Four unconnected topics (Adult Content)

It seems that our internet has been disconnected, so I will be posting less frequently.

Not long ago I was walking down a street when I saw a sexy man walking towards me. We spoke, and  we looked at each other a few times. He yelled out to me. Then he came up to me. He asked if I lived close by. I asked what he was looking for. He asked if I wanted to have fun. I thought he was talking about sex, but I wasn't sure. Hesitantly I said I liked to suck cock. He wanted to fuck me, but I have not been fucked in years. He asked if I would suck him if we found a place. I said I would. We looked around and found a place. He pulled his cock out, and I sucked it until I got a tasty load. It was delicious. It had a unique taste that I loved. I hope we can do it again. We exchanged numbers.

I finished reading "Myra Brecknridge." For me the ending is sad. The view of transgenders has changed since this book was written, but it is still an entertaining book. It has definitely aged since it was published in 1968.

It is harder for me to proofread on my phone, so please forgive errors.

Musings on Being Submissive (Adult Content)

Sometimes I have enjoyed being submissive to someone who is usually a sub. I had a roommate once who was usually very submissive. We spent a lot of time cuddling and kissing. He had a boyfriend who did not mind him doing these things. I promised to stay out of his pants, but sometimes this was difficult to do. A few times he got an erection, and he fucked my face with his cock still in his jeans. This was not the most pleasant feeling, but it was still fun. It was fun to bring out his dominant side. Sometimes the head of his cock would stick up out of his underwear, and I would take it into my mouth. We both loved cuddling and kissing. He was a great at both. Before he moved out we went a bit further. The last weekend we spent a lot of time cuddling, and he said "Let's go up to my room." When we got there we took our clothes off and fucked. I fucked him. He tried to fuck me, but he was not able to get into my hole. All three times he came while my cock was in him. I may have been penetrating him, but he remained in control. We were both a bit frustrated that he was not able to penetrate me. All three times I licked up his cum from the floor or his bed or wherever it landed. It can be a lot of fun to bring out the dominant side of someone who is normally submissive.

Danzig II Lucifuge

I am listening "Danzig II: Lucifuge." Some of my friends find Danzig's music too dark, but I enjoy it. I have music that is darker. I would definitely not play their music around my Christian friends, especially "Snakes of Christ" and Devil's Plaything." Sometimes I like to listen to music that has a darker sound, but that should not be a surprise to anyone. Eventually I will replace my Christian death metal CD's. Actually Danzig does not sound that dark to me. I will write more about darker music I like when my brain isn't falling asleep.

Starting the day by putting on my armor (AC)

I am putting on my emotional armor at the start of the day. I have the emotional, intellectual and physical strength to make it through this day. I am not going to let anybody tear me down. I refuse to build myself by tearing other people down. I will have to deal with people who do this. I cannot let myself be dragged down to their level. I cannot control how other people act. I can only control how I react to their actions. I feel best when I am happy with who I am and help other people to be happy with who they are. That does not mean that I do this to my own detriment. I am not going to help homophobes to be proud of their homophobia. A lot of the homophobic guys really want to come out of the closet as being gay or bi.In a way I feel sorry for them. I have fucked at least one guy like that. I may have sucked some of them. I am proud that I have been able to please men. I am a cum slut. I do hope to be able to form a relationship with my new friend, but I am not going to be ashamed of who I am. Those guys who look down on me for sucking dick do not know how much they are missing by not letting me suck them. That is their loss. Having one man to love, suck and fuck will make me happy too. He is my  girly boyfriend, and I love him. I will expose my feminine side with him. I love combining masculine and feminine in my attire. It can be fun being an asshole bitch. I wonder how he feels about piss play.

Well, time to get ready for work and dealing with bullshit. I have my armor on, so I will be fine.

Update on my Situation

Things are getting a bit better, but it is still a bit bumpy. I am looking into job possibilities. I applied to a couple of temp agencies. I got a call from one of them. I have an appointment with one of them on 8 September. A friend is also going to see if he can help me to get a job where he works. I may be without internet access soon. I need to move, and I do not know if I will be able to afford it. I need to work and live in circumstances that are less stressful. It is wearing on me when I have to deal with excessive stress at both places.

I do not understand people who think that giving other people the same rights takes away from their own rights. I especially do not understand people who are against LGBTQ rights while thinking it is all right to be married and divorced multiple times. One of these people said to me that she followed God's law not man's laws. She follows God's when they fit her views. I am not better than anyone else, but that seems like hypocrisy to me.

I am going to continue to keep my head up. I will not let people mistreat. I deserve as much respect as anyone else.

More Musings On My Current Situation

I am not sure what I am going to do to get out of my current situation, but I am reaching out to my friends for ideas and help.  I may be mostly alone where I am, but I know that I have friends. I am not going to give up. My new friend has offered to help me to find a new place. Some other people have offered to help in whatever way they can. I know there is somewhere that I fit in. I just need to find it. I am going to keep my head up, and I am going to accept and love myself as I am. I will continue to try to improve as a writer. I do not know if I will ever find a market for my writing, but writing is an essential means for self expression for me. I need to be with people with whom I can talk. My writing is also a way to connect with people.Sometimes it seems like my sister and I are speaking completely different languages.

Well, I'm not ready yet, but it is time for me to get ready to go to work. I'll survive it.

Thoughts on My Current Situation

I need to work harder on finding a new place to live and a new job. I am not very good at practical things like that. I wish I had more common sense. I am much better at abstract thought than I am at being practical. I have never been very good at small talk. Thinking and talking about music, literature, art, languages and philosophy come more easily to me than relating to the daily life of other people. My brain definitely seems to be wired differently from the brains of most of the people that I know. It is hard for me to ask for help from other people, but I need help finding a new job and a place to live. I know things will get better. I wish I were better at the practical things in life. I need to work on it. I am happy with who I am, but I still need to work on some things.

New developments and hopes and concerns.

It looks like I definitely will not be moving to Arkansas. One relationship ends as another begins. This is not cause and effect. It looks like I met my new friend at just the right time. Even though we have only met in person one time I think I could easily fall in love with him. He is twenty years younger than I. Age for me is not an issue. We both know that we can be open with the other. I hope we can get together sometime very soon. He is a good kisser. I have told him that I want him to feel free to talk to me about anything, and he said the same to me. I look forward to us getting to know each other better and growing closer to each other.

I need to find a new job and a new place to live. It would be nice if I can move into a new place with my new friend. It would be great to have a safe place where we would not have to think about what other people think. Until then I want to be able to spend some time with him in private and explore his body and mind. I hope that some day that we will be able to travel together. It would be great to have a travelling companion.

I am getting very concerned about my financial situation. I hope I am able to make enough money to meet my financial obligations.

Ready or not I have to get ready for work. I will survive it.

Some Adult Content, Gionny Scandal and Tublatanka

I knew someone who claimed to be straight, but he was in serious denial. When we were together he could not cum unless I was fucking him and he was watching porn with men fucking each other. He had been married to a woman, and he had daughter. He attended conservative churches. The last I heard from him he was engaged to a woman in Africa. He was in the U.S. When I fucked him I could tell that he had been fucked quite a few times. I am not going to say he is a bad person, but I do feel bad for him. He is an alcoholic, and I think if he would accept who he is he would be less likely to have the drinking problem. I think that one of the keys to happiness is to accept ourselves as we are and to help others to accept themselves as they are.

I have found some music that I want to get on eBay. It is music I have been looking for for awhile. First is a CD by Gionny Scandal. He is an Italian rapper. He is sexy with tattoos, and I really like his music. He raps in Italian. Some others are by a Slovak "hair-metal" band, Tublatanka. Their song "Pravda vitaži"was used in the movie "Hostel" was used in a scene in a club in Bratislava. I will have to wait to get these, but that's ok.

Na shledanou, meus amigos.

Another brief post

I have 32 hours that I will be able to take off from work between now and the end of the year. I am trying to take them off at the end of September and beginning of October. If I am able to do that I will be able to take off from work for six days together. I will find out tomorrow. If I cannot have those I will try to get days earlier. I do want to spend time with my new friend. He is a sweetheart. I will be glad when we can get together. We will greet each other with a kiss and hug when we see each other. We will walk together hand in hand. I want to make him feel as good as he has made me feel.

Boa noite, mes amis.

Pitbull: Original HIts

I am starting off my Friday with Pitbull. It is a fun way to start a day. A few years ago a friend had a hair salon in a small town where Pitbull came in to have his head shaved. My friend did not know who Pitbull was. I had heard of him, but I had not yet heard his music. I am not sure if I had heard him before I got this CD. I would not play his music around some of my friends. I like rhythms more than I do his lyrics. His rhythms are a lot of fun though. I do enjoy hearing him rap in Spanish. His music would make very good dance music. I will listen to this CD more before I decide whether or not I will buy more of his CD's. Lil Jon raps on some songs, but I prefer Pitbull's raps. In one song there is a reference to Grey Goose, which I think is a mediocre, overpriced vodka. I would prefer drinking a Polish or Russian Vodka.

I am listening to Pitbull and wearing a Hank III t-shirt.

Сегодня пятница, я надеюсь, что каждый человек имеет хороший уик-энд. Dziś jest piątek, mam nadzieję, że każdy ma dobry weekend. Danes je petek, upam, da ima vsakdo dober vikend. Сьогодні п'ятниця, я сподіваюся, що кожна людина має хороший уїк-енд. Dnes je piatok, dúfam, že každý má dobrý víkend.

Manu Chao

I am listening to Manu Chao's CD "La radiolina." On this CD he sings in Spanish, English, Portuguese,  and Italian. I would like to hear him sing in Basque. He sings about themes that interest me, and his music is fun. My favorite songs are "13 días," Politik Kills," "Rainin in Paradise," "Panik Panik," and "Besoin de la lune." I like all of the songs. In one song he sings in two or three languages. (I would like to build up my confidence enough to combine languages orally as well as in writing.) His music makes me want to move, and his lyrics activate my brain. I want to find more of his music.

I am working on building my confidence with languages. I struggle at times with thoughts that I am not as good as I think I am with languages. I am getting less insecure about this. It is still odd to me that English is the one I speak with the strongest accent. Oh, well, I enjoy that too.

Bom dia, tout le monde, na shledanou.

I Am Less Alone

It looks like I may be able to develop a relationship with my new friend. We share some interests, He is sweet and completely adorable. I hope we will be able to spend more time together. We have been texting. I am not going to reveal anything about him without his permission. I will say that he has made me feel less alone, and he helps me to be happy.

Gute Nacht

Books I am Currently Reading

I am currently rereading Myra Breckinridge by Gore Vidal and Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. The former was made into what is considered one of the worst movies ever made, and some people consider the film based on the latter to be better than the book. Both are narrated by the main character, and both have surprises at the end. I have not seen the movie "Myra Breckinridge," and I do not know id I want to watch it. I have watched "Fight Club" a few times, and I probably will watch it some more times. This is my second time reading the book. I am glad that some things were toned down in the movie. While reading the former I am made aware of the changes that have taken place in the view of transgender people. It is an entertaining book, but there are references to many people who have been forgotten since the book was published in 1968. There are some things in Fight Club that I find tempting. They are tempting in theory, but I would not want to act on them. One of these things is the idea of getting into fights, and having a fight club. There are mentions of waiters urinating and masturbating into food at expensive restaurants. Chuck Palahniuk said that he has been told by waiters that they have done this. I would be tempted to have a waiter do this for me in a restaurant. More on these books later, maybe.

I am not ready yet, but I have to go to work now. Na shledanou. Ahoj.

New friend

I met with a new friend I had met on Tagged. We have not been able to meet in person before because of our schedules, but we were able to meet at a mall today. I had an appointment with a medical doctor today, and I had to wait for my sister to pick me up afterwards. I waited at a mall that is close to the doctor's office, so I was able to get together with him. He is sweet and completely adorable. We hugged and kissed in a restroom and a dressing room. The next time we will greet each other with a kiss in public. It is nice finally meet someone nice in this area. I hope we will be able to get together in private soon. I think we will be able to enjoy many things together. Sucking, fucking, cuddling, music, and other interests.

I had a follow-up appointment with my primary care physician after my visit to the emergency room two weeks ago. I will see a neurologist in October. My PCP wants me to have a colonoscopy, but even with insurance they cost too much. Needed medical procedures cost too much in this country.

Having a new friend here will improve my mood a lot.

Bonsoir, mis amigos. Somn usor.

Laibach: Volk: Dead in Trbovlje continued

I just watched the music videos from this DVD again. The most interesting video visually is the video for "Anglia" which is an arrangement of the national anthem of the U.K. The imagery is disturbing. It has the lines, "So you still believe you're ruling the world, Using all your tricks to keep the picture blurred," and "You still pretend you're ruling the world, Using all your tricks to keep the picture blurred." (These lines could also describe the U.S.) It does not paint a flattering picture of the U.K. The ones for France and Spain use a lot of red representing blood. In the French it is the blood of the Revolution along with symbolism of the guillotine, and in the Spanish it is the blood of the bullfights. The word "toreador" is used. This was a word coined by Bizet, because supposedly he did know the word "matador." References are made top the conquistadors of Spain. For me the most moving one is "Slovania." There are references in the words spoken and in visuals to the countries of Central and Eastern Europe. The phrase "Let freedom rise" is repeated.  "Rossiya" is also very moving to me. It is about unity and freedom in Russia. The group Silence performs with Laibach in these recordings. I would like to find out more about that group. There are videos of other anthems, but these are the ones that stand out to me.

Off to Work I Go

I am getting ready to start a new work week by listening to Rammstein. Their songs stimulate me in several ways. Til Lindemanns's voice turns me on whether he sings in German or English, but he sounds better in German. Their songs motivate me to want to learn more German. Their music makes very good dance music for me. It was through reading about them that I learned about Laibach and Einsturzende Neubauten. Rammstein and Laibach have similar logos. Laibach formed long before Rammstein. Laibach uses a black cross, Rammstain uses a cross of the same style with a stylized on it. Both Rammstein and Laibach have been accused of having fascistic leanings against their own protestations. I love the music of all three bands, but Einsturzende Neubauten's name is the most fun to say. It is funny that I can roll my "R's" in any language but German. I cann not say Rammstein the same way that they do.

Well, it's off to work for me.

Laibach: Volk: Dead in Trbovlje

This DVD has concert footage and music videos by Laibach with the group Silence. I watched the concert footage. They performed selections from their CD "Volk" and several other songs. The audience remained seated throughout the concert until the end. It seems like a cross between a rock concert and a classical concert. Their concerts are multimedia events too. Elements from their music videos are seen behind them. "Volk" is a collection of arrangements of national anthems. During "Italia" scenes from Fellini's "La dolce vita" and Pasolini's "Salo" are seen. Laibach remain still during their concerts. Their versions of most of the national anthems are critical of the different countries. In their version of "The Star Spangled Banner" they ask "Did you form a perfect union?" There are disturbing images in their video for "Anglia," ("God Save the Queen"). They are very critical of that country. I will write more after I finish watching the music videos. I will try to do that soon.

I was not able to get together with my online friend. I hope we can do that soon.

Lahko noč

Will It Happen?

I have an online friend I have been hoping to be able to meet in person. Every time we have planned on getting together he has had to work late. I hope he is not just leading me on. I think we would have fun if we got together. We both like sicking dick. He likes getting fucked, and I love fucking a guy's ass. We also both love cuddling and kissing. I definitely need some cuddling. We also share some other interests. I also would love to get a mouth full of cum.

I am listening to a collection of music from Shady Records that was released the 15th anniversary of the founding of the company by Eminem. Kid Rock appears on one of the songs. I like his early music, but I lost interest in his music when he moved away from hip hop. I have also been listening to some other favorites like Gogol Bordello, Rammstein, Lucio Dalla, Laibach, etc. I wish I could find some new Russian music.

Well it's time to go to work. Hugs and kisses for all my friends and more for those who want it.

C'est aujourd'hui vendredi

Je voudrais trouver quelqu'un avec qui je pourrais parler français. Quand je me lève le matin je commence à penser en français. C'était la première langue étrangère que j'ai étudié. Je voudrais voyager encore en France. J'au des beaux souvenirs de Paris. J'ai eu des rêves du Fnac à Paris.

It seems like work is slowing down. I hope that it does not not slow down too much. I do need rest, but I need to make enough money to meet my expenses.

It's time to go to work. Bonne journée tout le monde.

Yelawolf: Love Story

I am listening to "Love Story" a CD by Yelawolf, a hip hop performer from Alabama. It was recommended to me on Amazon. I do not always trust their recommendations. I read some of the reviews. I was partly drawn to him by his connection to Eminem, but I saw in the reviews that there were other influences. There is some country influence. Eminem is listed as the Executive Producer, and he appears on one of the songs, "Best Friend." For me the most moving song is "Disappear." It deals with child abuse. It comes close to moving me to tears. There are songs that deal with bullying too. I will eventually get more discs by Yelawolf. This disc stands up to repeated listening.

I think it would be interesting if Eminem and Hank Williams III did some music together. This is not because they are both a III and the same age. They both perform the type of the music that they want. I doubt that it will ever happen, but I think it would be interesting.

Я хочу знать, где я принадлежу.

I do not know where I belong now. I know that I do not belong where I am now. I am not going to ask why my brain malfunctions the way that it does. Wherever I go I need to be able to get medication to keep from having seizures. I would like to be somewhere that the primary language is not English. I want to wrap my tongue around different languages and different parts of male anatomy. I will try to limit the use of the word never in my vocabulary. I want to be somewhere that I can make a positive difference. I am not perfect, but I am the best me I can be. I want to be with a man I can please in many ways.

Я не знаю, где я принадлежу настоящее. Я знаю, что я не принадлежу, где я сейчас нахожусь. Я не собираюсь спрашивать, почему мой мозг неисправностей так, что он делает. Где бы я ни мне нужно, чтобы иметь возможность получить лечение, чтобы не припадки. Я хотел бы быть где-то, что основной язык не английский. Я хочу, чтобы обернуть свой язык вокруг различных языках и различных частей мужской анатомии. Я постараюсь, чтобы ограничить использование слова никогда в моем лексиконе. Я хочу, чтобы где-то, что я могу сделать положительную разницу. Я не совершенен, но я лучше меня, я могу быть. Я хочу быть с мужчиной, я могу угодить во многих отношениях.

Ponderings - Размышлений.

There is a guy I love, and I would like to be with him, but I do not know if it is possible at this time. I do not have the means to move. I do not drive, and I do not have the financial means to move. I know that I am not getting anywhere with my life where I am now. I feel very much alone where I am now, and this is not a feeling I do not like. I will be able to figure something out, but my brain has been made sluggish by alcohol and the need for sleep. I am going to look at some porn, jerk off and go to bed.

Спокойной ночи, друзья, объятия и поцелуи.

Once Again I am Not Ready to Start Another Work Day

I am not ready to go back to my job. Well, I am never ready to go to this job. I keep telling people that if they want to be treated with respect they need to treat other people with respect. So far this does not make much of an impression on them. At times it seems to get better, but it does not last. One good thing about this job is that it has helped me to improve my physical condition. I need to set better priorities outside of work. I am not getting anywhere now, and that is my own fault. I still have a lot of work to do on my self confidence. I need to exercise my imagination and intelligence. I need to use my imagination for more than masturbation. Well, ready or not I have to go to work. Na shledanou.

 

A Brief Post Before Bed

I may have to sell some things in order to be able to move. I am going to continue to try to get in touch with friends. I do not want to stay in this state any longer than I have to.

Recently on Tagged I have made some new friends in Russia. That is a country I have long wanted to visit. I am not going to give up on that dream. I would like to be able to make a difference in the LGBTQ community there and Ukraine. I might not fit in completely there, but I would like to spend time there and learn more of the language and culture. I do not fit in where I am now, so not fitting in would not be new. The places where I have felt most at home were Paris, Prague and Lawrence, Kansas. I do want to find a place to call home.

Я, возможно, придется продать некоторые вещи для того, чтобы иметь возможность перемещать. Я собираюсь продолжать пытаться войти в контакт с друзьями. Я не хочу, чтобы остаться в этом состоянии дольше, чем я должен.

В последнее время на Tagged я сделал несколько новых друзей в России. Это страна, которую я давно хотел посетить. Я не собираюсь отказываться от этой мечты. Я хотел бы быть в состоянии сделать разницу в ЛГБТ сообщества там и Украине. Я, возможно, не вписывается в совершенно, но я хотел бы провести время там, и узнать больше о языке и культуре. Я не вписываются в, где я сейчас нахожусь, так не подобает в не новая. Места, где я чувствовал себя как дома были Париж, Прага и Лоуренс, Канзас. Я хочу, чтобы найти место, чтобы позвонить домой.

Here We Go Again

Very soon I need to get a new birth certificate and a new passport. My name has been legally changed. I never felt any really connection to the first name I was given at birth. I was named in honor of someone who had died about seven years before I was born. Vlk fits me better in several ways. I have always been fond of wolves, well for quite a few years. I am not an alpha wolf. I am a wolf who takes special care of the alpha wolf. I would be the one who knows all of the ways to please him in and out of bed. I am loyal like a wolf is.

I may not be able to travel abroad soon, but I do want to have a passport. I do want to be able to do so if the opportunity should arise. I want to be able to suck dick and speak different languages in different countries.

I am not ready yet, but I have to go to work. Na shledanou.

A Short Rambling Post

I had planned on getting things organized today, but I ended up being lazy. I did go out for a few walks, and that was nice. I did shopping and laundry. I would like cooking if I had a man to cook for. For me cooking is a lot more fun if I am doing it for someone else. I feel the same way about doing laundry.

I do wish I knew a way that I could get more directly involved in LGBTQ rights in Russia and Ukraine. I feel a very strong connection to that part of the world. I cannot explain why I feel this strong connection. I just know that it is there. It is as if part of those countries is in me and part om me is in those countries. My knowledge of the languages needs a lot of work, but it is work that I am very willing to undertake. It would be a pleasant task for me. When people speak against the people of Central and Eastern Europe I react inwardly as if my own family had been attacked. I am more interested in what I can do because of this than I am why I feel this way.  I was born in the U.S.A., but my spiritual home is elsewhere.

Bonsoir, je dois me coucher.

Another Saturday

I hope I only have to work eight hours today. I need the money for working more hours, but I also need rest. I also hope to be able to get together with a new friend. I don't know if he really wants to get together. Every time we plan on meeting something happens. I definitely could use some friendly company. I will stay focused on doing my job, and I am only going to interact with some of the other people at work when I have to do so. It does not make for the most pleasant day, but I will make it through today. The other people at work do not know what they are missing by treating me like they do. Oh well, I have to go to work now.

I need to start organizing my shit

I am going to start organizing my books, DVD's and CD's better. I hope some day to have shelves onto which to put them. I really need new jewel cases for a lot of the CD's. Too many cases have gotten broken. Sometimes I forget what I have and what I want to replace. I know that I have a CD by Serge Gainsbourg somewhere, I want to get more of his music. Another good thing about having shelves is that things would be more easily accessible. I like for things to be organized, but anybody seeing my room would have a hard time believing this. No more excuses, this shit has to be done.

Спокойной ночи, друзья и приятели ебут.

C'est aujourd'hui vendredi.

C'est aujourd'hui vendredi. Not that that makes much of a difference.  It just means that I don't have to put up with a couple of people who are off on Fridays. I would say that job could kiss my ass goodbye, but I would not give it that privilege. I am the one who usually kisses asses, but I only do this when it is for my own enjoyment as well as that of the man whose ass I am kissing. They are deep kisses. I have had few jobs that I dread going to as much as I do this one. I will make it through this day. I wish I could get the people at work to use complete sentences. Communication is not easy in English or Spanish. Mostly these idiots just point.

Hugs for all my friends and special kisses for the special ones.

I Need To Get My Ass in Gear

I need to make moves to see what I need to move to a new home. It looks like it may be to Arkansas. I plan on talking to friends before I make a move. I know that some friends will not want me to make the move, but I have taken chances before. Some of these chances worked out, the move to Kansas for instance. Some chances did not work out, like the move to Rhode Island. I am not going to say never, but as things are now, I would not want to move anywhere in Kansas besides Lawrence. I still have friends in that area. I still hope that I will be able to move back there with someone I love. The one drawback about Lawrence, Kansas is the hospital. If I move back there I will have to make sure that I don't run out of medicine. It would be great if I can live in a city I like with a man I love. I just need to get my ass in gear.

Dobranoc przyjaciele. Sladké sny.

Back to Work

I go back to work this morning. I'm not ready, but I would never be ready to go back to this job. I will survive. Some people say "At least it's a job." I have a feeling that the people who say this never had a job as shitty as this. One good thing about it is that it motivates me to move forward.

A man downtown says that he knows men who like to get their dicks sucked. I gave him one of my cards. We'll see if he gives anybody my number. Maybe the next time I will give him cards to hand out. My cock-shaped hole is empty.

More to come later.

A Rough Couple of Days

I had a rough couple of days. I went a couple of days too many without medication, and I had a seizure. I did not fall out of bed this time, but had to go to the hospital. I was dropped by one insurance company temporarily because of a lack of communication from the Insurance Marketplace. I still say that the Affordable Care Act is working, but they did not let me know that they had not received paperwork they needed as proof of my income. My insurance company was going to start charging me more than I could afford, so I had to change insurance companies anyway. Insurance companies can be a pain to deal with. The healthcare system in the U.S.A. still needs a lot of work.

At the hospital one of the guy who put my IV in was a hot guy whose name tag read "Daddy Dave."He looked like he would have been a lot of fun. The Physician's Assistant was from Poland. My sister was in the room with me. She asked her where she was from. My sister said that she thought that I knew some Polish. 'I got up enough nerve to say "Trochę rozumiem  po polsku." It made me feel good when she said my pronunciation was good. I had not had the opportunity to say anything in Polish with anyone from that country. I definitely want to learn more.

Bonsoir, meus amigos.

Another Day in Purgatory

I may have to deal with a shitty job, but this is temporary. I am not going to let the way the people treat me affect how I feel about myself. They are the ones who are missing out. Oh well, I will have a chance to start over again. After I move I want to take time to develop as a writer and to work on languages while I look for a job. I will get practice sucking cock. I hope that I will be able to relax my anus enough for a cock to get into it. Maybe some day I will be able to get married.

I am starting the day off with Eminem. I have liked his music and his attitude from the first CD. I just wish I could listen to him and some of my other favorite music at work. Well, at least I can play it in my mind while I work.

Na shledanou.

A Quick Post before Jerking Off and Going to Bed

I am going to try to contact my closest friends before I make a move. I definitely need to move. At the job I have now I feel like I am working with children. I cannot take it much longer. I have never had a job I dreaded going to as much as I do this one.

I definitely need to have a man's arms around me and his lips and mine touching. It would be nice to embrace as our tongues get to know each other. I want to explore a man's body with my mouth and hands. I want to find out how every part of his body smells. I want to learn the taste of his pre-cum, cum and pee. I want to know all of the ways of pleasing him. If I go to be with the man with whom I am talking he will be the only man with whom I will be having sex. I think I can do that. I want to please him. I just have to figure out how to make the move. I will get started on that.

Bonsoir, mis amigos.

More on the Possible Move

I definitely need to move somewhere soon, so moving to Arkansas may be the best option at this time. I need to look into the job market in that area. Wherever I go I will need to find a MD quickly. I cannot afford to go without meds to keep from having seizures. I also need to figure out how to move my stuff. I also want to see some friends in North Carolina before I leave the area. Arkansas is one of the places I would not have considered living, but I have learned the dangers of saying never. I am looking forward to making a move. What I don't look forward to is going through my stuff and getting rid of some of it. Whatever happens I will survive and I will start moving on with my life.

Free hugs for everybody.