A Friend in Prison

I found out why a friend is in prison. He shot someone. I do not know the circumstances, but I can be sure that it was not unprovoked. I had lost his address. I only knew him for a short period of time, but I know that he is someone who will stand up for people who need to be defended. I know that he struggles with keeping his temper. I know that he is a good person. I probably will not see him again, but I will continue to be his friend. I would prefer to be friends with an honest person who will stand up for to being a friend who claims to be a friend who betrays my confidences. I think he is sexy, but he is straight. I would not invade his comfort zones. This is out of respect not fear. I am a loyal friend, and I will remain his loyal friend as long as he wants. He knows that I am gay, and he accepts me as I am.

Trying LSD

I had been wanting to try LSD, and I finally did that in October. The first time I had too much. I do not know how long the trip was, but I seemed to be caught in a time loop. A friend kept asking me if I was OK. Sometimes I answered. At times his gender changed. I remember thinking that I was going to have to live through the same minute over and over again. There were things that I seemed to need to figure out, but it did not seem to matter whether or not I figured these things out. Then I was in the same room, but everything was covered with mud. It was the end of the world, and everything was disintegrating. I cannot describe what happened after that. I now understand psychedelic art. Most of the LSD was administered in my eye. I had less LSD the second time. I was more aware of what was going on this time. It seemed that I was more aware of the molecules that make up our physical world. I will only do LSD or shrooms with people whom I trust.

Я хотел попробовать ЛСД, и в конце концов я это сделал в октябре. В первый раз у меня было слишком много. Я не знаю, как долго была поездка, но я, похоже, был пойман во время цикла. Друг все время спрашивал меня, все ли в порядке. Иногда я отвечал. Время от времени его пол менялся. Я помню, что думал, что мне придется жить через одну и ту же минуту снова и снова. Были вещи, которые мне, казалось, нужно было выяснить, но, похоже, не имело значения, понял ли я эти вещи. Затем я был в одной комнате, но все было покрыто грязью. Это был конец света, и все распадалось. Я не могу описать, что произошло после этого. Теперь я понимаю психоделическое искусство. Большинство ЛСД было введено мне в глаза. У меня было меньше ЛСД во второй раз. Я больше знал, что происходит в это время. Казалось, что я больше осведомлен о молекулах, которые составляют наш физический мир. Я буду делать только ЛСД или шары с людьми, которым я доверяю.

Ich wollte LSD probieren, und das habe ich schließlich im Oktober getan. Das erste Mal hatte ich zu viel. Ich weiß nicht, wie lange die Reise dauerte, aber ich schien in einer Zeitschleife gefangen zu sein. Ein Freund fragte mich immer wieder, ob ich in Ordnung sei. Manchmal habe ich geantwortet. Manchmal änderte sich sein Geschlecht. Ich erinnere mich, dass ich dachte, dass ich die gleiche Minute immer wieder durchleben musste. Es gab Dinge, die ich zu klären schien, aber es schien mir egal zu sein, ob ich diese Dinge herausgefunden hatte oder nicht. Dann war ich im selben Raum, aber alles war mit Schlamm bedeckt. Es war das Ende der Welt und alles zerfiel. Ich kann nicht beschreiben, was danach passiert ist. Ich verstehe jetzt psychedelische Kunst. Der größte Teil des LSD wurde in meinem Auge verabreicht. Ich hatte beim zweiten Mal weniger LSD. Mir war mehr bewusst, was diesmal vor sich ging. Es schien, dass ich mir der Moleküle, die unsere physische Welt ausmachen, mehr bewusst war. Ich werde nur LSD oder Pilze mit Leuten machen, denen ich vertraue.

"Cheech Is Not My Real Name...But Don't Call Me Chong!"

I have never been a fan of Cheech and Chong, but I this book caught my eye in the local library. Cheech Is Not My Real Name...But Don't Call Me Chong!" is an entertaining book. I finished the book in two days. I am still not a fan of the duo, but I may want to check out some of Cheech Marin's films. I did not know very much about him before reading this book. He is an intelligent man, and I would recommend this book. He mentions Timothy Leary in this book. I had met Timothy Leary at a science fiction convention. (I finally tried LSD a couple of times this year, more about that another time if I remember.) I have more respect about Mr. Marin after reading this. Read this book. You will enjoy it, and you will probably learn something.

"Stolen Beauty" by Laurie Lico Albanese

Stolen Beauty is an interesting novel by Laurie Lico Albanese. It is based on events that took place in the lives of two women, Adele Bloch-Bauer and her granddaughter Maria Altmann. It centers around a portrait of the former by Gustav Klimt. Other events and people are part of the story, of course. I was entertained and educated by this book. The main characters are portrayed as whole, likable people. Growing anti-semitism in Austria during the 20th Century is portrayed. Gustav Klimt comes to life in this book as well as the women mentioned above. Their families are also vividly portrayed. This is a book that was hard to put down. This book makes me want to learn more about the art of Gustav Klimt. I highly recommend this book.

"Weaveworld" by Clive Barker

There is always something magical about the writing and art of Clive Barker. His stories, films and other art do not fit neatly into any single genre. Weaveworld has aspects of horror and fantasy. Clive Barker uses language very well. There are a few things that make me shake me shake my head. Rue Street is not the most original name for a street. I first read this book when it was first published in paperback, and did not read it again until this week. It was first published as a hardback in 1987. This is a book that one can read multiple times without losing interest. A world of magic is woven into a carpet in order to protect it and its inhabitants. I felt myself drawn into the world of the book as the main characters were drawn into the world inside the carpet. Few writers posses the mastery of the English language that Mr. Barker does. Here is a phrase that struck me, "He felt sick as a flea in a leper's jock strap." I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys getting lost in a book. Clive Barker remains one of my favorite authors.

Adult Content

I got to suck two cocks last week. One guy shot his load into my mouth. That was yummy. I have known him for less that a year, but I have had fun with him. He got me started smoking something that makes me horny. I have known the other guy for several years. He did not cum in my mouth, but we had fun. We  sucked each other, kissed and cuddled. I have heard that he is as big a slut as I am. Maybe my sexual dry spot has ended. I have other friends with whom I enjoy myself. To be honest friendship without sex is better than sex without at least friendship.

Update for 07/12/17

I started the new anti-seizure medication the night before last. I will have to continue taking meds just once per day. I was too drowsy to work yesterday. I did not take it this morning, and I feel more alert. I do not know if this new medication will work for me.

After Christmas my best friend and I plan on looking for a place where we can live together. It would be helpful for both us if we can live together. I know that he has helped me a lot. It helps that we have open communication. If there is a problem we talk about it, and we resolve it. All issues are resolved before we go to sleep at night. I have never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with him. I plan on enjoying his company for as long as I can. Our time together might end someday, but I would prefer focusing on what we can share together instead worrying about what might happen.

New Medication

I just got a new medication today. I will start taking it tonight. It is Depakote. I hope that it keeps me from having seizures without depression. I have enough problems with depression without help from chemical sources.

What I Would Enjoy most this Christmas

What I would enjoy most this Christmas would be to be able to spend time with at least one friend. Last Christmas I was alone outside in the cold for much of the day. I am happy for my friends that they will be able to spend at least part of their holiday with family or other loved ones. I want to be with friends at other times during the year, but my loneliness seems more intense on holidays. I do not just want other people to make me feel good. I also want to be able to give of myself to others. I sometimes think that there must be something wrong with me that keeps others from wanting to spend time with me. I try to keep from having those thoughts, but sometimes they creep in. I know that I have something that I can contribute to the well being of others. I have love to give. I need love too.

То, что мне понравилось бы больше всего этого Рождества, было бы иметь возможность провести время, по крайней мере, с одним другом. В прошлое Рождество я был на улице на холоде большую часть дня. Я рад за своих друзей, что они смогут провести хотя бы часть своего отпуска с семьей или другими близкими. Я хочу быть с друзьями в другое время в течение года, но мое одиночество кажется более интенсивным в праздники. Я не хочу, чтобы другие люди заставляли меня чувствовать себя хорошо. Я также хочу уметь отдавать себя другим. Я иногда думаю, что со мной что-то не так, что не дает другим желать провести время со мной. Я стараюсь избегать этих мыслей, но иногда они ползают. Я знаю, что у меня есть кое-что, что я могу внести вклад в благополучие других. Я люблю давать. Мне тоже нужна любовь.

To, čo by som väčšina z týchto Vianoc užila, by bolo mať možnosť tráviť čas aspoň s jedným priateľom. Minulé Vianoce som bola väčšinu dňa vonku v chladnom prostredí. Som rád, že moji priatelia budú môcť stráviť aspoň časť svojej dovolenky s rodinou alebo inými blízkymi. Chcem byť s priateľmi inokedy v priebehu roka, ale moja osamelosť je na dovolenke intenzívnejšia. Nechcem, aby ostatní ľudia cítili dobre. Tiež chcem byť schopný dať seba ostatným. Niekedy si myslím, že s mnou musí byť niečo zle, ktoré vedie k tomu, že ostatní chcú, aby si so mnou trávili čas. Snažím sa udržať tieto myšlienky, ale niekedy sa vplývajú. Viem, že mám niečo, čo môžem prispieť k blahu druhých. Mám rád dať. Potrebujem aj lásku.

Was ich an Weihnachten am meisten genießen würde, wäre Zeit mit mindestens einem Freund verbringen zu können. Letzte Weihnachten war ich den größten Teil des Tages allein draußen in der Kälte. Ich freue mich für meine Freunde, dass sie zumindest einen Teil ihres Urlaubs mit Familie oder anderen Lieben verbringen können. Ich möchte zu anderen Zeiten während des Jahres mit Freunden zusammen sein, aber meine Einsamkeit scheint in den Ferien intensiver. Ich möchte nicht nur, dass andere Menschen mir ein gutes Gefühl geben. Ich möchte auch anderen etwas geben können. Manchmal denke ich, dass etwas mit mir nicht in Ordnung ist, das andere davon abhält, Zeit mit mir zu verbringen. Ich versuche, diese Gedanken zu vermeiden, aber manchmal schleichen sie sich ein. Ich weiß, dass ich etwas habe, was ich zum Wohlergehen anderer beitragen kann. Ich habe Liebe zu geben. Ich brauche auch.

I Need My Friends

It seems that the times when I need my friends are the times when I cannot get anyone to spend time with me. There are people who claim to be my friends when I can do things for them, but when I need them they are nowhere to be found. I do like doing things for these people, but it hurts when they disappear when I need them. I need friends who are around when they do not need something from me. I am not going to stop doing whatever I can for my friends. I love them. There are various causes for my depression. Some of these causes are chemical. I need to have loving friends around me.

Thankful for Friends (updated)

I have a few friends who kept me alive just by being friends. There are things that kept me from attempting suicide. I did not have enough pills. I did not want someone to be burdened with having to deal with the disposal of my corpse. I did not want to hurt the friends who care about me. I am not that selfish. I know that I would be hurt by the death of any of my friends. I am thankful for these friends. There are times when I am lonely, but it helps me to know that I have friends. The day after I had thought of taking an overdose I learned that a friend had died from an overdose.

I am going to see a doctor about getting another medication to stop my seizures. Hopefully I will get something that will keep me from having seizures without contributing to my seizures.

I want to keep from overdoing any drugs. I do not do any drugs alone, and I do not buy any drugs directly unless it is something prescribed.

It's the Most Torturous Time of the Year

This is the time of year when public torture is allowed. I am referring to Christmas music. I cannot remember a time when I ever enjoyed Christmas except for the Red Baron Christmas album when I was a child. To make Christmas music you take go through the garbage heap of music and put together whatever you find there. If I could I would never go shopping at this time of year. I am a masochist, but I have limits. The only thing that I can think of that would be worse would be Donald Trump replacing Vincent Price on Michael Jackson's song "Thriller" with Jimi Hendrix playing guitar along with the Shaggs, often said to be the worst band of all times. Even Einsturznde Neubauten's most painful music is more pleasant than Christmas. Especially despicable is Christmas jazz. I enjoy good jazz, but Christmas jazz is not real jazz.

If you are offended by anything I said, lighten the fuck up.