Public Transportation in U.S. and Europe Briefly Compared

One of the things I enjoyed the times I have been to Europe is how easy it is to get from place to place without a car. I was surprised when I moved back to my hometown that there is now public transportation, but it does not run frequently. When I went from Nice, France to a small town in Scotland in 1979 I was able to do so on buses trains and a ferry without any problem. It is more difficult go get to some small towns in the U.S. without a car or knowing someone with a car who will take you there. I never have understood the stigma attached to taking public transportation in a lot of this country. The stigma may be less in larger cities here, but I have had little experience with that here. I know that in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is a large city for this state, the bus system was easy to use, but it did not run as frequently as those in cities of Europe. I did take the Metro in Washington, but I do not remember how frequently the trains ran. When I was in Europe I did want to walk from place to place as much as possible, but mostly this was because I could leisurely see the cities. I did enjoy the public transportation systems in Paris and Prague. They were very convenient and ran frequently. When people in the U.S. hear that I do not drive they usually want to know why. The assumption is often made that I had lost my license for some reason. I never felt comfortable driving. I would prefer to live in a place with good public transportation for a couple of reasons. One of these is that I do not have to bother with the expenses of owning a car, gas, insurance, upkeep, etc. I also like to be independent, and I have more freedom if I can take public transportation or walk. On buses, trams and subways there is also more of a possibility of meeting people. Another of my favorite memories of Prague took place on the Metro. While I was riding on the train three young guys got on board with a bottle of wine. They wanted to practice English. We passed the bottle around and had a good time talking. I wish I could have practiced my Czech with them, but I had other opportunities for that. I have made friends on buses in various cities in the U.S. I have even met some guys whose cocks I sucked. Unfortunately that has not happened in Europe yet. I want so much to go back to Europe and travel around and experience more things. That includes, but is not limited to, sex with European men. Hopefully some day I will be able to return.

Dancing to an Irregular Beat

Sometimes I enjoy moving to music with a strong, irregular beat. It can be fun trying to figure how to vary the dance to fir the rhythm. You can do completely different movements or variations to the same movements. I have never been very fond of doing dances that have been invented, like the moonwalk, the robot or running man for instance. I prefer to freestyle. I may take elements from these dances. I dance more for myself than for others. Sometimes I have been moved to dance to music to which few other people that I knew danced to. When I was in school whenever I heard the music of Kraftwerk I felt the urge to dance. I do admit that I did enjoy dancing to Disco music, but there was very little of it to which I wanted to listening when not dancing. My favorite ballets are those by Стравинский, Шостакович, Bartók and Прокофьев. (Stravinsky, Shostakovich and Prokofiev, I just felt like being pretentious for a minute there.) I am especially fond of Le sacre du printemps and Petrushka by Stravinsky, I cannot sit completely still when I hear these pieces. My least favorite type of music intended for dance is the waltz. Most waltzes I find extremely boring. I enjoy cumbias, mambos, sambas and bachatas, but these can get boring after awhile. If somebody mixed these with punk we might have some fun music like the gypsy punk from Gogol Bordello. I enjoy the way that Puya, a band from Puerto Rico, blended traditional Latin-American musical styles with metal. I also like the way In Extremo from Germany blend Medieval music and metal. I like to mix things up. Years ago a friend was working in a store where they played Baroque music, but there was a glitch in the tape they were using. There was a brief section where that music was interrupted by Disco. He said that the customers immediately changed how they were moving. Find your own rhythm, dance to it and have a fucking blast.

Why All the Controversy?

For some of us just to appear in public causes controversy. There is not sense in this. People who do not conform to the so called norm are too often expected to walk in shame. It is too seen as an act of bravery for many of us to hold our heads up in self acceptance and pride. We should all be able to walk down the street and say, "I am who I am, and I will not let anyone else define or label me. If someone has multiple tattoos and piercings it does not hurt anyone they encounter. The only reason I do not have more tattoos and piercings is financial. It has nothing to do with what other people might think. If someone's pants  are sagging, what harm does it do to you? If someone is large or very thin, and they are happy with who they are that should not be the concern of anyone else. People with scars and deformations are expected to hide these things from public view as if these things were something to be ashamed of. Why is it that those who were wounded fighting for liberty are often led to be embarrassed by the scars left by those injuries? Why is it that there are postings online for ridicule  pictures of people who go to WalMart at night revealing parts of their anatomy that they are afraid to show during the day? I am embarrassed and ashamed that I have laughed at these photos too.  I no longer do this. These are people with feelings. We do not know what they are going through. Some of these people may wear what is considered to be unusual clothing, but it does not harm anyone. What is harmful is the posting of these photographs with unkind words. Who has the right to criticize a black woman or man for wearing their hair in its natural state? No one has this right. I get angry at the thought of someone using derogatory words to refer to this. Why is it that gender roles in regards to dress and make up are  expected to be followed by all people when they are in public? I remember that it took a lot of courage for me to appear in public wearing high-heeled boots. THe spectrum of gender identity is very broad, and we should all be able to wear clothing in which we feel comfortable. We should focus less on how others act, dress, etc. and more on treating other with the respect. All people are worthy of being treated with respect.

A Ship in Harbor Is Safe, but That's not Why Ships Are Built."

Here are my two favorite sayings from fortune cookies:"Beware of cookies bearing fortunes," and "A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not why ships are built." I like the first for its absurdity. The second is mostly true, but a ship in harbor is not completely safe. It is usually safer there than away from harbor. If we want to progress we have to get out of our comfort zones. Sometimes there are setbacks, but we have to take chances. Sometimes this even means getting away from cliches and finding our own way of speaking. That does not mean leaving the safety of our harbors at the wrong time. I am not saying to wait until circumstances are ideal, but not to leave the harbor when there are dark storm clouds forming. I learned that lesson when I went to Rhode Island. I din have some fun there, but the cost was very high. I should not have ignored the warnings. Another of the warnings I should have paid attention to was that this jerk was insisting on my changing my last name to his. I kept saying that I wanted to wait until the time was right, and I wanted to hyphenate it. I don't think either of us really heard what the other was saying when we were discussing that. The main way in which I want to leave my harbor is to speak up against injustice and prejudice not matter what the circumstance. I am not always comfortable doing this, but my comfort is not what matters. With practice it is becoming easier. It does not always make me popular, but it can make a difference. I have been guilty too often of remaining silent in the face of injustice. No longer will this be true.

My Voice Will Be Heard

I never thought I would be interested in doing anything political again. The last time I volunteered is something I find very embarrassing. I volunteered at the Republican headquarters during Gerald Ford' run for office. The only reason I can think of why I supported him was that my father had been a Republican, but that really does not make much sense. He did not influence many of my views. I was politically naive at that time. Fortunately I recovered from that conservative spell after going to UNC-G. It is funny that for a brief time I considered myself a Republican. While in college I went from that to being a socialist. I have fluctuated in my liberalism at times, but I have never gone back to being conservative. I still have very strong socialist leanings, and I strongly believe in human rights. I do want to get involved more actively in making changes in the political system in this country as long as I am here. As I have stated before if I could I would gladly move to Central or Eastern Europe, but as long as I am here I am committed in making my voice heard and urging others to speak out for reform. I am not sure what actions I will take, and I am just getting started. I am also starting to speak out LGBTQ rights, racial equality, women's rights, and true religious freedom. I have been silent too long. This has ended.

A Great Way to Start the Day and Dreams for the Future

Drinking coffee and listening to Gogol Bordello - a great way to wake up. It is not the best way to wake up, but it is one of the best ways. The best way to wake up would be to wake up next to a man I love after sleeping all night in his arms. Of course we would have made love before going to sleep. We could wake up quietly or we could wake up and drink coffee and listen to Gogol Bordello. Ideally I would be with someone with whom I could speak multiple languages and enjoy multiple activities. These activities would not be limited to sex. I would get up and get get coffee ready. IF we are in the mood we could get rowdy and freestyle dance to gypsy punk. Another possibility would be for us to have sex again, anything from vanilla to slightly kinky - depending on out mood. If he woke up with a hard I would want to take care of that. What would make me happiest would be to make him happy. We would both be open to the possibilities of the days. Hopefully we would be living in a place where we could go for a walk hand in hand. If we were both off from work we could start off with a walk. I would make breakfast for us before or after the walk. Ideally there would be secluded woods in which we could, and if we had not had sex at home we could do that in the woods. I love sucking dick in the open air. Our communication would definitely be open. Both of us would listen to what the other said. If we felt like saying fuck or kurva or anything else we would say it. We would be able to state our true feelings on any topic. Maybe we could start a revolution of gay non-racist skinhead lovers of gypsy punk. Ideally I would be able to make a living as a writer by this time, and on the days when he is working I would spend most of the day writing, but I would also keep the house clean and have a good dinner waiting for him when he got home. This would not be because of a sense of obligation but because it is what I would love doing. I would not neglect taking care of myself, but I would do things for both of us. I would not want to be with someone who did not treat me with love and respect, and I would treat him the same way. We would enjoy good music, good food, good beer and hot sex together. We would hold hands and work for a common future together not giving a fuck what other people think.

This is our country and we need to take it back.

I am starting to think that another reform that needs to be made in the election process is the banning or advertising for political campaigns. As it is the people who end up being truly represented by elected officials are the ones who donate the most money to their campaigns. In many cases it is the very rich and corporations who are the ones who sway politicians. Many elected officials forget the people who voted them into office. Many people have stopped believing that their vote counts. We need to change this. We can make a difference. If we vote for those who truly work for the people and urge other people to do the same we can make a difference. Alone we cannot make much difference, but if we speak up together and take this country back from the rich and the corporations we can have a non-violent revolution. We have to remind the government loudly that corporations are not people but paper. Corporations do not have the same rights as people. We need to stand up to people like the Koch brothers and let them know that we are tired of their bullshit. We need to boycott the companies that they own. There are places online where these companies are listed. This is our country and we need to take it back.

Outdoor Performances

One of my favorite memories in Paris is of the people performing outside of the Centre Georges Pompidou. There was a festival feeling. In one spot there was someone playing a musical saw. There were people doing gymnastics. There were people singing. There was a mime. I cannot remember exact details, but I do remember the wonderful relaxed atmosphere as one could spend hours there enjoying different kinds of performances. You could give money if you could. There was incredible talent being displayed. I also remember seeing performers on the Métro. Sometimes there would be someone singing with a guitar. Mostly they were very good, but I remember one woman trying to sing like Édith Piaf. She was dressed like her and was singing one of her songs. She was terrible, and people were very vocal in letting her know how they felt about her performance. They might not have been so cruel if she had been imitating someone else. This was in 1979, and Édith Piaf had died in 1963. Her grave was still covered in fresh flowers, and people were frequently paying their respects to her. So ti was not a good idea to "sing" her song as this was doing. She sounded more like she was screaming out of tune. It would not have even worked for punk music. i do not believe in being unkind, but it would have been better if she had not continued this performance as she walked along the platform.
I also have fond memories of some outdoor concerts in Winston-Salem. There were weekly jazz concerts during the summer. I only made it to one or two of these, but it was great music. I once went to a concert of several hardcore punk Christian bands. There was one band I really liked. They were called Allisonhymn (Pronounced All eyes on him). I bought one of their CD's, but the music on the CD was nothing like what they performed. In concert they were performing hardcore punk, but on the CD it was soft, melodic music. It was good, but I had expected it to be like what I had heard at the concert. I would have liked to have a CD more like their performance.

I wish I knew What to Do, but I Don't

I wish I knew what to do to get out of the situation I am in, but I don't. I am far from my friends. I am working at a job where I do not make enough money. I am in a town that I do not like at all. I do not have anyone with whom I can talk. That is what I am dealing with now. I wish I could get out of here, but it is not something I can do by myself at this time. I am not giving up, but now I am starting to feel pretty hopeless. I do not want anybody to feel sorry for me. I just do not know where to turn. I have not felt so alone in years. I want to be close to friends so we can help each other. I know things will get better, but for the time being I feel like screaming sometimes. I just had to get that off my chest.

A Radical Idea on How Congress Should Be Paid

In an earlier post I said that members of Congress and other elected officials should have to live on the minimum wage, but now I think this does not go far enough. They should have to live on the minimum wage for tipped workers. They would receive tips based on how well they serve the people they are elected to represent. Any funds donated for their election should be put into an account where it could only be used for that purpose, and if they use it for personal purposes they should have heavy tax penalties, They also should receive the same benefits as temp workers, because their jobs are temporary. It is time to stop pampering elected officials.

For My Friends

I am not writing this because I think it is what I think my friends want to read, but it is how I feel about friendship. As a friend I am like a tree. I am here for my friends always. Like a tree I am not going to say that because you have not come to see me I am going to walk away. The shelter of my friendship is here for you. You are always welcome with me. A tree does not withhold its shade because we have been away. I offer my friendship in the same way. A tree may need attention from time to time, but it does reject those who because of circumstance are not able to give this attention. Like a tree I do appreciate the attention given to me. What is more important to me is to be able to give supportive friendship and to let my friends that they are always welcome to my friendship. My friendship is offered freely. We may not be in touch now, but I am still here for you.

Tastes in Music

I was once riding in a car with someone, and the radio was playing a jazz station. We listened to the the station for several minutes until the DJ said "You are listening to jazz ##.#" (I don't remember the station.) She said "I don't like jazz," and she changed the station. She seemed to be enjoying it until she found out it was jazz. I bit my tongue and did not say anything. I knew she would deny liking it. I also had a hard time keeping from laughing. I try to keep an open about music and other things. There are some kinds of music I enjoy more in languages other than English. There are some singers whose songs I enjoy when they sing in their native tongues but not in English. Tarkan is a Turkish singer whose music I enjoy, but I do like his songs more in Turkish. I Enjoy Basshunter's music, but I do have slight preference to his songs in English. I had an album of a concert by Edith Piaf where she sang in French and English. Her singing was more natural in French. I have to admit that I did have to get used to her voice, but once I did I loved it and still do. She may not have had the most polished voice, but she could convey so much in her songs. I enjoy Julio Iglesias when he sings in Spanish. He has sung in several languages, but I would prefer not to hear him sing in English or French. Dee Dee Bridgewater, on the other hand, sings very well in English or French. She is an amazing singer. I also enjoy hearing Joan Baez singing in English and Spanish. I enjoy hearing rap in different languages, but I do not like a lot of the rap that becomes popular. This should not be surprising to anyone who knows me. MC Solaar raps well in French and English. I think it's time to listen to some DJ Vadim or DJ Cam and slow down for the night.
Listening DJ Vadim now. Ilove his music no matter what the language. Sometimes the songs flow seemlessly from one language to another. He successfully blends different styles, rap, reggae, electronic, soul, etc. He, DJ Cam, Sasha, LTJ Bukem and Paul Oakenfold a produce some of my favorite music. I am thankful to the friend who introduced me to their music. I hiope my taste in music never stagnates.

Expressing Sadness and Loneliness Keeps them from Getting Unmanageable

I believe in being open with how I feel. If I am open with how I feel I may get help from friends. If I keep things in they become a heavy burden that grows. If I deal with negative feelings I am able when they are starting I can manage them. If I do not deal with them they grow into something that I cannot manage. It is much easier for me to express positive emotions. Loneliness and sadness are not necessarily negative they are just things we feel sometimes. Anger is not necessarily negative, but how we express our anger can be negative. I think it is healthy to be angry about the political state of this country. There are positive ways to express this anger and do something about it. A positive way to deal with it is to make our voices heard and to get involved and encourage others to get involved in correcting the situation. When we are sad or depressed or lonely we can deal with this in positive ways like talking about it and reaching out to friends. Letting others know that we need help is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes it can help the person to whom we reach out. I know that it helps me when a friend in need reaches out to me, because it reminds me that I have something to offer to others in friendship. I find it difficult to let out tears and laughter. Both are great releases. Part of the reason that I have difficulty crying is that my eyes tend to be a bit dry, but that is only a small part of the reason. Growing up I was often told not to cry. I was never taught that in some circumstances that tears are necessary. Laughter can be hard for me too, because in order to laugh I have to stop worrying about the possibility of looking silly. It has been a long journey to not giving a fuck about what people think about me, and the journey is not over. The road has not been a straight line, and it has not been without backtracking. I have made a lot of progress. I have friends who have helped me along the way, and I hope I have helped others along the way. I may eventually edit my writing, but I am not going to edit who I am.

I Still Need my Friends, Are You There?

I keep reaching out to friends, and sometimes I get a response. I start to get a feeling that I will rarely know what it is like to have friends who will be there for me when I need them. I know that people have lives of their own, but sometimes just a kind word would help a lot. I get tired of reaching out  to people. Sometimes I wonder why it has always been so hard for me to find true friends. I know that I have friends, but they are so far away. From time to time I feel painfully alone. I do have ideas of what I want to do with my life, but I cannot do it by myself at this time. I do need to spend more time writing. That is one thing I can do. I do need friends with whom I can talk and laugh. It would also help me if friends would come to me when they need someone to talk to. Needing to have friends is not something that just goes away. To be honest I do sometimes come close to giving up on people. I know that I cannot depend on other people to make me happy. I am the only one who can make myself happy. Part of the reason for my feeling very down sometimes may be caused by the meds I take to control my seizures, but it not the only reason. If you are reading this and you are truly a friend, please contact me from time to time.

Amores possíveis

"Amores possíveis" is a charming Brazilian film. It opens with Carlos, played by Murilio Benicio, waiting for a date at a cinema, but she does not show up. She is Julia, played by Carolina Ferraz. There are three possible outcomes that are presented in intertwining stories. Pedro, played by Emilio de Mello, is a part of all three stories. In one of these Carlos is a successful lawyer, and Pedro is his partner. Carlos is married, but he does not seem to be completely happy in the marriage. He encounters Julia in an art gallery fifteen years after she failed to show up at the cinema. He still loves her. In the second story Carlos had married Julia, but after being with her for maybe twelve years he leaves her to be with Pedro. Julia, in the beginning barely speaks to Carlos. She is not nice at all to Pedro. She is still hurting from the lost relationship with Carlos. Carlos tries to have a friendship with her. He still loves both Julia and Pedro, but the stronger love is for Pedro. In the third story Carlos is living with his mother. He has dates many women, but there he always seems to find a reason to end the relationship. He uses a dating service in hopes to find his soulmate. Pedro is a gay man in this story. He works with Carlos. Through the dating service he meets Julia. She is an eccentric artist who has travelled around the world. She likes her sex a bit kinky. Carlos finds her a bit wild, and he wonders if the service had made a mistake. This is another film that I could watch multiple times.

El labarinto del fauno

"El labarinto del fauno" was called "Pan's Labyrinth" when it was released in the U.S. "The Faun's Labyrinth" is the literal translation, and it fits the nature of the film better. Ofelia is a young girl whose mother has married a Captain in Spanish army after the Civil War. She and her mother who is pregnant go to be with him in the countryside. In the woods around the place where the captain is living there are members of the resistance. With good reason Ofelia does not like her stepfather. Mercedes, who is a servant in the captain's household, has a brother in the resistance. She is secretly helping them. She is one of the strongest female characters in film. While Ofelia and her mother are on their way to the country she encounters what looks like a large insect, but she says that it is a fairy. It does turn out to be one. When they arrive Ofelia finds an ancient labyrinth. During the night the fairy who had followed her to her new home takes her down the labyrinth where she meets the faun. He tells her that she is a princess and she has three tasks to do so that she can return to her true father. Her stepfather is heartless. It is clear that the only reason that he married Ofelia's mother is so that he can have a son. He does not care about her, but he does pretend to do so in front of her. He tells the doctor that it is important that his son lives even if it means the death of the mother of the child. There is an interesting blend of "reality" in the battle between the forces of Fascism and the Resistance and the realm of "fantasy" where there good and evil represented. Evil is represented there by the Pale Man who has been known to eat children when he is awakened. There are some scenes of violence, but it is a movie that is worth watching.

Good beer and good music - a great combination

The best combination for me is drinking good beer and listening to a live rowdy, hardcore music. I went to a battle of the bands in Lawrence, Kansas. I went to support Malevolent, the band my supervisor at work was playing in. I voted for his band, not just because he was in it, but because I thought they were the best band there. I went after church with the pastor of the church I was attending. He agreed with me that Malevolent was the best band that played. All of the bands were hardcore. The beer was not the best, but I could tolerate it. It was cheap too. What was fucked up was that the members of the bands could vote. It was not a large crowd, but there were enough people to make it fun. Anyway, with the band members voting, the band with the most members won the battle. They were not the best. I liked them least. There name was Brass Knuckle Betty. I cannot remember the names of the other bands. I still wear a couple of Malevolent t-shirts even though the band split up long ago. I went to Ziggy's in Winston-Salem with a friend a number of times. Ziggy's was a great venue for live music. I saw Donne the Buffalo, Burning Spear, Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, the Misfits and others there. There was a great bar there. I could drink good beer, take my shirt off and lose myself in the music there. At the Burning Spear concert there was a lot of a certain substance being smoked. (That reminds me of a time when I was in a location I will not name when I was smoking with friends. I had a mustache, and I accidentally burned it when I was lighting up. I had to shave my mustache off. Burnt hair is not something you want right under your nose.) Once we went to a festival there where there were hardcore bands playing. The only one I remember was a band called Spite from Charlotte. The main reason that I remember them was because of their drummer. After they came onstage he stripped down to a studded black leather jockstrap. He was hot! When he started playing I knew why he did not want to wear much. His energy was intense. I wonder if he was as energetic in other situations. Too bad I was not able to find out. I did like their music, high energy punk. I do not know what happened to them. I never heard anything else about them. Well, I do also enjoy drinking good beer and hearing good acoustic bands too, like in the bar in Prague I mentioned in an earlier post.
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Is the U.S.A. an Oligarchy of the Rich or a Democracy?

I think that the members of Congress who do not want to increase the minimum wage and want to repeal the Affordable Care Act should have to live on the current minimum wage without health insurance without access to their savings accounts to see if they are able to do that. Some cold-hearted, short-sighted members of Congress have referred to adults who are working minimum-wage job as being failures. Anybody can fall on hard times. The benefits of members of Congress need to be drastically cut. I am sure that they would not pass laws to do that. Tax payers are paying for these benefits, yet they say that is programs like SNAP (food stamps), unemployment, and other government programs are a drain on the economy. Their benefits and the tax cuts for the rich are drains on the economy. The tax breaks for large corporations are also drains on the economy. Big banks are protected from failure even when they do risky behavior. I am sure that most of people using the SNAP program or other government programs would prefer to be able to earn a living wage and be able to support themselves. I know that I feel better about myself when I can make a living wage and can support myself and help others in need. There are Republicans who say that they are interested in making things better for the working class, but their actions belie this claim. The gap between the rich and poor is growing, and the Middle Class is endangered. We need to vote out of office elected government officials who are more interested in working for the rich and corporations than they are for the people they are elected to represent. This country is becoming more of a oligarchy of the rich and less of a democracy.

The Importance of Music in my Life

Music is an important part of my life. There is music that can make me want to dance. There is music that is cathartic. There is music that brings out my radical side. There is music that soothes me. Sometimes I can get lost in music. Once about twenty years ago I was in downtown Winston-Salem, and there was a band of Latin-American musicians playing. I do not remember where they were from. I got absorbed in the music. I took my shirt off and started moving to the music. There not a lot of people around, but it did not matter how many people were there or what they thought. The only thing that mattered to me was the music. It was very liberating. I may have looked crazy, but I don't care. The band was very talented, and I also wanted to let them know how much their music touched me. There have been very few moments when I have been able to lose myself like and not give a fuck what other people think. I definitely would like to see Gogol Bordello in concert. I definitely think that I could get lost in their music. Hank III is someone else I would like to see perform. I would want to be able to drink at those concerts. Not enough to get overly drunk, just enough to loosen up a bit. The music by itself would do that. I am sad that I never got to see Rage Against the Machine in concert. They are one band that brings out my radical side. The music of Combichrist satisfies my aggressive side. It is funny to me that their CD "What the F**k Is Wrong with You People" has a parental warning about explicit content. I would think that with that title it would be obvious. I am listening to Gogol Bordello to get me motivated to get going. I am not going to let anything get me down. I am ready to take on anything and anybody I need to deal with today. Too bad I can't play music at work. I am sure some people would like some of the music I would play, and some people would get pissed off. Some people say it is better to get pissed off than to get pissed on. I say it depends on who is pissing on me.

Two Releases: Writing and Masturbation

I do not understand why masturbation is often treated as a dirty secret. It is a great way to relieve stress. It does not harm anyone. It is also a way to develop imagination. We can explore our sexuality without harming anyone. For men it is also good for the prostate. At night it helps me to go to sleep. Every night there are two things that I do before I can go to sleep, jerk off and write in this blog. These are usually separate actions, but they are both necessary releases. I do need to set aside more time for writing. Until I do that I will not develop as a writer. Writing and masturbation are usually done in private. I do enjoy masturbating in front of certain people, but writing will probably remain something I do alone.

Only Say Behind Other People's Backs What You Would Say to Them

I think it's a good idea not say things behind somebody's back that you would not say to their face. I try to do this, because if the person finds out what has been said an awkward situation. Also it is a good idea not so say bad things about someone in another language when that person is in your presence. That person might be able to understand. At work at times some of the people have said things in Spanish about me. At times I remind them that I understand them. I do not understand everything that is said in Spanish at work, but my comprehension is getting better. With friends who are not present I do not say things about them that I would not say in their presence. It is just not because I think they might find out, but I value friendship and honesty. Saying bad things about friends behind their backs crosses the line from being an asshole to being a douche. It is also a sign of cowardice. I do not trust people who would say to me things about someone they would not say to that person. I let my friends know how about them, especially if it is positive. I do not mind if my straight male friends know if I think they are sexy. They know that I would not do anything to harm the friendship. Being completely honest in friendship is not the same thing as saying hurtful things unnecessarily. It is a good idea not to leave a positive thing left unsaid. Encouragement should never be postponed.

I Like Being Generous, but I Cannot Give Money to People I Only Know Online

Often on Facebook and Tagged people ask me to give them money. I tell them that I have difficulty paying my own bills, and I cannot send anyone money. They often say that I am being selfish, and some people O have had to block when they persist in asking for money. I would like to help people I know if they need money, but I am not going to send money to people I only know online. It would be very for people to say that they need money when they are just trying to scam others. I like helping other people, but I am not able to do that at this time. It is not an easy thing to say no to people who are really in need. I cannot be sure that the people online are really in need. I get suspicious when I keep hearing similar stories from different people. One of the types of stories that I have heard a lot is of the person's parents having died and the person living with a grandparent. Usually the person claims to be the only support for the grandparent who had cared for them. There is sometimes sometimes variations, but the basic theme of these stories is the same in a lot of cases. There are other stories that I have received from various people. I cannot possibly give money to everyone who asks, and I would only give money to people I know personally. I do not want anyone who is really in need to go without the things that they need, but they need to go to someone else for financial help. I know things will get better for me, but when they do I will still not give money to people who are only online friends. I cannot help it if they think I am selfish. I enjoy being able to be generous, but that does not mean that I am gullible.

Happy Workers are Better Workers

Companies seem to forget that if they keep their employees happy they will get better work from them. there is a tendency to treat workers as machines, but even machines need occasional attention. I have worked in too many places where mistakes are punished while good work is rarely praised. Mistakes are made, and they should be handled in a way that does not belittle the worker. Good work needs to be recognized not taken for granted. We all like to be appreciated. If workers know that good work is rewarded they are more likely to do good work. If they fear punishment for making mistakes they become nervous and more likely to make mistakes. If supervisors treat their workers with a negative attitude the workers are more likely to treat each other with the same attitude. If workers receive positive feedback they are happier in the workplace and more likely to be productive. If workers do not fear making mistakes they are more likely to take initiative and do work that needs to be done without constantly needing to be told. Workers also need to be given all of the information that the need to do the job they are doing. I have worked in places where workers are just given the information they need to do what they are doing. They are not told how what they are doing affects the person next in line in the work process. People need to be gently reminded the importance of teamwork. The cause of negative attitudes needs to be discovered and addressed. No one should have to put up with bad treatment from supervisors and co-workers. Workers should know that if they are being treated badly there is a way to address and the bad treatment will not continue. It must be remembered that workers are people not machines.

I am in Favor of Open Non-Exploitative International Trade

I have nothing against buying products from made in other countries as long as they are made for companies in that country by workers who are treated fairly. I try not to buy products that are made by exploited workers. Even if I could I would not buy clothing made in Bangladesh by people who are working in dangerous workplaces. Stores like The Gap should be held accountable for the work conditions in the places where their merchandise is made. Nobody should be treated like these workers are. I have been guilty of shopping at Wal-Mart at times. I do not want to do this again until they change how they treat their workers and the people who make their merchandise. I will only buy clothing made in Bangladesh if it is a  Bangladeshi company that treats their workers well. There are things that I like that are from other countries: mineral waters, cigars, beer, liquor, wine, etc. I believe in free trade between as long as it is done in a non-exploitative way. I still want to try Babička vodka from the Czech Republic made with wormwood. I want some cod livers like the ones I had in Prague. i wish Czech absinth was available here. I would love to be able to buy Cuban cigars too. I want to try foods from more countries too. We need to stop American companies from sending jobs to other countries where they exploit the people there. I would not mind them employing people in other countries as long as they also employ people here and pay those in other countries equal pay with the same or similar benefits. I realize the holidays would not necessarily be the same. I would want them to have holiday pay for the holidays celebrated there they are. The exploitation of workers needs to be stopped.

Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain

Sometimes films can entertain and teach us at the same time. "Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain" is one of those films. The main character, Amélie, reminds me of myself and some people I know. We are better at helping other people than we are at taking care of ourselves. Sometimes doing things for others without letting them know the source of the action. The often overused word magical keeps coming to my mind when I think of how to describe this movie. In ways it reminds me of the films of Jan Švankmajer with the mix of fantasy and "reality." In this film inanimate objects move, lamps, figures in paintings and photographs, etc. It is a very old idea, but it deals with the interconnections found frequently in life. Sometimes things we think are not related to each other have ties to each other. This film is one that leaves me with a good feeling after watching. It helps me to think about the possibility of finding someone I can be with and with whom I can identify. Yes, I know it is only a fictional film, and not everything that happens in films happen in real life. I am not going to give up on finding that special someone. Sometimes we have to take chances. There are times that we only have one opportunity. Sometimes we need to take the chance of meeting someone. Sometimes things do not work out, and something happens like what happened to me in Rhode Island. Sometimes what seems like a chance encounter becomes a friendship that lasts for years. It is always better to act and regret than not to act and regret.

I want to see Audrey Tautou who played Amélie in this movie. Mathieu Kassovitz was also in it. They both have a special charm here. This is a film I could watch over and over again.

New Terms for the Pretentious: Extra-Historical, Extra-Modern, Extra-Political and Extra-Temporal - I Hope these Never come into Use

I want to propose some new words for those who want to use words like postmodern, post-history and post-political: extra-historical, extra-modern, extra-political and extra-temporal. The extra in these words signifies being outside of something as in the word extraordinary. Extra-historical refers to events that are ignored by mainstream history books, mostly things that would challenge the point of view of the majority of society, conservative aspects of society mostly. An example of this would be that Helen Keller was a radical. Extra-political would refer to those who are disenfranchised by restrictive voting laws. It would also refer to those who have given up hope with the election process, because they see elections being bought with their votes meaning nothing. Extra-modern refers to those things that are cheap imitations of things that have been done over and over again, things that were once radical but have become cliches. Extra-temporal refers to those things that are timeless or things that are quickly forgotten. Hopefully these terms will never catch on.

I may surprise people with my words and actions, but that is not my goal in speaking or doing.

I do enjoy enjoy surprising people with things I say and do, but I am not going to say or do something just for that purpose. In Prague I enjoyed the look of shock of shock on the guy's face when he found out that I did indeed have absinthe in my flask. It was why I had it in my flask. It was a side benefit. I just like taking a sip once in a while but not very often. Sometimes people ask me questions that they really want answered in the way that I answer them. If they do not like my answers I am not going to apologize. In asking a question there is always a chance of getting a surprising answer. I usually do not give away details about my personal life to most people, but if people ask me direct questions I answer them honestly. The amount of detail I give depends on how much time I have to answer and to whom I am talking. I am not going to lie just to make someone comfortable, but I am not going to go our of my way to make someone feel uncomfortable. If someone asks me why I am not married I will answer honestly. I have not met the right man who wants to marry me. If they push I will just say that mostly I meet men who just want me to suck their cocks. (There was one guy I encountered several times in a certain restroom who would masturbate until he was about to cum. Then he would stick his cock in my mouth.) This is not information that I blurt out to just anybody, but if someone pushes for information they should be prepared for whatever response they receive. I am not here to please other people. I am here to be myself and to help others to feel comfortable being themselves.

I need to be with people with whom I can communicate openly

I know I have friends, but I wish I could be closer to them. I need to be with people with whom I can converse. I spend so much time that I sometimes have difficult talking to the people I am around. I have very little in common with the people with whom I work. Mostly they talk about their families or sports. I love the sister with whom I am living, but we have very little in common. We spent a long time away from each other. Even when we were growing up in the same house we did not spend much time together. She had her friends in school. She was more the more rebellious one when we were young, but now I am the more radical one. She has become more conservative, and I have become more liberal. There are topics that are not safe for us to discuss because our points of view are so different. I am very thankful for her. Without her I would not have a place to live now. We do have family memories in common, but in ways it seems like we were in different families even though we were in the same house. I had hoped never to want to return to this town. Sometimes communication between the two of us is difficult. At times we almost speak different languages. I had forgotten some of the expressions that are used here, and sometimes it takes me a few seconds to remember their meanings. I will always love her, but I need to get away from here. I need to be with people with whom I can talk openly and not worry about getting into an unpleasant disagreement.

"Métisse" et "La haine"

I just watched two films by Mathieu Kassovitz, "Métisse" ("Café au Lait" in the U.S.)(1993) and "La haine" (Hate)(1995). In "Métisse" Lola, a West Indian woman finds out that she is pregnant. The father is one of her two lovers, a Jewish bike messenger or an African Muslim who is the son of a diplomat. The former is into hip hop, boxing and basketball, and the latter is a law student who is into jazz. After a lot of conflict, the two come to share an apartment with her. Their are hints that the bike messenger is the father, but it never made completely clear. It is a very funny film. The movie ends after the birth of the baby, a boy, but we never see him. Lola makes it clear to her lovers that she would like to have them with her, but she can is capable of living without them. She loves both of them, and both of them want to please her. "La haine" deals with racial tensions in the suburbs of Paris. The film open with riots that take place after an Arab man has been hospitalized after he has been beaten by a police officer while in custody. The film centers around three friends, one Arab, one African and one Jewish. It shows them together and with their families. In several places during the story they have dealings with the police. All three of them grew up in France, but they are treated as outsiders. One of the three finds a police gun during the riots. The one with the gun says that if the guy in the hospital dies he is going to shoot a police officer. There are similarities between what happens during the riots and what has been going on in the U.S. lately, but there are differences. In the film we only see violent encounters between the police and those rioting. We do not see any peaceful protest as we have seen in the U.S. It the movie, the police officer has been suspended, and it is made clear that there is going to be a trial. There is a feeling of hopelessness among those living in the projects in the suburbs. Racism is found everywhere. Both of these films have ambiguous endings. Not everything in life resolved. Mathieu Kassovitz appeared in both films. He is the bike messenger in the first one, and he played a skinhead in the second. Many actors played in both films. Kassovitz was inspired by American films, Spike Lee's movies and "Taxi Driver," for example. I want to see more of the films that he has directed and/or acted in.

New Job: I Want Mineral Water in Glass Bottles.

I am no longer a temp at the place where I have been working. I was hired this week. There are things I like and things I do not like about the company. One thing that I like is that their non-discrimination policy includes sexual orientation and gender identity. There are some cool people working in the office there. The work force there is international. I get to practice Spanish. They do not pay very much. I will not be eligible for vacation pay and holiday pay for one year. I will not be eligible for insurance coverage for ninety days. I am glad that I have a job, but I really hope I do not have to stay in this area too much longer. I prefer being laid back, but I am not going to put up with shit from my coworkers. Most of them are nice, but some of them are inconsiderate.

I like drinking mineral water, but companies have started bottling it in plastic bottles. In glass bottles mineral waters keep their flavor, but in plastic bottles they lose their taste. Plastic is also very bad for the environment. When I was in Prague one thing that disappointed me was the difficulty of finding these waters in glass bottles. The only store where I could find it was in Delvita food stores. (Delvita is owned by the same Belgian company that owns Food Lion in the U.S.) At that time it was still possible to find my favorite mineral waters in glass bottles in the U.S. I did like the fact that in Prague there was a deposit on glass bottles which encouraged people to return these bottles to the stores. I wish this was true in all of the U.S not in just a few states as is now the case. I hope they never start selling beer in plastic bottles.

The Legal Terrorism in the U.S.A. Needs to Stop

The conservatives in this country talk about the need to fight terrorism, but they ignore the terrorism of the police here. No one should have to fear being shot by the police when they are out on the street. We are told that justice is blind. The truth is that the justice system in this country has selective vision. This desperately needs to be fixed. Too many African Americans have spent too many years in prison or executed for crimes they did not commit. No one should be profiled according to their race or attire by the police. The grand jury system needs to be abolished or fixed. The way it is set up now does not work. There needs to be transparency in this process. There needs to be a judge present when a grand jury decides whether or not someone will go to trial. Police officers who shoot unarmed persons need to be brought to trial and convicted for their crimes. Police forces should not have military equipment. The police are supposed to serve and protect all citizens, not just rich, white people.

The Republican Party represents the rich and corporations, and they will continue to do this as long as people listen to their lies and vote them into office. They say they are interested in creating jobs, but they do not do anything to do this. They act as if they want the poor and the elderly to die from starvation. They do not want to help the homeless. They blame the homeless for their circumstances. They call any aid for those in need socialism. What the fuck is wrong with socialism? If the minimum wage was raised a lot less people would need government assistance. If the rich and corporations paid their fair share of taxes we would not have to worry about the national debt and the economy would be in much better shape.

My View on Creative Writing Courses and My Writing

I avoided creative writing courses when I was in school. It seems to me that creative writing is something that cannot be effectively be taught. I believe that we can learn about writing by reading books that we enjoy and by writing. The writings of professors of his type of classes and students of creative writing generally do not interest me. The technical aspects of writing can be taught, but some of my favorite books were written by those who break the rules of grammar and do not go with the flow of tradition. Gertrude Stein studied philosophy and psychology. Gunter Grass broke new ground in narrative. Alain Robbe-Grillet wrote books that appeared to be objective yet were highly subjective. Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert made their philosophies clearer in their plays and fiction than in their essays in my opinion. Tucker Max and Forest Griffin write books that make me laugh my ass off. That makes sitting uncomfortable at times. It is funny that Tucker Max is called the founder of a new genre, fratire, and he was never in a fraternity. Erica Jong, Anais Nin and Samuel Stewart wrote about sexuality in ground breaking ways. Samuel Stewart, a.k.a. Phil Andros, was a professor of English at one time before becoming a tattoo artist and writer of gay erotica. Imagination is not something that can be learned in a class. The best method of becoming a writer is simply by writing. I find that I write most easily when I write simply to express myself. I find that if I start to think about what people want to read I find myself unable to come up with what I want to say. I want to write things that people want to read, but often the things I think others won't be interested in get read the most. On the other hand, the things I think will interest others seem to interest only me. In my writing I stand before you naked revealing stories of my life and my views of various issues. I am always   honest in my writing. I may be mistaken about somethings, but I will not lie here.

Pondering a Couple of Things in the Bible

One thing that I have never understood when reading the New Testament is that in some places we are told that our sins are forgiven and forgotten, yet in other places we are told that we will be judged according to our actions. We are told throughout the Bible that God is a God of love. Would a loving God keep record of all of the deeds of every person? That does not seem like the actions of a healthy God. If we kept track of a loved ones misdeeds wrongdoings it harms us more than it does the person whose wrongdoings we are remembering. It is healthier to let these things go. I do not know if I would want to worship a God who is that obsessed with these things. I would prefer to worship a God who forgives and forgets.

There are stories in the Old Testament that seem to be more like parables than stories that could have actually happened. The story of Samson is an example of these stories. It reminds me of the stories of Roman and Greek mythologies. It seems to be more of a story of types than a story of real people. Throughout the Bible there are stories of this type where there are conditions for living in a certain place or having strength or other things. Why did God put the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden and Evil? The serpent tempted Eve in the garden, but God put the cause of the temptation there. Did God want them to fall and thus for humanity to have need for redemption? It would seem simpler just not to put the tree there. What is the purpose of having such a tree anyway? This does not seem like a story of fact but a parable. In the case of Samson, the conditions of his keeping his strength seem silly. He could not cut his hair. How long would his hair have been? How could someone fight with very long hair that would get in his way? This is all right for entertainment or education, but if we hold it up to scrutiny it falls apart.

It is Time for a Peaceful Revolution

I sometimes wonder if it will be possible to get big money out of elections. It seems that the majority of politicians are more interested in the people and corporations who give them a lot of money. The lobbyists have too much influence over politicians. Most of the elected members of Congress do not represent the people who elected them. The Tea Party would probably be happy to have a one-party system with them representing the rich. They would be happy with an oligarchy where the rich get richer and the poor are ignored. I am a pacifist, and I think that what this country needs is a peaceful revolution. I mistrust the Democratic party less than I mistrust the Republican party. We need a strong socialist party that includes fighting rights for all people.

The conservatives ignore that raising the minimum wage would stimulate the economy. There was a time when people were able to support themselves with a minimum wage job. This is no longer true. The wages of CEO's need to be drastically cut. They tend to forget that without workers they would not have their jobs. Perhaps a general strike is needed to get the attention of these sick, heartless fucks.

It is time for the 99% to overthrow the 1%.

I know how it is to be treated like an outsider

I can identify in part with immigrants to this country. I know how, in places, people who are from counties are treated. Once I was looking desperately for a job. I knew someone who was managing a sandwich shop. He dissuaded me from applying where he worked. He said that the owner of the place would not like me, and he would fire me immediately. He said that I did not act American enough. In North Carolina someone can be fired from a job without a reason being given. The two times that I travelled to Europe when I was returning to the United States my passport was given  extra scrutiny. Coming through customs in Frankfurt in 2004 I went through extra security. I was told that it was because my hair was longer that it was in my passport photo. If I had not had a Bible in the bag I was carrying I may have had more difficulties. This does not seem just. There was just one other person on going through security at the same time who went through as much security as I. I believe he was German. It is funny that at times I have received emails encouraging me to enter the green-card lottery. I do not know why I would receive these emails. It is funny, but I do not understand the idea of that lottery. Everyone want to come to this country to work should have the same chance of doing do. It should not be based on luck. It is funny to me that at times when I have been travelling people have often insisted that I am German. I need to learn more German. I have been learning some from watching German films. When I was in high school I was often asked what country I was from. When I was in Paris and when I was in Prague people thought I was German. I did not mind that. I thought it was interesting. There must be a reason for which this is the way it is. I will not treat anyone as an outsider, because I know how it is to be treated like an outsider.

Some Things Are More Fun When I Do Them for Someone I Love.

There are things that I enjoy more when I am doing them for someone I love. I enjoy cooking and cleaning for a special man. I even enjoy doing laundry for someone special. I especially like to be able to cook the favorite foods for someone I love. I do not enjoy cooking for just myself. I do not like to put a lot of effort into housekeeping when I am not with a special man. I am good at remembering the foods that special people enjoy. I am also good at remembering other things that they like. I love pampering a man. I love it when I can live with someone for whom I can have a meal prepared when he gets home. That definitely makes cooking more fun. I am a very giving person, and I miss being able to give generously to those I love. I also love it when I know all of the ways that a man likes to be pleased in bed. It makes me feel good when I know that I have something to give those I love. I would not have the same enjoyment doing things for someone who took it for granted. I would not want to be with someone who did that. I would want to surprise a man I love frequently with tokens of affection. It would be nice if he would surprise me once in awhile with signs of affection. I enjoy giving gifts when doing so is not for a special occasion other that to say, "I love you." I want to find a man I can please in and out of bed.

I Need Shelves

It would be nice to have my books, CD's and DVD's on shelves so that if I want to find something I could just walk over and find it. I like to have things organized. I like to have these on shelves in arranged by author, artist or title. It has been a long time since I have been able to have my books arranged like that. This is long before I had CD's and DVD's. Now, whenever I want to find something, I have to look for several minutes at least. I knock things in the process. I like to know where things are. Sometimes I forget which books, CD's and DVD's I have. Sometimes I get a pleasant surprise when I find something I thought I had lost or had been stolen. I would prefer having order. In this I am a bit OCD. I like to be able to clean my room more easily. One thing that I do not like about CD's is that the jewel cases are too easily broken. I want to get replacements for a lot of broken ones. I could probably get rid of some of my books that I will probably never read, but it is hard for me to part with them. I once thought that I would never spend as little time as I do reading. I might be more likely to read some of the books that I have if they were not hidden in boxes. Until I get shelves I could organize them better in boxes. It is a daunting task, but it is one that I need to do. I do not like the idea of putting that off, but I need to wait until I have two days off together.

We Need to Stop Paying Attention to Advertisers who Say We Are Not Good Enough As We Are

A lot of companies make a lot of money from making people insecure about the way we look. Cosmetics companies tell women that they need make up to be attractive. Clothing companies tell people that we need to wear their clothes to look good. Companies like Weight Watchers tell us that we need to be thinner. We are constantly bombarded with images intended to show us that we are not adequate. We are often encouraged to look younger. We are constantly told that we are not adequate unless we spend a lot of money to change ourselves. even if we did spend a lot of money to meet these impossible standards they would want us to spend more money.

Often when I see African American women with their hair straightened or with hair extensions I feel like asking why they do this? Don't they realize that they can be beautiful with their natural hair? I do not ask this question, because it is not any of my business. This is another way that companies make money off of people's insecurities as I mentioned above. Who started the idea that the natural hair textures of African Americans is not attractive?

We need to stop paying attention to advertisers who say that we are not good enough. We need to start loving ourselves as we are. If we want to change things about ourselves that is all right as long as it is what we want to do not what advertisers want us to do. I love myself as I am, but I also want to continue to grow as a person and to learn. We also need to encourage each other in accapting and loving ourselves.

The Edukators: Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei

I just finished watching "The Edukators," a very interesting film with Daniel Brühl, Julia Jentsch, Stipe Erceg and Burghart Klaußner. (On the cover of the DVD it has Klaubner instead of Klaußner or Klaussner - both of those are spellings of his name, but Klaubner is not) Daniel Brühl, Julia Jentsch and Stipe Erceg played the roles of three friends. Jan, Jule and Peter. At the beginning of the film, Jule takes part in a protest against sweatshops. Jan and Peter call themselves the Edukators. Peter had worked for a company that installed security systems in the houses of rich people. He and Jan enter the houses of the people with those systems while they are on vacation. They usually do not steal anything, but they rearrange the furniture and leave a message saying, "Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei," or "Sie haben zu viel Geld." They say their goal is to make the rich people less secure about how safe they really are. Jule had been in an accident in which she hits the car of a rich man. She does not have any insurance, and she has to pay for the car, 100,000 Euros. While Peter is on vacation Jan tells her what they have been doing. She talks him into letting her do a job in the house of the man whose car she hit. They end up being caught by him. Things become very complicated. There is the question of whether they are taking actions because of idealism or personal interest. It has the elements that I really like in a movie: It is humorous and thought provoking at the same time. I highly recommend this movie.

I Want to Settle Down with One Man and Stop Being a Slut

I hope that I will be able to find a man to love and settle down with him. I really want to be faithful to one man and not be a slut. I do not think that being a slut, but sex with love is much hotter. That is not the only reason I want to be in a committed relationship. There is a part of me that is a little bit afraid that I will not be able to be faithful, but if I am with someone with whom I can share intimate times and sexy times I will be able to be faithful. I would want to be able to have time alone to write this blog and have a space for my books, CD's, DVD's and clothes. I would want us to spend time together, but I would also want time apart. I want their to be mutual trust and open communication. I would want him to expect me to be faithful to him. Whether or not he wants me to do things with his friends is something we would have to discuss. I would love to be able to cook and clean for him and to please him in any way he wants. I would love to find someone with whom I can enjoy some mildly kinky fun. It would be fun to be able to spend times around our home without clothes. The most important thing would be open, honest communication. I would not want to have to hide my opinions or not be able to express my thoughts. I would want him to be open in his communication with me. I would want to be able to keep my Face book account, but I would want to spend less time there. Ideally I would like to develop enough as a writer to be able to work at home and care for the household. How much time I would spend writing and how much time I spend caring for the house is something that we would have to discuss. I would love for us to be able to get married. I have already described the type of wedding I would like to have. It may happen. We'll see.

Ja Som Vlk, Ja Jsem Vlk, Sem Vlk, Jestem Vlk, Я Влк

I keep getting affirmations that changing my name was the tight thing to do. I do not remember having people address me by name before I had my name changed, but since then people in my dreams address me as Vlk. Before the name change I signed checks and legal documents as Harry B. Leafe or Harry Bruce Leafe. After the name change I have not had any difficulties remembering to sign Vlk Leafe, Vlk B. Leafe or Vlk Bruce Leafe. It just comes naturally. I had thought that I would need a period of time to adjust to my new signature, but that is not what happened. It is like meeting someone and feeling like you have always known that person. The name Vlk represents to me my love for wolves, languages, the Czech Republic and Slovakia. I have mentioned that as a furry I am a wolf. There are characteristics of the animal that I identify with. They are loyal to their pack. They are timid. They have a strong hierarchy. One's place in the hierarchy can change. (I think that's true, but I may be mistaken.) I think that wolves are beautiful animals. I found this name from a Slovak language text book. In this book someone introduced himself saying "Ja som Vlk." I did not think of using this as a name myself until I went to a furry con, and I used it on my name tag. When I moved to Kansas my friends there had known me by that name. While I was in Kansas I had my name legally changed. I did have a very short time of uncertainty, but that did not last very long. In ways I am not the same person I was when people knew me as Bruce. I understand when people I have known continue to call me Bruce, but when I introduce myself to people now I introduce myself as Vlk. I had thought of changing my last name, but it would have cost too much. I do still think I would enjoy having a name without vowels. It may seem immature, but I think it would be fun.

Being True to Your Own Convictions Is the Best Way to Have true Happiness

I think we spend too much of our time trying to please other people. I am not saying that we should be inconsiderate of other people's feelings, but we need to learn to form our own opinions and ideas. If we try to please others we always end up second guessing ourselves. I know this is the case for me. Once we start standing up for our convictions it becomes easier. At one time it was difficult to say that I disagree with someone in a one-on-one situation.  For some reason it has always been easier for me to disagree with a teacher or professor in a classroom setting than it has been for me to do the same thing alone with friends and family. As I gain in self confidence it is easier for me to do this. I try to do this in a civil way. If I see that the disagreement is not going to be resolved, and the other person makes statements like, "I know I am right." I try to end the conversation in a peaceful way as possible. I will not stand by quietly when bigotry is being spouted. That does not mean that I do not have a sense of humor. There are some things that I find humorous that others find offensive. Mostly this deals with people poking fun at those who take themselves too seriously. I like people who stand up for their beliefs but are able to laugh at themselves. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. I try not to take anything too seriously.

In a relationship if I try to do things only to please the other person then I am not being honest in the relationship. In a relationship I would want to please my boyfriend or husband, but I would not want to change who I am in order to do so. I do not expect to find someone who enjoys all of the things that I do, and he will probably enjoy things that I do not like. I would not change my tastes to please him, and I would not want him to change his tastes to please. I do want to find a man to be with. I would want us to be a couple, but I would want us to be individuals at the same time. For the right man I would be totally submissive, but that does not mean that I think that I am not worthy of respect. It is just something that I think is fun. I would not do this with someone who does not treat me as a person worthy of respect. I think this is possible.

Moderation in All Things, But Don't Take it Too Far

My motto is "Moderation in all things, but don't take it too far." In most things this is true, but there are exceptions. I do not that helping others is something that should be done in moderation. We all should help others as much as we are able. We can do things for others that do not cost money. Sometimes the best thing we can do for others is to help them to feel good about themselves. We all have things that we do well. We are often too quick to see the limitations of ourselves and others. We need to start looking at possibilities. If we have something positive to say to someone we should say it. It might be what that person needs to hear. Before we say something negative to someone we need to stop and think about how we would feel if someone said the same thing to us. Criticism should only be done in a constructive way. Some things should not be done at all. That is not moderation. Being hurtful is something that should not be done. I think worrying too much about what others do or think only makes the person who is worrying miserable. If we accept ourselves and help others to accept we help them and ourselves to feel better. I still believe in pulling the chains of people who take themselves too seriously. I definitely agree with Tucker Max when he says, "If they can't take a joke, fuck 'em." Laughter is something else that should not be done in moderation.

Getting More Comfortable at Work

There are things about my current job that are better than my previous one. I am gradually feeling more comfortable with my coworkers. There were some people at my previous job with whom I enjoyed talking, but I do not miss the attitudes of some of the people. There were some people there who wanted to be hateful to me, but  I never responded to them in the same way. If I said anything in response, even a gentle response, they would complain to leads on the job. I do not miss them. I do feel a bit self conscious at my current job, because my Spanish is not better. It is improving. Sometimes I have some difficulties understanding some of the people. The dialect is a little different from what I learned. Being able to practice is one of the things I enjoy about this job. I would like to have a job that is more challenging intellectually, but it is not a bad job. Sometimes it is irritating when there are meetings where announcements are made in Spanish and English when what is said in Spanish is in much more detail than what is said in English. I am relaxing more in the workplace, and hiding less of who I am. I will go from being a temp to being a company employee soon. There are some cool people there.

Finding Balance: Being Mature Does Not Mean Giving up Having Fun

Being mature does not mean giving up the things we enjoy, but it means balancing doing the things we enjoy and our responsibilities. I would not get drunk if I have to go to work in the morning. I might get buzzed during the week if I had someone with whom I could do it, but I would make sure I had time to recover before work. I do not like getting drunk by myself. It usually just depresses me. I think pot should be legal. As with most things in life moderation is important in smoking weed. We should be able to smoke pot in our homes. We can do that and lead responsible lives. I would like to be able to earn a living in non-traditional ways, but for the time being I am not able to do that. I may not be in the perfect situation, but I do feel better. I try to focus on what I can do instead of what I cannot do. Imagination is helpful. I may not be able to travel, spend time with friends or have much sex now, but I do have memories. I can also work towards being able to do all three of things. I need to get to a place where I have good friends, good beer and good sex. I also want to be able to things for other friend. I want to be a support to my friends. Drinking and smoking with friends is not just about enjoying myself. I also want to help them have a good time. I definitely would like to find someone with whom I could share friendship, beer, weed, love and sex. I hope that I will be able to find a committed relationship. I sometimes wonder if I could keep from cheating on someone, but I think that if I was with the right man I would not have any problems doing that. I do not know why some people are so concerned about what goes on in other people's houses. It does not hurt anyone if there is wild sex, drinking and smoking. I think they may be jealous, because they want to do the same things. They do not want other people to enjoy things that they do not allow themselves to enjoy. I can still be mature and suck a lot of cock. I am going to enjoy my life. For now it is mostly in my imagination.

Why I Do Not Consider Myself a Patriot

I do not consider myself patriotic. As long as any groups of people are treated as second-class citizens this will be true. I also do not understand the thinking that any single country is better than all others. Prejudice is pervasive in this society. The judicial  system in this country definitely needs a lot of work. There is too much racism displayed in the imbalance of sentencing. Blacks too often get stiffer than whites do even when they have committed the same crimes. LGBTQ rights have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. I will continue to fight for marriage equality. There are conservatives who act that this infringes on their rights. I do not understand this. There are fundamentalist Christian churches who act like they are being attacked. They want to be free to preach hatred. They can preach what they want, but I have the right to speak up against the hatred that they preach. There are places in this country where atheists are not allowed to run for office. There is definitely something wrong with that. We should all have the freedom to worship or not to worship as we believe. Voters' rights need to put in place. In too many parts of the country there are too many restrictions on who can vote. Big money needs to be taken out of elections. The megarich and big corporations have too much influence on politicians. As I have said before this country needs to become a true democracy. Corporations should not be treated as people. Too much power has been given to corporations as rights are slowly being taken away from individuals. It might seem trite, but I do consider myself to be a citizen of the world not just of this country.

Post Inspired by Gogol Bordello

I am listening to one of my favorite songs "Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher)" by Gogol Bordello. I would like to see them in concert. This song deals with immigration to the U.S. We definitely need immigration reform. To be honest I cannot understand the desire to immigrate here from some countries. I can understand wanting to move here from some countries in Africa where there is no freedom for the LGBTQ community and the possibility of the death penalty. I do appreciate the freedom of speech here. The treatment of immigrants needs to improve. Often people act as if those who speak English with a foreign accent are less intelligent. This is definitely not true. English pronunciation is not easy. To me German pronunciation, for example, is easier. It is more logical. On my blog an ad for getting rid of an accent has shown up. I am not happy with this ad showing up. On Facebook and in other places people in other countries think that everyone in the U.S. has a good job and a lot of money. Unfortunately this is not true. The gap between rich and poor has grown. Back to the theme of this post - if we are going to say that this country is the leader of the free world we need to be more welcoming to those from other countries who want to come here. Except for Native Americans, everyone has ancestors who came here from another country. We can learn from people from other countries. Diversity is one of the strengths of this country. Jobs that were sent abroad need to be brought back here, and all workers need to be able to make a living wage. It is possible for there to be enough jobs for the people living here and those who want to come here. Yes, we do have freedoms, but these freedoms need to be expanded. This is especially true of the freedom not to be shot. Yes, I know I have rambled here, but I like doing that. If anybody does not like it, fuck 'em.

My Degree Has Not Been Useful, But I Do Not Regret Choosing My Course of Studies

I have not used the degree that I received in college to get a job. In that sense it is a useless degree, but I do not regret choosing to get an undergraduate degree in French and Spanish. Mostly I have been selfish in my use of my language abilities. I mostly used it in watching films and occasionally reading in other languages. I do not think that I would be a good language teacher. For me learning languages comes easily. I realize that everyone has their own area of expertise, and not everyone has that capability. I still would not have the patience to teach languages. It is difficult for me to completely grasp someone else having difficulty with something that is easy for me. I did struggle learning Latin, because the main focus was on translation. My focus in learning languages has always been on learning to think in the languages not on translating from one language to another. Since then language has become more focused on that. I had thought at one time of being a translator or interpreter, but I have difficulty translating. I may understand things in other languages, but to translate from one language to another is not something I enjoy or do very well. I prefer to immerse myself in other languages, and to translate for me is like being in the shallow end of a pool. You have contact with the language, but you do not have the total immersion that I enjoy so much. I do not look down on people who do not learn languages easily. I just cannot fully comprehend not being able to do so. Part of this may stem from my not thinking of myself as being more intelligent than other people. I try to avoid comparing myself to other people, but I think we all do that from time to time.

I considered changing my major to music history at the urging of a professor who taught a class I took in Twentieth Century Music. This was at the end of my sophomore year. I even met with the head of the music history department. One of the reasons for which I did not change my major was that he was a condescending prick. I would have had to deal with him a lot if I had gone to that department. He assumed that I could not sing well enough to make it into the school of music, because I had not had private music lessons. He had not heard me sing, and I had been told that I had a goo voice. (I am long out of practice now.) Another reason I did not change my major was that I would have had to go to school for four more years. I would have also had to have a recital and write a thesis. I am glad that I stuck with French and Spanish. I did not abandon my love for music, and I have expanded my taste in music since then.

Another time a professor in the dance department tried to get me to change my major to dance. A friend had choreographed a piece for a class he took, and she taught that class. He had only people who had not studied dance to perform in the piece. I worked with him as he was doing the choreography. The piece that he used was the harpsichord concerto by Manuel de Falla. He had each of us combine animal movements with dance movements. The animal he chose for me was a monkey. She said that she could not believe that I had not studied dance. She said she liked my punk-like movements in the dance. I later learned that she rarely complimented people. I knew that I did not have the ability to fulfill the requirements for a degree in dance, but receiving that compliment did help my self esteem.

I may not have used my degree in ways related to work, but I have used it in other ways in my life. I still may use it in practical ways to help myself and others.

Pondering Mentioning Ethnicity when It Is not Germane to the Conversation (redacted)

Why is it that often white people tend to mention the ethnicity of someone when that person is not white. I heard someone talking about an automobile accident. She said that a Mexican woman ran a stop sign. What did her being Mexican have to do with the accident? How did she know that the women was Mexican instead of being from another country? Often people talk about black poets, when they speak about them at all. Why not just call them poets? This is also true when speaking about people from other countries. Why do we refer to a Polish director or a French singer instead of a director or singer? There are times when this may be germane to the topic, but in general it is not relevant. I never hear anybody say "A white man walked into the store," or "I saw a sexy white man." Why do we have to qualify if the person is black or of belongs to another ethnic group? There are men from all ethnic groups that I have found sexy. Is it racist that I find the scent of the genitals of most black men to be sexually stimulating? I have found that this is not true in all cases. I have not done a scientific study comparing thue scents of men's crotches and anuses, but I do like the scents of most of the African American men whom I have pleasured orally. I have sucked some black men whose cocks tasted similar to those of white men. Does this attraction to that scent make me racist? I have pondered this. I do not think that I am attracted to men based on their ethnicity, but I could be mistaken. I hope this is not the case. When I see a sexy man it is his sexiness I notice first. That does not sound to good either. I do not want to objectify anybody. There is a wide range of men I find sexy, but that is a topic for another time.
Non-hispanic people in assume that those who appear hispanic are Mexican. I o,ce heard a coworker ask someone to teach her some Mexican. The person she was addressing was from Venezuela. There are assumptions made on both sides regarding language abilities. That assumption is widespread about different groups. It is often assumed that Americans only speak English, and all Europeans speak multiple languages. Both are inaccurate assumptions.

Another Fuck Buddy from My Days in Lawrence

One of my friends I met at the furry nights was a young slender smooth guy. He was a wolf too. One of my roommates complained that he did not bathe enough, but I never noticed him smelling bad. We played together a few times. I loved the way he smelled. He thought that he was too thin, but I found him incredibly sexy. He is a lot of fun in bed. I would think he would still be fun there now, so I use the present tense. I love kissing and cuddling, and we did a lot of that. As you know by now I love sucking cock and eating ass, and he liked for me to do those things. We kissed each other all over. I do not think that there was a part of his body that I did not kiss, lick or suck. He is completely yummy. I do think that he ended up in my bed because he could not find anyone else to hook up with. He was after one of my roommates, but we still had fun. I never thought we would be a couple. I do want to see him again. I never got to taste his cum, and I still want to do that. I really want to have more fun with him. I do not think that we will ever have any deep conversations, but with him I would rather use my tongue for other things. I think that he stole a pair of my underwear, because after he had been there I was missing a pair.

Why Am I Concerned with What My Coworkers Think About Me?

I do not know why I worry so much sometimes about what other people at work think about me. I do not see them outside of the workplace. I am tired of hiding my sexual orientation. I am not interested in most of the conversations at work. I have no interest in American football. It is funny to me that some people take sports teams so seriously. You would almost think they were talking about their own families. I do not have much interest in popular culture, but this is nothing new for me. I have never watched tv very much. I definitely am not interested in the uninformed opinions of some of my coworkers. There are some people who are more open minded. I was surprised by the positive reaction my "Free Pussy Riot" t-shirt received by one of the women working in the office. As time passes I am more open in saying what I think. Conversing with some of the people is just not worth the effort. It would be easier to have an intellectual conversation with a blow-up sex doll.

I am usually surprised when something I like becomes popular. Usually people do not pay much attention to my recommendations. That does not bother me. As far as I am concerned it is their loss if they pass up on a good thing just because I was the one who recommended it. I was pleasantly surprised when the supervisor I wrote about in a recent post told others to pay attention to my beer recommendations because I knew what I was talking about. I may be a beer snob. I just like what I like. I don't like the near beers that are brewed by the larger brewers in the U.S., but I am not the only one. Their sales are falling as smaller brewers are gaining in popularity. Sometimes I just have to wait for others to catch up with me.

Agnes... und seine Brüder

I just finished watching "Agnes...und seine Brüder." On the cover of the DVD there is a quote from Variety that calls it a Teutonic version of "American Beauty." There are some similarities, but mostly superficial. There are scenes in both films where someone is watching through a window, and it appears that someone inside is receiving oral sex while something else is happening. Both have a young man who aspires to be a filmmaker and a distant wife. Beyond that they may be similar in tone but neither sets out to copy the other. In This film there are three siblings who were raised by an eccentric father. One is a transsexual, one is a successful politician and one is a sex-addict and peeping tom. That is an over simplification. All three have the same Father but different Mothers. Hans-Jörg, the sex addict played by Moritz Bleibtreu, wants to deal with family issues, while Werner, the politician, wants to ignore them. Agnes is dealing with her own issues. All three of them have relationship problems. Hans-Jörg works in a library and sometimes goes into the women's restroom and masturbates while watching women shit. He often has a small bottle of liquor with him most of the time even at work. He also watches a lot of porn. He goes to a support group for sex addicts where he meets someone who films porn. It seems that he goes to these meetings to find people to be in the porn videos. Werner has difficulty with his wife and one of his sons. The son often records him in embarrassing situations with his video camera. At one point Werner is talking to a colleague on the phone and shits on a piece of paper in his office. His son records this. He tries to get his son to delete this. The son also grows pot on the grounds around the house, and his mother waters the plants. Werner is afraid these plants could hurt his career. Hans-Jörg has memories of their father molesting Agnes as a child and trying to get Hans-Jörg to play with his cock. Werner insists that these things never happened. The Father appears to be in a relationship with another man. This is a bittersweet film. there are some funny moments and moments that bring me to tears. Agnes is in an abusive relationship that ends during the film. Her health is not god, but it is not revealed the exact nature of her illness. The relationship between her and Hans-Jörg is very touching. Watching this film is very cathartic for me. I can relate to the characters.

I Prefer Getting Buzzed to Getting Drunk

I can can have fun and have sex without getting drunk. I can also get drunk without making advances an every sexy man close by. When I am drunk I have difficulty speaking English. My last year in school I got drunk with a close friend, and we would usually speak French when we drank. I do not get drunk frequently, and I do not get drunk by myself. I only remember being hungover once. I do not like to get very drunk. I prefer to get slightly buzzed with friends around I am relaxed whether or not I have had anything to drink. I had a supervisor at the place where I worked in Kansas who played in a local band called Malevolent. I went to see them play a couple of times. They played hard-edged music, and I really enjoyed their music. The first time I arrived at the bar as the band was setting up to play. He told me to go get a beer. I did not need to be told, but it is not very often that I have a boss tell me to get a beer. I just drank enough to get pleasantly buzzed. I saw them again in a battle of the bands in another bar atmosphere. I always said that I did not have a rush on him,but I guess I did have a bit of one. It wasn't a serious crush. He was someone with whom I felt comfortable talking. His parents were Czech, so that was something we could talk about. We also had common tastes in beers, vodka and cigars. We could joke with each other. I would have enjoyed getting drunk with him. I do miss him. He said he was straight with a girlfriend, but I got very strong vibes that he might have been bi. He was much younger than I and also my boss, so I would not have made a pass at him. The age was not an issue, but his being my supervisor was. I sometimes gave him cigars or chocolate bars with red peppers, because I like to share things I like with people I like. His band split up, because the lead singer never felt comfortable performing in front of people. I wonder if he knew that if he had asked me to I would have sucked him off. Sometimes I talk more when I have been drinking, but it depends on who I am with. Sometimes I get self-conscious about my accent, because I never know how my words are going to come out. My syntax can get seriously fucked up when I have had a few or when I am tired. I try not to worry too much about that. If people don't like it, fuck 'em. It's just part of who I am. I can't wait until I am closer to friends with whom I can drink a few with or without sex.

A Post about Beer and Liquor

When I moved to Kansas I did not like not being to be able to buy good beer at the grocery stores. They had beer there but with a lower percentage of alcohol. I had to make a separate trip to go to a liquor store to but beer. Since I have moved back to North Carolina I miss the variety of beers available in the liquor stores in Kansas. They had more room for beer, so they had more variety. There were also more liquors available there. I liked to try new beers from time to time. There were several good milk stouts available, two of them were from Left Hand Brewing. It was possible to get stronger beers in Kansas too. There were a few from Avery Brewing that I really enjoyed, The Beast, Mephistopheles, and Samael. These were best after they had aged a couple of years. There were a couple of beers from Boulevard Brewing in Kansas City. Their wheat beer is very good. I tried their Tank 7 when I was in Lawrence, but it tasted like soap. It must have been a bad batch, because I tried it on tap in Kannapolis last year, and it was much better. I still could not find my favorite beer Velkopopovický Kozel. The name is fun to say and it tastes great. I have not had it since my trip to Prague. Some of the best times I had drinking beer in Lawrence was going to drink and eat with a good friend there. We went a few times for beer and oysters at a downtown bar and a few times to another place for beer and burgers. He is as adventurous as I am when it comes to beer. He is a straight guy who knows I think he is sexy, but he knows I would never make a serious move on him. We tease each other sometimes. He knows I would suck him off or rim him if he wanted, and I know that that will never happen. I would not want to risk losing his friendship. Anyway we had good times trying new beers together. I bought him a beer that must have come from a bad batch of a Lambic beers. I had tried this one before and enjoyed it, but these bottles were terrible. I still feel bad for giving him a beer that tasted that awful. I do miss being able to find Lambic beers. I could not be able to afford them often, but I would like to be able to buy them occasionally. The worst beerI have ever tasted was ice-cold Corona served in a frosted glass at a bar in Lawrence. It was too cold to have any taste. Corona is weak anyway, and if it is ice-cold it is even worse. I had them serve it in a mug that was not frosted, It wasn't as bad that way. I found a good domestic grappa in Lawrence. I have not seen it in the local ABC stores (North Carolina liquor stores). I have found one of my favorite vodkas here though, Sobieski. Polish and Russian vodkas are the best that I have tasted. I want to try them from the Czech Republic and Ukraine. My favorite liqueurs are available here too, Jagermeister and Goldschlager. Absinthe is not available here though. I can tolerate French Absinthe, but as I said before I prefer Czech Absinthe. I have not been drinking much lately because there is not enough room in my budget for what I enjoy drinking.

Something I would Rather Not Hear From a Friend

There have been times when I have played around sexually with friends. Some of them said things that did not have to be said. I had one friend say that he just used me as a means to get off, that I could just as well have been a dildo. I have no problem with having sex with somebody when it does not lead to a love relationship, but I am a person with feelings. Unless someone is trying to be hurtful things like that do not need to be said. The best sex is with someone when there is more than a physical relationship, but I have had hot sex with guys I did not know. I have had hot sex with friends when I knew there was not a chance of us being lovers, but there was an emotional bond. That bond is damaged when things like what I mentioned above are said. I have had people on Facebook say that they love me, but then they do not say anything to me besides ask for nude photographs. I do not mind sending these pics, but if they love me as they claim they would say other things too. I do not really think it is possible to love someone you only know slightly online. If they would be honest and just ask for nude photos I would not mind as much, but sometimes I end up getting a lot of messages whenever I get on Facebook. Finding photos on my computer takes time, and I like to relax when I am on Facebook. I am tempted to tell these guys that if they want nude photos of me they need to pay me. I don't think I will do that, but it is tempting. I still think it is funny that one guy on Facebook said that I was the sexiest man on the internet. I know that is far from being true. It is flattering if he truly thought that, but I doubt it. I am beginning to like the way I look, but I know that there are a lot of men who are much sexier than I am. It's just the way it is. There is no reason for me to feel bad about that. I do hope that I will find a man with whom I can settle down and have open communication, quiet peaceful evenings and wild hot sex.

My First Furry Weekend After Moving to Kansas: Drunk and Disorderly

While I was living in Kansas we started hosting furry weekends. The main idea was to get together and watch movies, drink and socialize. Fursuits were encouraged but not mandatory. Some of the guys I had never met before. It was a mixed group, gay, straight and bi. The purpose of these gatherings was not sex, but it was not discouraged. Cuddling was accepted. I do not remember how much I drank or what I drank, but I do know I drank a lot. I did not get Tucker Max Drunk, but I was definitely drunk. During the evening and night I lost all inhibitions. There were a couple of guys who were friends who were there together. One was bi and the other was straight. They were both very attractive.  The bi guy had a fursuit with him. It could be worn as a G rated suit or an R rated suit. He demonstrated both. With the R rated version the head of his cock could stick out of it. I was strongly drawn to the sight of his cock sticking out of the shaft. I stroked it, and a few times I took it in my mouth. I did not get to suck him off, but I definitely. I forgot that his friend was claiming to be straight. (He later started saying he was bi.) A few times I sat beside him and cuddled up against him. He was either wearing boxers or going commando, because it was going down the leg of his pants. I stroked his cock through the fabric of his pants, and it definitely got hard. He made no protest to my actions. Later when I remembered his claim to be straight I was embarrassed that I had done this. I apologized to him, but he was not upset by my actions. If he had wanted me to stop he could have just told me to do so, and I would have ceased my attention. There was a young guy by himself. He was a little chubby and definitely cute. We started talking. He may have started talking to me because no one else was paying attention to him. We eventually started kissing and we went up to my room. we took off our clothes and kissed and cuddled. Mostly we fondled each other. I may have sucked him some. Remember I was very drunk, so my memories are not completely clear. I do remember that I told him that I wanted him to cum in my mouth. He straddled my face while he jerked off and just before ejaculating he stuck his cock in my mouth. Soon after that we went to sleep spooning. It was early morning when we went to sleep. He woke me once later and wanted to play around again. We cuddled, fondled each other and kissed. Again when he was ready to shoot he straddled my face and came in my mouth. I was able to get hard again, but I could not cum again yet. When we woke up we played again. We did more of the same. I was able to cum again, and for a third time he shot his load in my mouth. That is the most loads I have gotten from one guy in a day. Unfortunately I never saw him again. I sometimes felt like a dirty old man at these gatherings, because I was older than the others there, but that was my own insecurity. No one else mentioned it. This was not the last time that I had sex during these gatherings, but I rarely got that drunk again. That does not mean that I did not get drunk again, just not as drunk as I was that time. More tales to come.