obsessed with reading a book on sex and reproduction, and she wonders why her neighbors do not have children. She wants them to have a child, because there are no other children in the building. The woman pretends to be pregnant for eight months. Then she brings Otesánek home. He cries for more and more food. The girl notices similarities between what is going on with her neighbors and the fairy tale, especially after the neighbor's cat has disappeared, and people start to disappear. She decides that she wants to protect Otesánek to keep him from being killed as he was in the fairy tale. The film has an ambiguous ending. "Conspirators of Pleasure" was inspired by the writings of the Marquis de Sade, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch and others. It is about several people with sexual fetishes. The stories interweave at times. As in many of Švankmajer's films live action and animation are mixed. When each of the characters is thinking of his/her sexual fetish a particular kind of music is played for each character. At times the character is doing what would probably be considered innocent by a casual observer, but the character act as if they are afraid that observers can tell the fetish behind their actions. Pavel Nový acted in both of these films. I think he is very sexy. I won't go into great detail about the short films. Švankmajer's films have a strong surrealistic influence. "The Death of Stalinism In Bohemia" is for me a moving movie. In part of the film the Russian forces moving into Prague at the end of the "Prague Spring" are represented by rolling pins. The film ends with the Czech flag being painted on various items. As I have mentioned this is an image that moves me very much. in "The Garden" (filmed in 1968) a man brings a co-worker and long-time friend to visit him in the country. Around the grounds there is a hedge made up of people holding hands. There are hints that they do more than just stand there, a couple of men play "rock, paper, scissors" and a man is seen tenderly rubbing the hand of the women next to him. The woman seems to be pregnant. The visitor asks why they are there. And he is informed that they are there voluntarily. The reasons for some of the people being there is whispered and inaudible. The visitor eventually becomes part of the wall. "Darkness, Light, Darkness"begins with a tiny dark room. The light is turned on. Then various body parts start knocking on the door. There are doors on both sides of the room. The left hand enters first, then the eyes knock at the doors. The right hand comes next. The ears are seen flying like a butterfly outside the window. They are brought in and separated. The head appears at the door squealing like a pig. The ears are attached to the head, and the eyes are put into the sockets. The tongue is let in through one door, and the tongue opens the other door for the teeth. These are placed in the mouth. The brain knocks and lets itself in, and the top of the head is opened for the brain to be put inside. Next come the feet and shins. There is a loud banging at one of the doors. The hand looks out and is afraid to open the door. The the head and one hand struggle to keep the door closed while the other hand goes to get  a glass of water to pour on what is waiting outside. Next to enter: the cock and balls. The rest of the body comes in through the window as globs of clay. The body is put together with the genitals put on last. The body fills the room, and as the man is too big to leave the room he turns off the light. "Meat Love" has two pieces of meat cut off of a larger piece of meat. The two pieces of meat flirt with each other and dance. They start rolling around on a plate of flour like a couple on a beach. They seem to be fucking as they are picked up and thrown into a frying pan. This movie is about one minute in length. I have left out a lot of details about all of these films. "Dimensions of Dialogue" in one segment deals symbolically with communication that starts off well then disintegrates. "Food" seems to deal in different ways with eating as a symbol of some people having power over others. I may write more about this film later.