A Potential Move

I may be making a move soon. I will talk to some close friends before making a firm decision. I do need to make a move. My jab is wearing me out. The work is hard, and there is little appreciation shown for hard work. It is a company that believes in punishing mistakes without showing appreciation of work done well. Negative attitudes from supervisors trickle down. Little concern is shown for the physical or mental well being of the workers. I would like to visit before making the move. I do not think that what happened in Rhode Island will happen if I move, but I do not to be hurt and I do not want to hurt the guy I am going to be with. I believe that he definitely bathes more frequently than the guy in R.I. Well, most people do. The guys I was with there slept in the same clothes they wore during the day for weeks at a time. I would like for things to work out with this new guy. It would be nice to have a man I could love and please.

I Am Living (AC)

I am living not just existing. I may not be where I want to be, but there are things that I can work on. I can work on finding a new place to live and a new job. I can meet people on Facebook, Tagged and Google+. Eventually I will find some cocks to suck and get a nice protein shake. Until I do I still have my right hand and my imagination. Some people say that watching porn makes it more difficult for someone to cum with a partner. Sometimes it does take me longer to cum when I am with someone else, but I cum more when I am with someone else. I usually cannot cum until my sex partner does, but I get more pleasure from giving it. Also my cock head gets very sensitive, and pleasure turns to pain if it is licked too much. I prefer sucking to getting sucked. For me it is not as important for me to cum as it is for the other guy to cum. I love to go to work filled with a man's cum and pee and the scent of his pre-cum covering my face. This will happen again.

Musings From a Gay Male Connoisseur (Adult Content)

First I want to write about the taste of male semen. I do not think that it would be surprising that cum from different men varies in taste. I prefer ejaculate that is salty to cum that is very sweet. I will not turn down the chance to have a man give me a sweet load, but I would rather have a salty one. There was a man I sucked several times in secluded restrooms. I was surprised at the sweetness of his cum the first time I tasted it. There was nothing about the taste of his cock or hole that would indicate that his semen would remind me of a milkshake. The variety of taste of cum from different men is very subtle. How strong a man's cum tastes can be affected by how it enters my mouth. It is interesting to me that I get a stronger taste if I am on my back and a man shoots his load into my mouth from over it letting it fall into my mouth from outside it. If a man cums with his cock head in my mouth I prefer that it be further from my throat. I want to get as much of it as I can. I have heard that asparagus affects the taste of cum as much as it does the taste of urine. I want to experience it. I like the way my urine tastes after I have eaten asparagus. The tastes of a man's anus is affected strongly by his diet. I had a vegetarian friend that I rimmed several times. His hole was delicious. I wanted to see if his cum tasted different from that of a non-vegetarian. I really could not tell much difference really. I do love the taste of African American men's genitals and anuses. I am always afraid of coming across as racist when I say that. As I mentioned before I only give blow jobs to guys who stick their cocks in my mouth, so you can see I have tasted the cocks, balls and anuses of men from different ethnic backgrounds. I still have not pleased a European man with my mouth. I want to change.

It is well past my bedtime. I need to jerk off and go to sleep. До Свидания.

Starting A New Day

I am starting another day. I am tempted to crawl back into bed, but that wouldn't solve anything. If there was somebody in the bed waiting for me to take his cock in my mouth I would not have gotten out of bed. If I had someone waiting for me in bed I would not be in the situation I am in. I cannot blame anyone else for where I am now. I took the chance of going to Rhode Island. I was going to have to move anyway. I needed a break from the job I had then, and I need a break from the job I have now. I am less likely to get a break from my current job. My current employers treat their workers worse than my previous employers did. They have a hard time keeping employees. I wonder if they will figure out why this is true. I doubt it. I am going to start a search for a new job. I would prefer being able to move back to Lawrence, Kansas. If I move back there I would not want to be living by myself. It would not be a good idea for me to live by myself. I think that my main problem right now is not eating enough. of the right foods. I will work on that. Intellectual stimulation would be helpful too. As much as I would like to have my lips wrapped around a hard cock I think I need to laugh and drink a beer or two with friends. I wouldn't mind drinking my friends' beers after they have drunk them. I will keep my head up. (Well that is unless I get the opportunity to put it down between a man's thighs.)

I May Be Down but I am Not Giving Up

I may be temporarily down, but I am not giving up. I know that I cannot depend on anyone else for my own happiness. I cannot let what other people think about my religious and political views affect me. One thing I do know is that if I try to please other people in these areas I am not happy. My views of these things have been influenced by other people, but ultimately how I see things is dependent on my own point of view. I do want to have a man to please and love. I also want to have friends with whom I can spend time and relax. I am not where I need to be right now. I could use the help of friends. Maybe I will meet the right man and be able to go to be with him. I am going to be cautious about that though.

Dobrú noc priatelia. Lahko noč, moji prijatelji.

I Need to Make a Change

I don't know how I am going to last at this job without vacation time until January. I am getting to the point of exhaustion. I am trying to figure out what I need to do. Hopefully there will be a slower period before then. I know it was slower in October, but I do not know when the slow time starts. I need to find a job where I use my brain more than my muscles. I need to work somewhere that I get treated with some respect. I also need to be close to friends. I need human contact, hugs, kisses, a cock in my mouth, an ass around my cock, etc. I will continue to reach out to friends. There are times when we need the help of friends, and now is one of those times for me. If I am not able to make a move soon I do not know what I am going to do. I am definitely not going to give up. I know that I have things to give a man. These things are not limited to my ability to give a good blow job and my ability to keep up with a fast stream of urine flowing into my mouth. There are various ways in which I can please a man. I am a loyal friend and partner in love. I find a lot of joy in being obedient. I would even be happy in a situation where I have several men to please. It would be fun to live in a situation where I only wear knee pads and a collar with leash. I just know I need to make a change.

A Short Rant About Work

I do not know how much longer I can do the job that I am doing. It seems like I can never get enough rest. My arms are sore much of the time. I hope that I will have a break soon. There is not very much that I like about the job. As is the case with too many companies now, it seems to be forgotten that the workers are people and not machines. Workers are treated like replaceable parts of the machinery. I only have one supervisor who shows any appreciation for my work. The others only complain when something is not done correctly. They do not give workers all of the information they need to do the job, and sometimes instructions are given only in Spanish. There are some workers who do not speak Spanish. I will be happy when I can move close to friends and can find a better job. I am not giving up, but I am feeling frustrated.

Noapte buna, przyjaciele.

Monday Again

It's Monday again. I am never ready for it. That does not mean that I am not able to handle whatever I have to face today. I just have to keep control the things I can control and not let anything else bother me. I will do the best job I can. I cannot control what other people say to and about me, but I will not let what others say affect me. I need to get in touch with friends. I need to figure out how to work towards my goals, better use of my imagination in writing and sexually. I may not be where I need to be, but I can work towards getting there. I need to focus on what I can do instead of what I cannot do.

I would like to get together with the local guy and play around, but my happiness does not depend on that. If it is meant to happen it will. I would love to make a man happy. I know that I can do that.

Oh well. It's time to get ready for work. I will keep my imagination active throughout the day. Na shledanou.

I rested some, but I still need more rest.

I rested a couple of days, but I wish I could rest some more. I work tomorrow then I have a day off. I plan on talking to friends before I decide whether or not to move to another state. I do need someone special in my life. Not just so that I will have regular sexual and physical contact. I need someone with whom I can share love. I hope he will accept me completely as I am. There is someone local who keeps saying that he wants to get together with me, but it has not happened yet. I am starting to think that he is just leading me on. I won't put up with that shit for much longer. I don't know why someone would keep saying they want to get together if they don't want to. I wish I lived in a place where I had more privacy. I would not feel comfortable playing around with another man here. I will be happy when I can live in a house with another man and not worry about wearing clothes. I like being naked. It would be fun to have a cabin out in the woods to spend some time and be able to go without clothes outside. I will try to get back to posting more often.

Gute Nacht, mes amis.

I am Rested and Ready for the Day

I got eight hours of sleep. I am ready to face a new day of work and a couple of days off. I need the days off. Hopefully I will be able to spend time with a new friend, sucking and fucking along with kissing and cuddling. I need all of those. I hope he is not leading me on.

I need to decide whether or not to go to Arkansas to be with someone I met online. I do not want to make a move like that again without spending time with him first. I do love him, but communication has not always been easy. Whenever we talk he rarely lets me say anything. He says that I complain too much, but when I simply try to talk about myself and my past he never lets me say anything. One time he did say, "OK, here's your chance, talk." That is not a good way to start a phone conversation. I do not want a monologue I want a dialogue. I may try to see if I can try to visit him when I have some vacation time. I have a lot of shit that I would have to move with me. I do not want to make the same mistake I made in Rhode Island. I do not want to hurt him, and I do not want him to hurt me.

Well it's time to start another Friday. Слава Богу, сегодня пятница. Auf Wiedersehen!

Ready for the Weekend.

I definitely was not ready to get up this morning. I am ready for the weekend. My brain is slowly starting to work. I woke up during the night and had a hard time remembering what day it is. I did eventually get over that confusion. I need to start getting more sleep. I need to set better priorities about how I spend my time on the computer, I enjoy social media, but I need to remember to take care of myself. I enjoy being able to meet people from all the world online. I enjoy being able to practice different languages with online friends. I want to learn more so that I do not have to depend on Google Translate so much. Oh, well, ready or not I need to get ready for work. I hope people don't try to give me too much shit today, because I am not in the mood to put up with it.

I will try to make my next post more coherent. Hugs for all my friends.

Fear of Socialism.

Many people in the U.S. have a fear of socialism. They confuse it with totalitarianism. If we had a true democracy they would not have to worry about it. As is we have an oligarchy not a true democracy. The country is run by the ultra-rich. lobbyists and big corporations. True democratic socialism would be a vast improvement. The rights of all people would need to be protected. One of the basic building blocks of this country was the freedom of religion. This does not mean that people can use their religious convictions to discriminate. People tend to forget that among the original rights was the right to pursue happiness. Either they forget that, or they want to define how others can legally pursue happiness. This country is supposed to be governed according to the U.S. Constitution, not the Bible. The constitution can be amended. Many people remember this when it is a change they want, but when they do not want to change something or are against a new law they claim it is unconstitutional. It is definitely time for revolutionary change in this country.

Many interesting points were made in "Monty Python's Life of Brian." How could Jesus have spoken to crowds of 5000 people? They would not have been able to hear him. There were sound systems, and they were outside. This makes no sense.

Nashledanou, amigos.

I am still a work in progress

I feel that I am becoming happier as I worry less about what other people think about me. I would like to be around like-minded people, but I do not know if I will meet someone who shares my wide range of tastes. I definitely do not think that I am better than anyone else. I just have very eclectic taste. Most of the people I know would enjoy some of the thing I enjoy, but they would also hate some other thing that I love. In foods I like very strong tastes and very subtle tastes. With beers I enjoy the ones with stronger tastes. When it comes to music I can enjoy soft music and I also like hard-edged music. I like the harder music of Einstürzende Neubauten, and I also enjoy the softer piano pieces of Erik Satie. I have a wide range of films. Most of the things I enjoy reflect uncompromising self-expression. That is one of the things I like about Joan Jett. She has always performed the music that she wanted to play. She does not try to please other people. When when could not find a record company to release her music she formed her own company. I enjoy vanilla sex, and I also enjoy somewhat kinky sex. I do have limits as to how much pain I will tolerate. I like a wide variety of men. I have enjoyed sex with thin guys with and without body hair. I have enjoyed being with husky men. I have enjoyed small and large cocks. To me the age of the man with whom I have sex is not an issue. I have enjoyed sex with guys who were much younger than I, older than I and the same age as I. I just want them to be of legal age. One of the biggest turn offs for me was when a man with whom I was about to have sex pulled out something to measure the size of my cock. I have enjoyed sex with men of several races. I do tend to be very oral, but who knows what the future holds. Maybe someday I will enjoy being fucked as much as I enjoy fucking a guy. I am still cautious with whom I share my sexual tastes. I am not totally open about my political and religious views. I am moving towards socialism and atheism. I may be calling myself an agnostic out of fear of commitment. I am still a work in progress, but I am continuing to become happier with myself. And as a last note. I can have a twisted sense of humor.

Trying to Get my Brain Started (AC)

I am trying to get my brain started, but it is starting slowly this morning. Well, that's not unusual. Usually the first things on my mind are getting out of bed, coffee, cock, and my friends. If I had a man in bed with me the first thing I would do would depend on what he wanted. I would gladly take his cock in my mouth and take from it whatever he wanted. I love waking up next to a man knowing that I can suck cock in the morning and please him. I love waking up in a man's arms. I love pleasing a man any time, but it is a great pleasure to have a man whose needs I place before my own when I wake up in the morning. It would be fun though to be a pet to a  Master and have a pet bed beside his Master bed. i would occasionally sleep on my little bed by his feet. When I wake up I would tenderly rub, lick and kiss his feet to gently wake him up. I would wait for his permission before putting my mouth further up. My rewards would be his cum, pee, a hug and a deep kiss.

I hope that all of my friends know that they are loved, because I love them.

Laibach: zbirka videospotov z Laibach in film o njihovi CD WAT: Part 3

On 23 June 1983 Laibach were interviewed on television. Their answers were enigmatic. They wore military-style attire. I have read that they used Fascist and other totalitarian imagery to show the potential of these forces. It was a way of showing how bad things could be if these forces were given free reign. In documentaries about their concerts that I have seen it is shown how diverse their audiences are. In their tour of the U.S.A. members of the audience were interviewed. Those interviewed included a Neo-Nazi, a Satanist, some punks, a father who was there with his daughter, and others who were curious about Laibach's music. Laibach has never shied away from making controversial statements. Their music is thought provoking.

Laibach's lead singer has a very deep voice. They do not put their individual names on their CD's. They promote themselves more as a collective. Their music has spanned many genres, industrial, computer generated, rock, electronic, etc. They have included rap in at least one song. They also demonstrate a sense of humor. One of their songs is entitled "Ende." They said that the song was intended to be about the end of time, but that the song ended up simply being about the end of the song. They said that this could possibility that such an end was too difficult to imagine or that such an end was not going to happen. Their album, "Laibachkunstderfuge" is a computer generated recording of selections from Bach's Kunst der Fuge. The first CD that I bought was "Volk." It has arrangements of the national anthems of various countries. With the CD is a booklet with water-color paintings by members of Laibach. One of the national anthems is the one for NSK, the art collective I have mentioned in various posts. They spoke of themselves as a country without territory. They have issued passports and held ambassadorial events. The passports are symbolic not legal documents.

I am sure I will write more about this group.

Gute Nacht, мои друзья.

Laibach: zbirka videospotov z Laibach in film o njihovi CD WAT continued.

There are images and themes that  seen in several of Laibach's videos. Their logo, a black cross whose height is the same as its width, is seen in various guises in their videos. Sometimes it is black, and sometimes white, and sometimes it is other colors. In some videos the logo appears at what looks like a chessboard where four people could play. In one of the videos there are four men playing chess at such a board. In a couple of the video where it appears one of the squares is a red button that is used for launching missiles. In videos from songs from WAT the vocalist and several men walk around a shopping mall. They are dressed in what resemble military uniforms. Milan Fras, the lead singer, wears an arm band that resembles Nazi armbands with the Laibach logo instead of a Swastika. They get shocked looks from the shoppers in the mall. What was supposed to be their first appearance in 1980 was not allowed to take place. Initially their name was banned. Laibach was the German name used for Ljubljana used during the German occupation during World War II. Their first album was released with only the logo without their name being mentioned. To be continued....

I have to go to work. I am going to make this the best day that I can.

Мэ яамо Влк: A post about dreams

One day a few years ago I watched the film "Matador" by Pedro Almodóvar with Russian subritles.  That night I had a dream in which I was spelling Spanish with the Cyrillic alphabet. I remember I was writing or visualizing in my mind "Мэ яамо" instead of "Me llamo." I think I was introducing myself to someone in the dream. Spanish would be easy to transliterate into the Cyrillic alphabet. I have had dreams about Slovak or Czech grammar. One I dreamt about the difference between "dobrý" and "dobre." I was reviewing when to use the adjective and when to use the adverb. Usually I have dreams like that when I have stayed away from language studies for too long. A lot of times my dreams end just before something interesting happens. I have had many dreams where I wake up just as I am getting ready to take a cock in my mouth. I have had some nice dreams that involved kissing and cuddling with a man. I always enjoy those. I would like to have some sexy dreams tonight.

Laibach: zbirka videospotov z Laibach in film o njihovi CD WAT.

I watched a collection of music videos from Laibach. The videos date from 1986 through 2004. The DVD also has a film about the band and their CD WAT (We Are Time). There is only one song in Slovenian, "Država." The other songs are in German and English. The video for "Država" is made up of extracts from performances they did with Michael Clark at his invitation. We see an interesting contrast between the band who stand still during their performances and the movements of Michael Clarke and his dance company. There are several covers of songs by other bands. The first is "Opus Dei" which is their version of a Euro-Pop song, "Life Is Life" by  opus. There are themes in this video that are seen in other of their music videos and performances. Parts of the video are reminiscent of Nazi propaganda, scenes of nature with people with Aryan features. In this video and others there are shots of deer. They recorded Queen's song "One Vision" in German as "Geburt einer Nation." The video was shot on an empty stage or landscape. The video was made with fellow members of the art collective NSK (Neue Slowenische Kunst) IRWIN and Scipion Nasice Sisters Theatre. The members of Laibach are against dressed in what look like military uniforms. AT the end of the video a shirtless man sets fire to the Laibach logo, a black cross. This shot reminds me of the shot of the lighting of the Olympic torch in Leni Riefenstahl's film "Olympia." I prefer their cover of "Sympathy for the Devil to the original by the Rolling Stones. The video was filmed in the caves at Skocjan and the castle of Predjama, Slovenia. The song had been inspired in part by the novel The Master and Margarita (Мастер и Маргарита) by Mikhail Bulgakov. This video reflects this inspiration. There is a feast of people who to some would appear to be barbarians. (Laibach say that they are proud Barbarians.) They had recorded a cover of the album "Let it Be" by the Beatles without the title songs. It is not exactly a complete cover of the album, because other songs are added or left off. This collection includes their version of the song, "Across the Universe." Some people say that this recording is similar to Soviet choral music. No one from Laibach appears in the video except for the lead singer at the end. He appears and says "Om." In the video children who look like they could be in Communist or Fascist era youth group uniforms sing. There is also a woman singing. My favorite song from the collection is "Tanz mit Laibach." This song is about friendship between Germany and the United States. The video has shots of marching feet in boots, people dancing and cartoons of sketetons marching. There is a live performance of "Alle gegen alle." It is striking to me how still the band and the audience stand throughout the performance. I will continue this post at a later time, and I will write about the documentary.

I Need to Be Stimulated

I need to be stimulated in various ways. I want to be with people who will stimulate my imagination and intellect. I want intelligent conversation that does not take itself too seriously. I want to be with men who will stimulate my tongue and cock. I want to try new beer and foods to stimulate my taste buds. it would be nice if I cold find all of these things with the same people. I want my sense of smell to be stimulated. I need to learn how to put accents and other marks on letters with this keyboard. I so not always to have to depend on Google Translate to do that. I do not completely trust that app. I do not know how some of the people at work spend all day talking about the same things, family, other people or sports usually. Once in a rare while I hear some intelligent conversation, but that is rare. I think I know who from work has read my blog. I think it is the guy who said that someone has looked me up on Google. He is a nice guy, but he does not need to worry that I will try to hit on him. He lacks the imagination that I want from a sexual partner. The part of my brain that I want to have stimulated most is the language center. I would love to be somewhere that I hear different languages and to be able to understand them all. I know that will take time and effort, but it will be worth it.

I am ready for another day of being the most awesome me I can be. I don't give a fuck if other people do not like the way I am. If  they do not accept me they do not know what they are missing out on.

Édith Piaf

Édith Piaf is another of my favorite singers. I am listening to "Éternelle Édith Piaf" now. It is a collection of some of her biggest hits. One of my favorites is "Non, je ne regrette rien." One of my favorite lines "Je me fous du passé." This is how I feel about a lot of things. I try not regret anything, but I regret more things I did not do of things I did. Another of my favorites is "Hymne à l'amour." I particularly like the idea of doing anything for a man I love. "L'homme à la moto" is a song about a man who rides a motorcycle. Musically "La foule" is among my favorite songs. She died in 1963. I saw her grave in Paris in 1979, and it was covered with fresh flowers. There were several women paying homage to her. She was another singer who had a voice that seemed bigger than life. I can see why she is so popular in France.

Я люблю тебя.

"Я люблю тебя," is something I enjoy saying. I like how the phrase flows from my mouth, I guess it would be transliterated "Ya lyublyu tebya." I like the movements that my tongue makes when forming those words. I love being able to say it correctly in Russian. At the end of saying it I just have to open my mouth a little more to be able to receive a cock in it. That is tru when saying "I love you," tii. "Ich liebe dich" sounds sexy to me, but almost anything in German sounds sexy to me. "Je t'aime sounds more romantic. I also like "Te iubesc. There are some men to whom I would like to say "Kocham Cię" or "Milujem ťa" or "Я люблю тебе"or "Miluji tě." Still one of my favorite phrases to hear in any language is "Přijďte cucat péro," "Приходите сосать мой член.," "Pridi sesati mojega tiča," "Kommen Sie saugen meinen Schwanz." or "Come suck my dick." I am always ready to get on my knees.

Alle haben ein gutes Wochenende. Nashladanou.

Marianne Faithfull

Marianne Faithfull is another of my favorite singers. I am listening to her CD "Kissin' Time." She is one of the singers who has gotten better with time. A dear friend introduced me to her music over twenty years ago. I love her gravelly voice, and she pack so much power in her songs. The opening song on the CD I mentioned above is "Sex with Strangers." She did that and a couple more with Beck. She also did a song about Nico with Dave Stewart. (Nico is another of my favorites, more about her another time. I have a CD that she sis with only piano accompaniment, "20th Century Blues." It was not known for years that she wrote the lyrics for the song, "Sister Morphine." I think her recording is much better than the one by the Rolling Stones. Her song "Why d'ya Do it" deals with jealousy. She said she found the song cathartic, because it deals with negative emotions. She spoke about her song "Time Square," and she talked about having emotions so strong that if you let them out it would devastate those around you. I can relate to that. She did a recording of "John Lennon's song, "Working Class Hero." It is a great recording. Few singers move me as much as she does.

T-Shirts

I definitely want to get a t-shirt that says "Ich bin schwul." I am sure that some people will ask what it means. I do not have anything to hide. I could have t-shirts with it in several languages. Most people waste too much time worrying what other people will think. We need to be respectful of the feelings of others, but that does not mean hiding who we are. I have been told not to wear t-shirts that might offend other people at work. I find it offensive to see people wearing t-shirts that represent Christianity while the person wearing it acts in an unkind manner. I would not wear my t-shirt that says "Fuck White Supremacy" at work anyway, but it is my sentiment. There are not mant places where I would wear that t-shirt. The only circumstance under which I would object to someone's t-shirt is when a different standard is applied to other people than is applied to me.

I may be able to get together with a new friend this weekend and kiss, cuddle, suck and fuck. I think we will have fun if we get together. We share some of the same interests. I hope it happens.

Why would someone keep reading something they don't like?

Somebody at work has mentioned a couple of times that someone at work has looked me up on Google. He seems to be surprised that I am gay. I have not exactly made a secret. He said that it wasn't cool that I like for guys to pee in my mouth. I told him that no one was forced to read my blog. If they don't like it they could just not read it. Why would someone look my blog up then complain about its content? If I do not like what someone writes in their blog I just don't read it. I was going to tell him that I din not care what people at work think about me, but I was sent elsewhere to work. They needed me in another area. There may be some guys at work that I find attractive, but I would never make a move on somebody at work. I definitely do not want to spend my time lusting after guys there. I am there to work not to find a cock to suck. I may be proud to be a slut who knows how to please a man, but I do have limits. I am in a dry spell, but I am not that desperate. I may be able to get together with someone I met on Tagged. I hope we do it soon.

Sex Thoughts

I have a straight friend who knows that I think he is sexy and would do anything he wanted that I only gave blow jobs to guys to stuck their cocks in my mouth. Unfortunately he did not offer to stick his cock in my mouth. He is still one of my best friends. I wish we were closer to each other. I enjoy drinking beer, enjoying a good meal and talking with him. II can trust him not to take advantage of my being attracted to him. He is a great guy. I would still suck him off if he wanted.

There are parts of the male anatomy that I find particularly sexy. These are parts that are more likely to be seen in a public or semi-public setting. armpits, the area between navel and crotch, feet, the top of the ass crack and a cock sticking out of a man's pants as he pees. I find it hard not to look when I am standing beside a man as he stands at a urinal. Of course I love it when he encourages me to look. It is even better if he starts to stroke it or invites me to suck it. I am always ready to get on my knees and take it in my mouth. I hope some day that I will have a man motion for me to take his cock in my mouth then pee in my mouth.

 If I catch a glimpse of the things I mentioned above it is hard for me not to keep looking. I have to try to be discreet about that. I came close to getting an erection at work after seeing these parts of guys there.

Time to get ready for work. I wish I could take cock breaks at work.

Lou Reed: Metal Machine Music

I am listening to "Metal Machine Music" by Lou Reed. I had forgotten until I was looking at the liner notes that this album was released in July, 1975. It is said to have almost killed Lou Reed's musical career. It is completely guitar music, but nowhere is a guitar played in a conventional way. There is a lot of feedback, as there had been with the Velvet Underground music. It reminds me of the aleatoric music of John Cage, Edgar Varèse and other twentieth-century composers. In concerts by the Velvet Underground they would sometimes place a guitar against an amp and leave it there to create feedback. Lou Reed did the same thing here. Sometimes there is almost a hint of melody. I would not play this CD for most of my friends. It is very abstract. Lou Reed is one of the most influential rock musicians who only had one top-ten album. He had one top-forty song. Some radio stations did not play it, because it refers to someone giving head. That song was "Walk on the Wild Side." He wrote some of the most intelligent song lyrics in Rock. I do not think he was concerned with being popular. His focus was more on self expression. I was very saddened when he died.

In the conversation about my sexual orientation the other day. One of the women asked when I knew I liked men. I turned the question around and asked her the same thing. I am not the first to do this I know, but she said "at birth." She understood the point I was making. I think she realized how sexual orientation is not a choice.

Starting a New Work Week

I am getting ready to face a new work day. I am not going to let anything other people say affect the way I feel about myself. I will treat other people with the same respect with which I expect to be treated. If anybody does not accept me as I am I am not going to worry about it. I will do the best job that I can. I will be kind to myself and others. I will accept others as they are. I will smile when I am happy, and I will laugh when I feel like laughing. I will not let any unkind words come out of my mouth. I am not going to put up with any bullshit.

I hope all of my friends are doing well.

Estou me preparando para enfrentar um novo dia de trabalho. Eu não vou deixar que nada as outras pessoas dizem afetar a maneira que eu sinto sobre mim mesmo. Vou tratar as outras pessoas com o mesmo respeito com que me esperam ser tratados. Se alguém não me aceita como eu sou Eu não vou me preocupar com isso. Vou fazer o melhor trabalho que eu puder. Vou ser gentil comigo mesmo e aos outros. Vou aceitar os outros como eles são. Eu vou sorrir quando eu estou feliz, e eu vou rir quando eu sinto vontade de rir. Eu não vou deixar quaisquer palavras duras sair da minha boca. Eu não vou colocar-se com qualquer besteira.

Espero que todos os meus amigos estão indo bem.

Dostaję gotowi zmierzyć nowy dzień pracy. Ja nie pozwolę, żeby coś innego mówią, wpływa na to, co czuję o sobie. Będę traktować innych z takim samym szacunkiem, z jakim się spodziewać być traktowany. Jeśli ktoś nie akceptuje mnie takim jakim jestem nie będę się o to martwić. Zrobię najlepszą pracę, że mogę. Będę miły dla siebie i innych. Akceptuję innych tak, jak oni. Ja uśmiecham, gdy jestem szczęśliwy, a ja się śmiać, kiedy czuję się śmiać. Nie pozwolę, żeby jakieś niemiłe słowa pochodzą z moich ust. Nie mam zamiaru znosić każdej bzdury.

Mam nadzieję, że wszyscy moi przyjaciele mają się dobrze.

Being More Open at Work about Who I Am

At work yesterday one of the women asked if I was married. I told her I was not. She asked if I had a girlfriend or was looking for one. I told her that I would have a boyfriend. There was another woman also talking with us. The one who asked me if I was married said that God made male and female to reproduce. the other said that this was not necessarily true. She talked about having a gay uncle. The first woman was a little more open after our conversation. If people ask whether or not I have a girlfriend or wife I am going to be honest.

People talk about how brave Caitlyn Jenner is. I wish it did not take bravery for some people to just be who we are. We all should be able to be open about who we are. Nobody should have to hide their religious or political views. No one should have to hide their gender identity or sexual identity. I am not going to share my sexual kinks with everybody, but I am not going to hide being gay. I am not going to apologize for my religious or political views. If someone asks me about what I enjoy sexually I hope they are ready for my response. I am happy being a pee-drinking, sock-sucking, submissive slut.

Сегодня суббота. (AC)

It looks like work is letting off some. I need to get more rest. Work seems to be going smoother. That does not mean that I am ready to stay where I am. I need to be around people with whom I can share my interests, Yesterday one of the maintenance guys was working on a machine close to where I was working. He is a cute redneck. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt, and it showed off his pits. I don't think he was paying any attention to me. I could glance at him once in a while while I was doing my job. I get very little physical contact with other guys, so when I do I love it. One day another of the sexy maintenance men put his hand on my back as he was going by. It sent a thrill through my body. He rarely says anything to me, but I would definitely love to get my lips around his cock. I need social and physical contact. I want to spend time with whom I can speak freely and laugh openly and not bother with wearing clothes. Then whenever wants I could get on my knees and do whatever he wants. Of course at my dream job I would be a walking urinal, and I would be able to use my tongue for speaking different languages and pleasing men.

До Свидания

Lindemann: Skills in Pills and Pantera: Reinventing the Steel

The copy of the CD I got from Lindemann arrived today, and I am listening to it again now. Till Lindemann did the vocals and wrote thy lyrics (in English), and Peter Tätgren wrote the music and played most of the instruments. Till Lindemann plays around with his sexuality on this CD. In the song "Ladyboy" he sings "I burn for dicks and holes." In the song "Golden Shower" he sings about wanting to get a golden shower from a woman. In the song "Praise Abort" he first sings that he hates his wife and her boyfriend. Later he sings that he hates his wife and his boyfriend. He sings about liking fat women. He mentions dicks in a few songs. I really like this CD, but I prefer to hear him sing in German. He has published a book of poetry. It is available in German and English. I think I will buy both.

I also replaced "Reinventing the Steel" by Pantera. It was their last CD. I had forgotten how much I like their music. I have some other music projects of Phil Anselmo. I like thrash metal. I will eventually get more of their music and more of Phil Anselmo's music. I have one of the CD's by Superjoing Ritual which also has Hank Williams III as a member. I have a solo CD he did, "Walk Through Exits Only."

I am waiting for another CD, "Super Trouper" by ABBA. I had forgotten about that one until a friend on Facebook mentioned it. I think I had it on vinyl years ago.

Musings on My Name

I know it is silly, but I still think of changing my last name to Smrt. It is more for the sound of the word, but it is also for the meaning. It does not really connect to my first name. With it people will not be as confused with the spelling as they are with the spelling of my first name. I do not know how many times I have had people online spell my name Vik instead of Vlk. I guess they expect a vowel there. I doubt that I will do it.Maybe I could use Vlk Smrt as a pseudonym. I would not use it to hide my identity. I am very open with who I am and what I think. I have never regretted changing my first name from Harry to Vlk. I never used that name. I would still keep my middle name, Bruce. I wish I could get people who have known me for a long time to start calling me Vlk instead of Bruce. There are a very few people I do not mind calling me that or Brewster (or Brucester as some ave spelled it), but  that is a small number. I do not feel like the same person I was before I changed my name. There are people who have only known me as Vlk. When I meet new people that is how I introduce myself. I feel a connection with wolves. They are often misunderstood. They are loyal. They also have a strong hierarchy. I am not an alpha wolf, but I would gladly be submissive to the right alpha(s). Czech and Slovak are languages to which I feel a special connection. (I still want to know why we use the Polish word, Czech, in english.) I hope never to stop growing and changing as a person. There are some basic things that remain unchanged, but I do not want to become stagnant. I hope to remain a perverse, radical queer.

Na shledanou.

Another Kinky Post (Read at Your Own Risk)

I would like to be able to attend a festival like the Folsom one or Southern Decadence or even more fun would be to attend one in Germany. I would love to have someone lead me around on a leash wearing as little as possible, maybe a collar and knee pads. I would need the knee pads outside in case the man leading me around wants me to be a urinal for him and his friends. I would spend as much time as he wants on my knees. I would walk on my hands and knees if he wanted, as his pet wolf cub. Just thinking of all the men I could please is making my cock hard. I would gladly receive all the protein and urine I could get. Maybe by that time I would be able to get something in my hole, and I could wear a puppy tail sticking out of it. If it was in Germany I could be learning German, and if I made a mistake I could get spanked. I could also be spanked as a reward if I make enough progress with the language. Hopefully my cock-shaped holes would get filled many times.

Well, it's time for me to paw off and go to bed. Gute Nacht.

What Is Freedom of Religion?

Some people get confused about what freedom of religion means. It means the freedom to worship or not worship as one wants. It does not mean having the right to discriminate or spread hatred. It does not mean not letting others enjoy the same rights that you have. People want to use the Bible to justify whatever prejudice they have. They want to pick certain portions of the Bible to speak out against others. They ignore the parts that would condemn their own actions. The Bible does say "Love your neighbor." Nowhere does it say "Judge your neighbor."

One thing that I do not understand is that in places in the Bible it says that our sins are forgiven and forgotten, yet in other places it speaks of a judgment day where everything we have said and done are brought up. Which is it? Why would a loving God bring up every slip of the tongue that we have done? This is one of the stumbling blocks for me in Christianity.

I only know that I am only happy when I do not try to please others with my views on religion, politics and sex. I do not have the courage yet to completely become an atheist, but that may be what I am becoming. I am a socialist. I am a pervert and a queer. I will keep my head up, unless I lower it to give a blow job.

More on Sex in a Park

I may have written about this before. I am not sure how much I wrote. There was a park close to where I lived about twenty years ago. It was known as a place where men would cruise for sex. One time I noticed a man who kept watching me. Eventually we talked, and I went with him to his. I do not remember all that we did, but I am sure that I fucked and sucked him. Another time I went into the restroom and a sexy African-American man followed. He hugged me from behind and put his hard cock. We made plans to meet at the park that evening. I went back to the park, but he was not there. There was someone else there though. He got out of his truck and walked into a wooded area. He indicated that he wanted me to follow. When I got into a clearing he was stroking his cock. He was wearing sweatpants. I knelt in front of him and started sucking his cock. At first he just stood still while I sucked. Then he took my head in his hands and started to fuck my face. He said one of my favorite sentences, "Suck that cock." It was not longer after that that he said another of my favorite things for me to hear a man say, "I'm gonna cum." I kept his cock in my mouth and felt his cock pulsate as he shot his load. That is something I love to feel, that pulsation feels great in my mouth, and I love the taste of cum. Those were the only words spoken during our encounter. I wish I could have encountered him again.

I Desperately Need to Make a Change

I need to be around people who will accept me as I am. It has become clear that I have no one where I am. I desperately need to change that. It seems that my sister has been lying to me, or she has changed her views. She has the right to express her thoughts, but I do not need to be around someone who is against everything I am for. I am hurt by how homophobic she has become. Christians around here are helping me to make the move to being atheist. There are other things that are leading me to this.

I am definitely supporting Bernie Sanders in his run for president. I like his views. I am happy to see so much support for someone who says that he is a socialist.

Here comes another work day. I will try to write more tonight before I go to bed.

KMFDM & MDFMK

I have been listening to kmfdm and mdfmk lately. The latter was made up of some of the members of the former but with more of an electronic sound. There are some aspects of both that I enjoy. I am very eclectic in my musical taste, but I am drawn to music with a dark sound. I enjoy music that is an uncompromising wall of sound. I can enjoy softer music too, but it depends on my mood. Lately I have been in a fuck the world mood. When I am at home I spend my time in my room at my computer online and listening to music. Well, it does not feel like home to me.

Lately the sister with whom I am living has been posting homophobic, conservative shit on her Facebook. I need to get away from here. I am becoming more and more unhappy with my situation here.

People should enjoy their own lives instead of worrying about what other people are doing.

I don't understand why some people worry about what other people do in their own bedrooms or what things they enjoy smoking or drinking. I find that I enjoy my own life if I focus more on it and less on what other people are doing. I think that some people are miserable, and they do not want others to be happy. I think that the reason that some of the homophobic men get so upset about gay men sucking dick is that they really want to do the same thing. There have been studies that show that many homophobes are aroused by gay porn. Many times there have been people who have spoken out against homosexuality who are found out to be leading double lives. They would have been much happier if they had accepted who they really were. I know that as I accept myself more fully the happier I am. If I help others to be happy with tho they are it also makes me happier. If I worry about what other people think about who I am or what I do that detracts from my own happiness. I cannot afford to give others this power. I am open to exploring how kinky I really am. I know that there always be people who are kinkier than I am, but I am not going to say that they cannot enjoy the things that they enjoy.

One argument that has been made against single-sex marriages is that it would lead to the legalization of polygamy. What is the problem with that? I do not think it is the case, but if three or more adults all agree to enter into a loving relationship there is nothing wrong with it. I know that I would enjoy having two men to please, but I would also be happy making one man completely happy. I think that it would be more difficult to maintain a relationship with more people. I am ready to enter into a loving relationship with a man who is willing to accept me as I am and who will let me serve him. I may willingly be subservient to him, but that does not take away from my worth as a human being. It will only make me feel better about who I am.

Lichtspielhaus

I just watched "Lichtspielhaus," a collection of music videos by Rammsteuin. There are two videos for the song "Du riechst so gut." The first one alternates between shots of the members of the band shirtless, flowers and a doberman pinscher. This song was on their first album. The original album had a photo of the band shirtless. Some people thought it was supposed to be about German supremacy. The photo was cropped for a new version. I have always thought they are a sexy band. The second has references to the story of the story of Red Riding Hood but with a werewolf instead of a wolf. The members of the band have red eyes. Till Lindemann appears in one shot with pale skin and lips red on the inside as if he had been drinking blood. Throughout the video there are shots of a ball. Near the end of the video Till Lindemann enters the ball wearing a torn red dress. He thin splits up into six wolves which soon turn into the members of the band. "Seemann", to me, is one of their most interesting videos. There are plenty of shots of Lindemann shirtless and showing his sexy pits. He is on a boat that the other band members seem to be trying to pull through dry sand. A woman appears wearing a leather skirt throughout the video. On the boat with Lindemann is a person wearing a crow mask. Their song "Rammstein" was used in the soundtrack for the movie "Lost Highway" by David Lynch, and the video features scenes from that movie. The video for "Engel" takes place in an interesting club where there are women who wear punkish outfits. There is a stripper with a snake. She puts her toes into Flake's mouth and she pours some liquor down her leg into his mouth. She lies on the floor and turns into Flake. Also in the video there are two children with black around their eyes. They are in a cage, and one of them is lip synching to the female voice in the song. "Du Hast" was the first of their videos that I remember seeing. In the lyrics there is a play on words. Is he saying "Du hast" or "Du Hasst?" The lyrics include a quote from wedding vows, but the response changes from Ja to Nein. The video takes place in what appears to be an abandoned building. Band members appearing wearing masks that cover part of their faces. The video includes fire which Rammstein likes to play in during their concerts. The video of their cover of Depeche Mode's song "Stripped" is made up of shots from Leni Riefenstahl's documentary, "Olympia." (A film about the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. They soften the lyrics from the original. In the original "Let me see you stripped to the bone." In Rammstein's cover we only hear "Let me see you stripped." "Sonne" has a video that is an alternate telling of "Snow White." The band members appear as the dwarves who are forced by Snow White to mine for gold. Snow White is played by a drag queen, but I would not have known that if I had not read it somewhere. In one scene the dwarves line up for Snow White to spank their bare buttocks. Snow White appears to die from an overdose of gold which she has been using like cocaine. The dwarves place her in a glass coffin which they place under a tree that appears to be dead except for a single apple. The apple falls onto the coffin breaking it. Snow White wakes up and looks pissed. The dwarves return to the mines. "Links 2-3-4 is a song that they recorded to refute statements that had been made saying that they leaned to the right politically. The video features ants playing football and attending a rammstein concert. Beetles attack, but the ants are able to defeat them. The last shot is of a human hand on the ground with ants around it. The video for "Ich will" shows criminals celebrated as heroes. The band appears as bank robbers. They have physical disabilities. Lindemann has a leg brace, another band member has an artificial hand. In the video Flake is wearing a bomb that is about to go off. In the video they are receiving some kind of award. There is one shot in which a bank security guard is so frightened that he wets his pants. "Mutter" features Lindemann in a pit without hair and in a rowboat with hair. Their song "Feuer frei" was featured in the film "XXX" with Vin Diesel. They appear in the film in concert with the fire that displays that they liked to use in concerts. One of the band members said in an interview that Lindemann was sometimes burned in concerts, but he did not mind. He said that he was a bit of a masochist.

I just ordered a CD by Lindemann, a new band featuring Til Lindemann singing in English.

Happy Saturday (AC)

I hope I do not have a full work day today. I am tired. Until we all have the same liberties I am not going to celebrate. Actually I would still like to be able to live in Europe or least travel there. I am not sure how I what kind of job I would be able to find there, but I would not be too picky as long as they understand that it might take me some time to sharpen my language skills. I always enjoy practicing things that I can do with my tongue, languages, fellatio, rimming and giving tongue baths. I am probably too old to start a career in appearing in porn. I would enjoy being able to be able to write in different languages. I would want to learn how to put accents, soft marks and other marks on letters without having to rely on a translating app. I have tried to use the French translator to do this, but it is too much work. I have to make too many corrections, like changing "Je ai." to "J'ai." I might be considered an outsider, but I have found that I felt like less of an outsider in Europe than I do in the U.S. I have not yet drunk pee from an uncircumcised cock, and I want to experience that. Maybe I can find A German, Slovak, Czech, Russian, Polish or Austrian Skinhead who wants to be my Master or someone from another country. I would be proud to travel and walk around with him on a leash and be obedient to him.

I hope everybody has a good day today and tomorrow. Happy Saturday! Nashledanou.

Evil Empire - Rage Against the Machine

I need to listen to some RATM before I go to bed. I'll start the day off with the same CD in the morning. "Evil Empire" was the first CD I heard from them. It is one of the CD's I bought without having heard the artist or knowing anything about them. I just took a chance. I cannot remember where I bought it. I was hooked on their music immediately. I did have all of their CD's I want to replace the missing ones. I definitely like their politics. Tom Morello is one of my favorite guitarists. I also like his solo work as The Nightwatchman. I wish I could have seen RATM perform live. I have a live CD that was released in Japan. I prefer the live version of some songs, especially "Freedom." A couple of my favorite lines from their songs are "If Ignorance is bliss Then knock the smile off my face." I thought this is a fitting CD with which to start off the day tomorrow. Some of you might be able to figure out why.

Dobrú  noc, mes amis, nashledanou. I only had to use translate to get the mark over the u, I am slowly starting to brush up on my Czech and Slovak.)

Starting Another Day Slowly (Adult Content)

I am getting off to a slow start today. I am almost ready to face another work day. I am drinking my morning coffee. I am building my self confidence. I could use a hug and a cum load. It is funny that in my most realistic dreams I am sucking my own cock. Usually I think, "Wow, I can really do it." Then I think "I am just dreaming again." Then I wake up. In the dreams I have the very realistic feeling of a cock in my own mouth. Honestly I would prefer sucking somebody else's cock to sucking my own. Today I am going to allow myself to smile and laugh. Nothing is going to happen today that I cannot handle.

The Visitors - ABBA

I am listening to my favorite album by ABBA, "The Visitors." Unfortunately it was their last one. It has the most emotional content. The title song is rather paranoid. I remember that at the time come critics said this was a reflection of Swedish fear of the Soviet Union. "Slipping Through My Fingers" is about a parent feeling melancholy about a child growing up and slipping away. "Two for the Price of One" is about a guy answering a personal ad in the newspaper. (This was released in 1981.) This is a wickedly funny song. When he calls the woman who had placed the ad is looking for a man to share with her mother. Most of ABBA's music to me seems to be factory made. It can be fun, but there seems to be a lack of emotional depth. This is the only one of their albums I have on CD. One of the most moving songs is about a couple splitting. This is fitting because both of the couples who made up ABBA were getting divorced. "Soldiers" is another very moving. This album stands up very well with the passing of time.

Until All Are Free None Is Free

I am a firm believer in freedom of speech and self expression. I do not think anyone should hide who they are, whom they love or their religious or political views. There are people who want to express their views and to silence anyone who disagrees with them.

I believe in the freedom of all people. No person should be oppressed or exploited. Companies who exploit workers in Bangladesh and other countries should be boycotted. We need to care for the planet and all people on this planet. There is enough food to feed all people. If the U.S. really cares about the freedom of people in other countries companies would not be allowed to go to other countries to exploit people there. If this country cared about humanity there would not be anyone hungry inside or outside of this country.

Seeing myself as a citizen of the world is not just a pretty idea for me. It is what I consider myself.

A Rant About Rights

Letting all people have equal rights does not diminish anyone's rights. If we all have the right to marry the person we love it does not in any way diminish anyone's marriage. Giving all people equal access to healthcare and education does not diminish anyone's access to it. We should all have equal voices in the electoral process. We all should have the right to worship or not worship as we choose. It is time to do away with laws that do not allow atheists to run for public office. The religion of a candidate for public office should not be part of any campaign. There are states that have such laws. Asking for background checks for people buying guns does not take the right to bear arms. There are some fire arms that should not be legal for citizens to own.

Saying that the Confederate flag is a symbol of racism is not the same thing as saying that all southerners are racists. Some people forget that the flag has been used most in connection with racist actions. What state rights was the Confederacy fighting for? The right to own slaves.

Government buildings should not display religious images or writings. The appropriate places for these displays are churches or private homes. According to the U.S. Constitution the government is not supposed to establish a religion. This country was not founded on Christianity. One of the original rights is this country was the freedom of religion.

How I Would Love to Start a Day (Adult Content)

It's the beginning of a new day and a new month. I would like to sleep a little longer. I wish I could wake up next to a man I love. I would love for him to wake me up with a kiss. It would be great if he had me get on my knees beside our beds and drink his first pee of the morning. Then I would give him a thorough tongue bath. It would also be nice to wake up beside him and take his cock in my mouth while he is asleep. Knowing that I can suck it anytime. I would be insulted if he pissed anywhere besides my mouth if we are together. If we are in public I would go with him into a stall of the restroom and kneel or sit on the toilet and drink from his cock. At home together I would love for us to be naked together as much as possible. I would have an apron to wear while cooking for him. Whether or not I drink his pee in front of friends depends on if he wants me to do it. I would be proud to be seen pleasing him. Once I sucked the cock of a special friend for about five hours in the presence of friends who were also playing. There are a couple of  sweet new guys at work. It would be nice if we got the chance to talk some. I am not ready to go to work, but I will survive.