"The Hidden Life of Dogs" by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas

The Hidden Life of Dogs by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas is a wonderful book about dogs. It is unlike most books on the subject. It gives an intimate portrait of them. Several times while reading the book I had tears in my eyes. I was educated, entertained and moved by this book. I had a hard time putting it down. I was just going to read the beginning of the book and finish reading after reading the two other books that I am reading. I was drawn in by this book. I was reminded of dogs I have known. This is a book that I highly recommend. I would write more, but anything I wrote would fall short of describing the wonder of this tome. Find it and read it if you can.

musings

Sometimes I wish I was not so literal minded. I would like to be able to use figurative speech. When I hear someone talking about the sun coming out I know what they mean, but I still think about the literal meaning. I know that when people say that they hope that the sun will shine that they are not speaking literally. I do speak of the sun rising and setting, but in the back of my mind I am thinking that is does neither. (Yes, I am aware that I used figurative speech there. Where is the back of the mind?) I am embarrassed that I think so literally most of the time. I want to learn to appreciate more figurative language in everyday speech.

The Harlan Ellison Hornbook

The Harlan Ellison Hornbook is a collection of essays that were mostly written from 1972 to 1977. They appeared in three periodicals. They deal with his personal life, music, movies, television, books, comic books, restaurants, etc. There is commentary that updates some of the information. Harlan Ellison is mostly remembered for being obnoxious. Most people who remember him forget that he was supportive of those close to him and of those with talent. In the book there are more recent essays on Lenny Bruce, the Sixties and comic books. He spoke highly of Edward Gorey and David Sim. I enjoy the work of both of them. He wrote about some of the independent comic books that I enjoyed during the eighties. I disagree with a few things that he wrote, but I agree with most of what he wrote. He also wrote favorably of Frank Miller and Bill Sinkiewicz. He also wrote good things about The Fish Police, Cerebus the Aardvark, Groo the Wanderer and Love and Rockets. These were among the comic books I enjoyed. Harlan Ellison never fails to entertain.

Update 24/7/2018 Dealing with Depression

I am struggling with depression most of the time. I have been sleeping too much. I am going to work on getting in a better situation. I don't want to move back into a homeless shelter, because my book bag would be searched every time I went in at night. I keep contraband in my bag. I am not ready to give up some things. I will find a place to live. I wish I could see my best friend more than twice each week. Soon I won't be able to see him that often. Knowing that we will be back together again some day keeps me going. talking to his mom on the phone helps too. I spend most of my time alone. When I am alone too much I tend to focus too much on what I have said or done wrong. The people who I thought were my friends seem to be ignoring me. I need to focus more on knowing that I have an awesome best friend. I will continue to do anything that I can for him. If "friends" abandon me because I do not give them money it is their loss. My current situation is not permanent. I will be glad when I am able to take bathe and wash clothes somewhere besides in a creek. Things will get better.

More on Panhandling

Evangelizing Christians often assume that people who are homeless need to be "saved" in the religious sense of the word. Do they forget that according to the Bible Jesus was homeless during His ministry? Some of these people talk to me, but they refuse to listen to anything that I have to say. There are still people who have plated that say "WWJD" (What would Jesus do?) on their cars. If their actions of these people reflect their thoughts they think that Jesus would ignore those in need. There are a lot of people who gladly give money, food, water, other drinks, etc. I have also received cigarettes, beer and other things. I have seen people who were close to tears. I try to make them feel better. I do not want anyone to feel bad because they cannot give money. I would not have thought that I would enjoy panhandling, but much of the time I do enjoy it.

Heroin

I hate heroin, but the prohibition of the drug is not doing any good. It needs to be controlled. Standardization would be helpful. It is possible to buy heroin from different sources and have vast differences in their strength. One dose might not be dangerous, but another of the same size might be deadly. Education is definitely needed. The educators would be former users. I have seen how bad the sickness from withdrawal can be. I have not experienced dope sickness myself, but I know that I do not want to see my best friend or anyone else dope sick. There have been too many deaths from this drug. Also there is a lot of heroin being sold with other ingredients added. I would prefer seeing no one using heroin, but the laws we have are not working. Making the laws stricter would not help.

Another Rant

There is a form of question that I let bother more than I should, but I think that beginning a question with "where" and ending it with "at" should be punishable by death or at least having a few fingers broken. Why would anyone want to ask "Where are you at?" when "Where are you?" sounds much better. Adding "at" at the end is unnecessary. Hearing someone ask "Where is he at?" makes me want to scream or punch someone. I hold it in and move on. I've held this in long enough. I have heard people with degrees in English commit this sin. They should be punished most severely.

Another Post About Panhandling

I have noticed some things about people who don't give money when I am panhandling. There are exceptions to these observations, of course. I noticed that Christians who have tags and bumper stickers that proclaim their beliefs tend not to give any money. There have been very few exceptions to this. The Christians who give money usually show their beliefs through their actions rather than by plastering them on their cars. Actually most people who support any special interests do not give much money. People who have their cars decorated in ways to show support of sports teams tend not to give money. For some reason people who drive hybrid cars rarely give money. Drivers of Hummers, Land Rovers and  Mini Coopers usually are not very generous. People with flashy cars are usually big givers. I also noticed that I usually do not get money from people with big dream catchers or air fresheners hanging in their cars. I am not saying that these re bad people. I just noticed that they do not usually give money.

A Post about Panhandling

I have been spending a lot of time alone. When I panhandle I interact with people. There are people whom I see daily. A lot of these people smile and speak and give me encouragement. There is one cowardly idiot who yells "Get a job" or "Get a fucking job." I call him cowardly, because he yells this as he drives by. If he is in the next car in line he stops far away from me until the traffic light changes. He needs to focus more on his own life. Some people give me money every day. Some people never give me money, but they smile and wave whenever they see me. That helps too. The people who give money are usually much happier than the people who do not. Not everybody has money to give. I will write more later about the types of people who give and those who do not. I have learned a lot since I started panhandling. I enjoy doing it, because I can interact with people. Sometimes I can give encouragement to people who need it. Often people with a lot of money give a little and act like they are giving a lot. Some people with less money apologize when they do not think they are giving enough. I try to let the latter know that I am grateful for anything that I receive. I would prefer receiving a little money given with love to receiving a lot of money given reluctantly. I won't turn down any amount of money no matter how it is given. I am not going to lie here.

Harlan Ellison (continued)

I was saddened when I learned of the death of Harlan Ellison. He was one of my favorite authors. I once attended a lecture and reading that he gave. Both of them were about ninety minutes, but they seemed to be much shorter. This was the consensus of those who attended. I had a book that he signed. I wish that I still had that book. As I stepped up to have my book signed he yelled across the auditorium. I joked afterwords that I was almost deafened by Harlan Ellison. He was known for being outspoken. This was one of the things that I liked about him. He was a very good story teller. The style and content always appealed to me. Fortunately there are still books by him that I have not yet read. I will just have to find them. He will be missed.

Harlan Ellison

I don't know what to say. I just found that Harlan Ellison died on 28 June. He was one of my favorite authors. More later.

Update for 3/7/2018

I have not been able to be online for awhile. After leaving the homeless shelter I have spent many nights sleeping outside. Most of those nights I have slept in a tent in the woods in the city where I have been living. On some nights I slept under a bridge, and on some nights I slept in the open among some canes. For most of those nights I have been with my best friend. Some nights we slept in apartments of friends. Some people think that I have a crush on him. I just know that I would do anything that I can for him. He is currently in jail, so I have been sleeping alone in a tent. He thinks that he will be out of jail at the end of this month. There are some people who think that they can push me around since he is is jail. They will find out that there will be consequences for their actions.

I have grown to really appreciate some of the things that I took for granted when I was not homeless. Among these things are being able to bathe, to use a toilet and to brush my teeth. I have a rather scruffy-looking beard. I am learning to bathe and wash clothes in a creek.

I learned that the people I thought I could trust are not really trustworthy. The people I trust most are people I would have thought I would not be able to trust. I have learned who my real friends are. Foremost is the friend about whom I wrote above. Others who fit in that group are addicts and others who have spent time in jail. Some people who are supposed to be pillars of the community taught me how to lie.

I am going to continue to live on the fringes of society, but I am less fragmented. I am going to be true to who I am not what other people think I should be.

I was charged with possession of paraphernalia. Earlier today I made an appointment with a public defender.

My primary source of income is now panhandling. I will write later about some of the observations I have made doing that. I had worked at McDonald's, but being homeless made it very hard to keep very high standards of personal hygiene. I quit my position without notice.

I am going to see if I will qualify for disability benefits. I will write more about that later.

I have not been taking anti-seizure medications. I have only had one one-minute seizure since I stopped taking those medications. I feel more alert though.