Conversation Should Be a Free, Relaxed Exchange not a Competition

Some people have a tendency to turn conversation into a competition. I have a tendency not to want to have conversations with people who do that. Some people act as if their intelligence is being questioned if someone disagrees with an opinion they hold. I definitely avoid trying to have conversations with grammar nazis. If I am going to hold a conversation with someone I want it to be relaxing. I like to be able to laugh and not worry about making grammatical errors. I was a grammar nazi at one time, but I remember how it felt when my father did that when I was growing up. I decided I did not want to inflict that on anybody else. I know some people who act as if their medical advice should be followed because of something they have read or because of their own experience. They get insulted if you follow the advice of a medical professional. Sometimes I start to feel a bit depressed if I do not eat enough. Someone insisted that this was because of hypoglycemia. I tried to explain that if that were the case it would have shown up in blood tests during physical exams. I would think that this would definitely show up with a fasting blood test. My blood sugar level is always where it is supposed to be when I have had those tests done. I may take their opinion under consideration, but I am going to work with a healthcare professional to find out what is best for my own health. I also know people who treat their opinions like facts. This is especially true regarding fashion, music, food and literature. They act as if they were being personally attacked if someone does not agree with them. I do like to have friends with whom I share common interests, but I realize that there will always be differences of opinion from time to time. Most differences of opinion can be approached civilly. I draw the line at intolerance. To return to the idea of conversation as competition: some people, instead of listening to whatever others are saying in conversation, try to think of something clever to say or plan whatever point they want to make. Many times I have had people comment that they are surprised that I actually pay attention to what they say. Sometimes I do make light-hearted jokes about mistakes others make in conversation, but I only do this with someone with whom I know I can joke like that. I would never want to make someone feel bad. Conversations I enjoy are free, relaxed exchanges of ideas not competition. I want to speak openly, and I want those with whom I converse to enjoy the same freedom.

I Am Feeling Better After A Good Night's Rest

I'm feeling better this morning. I am ready to kick some ass and to kiss some ass, I would prefer doing the latter. I still need to make changes in my life, but I don't feel as discouraged. I still need friends. It would be nice to have friends I could spend time with. It would be great if I could find someone with whom I could have open conversation, good beer and hot sex. There have been few times when I have been able to have all three with the same person, but it has happened. I was able to enjoy all three with furry friends in Kansas. It can happen again. It doesn't have to be beer, it could be a hard drink and/or a hard dick. I can enjoy a hard drink without a hard dick, and I can enjoy a hard dick without a hard drink. What I really need is stimulating conversation. There are few people with whom I can talk about language, music, film or philosophy. Oh well, I can enjoy talking about a wide range of interests. I would love spending time with friends who appreciate Tucker Max and will let me demonstrate all of the things I can do with my tongue.

My favorite parts of the male anatomy can have more than one use. The penis is used for urination and delivers semen. It also tastes great. The anus is used for ridding the body of solid waste, but it also can be fucked and eaten out. There are people who say that male nipples serve no purpose, but they can be stimulated. Some men like to have their nipples played with, sucked on, bitten, etc. I enjoy doing these things for a man. The tongue can be used for talking, eating, giving pleasure, whistling, etc. I cannot whistle though. I am very good at giving pleasure though. Hands are definitely multi-purpose tools. I am very good with my hands. Unfortunately I am the only one who has been receiving pleasure from my hands lately. This is not a permanent state. I look forward to the day when I can use my brain for stimulating conversation in multiple languages. I want to use my tongue to inform, entertain and give pleasure.

Look out world here I come. Either accept me as I am or leave me the fuck alone.

I Am not Giving Up, but I Am Feeling Discouraged

I spent all day resting. I plan on going to bed early. I wish I had someone with whom I could share my bed. Part of why I am feeling down is that I have not eaten much food for a couple of days. It has been longer than that since I have eaten any dick or ass. There are not many people out during winter here, so it is hard to find a hard cock to suck. Several weeks ago I exchanged looks with a guy downtown. He asked me if I wanted to give him anything. I lost my nerve, and I said that I was just looking around. I wish I had asked it he wanted me to give him anything. He may have wanted to give him a blow job. I wish I had given him one. I know I would have made him feel good. I could use a good protein shake. It would not have to be a big one. I would swallow every drop no matter what size it is. I swallow anything I can get from a cock. I love making a man feel good in every way that I can. It has been too long since I have been able to give a man a good tongue bath. I have been alone in my bed and my life for too long. I am not giving up yet, but I am getting discouraged. I have a lot of love to give to my friends. I am sending love to friends near and far.

I Need to Change my Situation, but I do not Know what to Do

I definitely need to get out of the situation I am in, but I do not know how to do it now. I reach out to friends, but I do not get any response. I do not want to be a burden on anyone, but I am feeling very much alone. I get tired of trying to reach out to people. I am working at a job where I do not have any job satisfaction. I do not seem to be appreciated as a person at in the workplace. I feel very lonely when I do not have anybody with whom I can talk. I need the emotional support of those who say that they are my friends, It is very difficult for me to ask for help, but I desperately need help now. A kind word would help me a lot. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me that causes people not to respond when I ask for their support. I know things will get better, but in the meantime I am feeling very down. I know that I have something that I can offer my friends in return, but I cannot give it to them if I am cut off from them. Please somebody help me.

Lots of Rambling with Some Sex Talk Thrown In

I am trying to get out of a slump. I know that I have friends, but it would be nice if I had friends who would contact me once in a while. I realize that people have busy lives. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed myself lately. I am glad that I do have a job and a place to live. I wish I had the means to move somewhere that I could be closer to friends. I need to be with people with whom I can laugh and talk. I need to stimulate my brain more. Fortunately at my jog I can think about things that interest me. There are not many people there with whom I can be open. It is difficult for me to find topics I can talk about with my coworkers. I bore them, and they bore me. I need some physical contact. A hug and a kiss now and then would be nice. I would definitely like to wrap my lips around a hard cock and to slip my cock into a tight hole. I want to explore a man's body with my mouth and hands. It would be nice if I could find a man to stimulate my intellect, my emotions, my libido and all of the areas of my imagination. I need someone for whom I can cook and clean. I enjoy doing these things when I am doing them for someone I love. If you could see my room you would see that I do not like cleaning for just myself. The state of my living quarters reflects my inner life, and right now my room is a mess. I am not looking for someone to rescue me from my situation, but I do need someone to help me out. Ideally I would find a man with whom I could communicate in two or more languages and with whom I could have uninhibited sex. The ideal situation would allow us to remove our clothes whenever we are at home together, and we would have a place like the one I described in an earlier post where wee could wander around naked outside. We could be as kinky as we want to be.

Another Mall Sex Partner and Someone Who Liked to Have his Body Worshiped.

There was one Chinese man with whom I had sex in a mall in a city where I lived. I was in a stall in a restroom when I heard him discussing his ethnicity with someone. I do not believe there is a relationship between penis size and ethnicity. I do not remember how his ethnicity came up in their conversation, but I do remember that he said he was Chinese. He was still in the restroom when I left the stall. He got my attention when I was washing my hands. He indicated that he wanted me to give him a blow job, and I was happy to do that. His cock was the perfect size for me. It fit into my mouth with the head touching the back of my mouth and his balls hitting my chin. I love it when that happens. I sucked him until he came in my mouth. I saw him several times in the same restroom, and I sucked him each time. I would lick the last drops of cum off his piss slit. The last time I saw him he was too nervous to have me suck him in the restroom, so we went to a department store where I blew him in a dressing room. We took items of clothing with us so people working there would think we were trying on clothes. They could see the entrance to where the dressing rooms were, but the entrances to the individual rooms were concealed. They could not see that we went into the same dressing room. I enjoyed sucking him, and he liked getting sucked. I was rewarded with a nice load of cum each time. In the same mall I made the acquaintance of a guy who worked out and liked to have his body worshiped. He had come to the mall from the gym. We went into a small isolated restroom where we could lock the door. I explored his gorgeous body with my mouth. I did not get any cum from him, but I still enjoyed the tastes, sights and feel of his sexy body. I love to use my tongue to express myself and to please a man, but I have not done much of either lately. I need to change that.

The Beginning of What is Probably Going to Be a Long Day

I have a feeling that this is going to be a long day, but i'm going to make it through it. I am still sore from a few long days of work, but not my back does not hurt as much as it did the night before last when I woke up during night and it took me several minutes to figure out what day it was. It took me a couple of minutes with my cell phone to figure out the day and whether I had my alarm on it set. I could not get comfortable on my bed. These things did not last very long, but I need start to feel a bit scared.

Sometimes I have to keep my mouth shut when I hear some of the idiotic things people say at work. The other day a young woman said, "That's what gay boys do. They socialize with girls." I would have said something, but I knew what her response would have been, " I wasn't talking to you, so mind your own business." That is one of her favorite things to say. I socialized with girls in schools, because most of the gay guys acted like they did not want anything to do with me. Anyway what the person at work said did not make a lot of sense. Some gay men may socialize with women, but not always. The only thing that gay men all have in common is that we love and/or have sex with other men. The other day I laughed along with some Mexican women at a guy who spoke of Taco Bell as serving Mexican food. It is barely edible, and it definitely is not Mexican food. It is barely real food.

I do not know how my accent will sound today when I speak, but I don't give a fuck. As long as I can express myself intelligently I will be fine. If people wonder why I talk the way I do let them wonder.

As I said before: this is going to be a long day. I will find humor where I can, and when necessary educate.

I enjoy Mental Challenges.

I am attracted to things that challenge my brain. I remember that before I studied French in high school I was afraid of studying foreign languages. I believed this , because I had had teachers before then who had said that foreign languages were difficult. I thought they must be really hard if my teachers thought that. Then when I had a choice between choosing French or Spanish I chose French, because I had heard that it was more difficult. Studying French was the beginning of my learning that what is difficult for one person may be easy for someone else. French just came naturally to me. It was also the beginning of my love for languages. I started studying Spanish my last year in high school. One of my Russian professors spoke several languages, and he was studying Polish. He said that it was a hard language to learn. I was too timid to attempt to study it. but I should have learned from previous experience that I might not find it as difficult as some others do. I do want to make time to study it more. I tried studying by the Pimsleur approach, but that did not work for me. It only has Cd's. They discourage looking at the language in print. When learning a language I find it easier to remember how to say things if I hear them and see them at the same time. It might work for other people but not for me. I had a couple of problems with how we learned Russian in college. We did not learn the names of the letters, like a, bee, cee dee, etc in English. We did not learn the alphabetical of the letters. We could read the letters and write them in script, but we could not spell them orally. If it had been taught differently it would have been easier for me to learn. I do remember some things though.  I have heard that Slovenian is a difficult language, but I have learned not to listen to other people when they say tat something is difficult to learn. I enjoy things that are a mental challenge, but I do not like for tasks to be made more complicated than necessary. I enjoyed learning math until I got to calculus. It seemed that calculus could be taught in a way that would make it easier to learn. I got bored with it. I was tutored by a friend. I understood the concepts and how to do the things he helped with, but I barely passed the course. I enjoy mental challenges that serve a purpose. I do not like things that are made more complicated than necessary. I do enjoy reading books that stimulate my brain, like the writings of Slavoj Žižek. I do like some brain games, but I have to be in the right mood.

Workers Are People Not Machines

Too many companies seem to forget their workers are people and not machines. Having people work too many hours leads to accident and low production. I know that there are countries where workers are treated worse than they are in the United States, but there are countries where they are treated much better. There are Republicans who fight against raising the minimum wage, and there are members of the Tea Party who want to eliminate the minimum wage altogether. The number of people living in poverty is rising. Nobody working full time jobs should have to depend on government assistance. There are corporations who pay low wages and are given tax breaks. These companies are a drain on the economy. The burden of making up for low wages is placed on the shoulders of the middle and lower classes. This is worse for restaurant workers. A large number of them are living in poverty.  Unless we vote out of office the members of congress who vote against raising the minimum wage the situation is going to get worse.  I know I have written about these things before, but something needs to be done.

Some More Thoughts on Language.

There are some things concerning language that I find interesting that most of my friends find boring, or at least they do not seem to be interested. I think it is interesting that the first person singular pronoun in English and Russian in their respective alphabets is one letter, but when transliterated into the alphabet used in the other language they are two-letter words. "I" becomes "ай" in the Cyrillic alphabet, and "я" becomes "ya" in the Latin alphabet. (the one we use in English) When studying Russian and some other languages I became aware that some of the sounds that are represented by one letter in English are represented by two letters, because linguistically the letter represents two sounds. The letter "J" is actually two sounds d and zh or "Дж" the Cyrillic language. Similarly the sounds that are represented by the letters "ch" in English are spelled with more or less letters in other languages, "tch" in French, "tsch" in German and "ч" in Russian. Similarly there are some other letters in Russian that are represented by two or more letters in English, "ш" which is transliterated as "sh" and "щ" which is represented in transliteration as "shch." The same can be said for transliterating vowel sounds from one alphabet to another. One sound that I have difficulty pronouncing in Czech is the letter "ř," but I do not feel too bad about not being able to pronounce it precisely right. I do come close. I saw it as the "r" sound and the "zh" pronounced simultaneously. I do not know if that is accurate. When I have tried to make the sound I have been told by Czech speakers that I do come close. The reason I do not feel too bad about not being to pronounce it correctly is that there are Czechs who do not try to say it. They just make the "r" sound without the "zh." When I speak of the "r" sound I am not talking about the English "r" but a rolled "r." I find linguistics very interesting and a great deal of fun. I especially enjoy studying the sounds of letters and how they vary from language to language. That is one of the areas I like about the Polish languages, the sounds of letters and combinations of letters. I might write more about that another time, or maybe not. We'll see.

Meeting People on Facebook and Tagged

Sometimes I get friend requests on Facebook and messages on Tagged from women who have not looked at my profile. It is plainly stated in both places that I am gay. The other day I got a message from someone whose request I had confirmed, because we had friends in common. She asked if I wanted to by a show from her. I told her that I did not. She asked why, and I told her that I am gay. She said, "Oh, you like little boys." I said, "No, I like men." I unfriended and blocked her. I constantly get messages from women who are looking for relationships on Tagged. I just delete their messages. I would like to have friends from different countries on Facebook. I am happy to be friends with people of all gender identities, but I am only interested in men for a romantic and/or sexual relationship. Often people  whose friend requests ask me about things that are plainly stated on my profile, such as where I live, my age and sexual orientation. I have sent friend requests to people without looking at their profiles if we have a lot of friends in common, but I look at their profile then they confirm to get this information. I have had some women be rather rude, because I am not interested in a romantic relationship with them. They soon find themselves blocked. Usually the first question I get from people is what work I do. My job does not define who I am. What I want to know about people I meet on social media is what their interests are and what they like to do for fun and how open minded they are. I do not want to talk about past relationships until I get to know someone well. I will eventually be very open about them. I do not want to be seen as putting blame on the other guys for the end of a relationship. Telling about my past relationships would not take long really. I have not had many of them. I have sucked a lot of dicks, but most of the time it has been anonymous or friends with benefits. I guess part of my reluctance about talking about past relationships is that I am still somewhat embarrassed about how much of a slut I have been. I am also a little embarrassed that I have not really had a long-term relationship yet. They will find out eventually. I may as well be more open about it. Another part of why I do not give a lot of detail is that whenever I go on Facebook I get a lot of messages. I need to let people wait for me to respond to their messages. I get too tense trying to answer them all. I need to stop letting that make me tense. I go on Facebook to relax and have fun. I need to start doing that again. I also like practicing my language skills on Facebook. I do not want to hurt anyone, but I can only do what I can do. I am going to be who I am. If people can't take that, fuck 'em.

More Sex Fantasies

I would love to a cabin out in the woods where I could spend time with a special man. I would not want to live there all tie time. I would want to live in a city most of the time. In this cabin there would be no internet, and we would not wear clothes in side or around the cabin. We would be able to have sex inside or outside. We could kiss, walk around holding hands and do whatever we feel like doing. I might wear knee pads and a collar but not much else. The collar is mostly a furry thing with a hint of bdsm. I am very submissive, but not really into the bdsm scene that much. I just like to please a man. I would love getting on my knees and pleasing him anytime he wanted. I wouldn't mind if he wanted me to be on a leash. He could give me a slap on the butt once in awhile, but not too hard. Just hard enough for me to feel it. I am not into a lot of pain. (I got the tattoos and piercings in spite of the pain not because I wanted the pain.) We would remove our clothing upon arriving at the cabin, and we would not put them on until we leave the cabin. I might want to wear an apron when cooking. I don't want to get burned. I love pampering a man. I would do the cooking and cleaning. I definitely enjoy having sex outdoors. It would be nice if there was a lake or pond where we could swim. If we got hard we would just take care of our erections. We could have romantic and sexy times together. It would be a haven where we would be together and forget everybody else.

I do enjoy very much being naked with a man, but I also like to be with a man who is fully clothed with just his hard cock sticking out of the fly of his pants. The clothes do not matter that much, but there is a wide of variety of attire that I find attractive on a man. A nice three-piece suit can be very sexy with an erect dick sticking out of it. A man in uniform is also very sexy. Jeans and a white t-shirt make a hot combination. Work pants, shirt and boots are a big turn on. Having a man who wears all of these outfits would be great. He could just pull his cock out of his pants, and I would know what to do.

Сегодня пятница.

Сегодня пятница. The important thing about it being Friday is that it is payday, but most of it is already gone. I won't complain, because I do have a roof over my head, and I am able to buy food. I just can't afford beer now. Maybe next Friday I will be able to buy some good beer. Remember I am a beer snob. I am not going to compromise on the quality of beer that I buy. If I cannot buy beer I will buy at least a small bottle of Sobieski Wódka. It is inexpensive, and I like it. I cannot afford the Russian stuff now. In honor of a former supervisor, and just because I want to try it, I want to try Czech vodka. Grey Goose is overrated. I do wish I could afford a good Bordeaux wine. I still remember a Bordeaux I had in 1979 when I ate dinner with a French family in Paris. I am not a big fan of most red wines, but this was wonderful, very smooth. Most red wines are too dry for me, but not this one. A pomegranate wine from Armenia came close to its taste, but I cannot find it now.

The first Russian phrase I learnt was "Слава Богу сегодня пятница." (TGIF) once there was a Russian guy working at a company where I worked in the mailroom. One Friday I was delivering mail, and as I passed his desk I said, "Слава Богу сегодня пятница." At first he just smiled and nodded. Then as I was walking down the hall he came running after me and said, "How do you know Russian?" At first he had heard and understood, but then he realized what language I had spoken in. He said he was very surprised to hear an American pronounce Russian correctly. That was definitely an ego boost for me. Unfortunately my Russian is very weak now, but I am going to change that.

My Mood Has Been Improving Thanks to my Embracing my Inner Asshole

I have been in a better mood. I am finally starting to be happy with who I am. If I am not happy with myself nobody else can really make me happy. It started with embracing my inner asshole. I still definitely need my friends, and it does help to know that I have friends around the world. I have met some of them, and some of them I have not yet met in person. I think if I am happy with myself I can be a better friend. I am not saying that I have arrived where i want to be in life. I will always be on the the journey there. That is not a bad thing, because I am enjoying the trip more and more. It is not always a smooth ride, but that might get boring after awhile. I do hope that I will find someone with whom I can enjoy this trip. I know that I am not perfect, but I do have things that I can share with friends and lovers. I definitely want to develop as a writer. As you can see I need to work on focus. My mind still stumbles from subject, but at least writing now is something that I enjoy instead of a chore. I have long felt the longing to write, but for a long time I stressed too much about finding the the exact word with which to best express myself. It still takes me several minutes to get started writing, but it is taking less time. I still need to work on discipline. Writing is definitely easier when I worry less about pleasing others. I do want to write things that other people will enjoy. I know that I probably will not get laid as a result of my writing like Tucker Max and some others have done, but I definitely would not object if that happened. I would still like to get feedback from readers, but I am less insecure about my writing than I was when I started this blog. Maybe I will get back into writing poetry and fiction. I don't know yet. Stay tuned, and we'll see. Thanks for everybody who reads these ramblings of an international asshole.

Writing This Blog Is not an Act of Courage

There have been some people who say that I am courageous in opening up as I do in this blog. I just got tired of hiding who I am. Hiding the truth is similar to lying. It takes less effort to tell the truth than it does to lie. If you lie you have to remember the lie you told to be consistent. The truth is easier to remember. My views on politics, religion and sex may change from time to time, but I am not going to lie about these things to make other people comfortable. I do hope that I do not become close minded. My mind has become more open over the years. I just have to protect myself from toxicity. Being open minded does not mean accepting any idea that comes along. Hate and intolerance are toxic. Focusing on what cannot be done instead of what can be done is toxic. I do not have time to waste in being around people who will are filled with negativity and only are able to see their point of view. I do not expect friends to agree with me about everything, and I want to have friends who will focus on our common areas of interest instead of differences. I do not want to try to be clever, because that can be tiring. This is especially true in conversation. I would rather be truly present to the person with whom I am talking instead of trying to figure out something clever to say. People who try to impress other people usually bore me. For me simplicity is the best route in writing and in speaking.

The writers and artists are those who risk their lives to speak up for their believes. Malala Yousafzai, Akram Raslan, Victor Jara, Sophia Scholl, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and others who risked their lives for their beliefs are the courageous ones. I am just an asshole who doesn't give a fuck what other people think.

Another Occasion When I turned Down Having Sex for Money

There was another time that I turned down money for sex. I was hanging out a lot with the first man with whom I had had sex, but we were rarely having sex with each other. Mostly I was sucking off and getting fucked by married fuck buddies of him. Someone he knew offered to pay us to have a threesome with him. I was tempted, but at that time I was not interested in having sex for money. I would have liked to find a man with whom I could have had a relationship. There were a couple of guys who came around in whom I was interested, but things did not work out for a relationship. Things dwindled off with one of them. Another guy ended up going to prison for selling cocaine over the phone. I was a bit surprised by that. By the time we were offered the money I was getting tired of guys who showed up and expected me to drop to my knees or spread my legs whenever they pulled their cocks out. I did enjoy sucking them, but I needed more. I have only enjoyed getting fucked a few times. Usually it just hurts too much. I enjoyed getting fucked by a couple of guys with whom I had semi-regular sex. The other time was with a cute guy from Puerto Rico who had a cock that was not too big. I am very submissive, but I do enjoy fucking a guy if he stays in control of the fucking. I do not have anything against sex for money, but the right situation for me to do it has never arisen,

Communication Is Needed in Any Kind of Relationship

Communication is essential in any kind of relationship. This is true for lovers, for friends, in the workplace and in all other relationships. This communication needs to be open and honest. Being able to speak openly is necessary, and listening to what the other person has to say is also very important. One person should not always have to initiate dialogue. I have been in many relationships of different kinds where I was expected to start any conversations. This is not always easy. Sometimes it is helpful for someone else to reach out to me. In too many different kinds of relationships I have had to edit whatever I am going to say before saying it. This has not always been because of having to switch language. Well sometimes I have to be careful not to let my syntax be too heavily influenced by other languages. Sometimes I do have to stop and figure out if what I am about to say is the best way to say it in English or whatever language I am speaking. Anyway, in any relationship those involved need to be able to express their needs and expectations. Being able to listen to what the other person says and not how they saying it is helpful. Being a grammar Nazi is not helpful in any relationship. We all make mistakes from time to time. If one person is not certain of what the other person is saying that person should be able to ask for clarification without fear of the other party getting upset. Often there is a gap between what one person says and what the other person hears.

In the workplace workers need to be given all information that they need to do whatever job they are doing. I have worked in too many places where information is not given until a mistake has been made, and the blame for the mistake is placed on the shoulders of the worker. It should be the responsibility of supervisors to make sure that the workers know of changes in procedures, and these changes need to be communicated in a polite manners. I have worked with too many supervisors and co-workers who think that they can talk to others in any tone they want, but they want the response to be polite and not a reflection of their own tone. Workers should be able to communicate with supervisors about concerns they may have about safety in the workplace or ideas of how to do a task efficiently without fear of repercussions. If there are difficulties between two or more co-workers the point of view of all people involved needs to be considered. For one person to treat another disrespectfully and to expect the other person to respond respectfully should not take place. I have worked in too many places where others spoke to me in a rude way. If possible I did not respond, because in too many cases even when I responded softly a supervisor was told that I was being rude. In too many of these situations my point of view was not considered. In the last job I had before the one I have now I had a supervisor who would listen to the other person's complaint, and when I tried to give my point of view he would refuse to listen. I was eventually told that this situation happened too often, but in every case there were others who received the same behavior from the same person with whom I had problems. All points of view should be considered. Fortunately where I am working now I am having fewer situations where I am treated rudely. There is one supervisor who would be a perfect example of what not to do as a supervisor. He speaks to workers harshly even when he is not angry. If he is asked for information that he does not have he  often says "Don't worry about it. Just keep working." He says this instead of saying that he will get the needed information. He often does not give needed information to workers who need the information. He helps to make the workplace very tense. All people in the workplace should be treated with respect, and all workers need to be given all of the information they need in order to the best job they can do.

Healthcare Should Focus More on Keeping People Healthy and Less on Profits.

Pharmaceutical companies in the U.S. have too much power, and they are too interested in making money. They do not care about the health of the citizens of this country. If an illness does not affect a large part of the population there is no research into cures. Pharmaceutical companies are only interested in finding medications for wide-spread illnesses. ALS is one example. It should not matter how many people have a devastating illness like ALS. The pharmaceutical companies are not interested in it, because they would not make enough money. Pharmaceutical companies pay doctors to prescribe their medications, and they put pressure on the doctors to prescribe their drugs. The doctors who accept this money should take responsibility for their part in this broken system. There are medications are much more expensive in the U.S. than they are in other countries. Pharmaceutical companies put a lot more money into merchandising than they do into research. Many times a less expensive medication might be more effective, but a more expensive medication will be more widely to be prescribed. The focus of the healthcare system should be on keeping people healthy, but it is on making money. The Affordable Care Acts had done some to help, but a lot more needs to be done to fix the broken healthcare system in the U.S. The cost of needed medical tests needs to be reduced. We are told that after a certain age we need to have regular colonoscopies, but the cost of this test is much more than most people can afford even with health insurance. Good healthcare needs to be affordable for all people. More reform is desperately needed.

"Goodbye Lenin!"

It's another movie day. I just watched "Goodbye Lenin!" The film begins in East Germany before the destruction of the Berlin Wall. Katrin Saß plays a woman whose husband has emigrated to the West. She becomes devoted to the East German Socialist Party. She is a teacher and a leader of a patriotic youth group at the school. She is involved in citizens' concerns, and her activities include writing letters and starting petitions. Her son, played by Daniel Brühl, is involved in protests in favor of freedom of the press. There is large party meeting. He is protesting, and she is attending the meeting. She had previously been given a citizen award because of her participation in the Party. As she is on her way in a car to the meeting people are being arrested, and roads are blocked. She decides to take the subway to the meeting. As she is crossing the street she sees her son being arrested, and she collapses. She has had a heart attack, and she does not receive CPR in time. She spends eight months in a coma. During that time the Berlin Wall falls. When she awakens her son and daughter, played by Maria Simon, are told that her health is very shaky and any excitement could cause her to have a fatal heart attack. Alex, her son, decides to hide from her the political changes that took place while she was in a coma. He starts an elaborate scheme to make her believe that nothing has changed in Germany. Gradually that becomes more difficult. Eventually we learn why his father left the country and why his mother did not. The film includes humorous views of the West held by those in the East. This includes the view that Westerners are fat and lazy from sitting around eating fast food. This is a very touching family drama/comedy that deals with the political changes that took place and the love of family. Burghart Klaußner appears as Alex's father. Burghart Klaußner and Daniel Brühl are two of my favorite actors. The music by Yann Tiersen added very much to the tone of the movie.

A Certain Restroom in a College Library (Sexual Content)

In the library of a college close to an apartment I had at one time there was a restroom that was known for a cruising spot. There were tables and chairs outside of the restroom. Not all of the guys were college students. There was a wide range of ages. Guys would sit at the tables and watch who went into the restroom. Sometimes there would be the typical cruising in the restroom. I mentioned in an earlier post sucking a guy I had previously worked with. This is where that happened. There was a guy I met there who became a regular suck buddy. We got together several times in my apartment, and we sucked and rimmed each other. He had a tasty hole, and of course I loved the taste of his cum. We also hugged and kissed. Once I was walking home, and he was driving down the street. He stopped and motioned me over. We were not able to get together at that time, but he had his cock sticking out of his pants. I wished I could have gotten in his car and sucked him. I hope it does not sound racist, but I do love the taste of black cock, balls and ass. He was black. There was one man whose cock I enjoyed, but he is the only man I have met whose cum was too sweet. That did not mean that I did not enjoy being able to get him to ejaculate in my mouth. There was frequently graffiti on the walls of the stalls saying be here at a certain time for a blow job or other things. I went one Saturday at the time mentioned one wall to see what would happen. I sat at one of the tables and read and watched. There was a guy who looked like he might be a student. I do not usually approach men to ask if they want sex, but I asked if he wanted a blow job. He did not seem interested, but he asked if I had written the note about being there at that time. I told him that I had not, and I said that I did not usually approach  guys like I did him. I was a bit embarrassed. A short time later he told me that he did want me to suck him off. We went into the restroom where I sucked him and rimmed him. I was rewarded with a big load of his cum. I saw him the next Saturday. It took him some time before he was ready for me to suck him. I spent more time rimming this time. I did not get any cum this time, but I still enjoyed playing with him. A few times I sat on a toilet and a guy came into the stall and let me suck him. Once a cute Asian guy wanted us to jerk each other off. I wanted to suck him, but he just wanted to masturbate. That was fun too. We both shot our loads in the urinals. The university must have figured out what was going on in the restrooms and what guys were doing at the tables, because the last time I was there the tables had been removed. I do have fond memories of that restroom.

The Beginning of Another Week of not Tolerating Bullshit

This is the beginning of a new work. This is the beginning of another week during which I am not going to put up with bullshit from co-workers. Mostly during breaks I do not interact much with them. I am not saying I think I am better than they are. We just do not have much in common. They are fine the way they are, and I like the way I am. They just bore me. I have no interest in hearing about their families or their sport interests. I am sure that they would be bored by my interests. I would definitely like to have a job where I am able to interact more with my co-workers. Fuck, I would like to have a life where I had people around me with whom I could share my interests. That is part of the reason I am so addicted to Facebook. I can find people with similar interests. I just have to keep myself from being bothered too much by people who keep on asking for money. I would prefer to find a husband and spend time with him and limit my time on Facebook more. I am off tomorrow, and I need to budget my time so that I will be able to watch a DVD and do the shit that I need to do. Watch out world, here I come. Either accept me the way I am or get the fuck away from me.

A Post in Several Languages. I want to learn more of these languages.

Je veux parler mieux le français. Je voudrais voyager encore en France. La langue française est très importante pour moi. C'est la première langue étrangère que j'ai étudié. Quand je suis ivre je commence à penser en français. Je veux revoir Paris. J'ai de beaux souvenirs de cette ville.

Chcem sa naučiť hovoriť slovenské. Keď som unavený, čo môžem urobiť len jednoduchý matematický v slovenčine. Ja neviem, prečo to je pravda, ale to je. Videl som krásne fotky z Popradu a na ďalších miestach na slovenskom, a ja chcem cestovať po celej krajine, a naučiť sa jazyk. Dúfam, že to je preložený presne. Teraz už viem, veľmi málo slovenských. Dúfam, že sa to nemôže zmeniť.

Polski jest inny język Chcę się uczyć. Uwielbiam polską muzykę, humor i filmów. Mam nadzieję, że będzie w stanie podróżować lub mieszkać w Polsce kilka dni.

Русский язык и люди занимают особое место в моем сердце. Я очень мало знаю языка. Я хочу, чтобы изменить это. В течение многих лет я хотел, чтобы поехать в Россию.

Україна та її народ займають особливе місце в моєму серці. Я хочу відвідати цю країну теж, і дізнатися більше про мову та культуру. Я подружився там, і я хотів би бути в змозі задовольнити ті, які живуть там.

I apologize to those who cannot read this post. I want to be able to speak in Slovak, Polish, Ukrainian and Russian without using Google Translate. I also want to figure out how to write in other languages here without using a translator to place accents and other marks on letters. Learning languages is an important part of who I am. I would not want to visit a country without knowing at least some of the language. Being truly international is one of my goals in life. I do not want to go to other countries but not as a tourist. I want to expand my horizons.

Christians Do not Have a Monopoly on Love

Why is it that some Christians think that Christians think they have a monopoly on being loving and caring. Recently someone said to me that she was shocked to learn that Robert Redford is an agnostic, because he cares about the earth and the life on it. I had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I knew that with this person to say that there are people of all religious persuasions who are who are loving and caring would only lead to an awkward conversation. Gandhi and Malala Yousafzai are two examples that quickly come to mind. There have been perpetrators of hatred who called themselves as Christians. The Crusades come to mind. That is an example of great evil committed in the name of God. I know that there are atheists who are loving and caring. It angers me when people act as if those who do not believe as they do are incapable of loving. All people have the capacity to love, and they do not have to believe in a deity to do so.

Tom Morello: The Nightwatchman and the Road I Must Travel

The songs of Tom Morello: The Nightwatchman inspire me. His guitar playing as a solo artist is simpler than the style he used when he played with Rage Against the Machine. I am not saying one is better that the other. They are just different. In his solo works the emphasis is more on the message of the songs. The message of RATM came through strongly in their songs though. His songs belong to the tradition of activist folk singers like Victor Jara. One of my favorites by Tom Morello is "The Road I Must Travel." "The road I must travel it's end I cannot see," is the chorus. I know it is not a new idea, but it is one that bears repeating. We may not know what our futures may hold, but the important thing is to persevere. I have read fan reviews of this CD's as the Nightwatchman. Some people are disappointed that he does not use the techniques he used with RATM. He took a chance of losing fans, but I think his solo work is very powerful. True artists follow their own paths instead of catering to public taste.

Some people who like some things that I write about here may not like other things I write about. I am not going to worry that some people might dismiss my political views because of the sexual content of some of my posts. I make no claims to perfection. I do not say that I am always right. I am always honest or at least I try to be. I am not sure if I will write about my kinkier side. I do have some limits. If I do write about my kinkier side I will put a warning in the title, If I put a warning in a post title it is not because I am ashamed. It is because I want to be considerate of those reading these posts. If you read in spite of the warnings I make no apologies. I will not use the literary equivalent of photoshop to make myself look better. I do appreciate the readers who have stuck around so far. As far as what is to come here I am not sure. I will try not to repeat myself too much. I do not want to bore others or myself. Just don't expect perfection just honesty.

More on the Male Anatomy

There are parts of the male anatomy that catch my attention. I think that part of the attraction is that they can sometimes be seen, but sometimes they can only be glimpsed. they are arm pits, bellies,  top parts of pubic hair,  tops of the ass crack, the tops of the inner thigh and feet. I try not to be too obvious if I look at these parts of a man's body. I am one of those who find hairy underarms sexy. A treasure trail on a guy's belly definitely catches my eye. The ass crack does not have to be hairy for me to find it sexy. If a man is at a urinal and is turned slightly I try not to look in most circumstances, but that can be very difficult. Usually guys stand close to the urinal facing forward. In a place where I worked there was one guy who would stand a little bit away from the urinal. Once I went into the restroom and he was standing in a way that one could see all of his cock. It was quite large and looked very suckable. I never said anything to him. He was married, and he retired soon after that at 62. Whenever I saw him after that the image of his cock entered my mind. If he had not wanted people to see it he would not have stood like that. At places where I have worked there were guys who would be pissing at a urinal, and they would look back whenever someone walked into the restroom. I do not know why they are so interested in who is coming in. Maybe they are looking for someone in particular. So far I have not been that someone. Sometimes in restrooms known for cruising guys are not that particular. Sometimes they just want someone to suck them or jerk them off. I forgot to mention nipples. I think those are very hot too, with or without hair.  Another sight I find sexy is that of a man driving shirtless. I imagine that he is in nude in the vehicle. I imagine him motioning me over and either he is naked or he has his cock out. He invites me to get in. I get in and suck him off, and I get his cum as a reward. I do try be discreet about looking these parts of the male anatomy. I do not want everybody to know I am a dirty old man.

Dum spiro spero

"Dum spiro spero." If I depend on others to make me happy I will never be happy. I have friends who make me happy, and I hope that I make my friends happy. I am not saying that my friends are not dependable. They are dependable. I cannot wait for my circumstances to make me happy. If I am not happy with myself I will never be happy no matter what my circumstances are. I am happy with how my brain malfunctions. I may not understand why brain works the way it does, but I am happy that it is the way it is. That does not mean that I do not want to continue to challenge my mind. I do not want to stop learning and growing mentally until I die. My body may not be in the condition I want it to be, but I do not feel bad about how I look. I want to continue to grow emotionally. I may not have money with which I can help others, but I can offer friendship and love. I know that I have things to contribute to the world, and I am going to continue to develop all the ways in which I can do this. I will continue to develop my inner asshole. I will help others to find the strength to develop their inner asshole too. Life is too short to give a fuck what douchebags think.

Confession: I am a Technology Addict

I have joked about people who depend too much on technology. Now I am one of those people. I dropped my cell phone too many times, and not when I try ti make a call I cannot be heard by the person to whom I am trying. So I ordered a replacement. I use it mostly for texting now, but sometimes I do need it to call people when necessary. I am shy about calling people just to talk. I am not sure why. It seems to be a family trait. I don't mind having to turn my phone off at work. I am also dependent on my PC. Mostly I use it to listen to music, for Facebook and Yahoo Messenger, Tagged, email, a rare online purchase, solitaire, watching DVD's and posting on this blog. I have made some good friends on Facebook and Tagged. I have been able to practice languages and learn more on Facebook. Meeting people on Facebook has helped me to feel less alone. Joining groups on Facebook with people with whom I can share tastes and those who have the same kinks lets me know that I fit in somewhere. I have an awesome friend in California with whom I can talk about music, art, gender issues and other things. I wish we could meet in person, but having this person has helped me a lot. I have also enjoyed very much meeting people all around the world. Maybe some day I will be able to move to be with one of them or travel around the world to suck their dicks or drink some beer or coffee with them. I also use my PC to get information. I have to admit it: I am a technology addict.
My motivational music this morning is Rage Against the Machine. I like their music and their politics.

Are Schools Teaching History or Propaganda?

Much of what has happened in the history of the United States is omitted or watered down. I remember studying about Helen Keller in school, but there were things about her life that are not mentioned. It was not until recently that I learned that she was a radical socialist who supported Eugene V. Debs in his runs for the presidency. She was also a supporter of unions. Nothing about her radical activism is mentioned in schools. The lyrics of "This Land Is Your Land" by Woody Guthrie were watered down. Originally it contained verses dealing with poverty and inequality. The original intent of the song is not mentioned when the song is discussed in school. I am sure that the United States is not the only country where events that are considered inconvenient are not mentioned. Contributions to our culture by non-white people and members of the LGBTQ communities are often omitted or have "inconvenient" elements ignored. The full story of Rosa Parks is not taught in schools. She was a secretary in the NAACP. It was not because of fatigue that she did not move to the back of the bus. One of the most influential figures in 20th Century music, Nadia Boulanger is only mentioned as having taught composition to male composers. Her own music is rarely performed, and they are not mentioned in most classrooms. According to what is taught in schools only white heterosexual males make history. This needs to change. We are told that schools are teaching history, but it seems more like propaganda.

I Need it Bad: Sexual Content (another brief post)

I need some sex with some cuddling and kissing along with it. It would be nice if these came with true love, but I would not say no to getting on my knees in a restroom and taking a cock into my mouth and swallowing anything I can get from it. Unfortunately work would not be a good place for that. I wouldn't mind fucking a guy, but I am more of a cocksucker too. I would really like to use my tongue as a washcloth and give somebody a thorough bath. I get turned on by the idea of doing porn. I don't think it will happen, but if Jake Cruise can do it why not me? As I have mentioned before I am a bit of an exhibitionist. I know I would enjoy being recorded wearing nothing but knee pads as I use my mouth to give oral pleasure to a roomful of men. I would be happy now if I could just do it for one man without a camera anywhere I can do it. There are many things I can do with my tongue. Whistling is not one of those things though. Not all guys who like to have things put in their assholes are gay, and not all gay men like to have things put in their butts. I don't like being fucked. I will not say never, but that is the way it is now. My cock-shaped hole is my mouth. My main pleasure is in giving pleasure.

A Clarification of the Post Concerning the First Time I Was Approached by a Man for Sex

I wanted to clarify what I said in the earlier post about the first time I was approached by a man for sex. The reason I am glad that I did not have sex for money is I know that I would have felt guilty about it later. It took me some time to accept being gay, and I am sure that it would have been more difficult to deal with if I had had sex for money. I was nineteen before I had a friend who was openly gay who helped me to accept being gay. I grew up in a small, conservative town where I did not know anyone who was openly gay or bi. I am sure there were some others in high school, but none of us was out. I wrote about paying for sex, so I think I have made it clear that I do not have anything against that. On the other hand I definitely do not condone it if it is exploitative in nature. To be honest it help my ego some to think that someone wanted to pay to have sex with him. By the time I had sex for the first time I was getting a bit desperate.My first was a bit of a slut too. I wrote about him in an earlier post. I was definitely ready for sex with as many men as I could, but I was not ready to have sex for money. It's a bit late for me to do that now, oh well. We'll see if I have the opportunity to be a slut again or to be able to settle down and marry a man and have sex with only him or people he approves of.

The Start of Another Day of Being Awesome

Here I am at the beginning of another day of being truly myself. I cannot control how other people. I can only control how I let the actions of others affect me. I will do my best that I can in all of the tasks that I have to do. I will not compromise who I am. I am not going to be ashamed of any part of who I am. If other people do not like the fact that I identify as a queer asshole that is their problem. Some people think that I do not have a sense of humor, but that is not true. One of my favorite things is to laugh and to joke with friends. I just do not let people treat me in a way in which they would want to be treated. I treat other people as I want to be treated mostly. Well since I am somewhat a masochist not a sadist it would not make sense for me to treat others as I want to be treated in that respect. Anyway I am very particular whom I allow to spank me. If someone treats me with disrespect I am not just going to smile like nothing happen. I will politely let them know that I will not put up with that shit. I will speak up when I need to, but I will keep silent when necessary. I may not be perfect, but I can be the best me I can be. No one else has my particular point of view. I will not hide my intelligence, and I will not let anyone treat me like an idiot. I am still a work in progress, but that does not mean that who I am has to be hidden. I will continue to be a work in progress as long as I live, because I want to continue growing and learning.

Keep Your Mind Open Regarding Music, Film and Books and You Might be Surprised.

People who refuse to listen to certain genres of music could be missing out on music they might enjoy. The same can be said about films and books. In any genre of music their are things I like and things I do not like. There is rap music I do not like, but there is a lot that I really like. Among those whose music I like are Me Phi Me, 2Pac, Le 3eme Oeil, Manau, Gionny Scandal, MC Solaar, MC Conrad, etc. I do not know any genre that does not have some music that I like. There is not much country music that I like, but there is some that I really like. In country music I generally like the musicians who are outsiders, like Hank Williams III and Shooter Jennings. I do like some of the more mainstream country artists, Holly Williams and Garth Brooks for instance. As for "pop country" I agree with Hank III, "It's a bunch of fucking shit." I have to remind myself to be open minded regarding popular music. There have been some singers I was reluctant to listen to because of their popularity, but when I hear them I wished I had listened earlier. Amy Winehouse and Pink are examples. I rarely listen to the radio though, because it is rare for me to hear music I like. I also am a control freak when it comes to music. I like to be in control of what I hear. My sister takes me to work, and she usually has a country music station on. I have not heard anything on it yet that I like. If one were define country music based on what they play the definition would be that it is music sung by people with southern accents who can't sing very well. I know that is not what country music is, but it does describe what this station plays. There is little that is considered "classic rock" that I like. In movies and books I was not fond of the horror genre until I read the books and saw the films of Clive Barker. There is always a kind of beauty in his works. Sometimes I forget to keep my mind open regarding music, movies and books, but that has become a rare occurrence.

What Is the Real Cause of the National Debt?

Republicans say the national debt is caused by government programs that help those in need. Tax breaks for the rich and mega corporations are more likely to be the cause. The lie that continues to be told is that these breaks are needed to create jobs. It has continuously been proved that the only things growing because of these breaks are the bank accounts or the rich and the corporations. Tax breaks continue to be given to companies who ship jobs to other countries where they can exploit workers. They forget that the workers. They just treat them as replaceable tools that they do not have to take care of. There needs to be a cap on the wages of CEO's, Without the workers they would not have corporations to run. The rich and corporations need to pay their fair share of taxes. The tax burden needs to be taken off of the backs of the workers and distributed fairly. I get angry when I receive emails from the office of Richard Hudson. He is very good at pointing his finger at Obama while telling lies. He is one of the many Republicans who want to repeal the Affordable Care Act. They say it is not working, but the evidence shows that is working very well. We need to speak up against the lies spouted by the Republicans, especially the Tea Party. The real cause of the national debt needs to be exposed.

Google Translate Is Definitely Flawed

Google Translate definitely has problems. For instance if  the title of a German film is different title in English instead of a translation of the original title you cannot get a translation on Google Translate. Here are some examples. "Lola rennt" means "Lola runs," but if you try to get a translation from Google Translate the site says it means "Run Lola Run." The film "Lola rennt was called "Run Lola Run" in English. If you try to get a translation for "Der Krieger und die Kaiserin" the site will say it means "The Princess and the Warrior." This is incorrect. The title for this film was also changed. The film "Drôle de Félix" was called "The Adventures of Felix" in English. This is not a translation, but Google Translate acts like it is. Translations need to be based on the words that are used not on film titles. It makes me wonder how accurate their other translations are. I do not like using this app, but sometimes I need to do so. I would definitely not recommend using Google Translate or any other app of this sort. I doubt their accuracy.

Reminding Myself of My Goals

I have to keep reminding that I want to move towards a goal instead of moving away from circumstances I do not like. I may have to give up some possessions that I value, but I have lost objects I values before. Sometimes when we own too many things we end up being tied down by them. I want to move towards being in a place where multiple languages are heard. I want to see if I will can become a real part of the community in another country. I want to move to real fluency in other languages. I want to wake up in the morning and hear a language other than English. Perhaps part of why I am learning what it is like for immigrants here is to prepare me for what being an immigrant in another country. I know it will not be exactly the same. I know that I will not find real happiness if I depend on outside circumstances to make me happy. I will only find true happiness within. I know I write these thing often, but I have to remind myself. I will need to remember that I will make mistakes when learning other languages. I need to remember to learn from mistakes and laugh at them. I do not need to fear making them. I want to move towards being a true citizen of the world instead of being the citizen of one country. I look forward to sitting in a pub drinking Polish piwo or wódka and eat Polish sausage then to suck on a Polish man's sausage. For too long I lost sight of my dreams. My eyes are open now.

I Am Keeping My Head Up and Focusing on What I Can Do

I may not be happy with my current circumstances, but I cannot let that keep me from keeping my head up. I need  to focus more on what I can do instead of what I cannot do. I can continue to be a friend to the friends I have met in person and spent time with.  I can continue to be a friend to those I have only met online. I can speak up against injustices in this country and in other countries. I will continue to speak out for better conditions for workers all over the world. I do not know how much good it does to sign petitions about these things and to share them on Facebook and Twitter, but I will continue to do so. Wherever there is injustice we need to speak out against it. We need to stop buying from The Gap, WalMart and other companies who profit at the expense of people living in poverty because of their greed. Remember there have been many deaths in Bangladesh because of the unsafe working conditions. These people died making products for American companies. These companies only care about their own profits. This needs to be stopped. I will continue to fight for human rights for all people.

I am happy with who I am, but that does not mean that I do not want to to continue to grow as a
person and to fight for the happiness of those who are marginalized and oppressed.

I will also fight for immigration reform. I am not sure yet what I need to do. There must be a reason why I am working in a place where most of my coworkers are immigrants. I am getting first-hand knowledge how workers are being exploited, but it is nothing compared to how workers are exploited in countries ;like Bangladesh and Indonesia.

One good thing about this country is that I am able to speak out against injustice.

Akram Raslan

On Facebook I met Akram Raslan, a Syrian cartoonist who was critical of the government. He spoke of being afraid of leaving his house because of the violence on the streets. Many people were being killed by the army. He was also afraid of being arrested. He was arrested. He may have been executed in 2013, but that has not been officially confirmed. We never met in person, but I considered him a good friend. He was a talented cartoonist. I hope to be able to say he is a talented artist. There are reports that he may have been tortured and executed by the government. He did not let his fear of arrest stop him from speaking against wrongs committed by the Syrian government. My heart is heavy from thinking that he may have been executed. It pains me to think that he may have been tortured. Alive or dead he will always be in my heart as a good friend and a brave, talented artist.

Die Krieger und die Kaiserin

"Der Krieger und die Kaiserin" is one of my favorite films. In English the film was given the title, "The Princess and the Warrior," but I prefer the literal translation, "The Warrior and the Empress." It was directed by Tom Tykwer and stars Franka Potente and Benno Fürmann. Tom Tykwer and Franka Potente had worked together on "Lola rennt." Franka Potente played a nurse, Sissi, working and living in a mental hospital. The nurses have rooms there. She is hit by a truck, and her life is saved by, Bodo, played by Benno Fürmann, who is running from some guys. Sissi has a special connection with the residents of the hospital. Bodo is a small-time criminal, but it is evident that there is a sensitive side that he tries to hide. We eventually learn that he has issues from his past that he needs to let go of. Sissi tries to find Bodo after she is released from the hospital after recovering from injuries received in the accident. She had been dreaming of him, and she wants to find out if their is a special connection between them. At first he does not want to have anything to do with her. He seems cruel at first, but we find out the reason for his avoidance. It has nothing to do with Sissi, but with issues from his past. Bodo's brother, Walter, played by Joachim Król, has plans for a robbery so they can get out of the country. There are fairy-like elements, the hospital looks like a castle. Sissi in one scene wears a dress that looks like something that might be worn by Cinderella. The first time we see Bodo he is on a bridge leaning over pretending to fly. Sissi has a friend who is living in a house that is overlooks the sea and is isolated. (The actual house used in the film is in England, but in the film it is in France.) The scenes in the hospital with the residents are realistically portrayed. At first they were hard for me to watch because of my own memories from being in a mental hospital. One of my favorite pieces of dialogue takes place between Sissi and a blind resident after she has returned after the resident, he had been with her when she was hit by the truck: he asks her if she is afrain, and she says that she is. She says that she is back and everyone is ther, but she is afraid that nothing will be the same as before. He says that she is really afraid that everything will be like it was before. One of the things that I like about this film is that the blind character was played by a blind actor, Melchior Derouet. In an American movie he would probably have been portrayed by a sighted actor. I highly recommend this film.

A Few Times I Said "No" to Sex with a Man

I don't have sex with every man who wants to have sex with me. Once I met a guy whose cock was about one inch when he was fully erect. That was not the reason that I did not have sex with him though. This was in the late 1980s, earlier in the days of A.I.D.S. The inside of his mouth was white, and I was afraid he might have thrush. This could be a sign of having A.I.D.S. He was married and was also having sex with a lot of guys. He was handsome. We did cuddle and jerked each other off, but I was afraid to take his cock in my mouth. This was in the days when HIV and AIDS were more fatal. He talked about wanting me to dress up (in drag I think) and go with him to hotel. I only saw him once though. I often wonder what happened to him. Another time I said no was to a guy who had done mephedrone. He barely spoke to me any other time. He was a cute guy, but I am not interested in having sex with someone who is interested in me just because he is on a drug. If he had been nice to me at other times I would have been tempted, but he was a stuck-up bitch. Another time I said no was to a housemate who was conservative in ways. I do not think he could make up his mind who he wanted to be. He had a girlfriend. One day he was putting two sleeping bags together (They could be used together or separately.). He looked at me and said, "One for me and one for you." I said, "Thanks, but I'd rather sleep alone." I do not if he was seriously proposing that we sleep together or have sex. He was a cute guy, but having sex with him didn't seem like a good idea at the time. Another time I lost interest in a man was one who carried a portion of a tape measure with him to measure guy's cocks before having sex with him. I am not interested in guys who are more concerned with the size of my cock than they are in me as a person. I may be a slut, but I do have limits.

Sexy Singers and the Effects of Some Languages on Me

Rammstein, Eisbrecher, Einstürzende Neubauten and Laibach are among my favorite groups. I still think Till Lindemann  and Blixa Bargeld are very sexy. I have not made it all the way through watching the DVD of their concert in Berlin without jerking off. This is the edited American version without the erotic performance of "Bück dich." Till Lendemann is shirtless, he has a sexy voice and he sings in German. He also has his hand in his pants a lot. The lead singer of Laibach has a sexy voice. It is very deep. He sounds sexy to me no matter what language he sings in, Slovenian, English or German. Laibach does not use the names of the individual names of the band members. They perform as a collective. They are an intriguing group. I wish I could have seen a concert by Einstürzende Neubauten when their music was more experimental. I still enjoy their music, but I really like listening to their "painful" music at high volume. From listening to Rammstein's music and reading about them I have learned some German. I would also enjoy seeing them in concert.

German activates my libido. Czech, Polish and Slovak touch my heart. French stimulates my brain. I think that the reason that French stimulates my intellect is that I associate it with Sartre, Camus and other thinkers. I am not sure why German, Czech, and Slovak have the effect on me that they do. I would enjoy having sex with someone speaking Czech, Polish, Slovak, Russian, Slovenian or any other Slavic language. That would make a fun language lesson. Of course I do not limit my appreciation to these languages to these things. Learning Slavic languages would be like rediscovering part of myself. French will always be an important part of who I am. I wish I had opportunities to speak it. I look forward to the day when I can hear and speak these languages. I may be getting older, but I am not giving up hope that that day will come.

If Anybody Wants to Know About Me I Am an Open Book

Apparently someone where I work looked at my Google profile and was surprised to learn that I am gay. Someone with whom I occasionally talk mentioned this to me. I just wonder why this person looked me up on Google instead of talking to me directly. When I wore my "Free Pussy Riot!" t-shirts apparently some people did not know who Pussy Riot! are. They thought it was something sexual. Instead of asking me they giggles about it. Oh, well. That seems rather immature. I know that one of the people who works in the office there knew who they are. She said that she liked the shirts. If people at work do not want to talk to me on break or during lunch. I cannot let it bother me. I really do not have a lot in common with many of my coworkers. This is not a question of good or bad. It is just the way it seems to be. I am there to work and to do the best job that I can. I may not make much money, but that does not mean that I do not want to do the best job that I can. I am available to others if they want to talk, but I am not going to force myself on anyone. I am happy with myself, and that does not depend on what other people think about me. I treat others with respect, but I will not tolerate other people treating me disrespectfully. Sometimes the only thing I can when someone treats me with disrespect is to have as little contact with that person. I cannot allow it to affect how I feel about me. I am who I am, and I am not going to hide it.

Paying for Sex

Several times when I was downtown in Greensboro at the central bus stand a friend and I noticed a young, hot black talking to older white men. We both suspected what he was talking to them about. Then this was confirmed. I was on the bus by myself going to the mall. He approached me. We chatted a few minutes before the subject of sex and money came up. He asked if I wanted to suck his dick. I did not have as much money as he wanted, but he was willing to accept what I could give him. I really wanted to suck him, and he wanted some money. He said he knew somewhere we could do it. We went up on the some secluded stairs in a parking deck. I sucked him some. He said he wanted to see me cum. I guess I paid him enough money to suck him but not enough to get his cum. A couple of times after I had exited from an adult bookstore I was approached by guys who wanted me to give them money to suck their dicks. I do not remember where I did it with the first guy. I walked around some with the second guy, and we talked about different things. Then we went to a secluded place along some train tracks, and I sucked him. I was not able to pay either of these guys as much as they wanted, so I did not get their cum. I am sure that all three of these guys probably found men who could pay them more, and those men got their cum. I know it was risky to go into these places with men I did not know, but that added to the thrill. There was another guy who offered me a ride home, because he wanted me to fuck him. We were in my bed, so we did some cuddling and kissing. He called me, "Daddy." I did enjoy fucking him. The next day I noticed that ten dollars was missing from my wallet. I think I know what happened to it.

Sexual encounters and a nonsexual comment resulting from fake leather pants and suede boots

I was in mall restroom in Charlotte, NC. I was wearing black faux leather pants and suede boots with spiked heels. I was not yet familiar with cruising in public places. I had used the toilet. when I wa leaving the restroom the guy in the next stall opened the door and groped his cock through his underwear. I went back into the stall where I had just been. We both got on our knees and played with each other's cocks. It was the first time another man had played with my cock. It felt great. It only lasted a few minutes. Unfortunately neither of us came. It was the first time I had played with another guy's cock as an adult. I was still very naive sexually, and I did not really know what to do, but it was a lot of fun.
The same pants and boots led to some play in a convenience store where I was working. It was a slow evening, and a man commented that liked what I was wearing. I do not remember all that was said, but we went to the backroom where he pulled my cock out of my pants and jerked me off. I came this time. I was no longer a virgin at this time. I had sucked a few cocks and been fucked a few times. I was disappointed that I never saw him again. It was a bit risky to do this at work, but it was a lot of fun.
The first time I wore these boots on a bus I was surprised by a man who complimented my footwear. He said that they reminded him of flamenco dancing. These boots were inspired in part by Prince. I also enjoyed wearing them to blend masculine and feminine clothing. There was also the possibility of them leading to sex play.

The First Time I Was Approached by a Man for Sex

When I was about sixteen years old I was walking to a store on a back road. I was approached by a man who may have been in his twenties  or thirties. I was wearing tan corduroy pants that were somewhat tight. He said he was new in town, and he asked me if I knew anybody who wanted to make some money. I asked him, "Doing what?" I thought he might have been talking about something sexual. At first he said, "I'll pay $40.00." Again I asked what he wanted. He started acting a bit nervous. He said he would pay $100.00. I asked again ",Doing what?" He said, "I want to suck your dick." I was nervous about that, and I was more interested in sucking his dick than I was in having him suck mine. He explained that I would just have to lie down and he would suck it. That did not appeal to me. I would have preferred to be more active, and I was a bit uncertain. We talked a few more minutes. I was nervous, and I told him no. I think I yelled something. He walked in the direction of the store. I looked for him at the store to tell him I would do it if I could suck him. I did not find him. When I got home I went into the bathroom and jerked off. I am glad I did not take the money, because I am sure I would have felt guilty about doing that years later. I did regret not having the nerve to have sex, because I remained a virgin for ten more years. I only told a few people about his offer, but I did not say that I was tempted to take up his offer. I did not say that I had wanted to suck his cock, and I definitely did not say that I had masturbated when I got home. I am glad that my first sexual experience did not involve money.

Eugene V. Debs and the Socialist Party in the U.S.A.

From Upworthy I learned about Eugene V. Debs today. He worked on the railroad and eventually became a leader of the railroad workers' union. He was arrested following the Pullman Strike. Previous to this arrest and his time in jail he had been a Democrat. He read writings of Marx and Karl Krautsky, one of the promulgators of Marxism. Debs held public office before running for the presidency of the U.S.A. in 1900, 1904, 1908, 1912 and 1920. The last time he ran he was in prison. According to Upworthy he received over one million votes. After making an anti-war speech in which he said that wars were started by the rich and fought by the poor. He was arrested after this speech and charged with sedition. His sentence was commuted by President Harding. Upworthy posted a video of someone reading the speech for which he was arrested. The speech is still relevant today. The real power in this country is still in the hands of the rich. I did not know that there had been a significant socialist party in this country. I guess this would be one of that those facts that could be called extra-historical. In 1924 Karl H. Wiik, a Finnish socialist, nominated Debs for the Nobel Peace Prize because he had stood up against World War I. Debs also fought for a minimum wage, an end to child labor, rights for black Americans, improved working conditions and an increase in the number of people who could vote. Today the minimum definitely needs to be raised again, racism in this country continues, working conditions are still in need of improvement though they are not as bad as they were in Debs' time and the right to vote needs to be protected. I have found a new hero. (Much of this information comes from Wikipedia.com and Upworthy.com.)

I Enjoy Exercising My Brain When I am Alone, but I Need Somebody to Motivate Me to Exercise My Body

I refuse to get old in my thinking. My body may age, but I am in good shape for somebody gets most of my exercise at work and from walking. I do not have the time, money or motivation to work out in a gym. I am more motivated to keep my brain active. I do not need somebody else to motivate me to keep learning. On the other hand, I am more likely to get physical exercise if I have somebody to motivate. I enjoy walking by myself. Other forms of exercise are more fun with somebody else. Some people say that sex is a form of exercise, but for me the part of my body that gets the most exercise during sex is my mouth. With the right guy my hips and thighs would get a workout...well my cock too, of course. I always enjoy exercising the language center of my brain to figure out how to say things in other languages and to combine languages in fun ways. It would be fun if I had someone to challenge my mind too. I would like to find a soulmate with whom I could converse about myriad topics and combat idiocy in this world. Sometimes feel like saying, "Hijo de la gran pute, va te faire foutre. Kurva! Ne me fais pas chier!

Pandora Radio Needs to Hire People with More than a Superficial Knowledge of Music

I listen to Pandora radio from time to time. You can have different "stations" built around different recording artists, genres or composers. Their groupings of artists and composers often do not make sense. They say that Paul Dukas, who was considered one of the Impressionist composers along with Ravel and Debussy, is similar to Prokofiev, Rimsky-Korsakov, Khachaturian and Stravinsky. Dukas' most popular work is "The Sorcerer's Apprentice which was based on a poem by Goethe. Few of his pieces have survived. I think he destroyed many of his manuscripts. Madness, an English 2-Tone Ska band is grouped with metal bands. On the Sean Lennon radio they play Paul McCartney. They group John Cage with Erik Satie. Yes, Cage and Satie both composed pieces for piano, but their music and their approaches to music were very different. Satie is also grouped together with Debussy and Ravel. Satie was mostly known for his irreverent approach to music which can be seen in the titles to some of his pieces and in the instructions in his scores. He wrote "Three Pieces in the Shape of a Pear," and in one of his his composition he says it should be played like a sparrow with a toothache. In some cases they focus on the early part of an artist's career. This is the case with Marianne Faithfull. She started out singing pop and rock, but over the years her style has changed. More recently she has recorded songs by Kurt Weill. Sometimes I have had to delete stations,because they play music completely unrelated to the music I want to hear. They need to have people with more that a superficial knowledge of music grouping artists and composers.
I have had similar experiences with Amazon.com. Their recommendations often do not make sense. Sometimes they will recommend a CD or DVD because it was released on the same day on which something I ordered had been released. I have bought some CD's by Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon on Amazon, and they have recommended CD's by Paul McCartney. Most people who are fans of Yoko Ono would definitely not be fans of Paul McCartney. To me his music is too sappy. Sometimes I look at their recommendations to see how far off they are. I have found some good things that way, but sometimes it is very funny to see the outlandish connections they make.

I Hope Thay Serve Beer in Hell: Unrated & Unapologetic (The movie based on the book)

To be honest, I don't like the movie as much as I do the book, but I do like both. On the cover of the DVD there is a quote from the Los Angeles Times, "Right up there with Animal House and Porky's and beyond!" I am glad that I ordered the DVD before I saw that, because I hated both of those movies. This movie is definitely better than those. I know that a lot of the fans of the book did not like the movie. Some of them wanted the humor without a message. There are some scenes that would offend some people, most of these were also in the book. Some things were altered from the book and some stories were combined. This is understandable with the time limitations of a movie. In the book in the story of his diarrhea in the hotel the toilet in the room is clogged by Slingblade (Drew in the movie), and in the movie it is clogged by a woman (played by Traci Lords) whom he picked up in a bar. The woman at the desk became a man in the movie. Otherwise that story is basically the same in both places. I know some guys on Facebook who would masturbate to this scene, but I won't go into detail about that. In the film Drew ends up having a relationship with a stripper. This is not what happened in the book. Tucker Max had his reason for making this change, and I think it is a nice touch. Tucker Max appears in the movie playing the brother of Dan, one of the main characters, and the Best Man at Dan's wedding. He makes an awkward toast at the reception after the wedding. I am glad he took a minor roll in the film and did not what Shirley MacLaine did with the two-part TV movie based on her autobiography Out on a Limb. (She played herself in a movie based on her own autobiography, and later wrote a book about the making of that movie.) I would not call it a classic film,but I do find it entertaining. Would I recommend doing the things that Tucker Max did in the film and in his books. Definitely not. I would follow his message in the file - be who you are unapologetically and value your friends.

Mistakes Made by Me and Others in Foreign Languages

When I was was taking a conversational French class we were telling our majors and why we had chosen them. I said that mine were French and Spanish and my reason was that I liked "les langues étranges" (strange languages) instead of saying what I meant which was that I liked "les langues étrangères" (foreign languages). It was an embarrassing but funny mistake. My high school teacher told us of a fabric store that was called "Jolies Fabriques" (Pretty Factories). Either they did not know that Pretty Fabrics in French is "Jolies Tissues" or they thought that most people in the area would not know. When in Prague I bought a towel at the Ikea store. It was made in India. The washing instructions intended for the U.S. are as following: "Machine Wash. No Bleach. Warm iron. Dryclean. Tumble dry. normal temperature." One of the English instructors at the school I attended in Prague said that a student said what sounded like, "What I want most in life is a penis." What he was trying to say was, "What I want most in life is happiness." Once I saw a bilingual sign outside of a place that sold hot hot dogs, but in Spanish it read "Peros Calientes" (hot buts) instead of  "Perros Calientes" (hot dogs). A common mistake that English speakers make when starting to study Spanish is saying "ano" (anus) instead of "año" (year). This is particularly funny when someone is saying their age, because what one says in Spanish translates literally into English as "I have ## years. They end up saying, "Tengo 18 anos." (I have 18 anuses.) instead of "Tengo 18 años." (I am 18 years old.) When I was teaching classes we were supposed to allow English to be spoken. I was surprised that sometimes when answering simple questions I would answer in Czech by mistake. I was not too embarrassed by this. It made me feel good in a way. I would have preferred learning Czech to teaching English anyway. I remember seeing a multilingual menu outside of an Italian restaurant in Prague, in English it said they had "freshly pastes" instead of what they actually had which was "fresh pasta." It is interesting that signs for realtors in Prague had signs that read "reality" instead of "realty." At work sometimes I start to speak Spanish to a coworker, and then I remember that the person I am speaking only speaks English. It is funny that the first job where I regularly use my language ability is a warehouse language is a warehouse job where I earn $8.00/hour. At least I am able to practice speaking and comprehending Spanish. Language can be fun and funny.

A Call for a General Strike

The attitude of too many employers towards their workers is the employees should be glad that they have jobs and put up with any treatment by the employers. They should be glad they employees to do the work that they need to get done. Without workers they would not be able to make money themselves. I just started working at a job where I have to wait a year before I get paid vacation time and holiday pay. I have to wait ninety days to get paid sick time and insurance. Most of the workers get two days off together once every ten weeks. We get two days off each week, but not having them together does not allow for sufficient rest. I have a supervisor who treats employees as if we are completely stupid. How the supervisor treats the workers is reflected in how the workers treat each other. This causes tension in the workplace. Tense workers cannot work efficiently especially when they are over-worked and underpaid. In many countries workers are treated worse than they are in the U.S. many times this mistreatment is from American employers. There are companies, Costco for example, who treat their employees better. Their profits are up, and their employees are happier. According to what I have read, workers are treated much better in most of Europe. The rest of the world needs to follow their example. I still believe that we need to have a general strike for better pay and treatment for workers in this country. That seems to be the only way to get the attention of employers that they need their employees. It is time for them to stop treating workers like shit.

Responsible Gun Laws Are Needed

I have read recently about toddlers getting access to a gun in their mothers' purses. In one instance it was a two year old, and the mother was fatally shot in a WalMart. In the other case it was a three year old who accidentally shot both parents in a hotel where they were living. The parents in this case were not fatally wounded. The parents have been charged with failure to keep their gun secure. The father was not supposed to own a gun because of a felony. The mother was the one who owned the gun. In the report on Yahoo they said that the child would not be charged. Did they really have to clarify this? Sure, a three-year-old child facing charges? Come on now. How many incidents like this does it take before reasonable gun laws are out into place? How many people have to die before people stop keeping guns in places where children can access them? There are people who say that guns are needed to protect themselves from intruders, but they are more likely to be shot, accidentally or purposefully, by someone in their own households than they are by intruders. If guns are kept in a household the gun and ammunition need to be kept in separate places and locked up where children can not gain access to them. People who have restraining orders filed them definitely should not be able to buy firearms. Internet sales of firearms need to stop altogether.

Nudity Is Not Always a Prelude to Sex

I previously touched on the view that nudity is not always the prelude to sex and that a healthier attitude towards nudity is needed. I want to write more on these subjects. In the U.S we are taught that the body is something that needs to be hidden, especially breasts, vaginas, penises, testicles and asses. These can be arousing to people, but that does not mean that when they are shown that it has anything to do with sex. They are just parts of the human anatomy. There have been too many cases where a rapist has tried to justify the rape by saying that she/he was asking for sex by the way she/he was dressed. The view that the above mentioned parts of the body need to remain hidden from the view of others except as a prelude to sex contributes to that point of view. Also, there are also many people who are drawn to things that are seen as being forbidden. I personally find male underarms and bellies sexy.  A healthier attitude would be just to accept them as another part of the body. If we covered every part of the human body that could arouse someone sexually every part of both men and women would be covered. I am not saying that being sexually aroused by these things is a bad thing. What I am saying is that we need to learn that that we do not always have to associate them with sex. I am including myself in this. A healthy view of nudity lessens the likelihood of people being objectified in regards to the above listed body parts and other parts of the anatomy. Many nudists are not trying to be sexually provocative. They just have a healthy attitude about their own bodies. There are times when all of the parts of the outer human body can be objects of desire, but this needs to be with the consent on the parts of all involved. We cannot always keep prurient thoughts from entering our minds, but we should not let thoughts get out of control. A balance needs to be found. No one should be made uncomfortable because of the fear of sexual violence. As I have stated before and will continue to say, all people are worthy of being treated with respect. No one should be objectified. We all have feelings. We may think that a man or woman is incredibly sexy, but that does not give us to treat them as objects who are there for our pleasure.