More Childhood Memories of Movies that I Loathed

I was reminded recently of movies that I hated as a child, "Mary Poppins", "The Sound of Music" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." I think that I hated most musicals, especially the ones that were extremely sweet. I don't think I ever watched "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" in its entirety. The only musical that I remember liking as a child was one that was based on Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A teacher had asked my class to watch that one on TV. The following she asked how many people liked it. I was the only one in the class who did. It was scary to raise my hand when no one else raised their hands, but I did it anyway. I do not think that I could watch those films that I loathed so much as a child. As a child I preferred things that were more offbeat.

Tired of Being Depressed

I'm tired of being depressed. People tell me that there is no reason to be depressed. I wish I could just stop feeling depressed, but I can't. Part of the cause for the depression is chemical. Medications that may cause depression in some people usually cause me to be depressed. Being around friends and eating enough help, but there is always an underlying depression. Logical decisions become difficult. It becomes hard to focus on anything other than the feeling depressed. Some days just refraining from committing suicide is difficult. I definitely do not plan on killing myself, but I do think about it. I am not going to give up. On Thursday I will see a neurologist concerning my medication. I am doing everything that I can to fight this depression.

"The Fireman" by Joe Hill

The Fireman by Joe Hill starts well, but it becomes tedious. Joe Hill is the son of Stephen King, and part of the main theme, a spore that is causing people to burst into flames after they appear to have black and gold tattoos. Too many people are compared to celebrities and characters from film and fiction. It seems like the author was too lazy to come up with original characters. The book is much too long. It is 747 pages. There are books that are this long that keep one's interest. This is not one of those books. I wanted to see how the story ended, and I was disappointed. This is one of the least original books that I have ever read.

Brief Post About Feelings

Sometimes my feelings are in extremes. Either I love people strongly or I am indifferent to them. I can go from loving someone to feeling indifferent about them if they hurt me intentionally. There have been times when everyone around me are deeply affected by an event, and I am completely unmoved. I do not think that I would intentionally hurt anyone, but it scares me that the seed for that possibility is within me. I want to focus on doing good for the people whom I love.  I do anything that I can for these people. It makes me feel good to make the people whom I love feel good. I enjoy pleasing men sexually, but I also enjoy doing pleasing people in other ways even when there is little possibility of my getting their cocks in my mouth. I just have to be careful not to hurt anyone after my feelings toward them have become ice cold.

"Bittersweet: A Novel" by Miranda Beverley-Whittemore

Bittersweet: A Novel by Miranda Beverly-Whittemore has a compelling story, but the writing is uneven. The descriptions seem overwrought in places. Inanimate objects are often imbued with too much meaning. I did not want to set this novel aside before finishing reading it, but I was tempted at times to set it aside or donate it to Goodwill without finishing it. There were some things that seemed to be included for shock value. Mostly I did enjoy it, but at times it seemed like the author did not know what kind of book she wanted to write. In places it is literary, and at others it was like a romance novel. I do not condemn or praise the book. It is not a book that I will reread, and I probably will donate it somewhere.

"Angelmaker" by Nick Harkaway

Angelmaker by Nick Harkaway is one of the most entertaining novels that I have ready recently. It has been called a spy thriller. That is an oversimplification. It has wonderfully dark humor. It does have elements of a thriller. It is definitely a page turner. After reading this book I want to read more by Mr. Harkaway. It is not perfect, but I enjoyed about 99% of the book. Normally I would not refer to percentages when writing about a novel, but it seems almost appropriate when writing about this book. The "good guys" are very likable, and the villains are nicely despicable. Almost all of the plot twists are enjoyable. I always enjoy finding an author whose writing I enjoy this much. I highly recommend this book.

Legalize Drugs

Illegal drugs are often blamed for the violence associated with them. I think that if most of these drugs were legalized there would be a lot less violence connected with them. Much of the violence is connected with the underground marketing system that is in place because of the prohibition. Regulation of these drugs would be easier if they could be sold on the open market. I did not adopt this point of view from a desire to be able to obtain some of these drugs more easily. It has long been my point of view. There are people who become violent under the influence of alcohol. I would not be surprised if alcohol caused more violent behavior than other drugs. Also there are probably more legal prescribed psychotropic medications that cause violence than there are illicit drugs that cause that kind of behavior. Of course with the legalization of these drugs education about the dangers of addiction would be needed. The same education is needed in regarded the addictive possibility of prescribed drugs. Whether or not to use these substances should be up to the individuals not the government.

I Am a Submissive Bitch (Adult Content)

I am a submissive bitch, and I am happy that I am. I only suck the cocks of men who let me know that they want me to suck them off. It is still a turn-on to pay a guy to be able to suck his cock and swallow his cum and pee. I still prefer for him to approach and say that he wants for this to happen. I would feel too creepy to approach a guy with this request. I am not saying anything against men who do that, but it is just not who I am. I do have trouble with guys who keep asking after they have been turned down. Whether or not there is money involved the idea of a guy wanting to put his cock in my mouth turns me on a lot. I can shoot a large load thinking about that. I am a professional asshole, but I am also a submissive bitch. I have a multi-faceted personality.

More Childhood Memories

I remember that, as a child, I grew to hate several television programs and movies that my family watched annually or more frequently. Some of these I still avoid watching. "The Wizard of Oz" was something I came to despise. At Halloween and Christmas I cam to dread "The Peanuts" holiday specials. I came not to be able to tolerate "I Love Lucy." I know that these are considered classics, but it seemed like I was almost forced to watch them. Even as a child I wanted to have some control over what I watched on TV or to what music I listened. Fortunately I was able to avoid watching TV westerns. If I had been forced to watch them it would have been a form of torture. There are films that I enjoy watching multiple times as an adult, but they are ones that I choose. Enjoying things that are not in the mainstream is just a part of who I am. Back to the theme of this post, "The Honeymooners" was another program that I never could tolerate. I am not sure if it was because of the threat of spousal abuse, but for me it was something that I have always avoided. I have heard it said that children enjoy watching the same things repeatedly. That was definitely not true concerning me.

Feeling Frustrated

I was excited yesterday evening, because I thought that I was going to be able to move in with my best friend. I thought it was going to happen today. I found out this morning that it's not going to happen. I am not giving up, but I am feeling down. In the last few weeks the times that we have planned on getting together something has happened to keep the meetings from taking place. I hope that we can see each other soon. I know that he is a good friend. I know that as soon as it is possible we will see each other. We are good for each other. He has helped more than any other friend ever has.

I Need Anti-Seizure Medication that Will not Cause Depression

I am still trying to get my anti-seizure medication situation straightened out. I need something that will stop the seizures without causing depression. Marijuana would be the best solution, but it is not legal in North Carolina. It is available in pill form here but only for those for whom nothing else works. Maybe they will be able to prescribe it. The US government proved in tests seventy years ago that marijuana can stop seizures. They still made it illegal. It has many health benefits, but the government would prefer keeping it illegal. It needs to be made illegal nationwide. The US government has no interest in making sure that the country's population is healthy. They want to keep the big pharmaceutical companies happy. Depression is not something that I want to fuck around with. My health providers are not interested in fixing this in a timely manner. If I had a lot of money this would not be a problem.