A Friend in Prison

I found out why a friend is in prison. He shot someone. I do not know the circumstances, but I can be sure that it was not unprovoked. I had lost his address. I only knew him for a short period of time, but I know that he is someone who will stand up for people who need to be defended. I know that he struggles with keeping his temper. I know that he is a good person. I probably will not see him again, but I will continue to be his friend. I would prefer to be friends with an honest person who will stand up for to being a friend who claims to be a friend who betrays my confidences. I think he is sexy, but he is straight. I would not invade his comfort zones. This is out of respect not fear. I am a loyal friend, and I will remain his loyal friend as long as he wants. He knows that I am gay, and he accepts me as I am.

Trying LSD

I had been wanting to try LSD, and I finally did that in October. The first time I had too much. I do not know how long the trip was, but I seemed to be caught in a time loop. A friend kept asking me if I was OK. Sometimes I answered. At times his gender changed. I remember thinking that I was going to have to live through the same minute over and over again. There were things that I seemed to need to figure out, but it did not seem to matter whether or not I figured these things out. Then I was in the same room, but everything was covered with mud. It was the end of the world, and everything was disintegrating. I cannot describe what happened after that. I now understand psychedelic art. Most of the LSD was administered in my eye. I had less LSD the second time. I was more aware of what was going on this time. It seemed that I was more aware of the molecules that make up our physical world. I will only do LSD or shrooms with people whom I trust.

Я хотел попробовать ЛСД, и в конце концов я это сделал в октябре. В первый раз у меня было слишком много. Я не знаю, как долго была поездка, но я, похоже, был пойман во время цикла. Друг все время спрашивал меня, все ли в порядке. Иногда я отвечал. Время от времени его пол менялся. Я помню, что думал, что мне придется жить через одну и ту же минуту снова и снова. Были вещи, которые мне, казалось, нужно было выяснить, но, похоже, не имело значения, понял ли я эти вещи. Затем я был в одной комнате, но все было покрыто грязью. Это был конец света, и все распадалось. Я не могу описать, что произошло после этого. Теперь я понимаю психоделическое искусство. Большинство ЛСД было введено мне в глаза. У меня было меньше ЛСД во второй раз. Я больше знал, что происходит в это время. Казалось, что я больше осведомлен о молекулах, которые составляют наш физический мир. Я буду делать только ЛСД или шары с людьми, которым я доверяю.

Ich wollte LSD probieren, und das habe ich schließlich im Oktober getan. Das erste Mal hatte ich zu viel. Ich weiß nicht, wie lange die Reise dauerte, aber ich schien in einer Zeitschleife gefangen zu sein. Ein Freund fragte mich immer wieder, ob ich in Ordnung sei. Manchmal habe ich geantwortet. Manchmal änderte sich sein Geschlecht. Ich erinnere mich, dass ich dachte, dass ich die gleiche Minute immer wieder durchleben musste. Es gab Dinge, die ich zu klären schien, aber es schien mir egal zu sein, ob ich diese Dinge herausgefunden hatte oder nicht. Dann war ich im selben Raum, aber alles war mit Schlamm bedeckt. Es war das Ende der Welt und alles zerfiel. Ich kann nicht beschreiben, was danach passiert ist. Ich verstehe jetzt psychedelische Kunst. Der größte Teil des LSD wurde in meinem Auge verabreicht. Ich hatte beim zweiten Mal weniger LSD. Mir war mehr bewusst, was diesmal vor sich ging. Es schien, dass ich mir der Moleküle, die unsere physische Welt ausmachen, mehr bewusst war. Ich werde nur LSD oder Pilze mit Leuten machen, denen ich vertraue.

"Cheech Is Not My Real Name...But Don't Call Me Chong!"

I have never been a fan of Cheech and Chong, but I this book caught my eye in the local library. Cheech Is Not My Real Name...But Don't Call Me Chong!" is an entertaining book. I finished the book in two days. I am still not a fan of the duo, but I may want to check out some of Cheech Marin's films. I did not know very much about him before reading this book. He is an intelligent man, and I would recommend this book. He mentions Timothy Leary in this book. I had met Timothy Leary at a science fiction convention. (I finally tried LSD a couple of times this year, more about that another time if I remember.) I have more respect about Mr. Marin after reading this. Read this book. You will enjoy it, and you will probably learn something.

"Stolen Beauty" by Laurie Lico Albanese

Stolen Beauty is an interesting novel by Laurie Lico Albanese. It is based on events that took place in the lives of two women, Adele Bloch-Bauer and her granddaughter Maria Altmann. It centers around a portrait of the former by Gustav Klimt. Other events and people are part of the story, of course. I was entertained and educated by this book. The main characters are portrayed as whole, likable people. Growing anti-semitism in Austria during the 20th Century is portrayed. Gustav Klimt comes to life in this book as well as the women mentioned above. Their families are also vividly portrayed. This is a book that was hard to put down. This book makes me want to learn more about the art of Gustav Klimt. I highly recommend this book.

"Weaveworld" by Clive Barker

There is always something magical about the writing and art of Clive Barker. His stories, films and other art do not fit neatly into any single genre. Weaveworld has aspects of horror and fantasy. Clive Barker uses language very well. There are a few things that make me shake me shake my head. Rue Street is not the most original name for a street. I first read this book when it was first published in paperback, and did not read it again until this week. It was first published as a hardback in 1987. This is a book that one can read multiple times without losing interest. A world of magic is woven into a carpet in order to protect it and its inhabitants. I felt myself drawn into the world of the book as the main characters were drawn into the world inside the carpet. Few writers posses the mastery of the English language that Mr. Barker does. Here is a phrase that struck me, "He felt sick as a flea in a leper's jock strap." I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys getting lost in a book. Clive Barker remains one of my favorite authors.

Adult Content

I got to suck two cocks last week. One guy shot his load into my mouth. That was yummy. I have known him for less that a year, but I have had fun with him. He got me started smoking something that makes me horny. I have known the other guy for several years. He did not cum in my mouth, but we had fun. We  sucked each other, kissed and cuddled. I have heard that he is as big a slut as I am. Maybe my sexual dry spot has ended. I have other friends with whom I enjoy myself. To be honest friendship without sex is better than sex without at least friendship.

Update for 07/12/17

I started the new anti-seizure medication the night before last. I will have to continue taking meds just once per day. I was too drowsy to work yesterday. I did not take it this morning, and I feel more alert. I do not know if this new medication will work for me.

After Christmas my best friend and I plan on looking for a place where we can live together. It would be helpful for both us if we can live together. I know that he has helped me a lot. It helps that we have open communication. If there is a problem we talk about it, and we resolve it. All issues are resolved before we go to sleep at night. I have never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with him. I plan on enjoying his company for as long as I can. Our time together might end someday, but I would prefer focusing on what we can share together instead worrying about what might happen.

New Medication

I just got a new medication today. I will start taking it tonight. It is Depakote. I hope that it keeps me from having seizures without depression. I have enough problems with depression without help from chemical sources.

What I Would Enjoy most this Christmas

What I would enjoy most this Christmas would be to be able to spend time with at least one friend. Last Christmas I was alone outside in the cold for much of the day. I am happy for my friends that they will be able to spend at least part of their holiday with family or other loved ones. I want to be with friends at other times during the year, but my loneliness seems more intense on holidays. I do not just want other people to make me feel good. I also want to be able to give of myself to others. I sometimes think that there must be something wrong with me that keeps others from wanting to spend time with me. I try to keep from having those thoughts, but sometimes they creep in. I know that I have something that I can contribute to the well being of others. I have love to give. I need love too.

То, что мне понравилось бы больше всего этого Рождества, было бы иметь возможность провести время, по крайней мере, с одним другом. В прошлое Рождество я был на улице на холоде большую часть дня. Я рад за своих друзей, что они смогут провести хотя бы часть своего отпуска с семьей или другими близкими. Я хочу быть с друзьями в другое время в течение года, но мое одиночество кажется более интенсивным в праздники. Я не хочу, чтобы другие люди заставляли меня чувствовать себя хорошо. Я также хочу уметь отдавать себя другим. Я иногда думаю, что со мной что-то не так, что не дает другим желать провести время со мной. Я стараюсь избегать этих мыслей, но иногда они ползают. Я знаю, что у меня есть кое-что, что я могу внести вклад в благополучие других. Я люблю давать. Мне тоже нужна любовь.

To, čo by som väčšina z týchto Vianoc užila, by bolo mať možnosť tráviť čas aspoň s jedným priateľom. Minulé Vianoce som bola väčšinu dňa vonku v chladnom prostredí. Som rád, že moji priatelia budú môcť stráviť aspoň časť svojej dovolenky s rodinou alebo inými blízkymi. Chcem byť s priateľmi inokedy v priebehu roka, ale moja osamelosť je na dovolenke intenzívnejšia. Nechcem, aby ostatní ľudia cítili dobre. Tiež chcem byť schopný dať seba ostatným. Niekedy si myslím, že s mnou musí byť niečo zle, ktoré vedie k tomu, že ostatní chcú, aby si so mnou trávili čas. Snažím sa udržať tieto myšlienky, ale niekedy sa vplývajú. Viem, že mám niečo, čo môžem prispieť k blahu druhých. Mám rád dať. Potrebujem aj lásku.

Was ich an Weihnachten am meisten genießen würde, wäre Zeit mit mindestens einem Freund verbringen zu können. Letzte Weihnachten war ich den größten Teil des Tages allein draußen in der Kälte. Ich freue mich für meine Freunde, dass sie zumindest einen Teil ihres Urlaubs mit Familie oder anderen Lieben verbringen können. Ich möchte zu anderen Zeiten während des Jahres mit Freunden zusammen sein, aber meine Einsamkeit scheint in den Ferien intensiver. Ich möchte nicht nur, dass andere Menschen mir ein gutes Gefühl geben. Ich möchte auch anderen etwas geben können. Manchmal denke ich, dass etwas mit mir nicht in Ordnung ist, das andere davon abhält, Zeit mit mir zu verbringen. Ich versuche, diese Gedanken zu vermeiden, aber manchmal schleichen sie sich ein. Ich weiß, dass ich etwas habe, was ich zum Wohlergehen anderer beitragen kann. Ich habe Liebe zu geben. Ich brauche auch.

I Need My Friends

It seems that the times when I need my friends are the times when I cannot get anyone to spend time with me. There are people who claim to be my friends when I can do things for them, but when I need them they are nowhere to be found. I do like doing things for these people, but it hurts when they disappear when I need them. I need friends who are around when they do not need something from me. I am not going to stop doing whatever I can for my friends. I love them. There are various causes for my depression. Some of these causes are chemical. I need to have loving friends around me.

Thankful for Friends (updated)

I have a few friends who kept me alive just by being friends. There are things that kept me from attempting suicide. I did not have enough pills. I did not want someone to be burdened with having to deal with the disposal of my corpse. I did not want to hurt the friends who care about me. I am not that selfish. I know that I would be hurt by the death of any of my friends. I am thankful for these friends. There are times when I am lonely, but it helps me to know that I have friends. The day after I had thought of taking an overdose I learned that a friend had died from an overdose.

I am going to see a doctor about getting another medication to stop my seizures. Hopefully I will get something that will keep me from having seizures without contributing to my seizures.

I want to keep from overdoing any drugs. I do not do any drugs alone, and I do not buy any drugs directly unless it is something prescribed.

It's the Most Torturous Time of the Year

This is the time of year when public torture is allowed. I am referring to Christmas music. I cannot remember a time when I ever enjoyed Christmas except for the Red Baron Christmas album when I was a child. To make Christmas music you take go through the garbage heap of music and put together whatever you find there. If I could I would never go shopping at this time of year. I am a masochist, but I have limits. The only thing that I can think of that would be worse would be Donald Trump replacing Vincent Price on Michael Jackson's song "Thriller" with Jimi Hendrix playing guitar along with the Shaggs, often said to be the worst band of all times. Even Einsturznde Neubauten's most painful music is more pleasant than Christmas. Especially despicable is Christmas jazz. I enjoy good jazz, but Christmas jazz is not real jazz.

If you are offended by anything I said, lighten the fuck up.

The Cause of My Suicidal Thoughts

I found out what may have contributed to my suicidal thoughts. The medication that I take to prevent my seizures also can cause depression and suicidal thoughts. Saying that a medication has "side effects" sugarcoats it. These "side effects" are part of what the medications do. Marijuana would probably be a healthier alternative to the mainstream anti-seizure medications. Big pharmaceutical companies don't like natural medications. They want people to use chemical medications as long as they are those from which they can make big profits. Healthcare costs too much in the U.S.A. Big pharmaceutical companies have too much power in this country. To get back to my original point. I now know what why I was feeling suicidal. Being homeless and not having money did not help, but they were not enough to cause these feelings.

Ich fand heraus, was zu meinen Selbstmordgedanken beigetragen haben könnte. Die Medikamente, die ich nehme, um meine Anfälle zu verhindern, können auch Depressionen und Selbstmordgedanken verursachen. Sagen, dass ein Medikament "Nebenwirkungen" Sugarcoats hat. Diese "Nebenwirkungen" sind ein Teil dessen, was die Medikamente tun. Marihuana wäre wahrscheinlich eine gesündere Alternative zu den gängigen Antiepileptika. Große Pharmaunternehmen mögen keine natürlichen Medikamente. Sie wollen, dass Menschen chemische Medikamente benutzen, solange sie diejenigen sind, von denen sie große Gewinne machen können. Das Gesundheitswesen kostet in den USA zu viel. Große Pharmakonzerne haben in diesem Land zu viel Macht. Um zu meinem ursprünglichen Punkt zurückzukehren. Ich weiß jetzt, warum ich mich selbstmordgefährdet gefühlt habe. Obdachlos zu sein und kein Geld zu haben, half nicht, aber sie waren nicht genug, um diese Gefühle zu verursachen.

Я узнал, что могло повлиять на мои мысли о самоубийстве. Лекарство, которое я принимаю, чтобы предотвратить мои приступы, также может вызвать депрессию и мысли о самоубийстве. Говоря, что у лекарств есть «побочные эффекты», сахарирует его. Эти «побочные эффекты» являются частью того, что делают лекарства. Марихуана, вероятно, была бы более здоровой альтернативой основным антиадгезивным препаратам. Крупным фармацевтическим компаниям не нравятся натуральные лекарства. Они хотят, чтобы люди использовали химические препараты, пока они являются теми, из которых они могут получать большую прибыль. Здравоохранение слишком дорого стоит в крупных фармацевтических компаниях США. В этой стране слишком много власти. Вернемся к исходному моменту. Теперь я знаю, почему я чувствовал себя самоубийцей. Быть бездомным и не иметь денег не помогло, но их было недостаточно, чтобы вызвать эти чувства.

I Received some Very Good News

I received some very good news this morning. My best friend is going to get out of jail very soon. I had tears of joy I received this news from his Mother. I had thought that he was going to be there at least six months, so this was a very nice surprise. I can't wait to see him. I do not know if we will find a place together or not, but I am very happy for him. Whether or not we live together I will be his loyal friend. He is the best friend that I have ever had. I am very happy that he will not have to live in fear of being arrested, because he now has these things behind him. I will do everything that I can for him. This news has put me in a very good mood.

"A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters" by Julian Barnes

A history of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters is a well written but ultimately unsatisfying book. Julian Barnes tried a bit too hard to be clever. The title of the novel gives this away. The only things that makes the half chapter different from the others is that it is more of an essay and it is not numbered. This novel reads like a book that the author hopes to be used in literature classes. The story deals with Noah's ark and other watery themes. This is a book that would appeal to academics who are fond of cleverness. Those of us who expect substance should look elsewhere.

A Prejudice I Have (Adult Content Included)

I am not sure when my distrust of the police started. I cannot remember a time when I thought that the police were people that I could trust. I grew up in a small town. I cannot recall any incident that caused me not to trust them. I just never thought that the police were there "to protect and to serve." This was before I had ever been arrested or harassed by police officers. I know that there are police officers who can be trusted, but if one approaches me and speaks to me my initial reaction is not positive. This is true even when I have not done anything illegal. This may be prejudice. It is not something that I can easily overcome. There are police officers who want to keep people safe. Whenever i see a police officer approaching me my first impulse is to run. I do not do this. I try to be civil, but I have difficulty doing this. I do fantasize about giving a police officer a blow job to keep from being arrested, but this will remain a fantasy. I do not know if I would really want to do it : although, it is true that I only give blow jobs to men who want to put their cocks in my mouth.

Я не уверен, когда мое недоверие к полиции началось. Я не могу вспомнить время, когда я думал, что полиция - это люди, которым я могу доверять. Я вырос в маленьком городке. Я не могу вспомнить ни одного случая, из-за которого я не доверял им. Я просто не думал, что полиция там «защищает и служит». Это было до того, как меня арестовали или преследовали сотрудники полиции. Я знаю, что есть полицейские, которым можно доверять, но если кто-то подходит ко мне и говорит со мной, моя первоначальная реакция не является положительной. Это верно, даже если я не сделал ничего незаконного. Это может быть предрассудком. Это не то, что я могу легко преодолеть. Есть полицейские, которые хотят держать людей в безопасности. Всякий раз, когда я вижу, как полицейский приближается ко мне, мой первый импульс - бежать. Я не делаю это. Я стараюсь быть гражданским, но мне трудно это делать. Я фантазирую о том, чтобы дать полицейскому минет, чтобы не быть арестованным, но это останется фантазией. Я не знаю, хочу ли я действительно это сделать: хотя, правда, я только даю ударные работы мужчинам, которые хотят положить их петухи в рот.

Nisem prepričan, kdaj se je začelo moje nezaupanje v policijo. Ne spomnim se časa, ko sem mislil, da so policija ljudje, ki jim lahko zaupam. Odrasel sem v majhnem mestu. Ne morem se spomniti nobenega incidenta, zaradi katerega nisem zaupal. Nikoli nisem mislil, da je policija tam "zaščititi in služiti". To je bilo preden so me policisti policijo že aretirali ali nadlegovali. Vem, da obstaja policist, ki mu lahko zaupate, če pa se mi približuje in govori, moj začetni odziv ni pozitiven. To velja tudi, če nisem naredil ničesar nezakonitega. To je lahko škodljivo. To ni nekaj, kar lahko zlahka premagam. Obstajajo policisti, ki želijo varovati ljudi. Kadarkoli vidim policajca, ki se mi približuje, je moj prvi impulz tekel. Ne delam tega. Poskušam biti civilen, vendar imam težave s tem. Fantazijo o tem, da bi policistu dalo udarec, da ne bi bil aretiran, vendar bo to ostalo fantazija. Ne vem, če bi resnično želel to storiti: čeprav je res, da sem samo dala blow blow delovnih mest za moške, ki želijo dati svoje pipe v mojih ustih.

ie som si istý, kedy začala moja nedôvera voči polícii. Nepamätám si čas, keď som si myslela, že polícia sú ľudia, ktorým môžem dôverovať. Vyrastal som v malom meste. Nemôžem spomenúť na žiadnu udalosť, ktorá ma spôsobila, že im nedôverujem. Nikdy som si nemyslela, že tam bola polícia "chrániť a slúžiť." Toto bolo predtým, ako som bol niekedy zatknutý alebo obťažovaný policajnými dôstojníkmi. Viem, že existujú policajní dôstojníci, ktorým sa dá dôverovať, ale ak sa k mne priblíži a hovorí mi, moje počiatočné reakcie nie sú pozitívne. To platí aj vtedy, keď som neurobil nič ilegálne. To môže byť predsudok. Nie je to niečo, čo môžem ľahko prekonať. Existujú policajti, ktorí chcú udržať ľudí v bezpečí. Kedykoľvek sa uvidím, že sa k mne priblížil policajný dôstojník, môj prvý impulz je spustiť. Nerobím to. Snažím sa byť civilná, ale mám problémy s tým. Mám fantázie o tom, že dám policajtovi útočisko, aby nebolo zatknuté, ale to zostane fantáziou. Neviem, či by som to naozaj chcel urobiť: aj keď je pravda, že dám len ranné práce mužom, ktorí chcú dať svoje kohúty do úst.

Ich bin mir nicht sicher, wann mein Misstrauen gegenüber der Polizei begann. Ich kann mich an keine Zeit erinnern, in der ich dachte, dass die Polizei Leute waren, denen ich vertrauen konnte. Ich bin in einer kleinen Stadt aufgewachsen. Ich kann mich an keinen Vorfall erinnern, der mich dazu brachte, ihnen nicht zu trauen. Ich habe einfach nie gedacht, dass die Polizei da ist, um "zu schützen und zu dienen". Das war, bevor ich jemals von Polizisten verhaftet oder belästigt wurde. Ich weiß, dass es Polizeibeamte gibt, denen man vertrauen kann, aber wenn man auf mich zugeht und mit mir spricht, ist meine erste Reaktion nicht positiv. Dies gilt auch dann, wenn ich nichts Illegales getan habe. Das kann ein Vorurteil sein. Es ist nicht etwas, das ich leicht überwinden kann. Es gibt Polizisten, die die Menschen beschützen wollen. Immer wenn ich einen Polizisten sehe, der sich mir nähert, ist mein erster Impuls, zu rennen. Ich mache das nicht. Ich versuche, höflich zu sein, aber ich habe Schwierigkeiten, das zu tun. Ich träume davon, einem Polizisten einen Blowjob zu verpassen, um nicht verhaftet zu werden, aber das wird eine Fantasie bleiben. Ich weiß nicht, ob ich es wirklich tun möchte: obwohl es wahr ist, dass ich nur Männern Blowjobs gebe, die ihre Schwänze in meinen Mund stecken wollen.

"Nine Inches" by Tom Perrotta

Nine Inches is an excellent collection of short stories by Tom Perrotta. The stories are well written. The stories are well written. Even though I cannot completely identify with the characters, I can identify with them. These are people with whom I could easily hold a conversation.The situations in some of the stories are similar to things that have taken place in my own life. The high school students depicted in these stories have some similarity to my memories of high school. The humor in the stories is understated. This is my favorite kind of humor. This is a book that I would recommend.

My Least Favorite Time of the Year (Мое наименее любимое время года)

This is my least favorite time of the year. There is a lot of focus put on getting together with family. I rarely hear from my family. I have to take some responsibility for this lack of communication. I do not reach out to them. Honestly I have felt like an alien in my own family. It seems like my sisters and I have completely different memories of our childhoods. our tastes are definitely different. If you  heard us talking you would think that we were from different parts of the country. It is not a question of good and bad. It is just a question of being different. This is the season of giving. At Christmas and on birthdays we are expected to give gifts. Usually I do not have money at this time of the year. I would prefer giving gifts at any time of year. I give things to people, because it is a way of showing love. I do not want to give gifts from a sense of obligation due to a date on a calendar. When I was growing up I always felt a lot of tension. I am not sure why, but I do remember that it was never a time of joy. I would like to be able to show my love to my friends throughout the year. I have some great friends. I am thankful for these friends all year, not just at Thanksgiving. People usually eat a lot on Thanksgiving, A holiday in the USA. I usually do not eat anything on that day. Maybe I will eat something this year.


Это мое наименее любимое время года. Существует много акцента на том, чтобы собраться вместе с семьей. Я редко слышу от своей семьи. Я должен взять на себя определенную ответственность за такое отсутствие связи. Я не обращаюсь к ним. Честно говоря, я чувствовал себя как инопланетянин в своей семье. Кажется, мои сестры и я совершенно разные воспоминания о детстве. наши вкусы совершенно разные. Если бы вы услышали, как мы разговариваем, вы бы подумали, что мы из разных уголков страны. Это не вопрос добра и зла. Это просто вопрос того, как быть другим. Это сезон отдачи. На Рождество и в дни рождения мы должны давать подарки. Обычно у меня нет денег в это время года. Я бы предпочел давать подарки в любое время года. Я даю вещи людям, потому что это способ показать любовь. Я не хочу давать подарки из чувства долга из-за даты в календаре. Когда я рос, я всегда испытывал сильное напряжение. Я не знаю, почему, но я помню, что это было не время радости. Я хотел бы показать свою любовь своим друзьям в течение всего года. У меня есть отличные друзья. Я благодарен этим друзьям в течение всего года, а не только на День благодарения. Люди обычно едят много на День благодарения, праздник в США. Обычно я ничего не ем в этот день. Может быть, я буду есть что-то в этом году.


Das ist meine am wenigsten geliebte Zeit des Jahres. Es wird viel Wert darauf gelegt, mit der Familie zusammenzukommen. Ich höre selten von meiner Familie. Ich muss Verantwortung für diesen Mangel an Kommunikation übernehmen. Ich greife sie nicht an. Ehrlich gesagt habe ich mich in meiner eigenen Familie wie ein Alien gefühlt. Es scheint, als hätten meine Schwestern und ich ganz andere Erinnerungen an unsere Kindheit. Unser Geschmack ist definitiv anders. Wenn Sie uns reden hören, würden Sie denken, dass wir aus verschiedenen Teilen des Landes stammen. Es geht nicht um Gut und Böse. Es ist nur eine Frage des Andersseins. Das ist die Zeit des Gebens. Zu Weihnachten und an Geburtstagen werden Geschenke erwartet. Normalerweise habe ich zu dieser Jahreszeit kein Geld. Ich würde es vorziehen, Geschenke zu jeder Zeit des Jahres zu geben. Ich gebe den Menschen Dinge, weil es eine Art ist, Liebe zu zeigen. Ich möchte keine Geschenke aus einem Gefühl der Verpflichtung aufgrund eines Termins in einem Kalender geben. Als ich aufwuchs, verspürte ich immer eine große Anspannung. Ich bin mir nicht sicher warum, aber ich erinnere mich, dass es nie eine Zeit der Freude war. Ich möchte meinen Freunden das ganze Jahr über meine Liebe zeigen. Ich habe ein paar gute Freunde. Ich bin dankbar für diese Freunde das ganze Jahr, nicht nur bei Thanksgiving. Die Leute essen normalerweise viel auf Thanksgiving, einem Urlaub in den USA. Ich esse normalerweise an diesem Tag nichts. Vielleicht werde ich dieses Jahr etwas essen.

14:43 Post

The other I day I had a conversation about books on which movies had been based. That night I dreamt that I was watching a film in French while reading the book. The film, which was on several DVD's, followed the book exactly. The dialogue was exactly the same as that in the book. Dreaming in other languages makes me feel good. This is especially true when it is a language that I know and love.

On Facebook I have made albums of photographs that I took with a cell-phone camera. I have been uncertain of what kind or reaction I would receive concerning these photos. I decided to stop worrying about what other people think and just express myself this way. Nothing x-rated, but I have posted photographs of places where I have given blow jobs.

"Bad Monkey" by Carl Hiasen

I had read one of Carl Hiaasen's books quite a few years ago. I do not remember which book, but I remember that I had enjoyed it. I read the description of his novel Bad Monkey on the dust jacket of the book, and I thought that it would be an entertaning book.The book's main character seemed likable. I laughed several times while reading the first chapter. I began to lose interest as I continued to read. I believe in simplicity of vocabulary. Mr. Hiaasen chose to use words that did not seem to fit the tone of the book in general. It was with difficulty that I made it halfway through the novel. I would like to know how some of the plot lines were resolved, but I am not enough of a masochist to read the rest of the book. I am returning it to the library from which I borrowed it.

More Views from a Professional Asshole (redacted)

There are performers whose popularity I cannot understand. I am completely baffled by the popularity of Michael Jackson. I can only think of one of his songs that I can tolerate, "Man in the Mirror." To me his voice is annoying. He was a mediocre dancer. The moonwalk was not very original, nor was it difficult to do. Yes, his music continues to make a lot of money. There are other singers who display much more talent. Prince, Hank Williams III, Nina Hagen, Patti Smith Laurie Anderson, and Jean Beauvoir are people who come to mind. I cannot understand the acclaim that Jimi Hendrix has received. I could not play the guitar like he did, but I would not want to do that. Tom Morello is a much better guitarist. To me his playing is a form of torture. I definitely cannot understand the popularity of The Beatles or The Rolling Stones. Yes, both groups recorded a few songs that I enjoyed, but to me they have been over-rated. I much prefer The Velvet Underground or The Doors. I can never understand the popularity of Janis Joplin. I do not find anything about her singing appealing. Another band whose music I continue to loathe is The Eagles. I had forgotten about them until a few years ago. I heard some of their songs, and I had forgotten who had recorded them. I remember thinking, "What is this awful shit?" I had forgotten how much I disliked their music.

Adult Content About Protein and a Certain Beverage

I really need a cock in my mouth filling me with fresh protein and beverage. I wish it was warmer outside so that a certain friend and I could find a secluded spot outside and play. I would not mind if he just undid his zipper and let me take his dick in my mouth and give him pleasure. I would be getting pleasure from it at the same time. I wouldn't have to worry about getting cold, because my mouth would be all that would be necessary for his pleasure. It is not important for me to cum. I get more pleasure from giving pleasure than from receiving it. Maybe we will be able to play before long.

"Rogue Lawyer" by John Grisham

I read the first thee of John Grisham's books, A Time to Kill, The Firm, and The Pelican Brief. I don't remember if I read any of his fourth book. I enjoyed the first two, but I got tired of his writing while reading the third. It seemed like his writing was becoming too formulaic. I got Rogue Lawyer for a friend, but after reading the description on the cover I thought I would give it a try. The main character, Sebastian Rudd, seemed like an interesting character. He is a lawyer whose office is a bullet-proof van. I enjoyed the beginning of the book, but I found things annoying. Much of the book deals with life on the street. It seems that Mr. Grisham has little knowledge of this. His condescending treatment of addicts and others who struggle on the street irritated me. It was with difficulty that I finished this book. I was very disappointed with the book's ending. I do not know if any of his other books are better, but I do not plan on wasting time trying to find out. I am glad that I did not have to pay the full cover price for this time waster.

More About Men to Whom I Am Attracted and Some Fetishes that Need to Remain Twisted Fantasies (Although I did act on one)

I am attracted to men who are muscular, but this is true only if they have some visible body fat. I am not attracted to men who are completely ripped without any visible body fat. This does not mean that I am not attracted to men who are not muscular. I am especially attracted to men who have some muscular definition, some body fat and multiple tattoos. I am also attracted to men with moderate amounts of body piercings. I like the look of Prince Alberts, but I do not like the taste.

I don't know if I have mentioned either of these fetishes before. One I should not practice again, and the other should remain a twisted fantasy. I am turned on by the idea of sharing a needle with a guy to whom I am sexually attracted. I did this a couple of times. I know that this was a stupid thing to do, and I definitely do not plan on doing it again. I continue to test negative for hiv and hep c, and I want to keep it that way. The other fetish is related to that. I have not acted on this one, and I do not plan on doing so. I discovered this fetish when a friend had shot up, and there was blood on his arm. I was tempted to lick the blood off of his arm. He fits the description at the end of the first paragraph. He has muscular definition, some body fat, tattoos, and body piercings. He also has a great personality; unfortunately; he is straight. I had to leave the room in order the temptation that I mentioned. I have a vivid imagination, but I have self control.

It Looks Like Things Are Going to Get Better

I have had a better day today.

My orientation for my new job will be taking place on the 27th day of this month. It is a fast-food job, but at least I will have a job. I will be making $8.00 per hour. I will be paid every two weeks.

I saw one of my best friends today. I had been worried about him. He had been in jail then the hospital. My best friends have spent time in jail. I would prefer being around these people than hypocrites who claim not to judge me while looking down their noses at me. So I have had contact with three out of four of my best friends today.

I might have found a place to live when I start making money. It will be with a couple of guys I know vaguely.They are panhandlers. They might be a couple. I don't know. One of them is sexy with silver hair. I know that I would love to have fun with him.

I still don't know how I am going to get my things out of my old place. I am still working on that.

Struggling with Depression

I have been struggling with depression for awhile now. I know that things are going to get better, but it has been difficult lately. It seems that the people whom I have known the longest are the people whom I cannot trust. There is a friend whom I have known for twenty-four years who is one of those people. I have kept his secrets for a long time, and I will continue to keep them. I found out that things he has told others about things that I told him in the hope that our conversation would remain private. It has become more and more difficult to have any kind of contact with him. He always says that he will call me, but he never calls me. It seems like the people whom I can trust most are my friends who are on the fringes of society. These are people who are often treated as outcasts by society, drug users, shop lifters, hustlers, alcoholics and other homeless people. My best friends now are people whom I met on the street or in the homeless shelter. The church that I have attended is letting me keep my belongings in the attic of the church building until I can get a storage unit or an apartment. I appreciate this very much, but I think that I will have to leave that church after I retrieve these things. I have not felt very welcome there. At times when I attended the congregation was encouraged to reach out to some specific people who were not present. We were encouraged to let them know that they were missed. When I am not there are no attempts by anyone from the church to reach me. I was told that it was because my phone is often out of service. They use this an an excuse. They do not even try to call my phone to see if it is in service. There are people there who are friends on Facebook, and they know how to contact me there. They have not done so. I believe that it is time for me to move on.

Last week a friend whom I had not seen in several months died of a heroin overdose. I found out about his death the next day. The night after he died I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Fortunately I did not have many pills at home. I also considered those close to me who would be affected by my death. I also the knowledge that others would have to do something with my corpse.

I know that I will survive. I am not giving up. I will continue to reach out to my friends. I will not always be alone.

An Extremely Short Post with Brief Adult Content.

I haven't had computer access for quite awhile. I will try to write more soon. Things have been up and down. One friend is in jail. Another friend was arrested today. I am in a homeless shelter now. There are good things too. I know that I have friends who really love. I got to suck some dick today. No cum though, but I hope to get some soon.

Another Post About My Awesome Best Friend

I don't think that my best friend truly knows how much he has helped me

 It is just because he helps me pay rent and buy food. He has helped me build my self confidence. He has helped me to be sure that I eat enough. He thinks that I have a crush on him. I don't know if that is true. I would not want anything to harm our friendship. I know that I cannot make him happy in ways that a woman could

 I really want to see him happy. I would love to see him find the right woman who will love him and not hurt him. I do not tolerate anyone hurting him, and he would not put up with anyone hurting me. When he is down I feel down, and I am happy when he is happy. Fortunately he is not perfect, because if he were he would not want to be around me. I know that we will not be together for the rest of our lives. It will hurt when we have to go in separate ways, but I believe we will still be friends. He knows that I would do anything that I can for him. He is awesome.

Short random post

I started a new temp job. I am getting more hours than I did at the brewery. I did not want to leave the brewery, but I was not making enough money there. I miss the people with whom I worked there. My new job is in packaging.

I met a gay friend of my straight roommate. He came for a visit. I would like to get to know him better, but I do not know if I can trust him. He alternated between a nice guy and being a complete ass.

I will continue to be a loyal friend to my roommate. I totally trust him. He is an awesome guy. Communication between us keeps getting better.

I have lost weight I now weigh 125 pounds (about 57 kg).

I have been having fun with Tina.

5/9/17

I am still looking for a full-time job. I wish it was noty so hard for me to find a job. I have been more successful finding jobs through temp agencies. I have been working a temp job for over a year, but I need a job where I work more hours. I like the job I have and the people with whom I work, but I need to make more money.

I have been spending time with the friends I mentioned in recent posts. They have helped me a lot lately. This is especially true of my roommate. I hope we can find a larger place soon. We both need more privacy. I love spending time with, but we both need to have time to ourselves. We help each other, and I hope that we can be friends for a long time.

I have not been sucking much cock lately, and I miss doing that. On the other hand I am very happy that I am spending less time alone, and I am spending time with people with whom I can talk openly without having to hide anything.

There are times when I go for two or three days with about two or three hours of sleep.

More about my Best Friend and more

It has been great to have a friend with whom I can spend time. I had almost given up on finding a friend with whom I can have open communication and who is not just interested in getting money or a blow job from me. We have brief arguments occasionally, but they are brief. These usually happen when we are stressed and/or have not been sleeping enough. I know that we will not be lovers, because he is straight. Having a great friend like him makes me happy. He is a sexy fucker. I hope that we can find an apartment where can both have privacy. I like my basement apartment, but it is very small. It has a bathroom, kitchenette and bedroom. We share a king-sized bed. We have to be sure that we do not spend too much time with each other. I love spending time with him, but everybody needs alone time. This is a friendship that keeps getting stronger.

I met a couple of people through my Best Friend. A man and woman. She is a bartender at a bar close to where we live. They were at our place, and I have never felt so at ease conversing with someone I had known for so little time. They know a lot about music. More about them later.

I need to gain weight back. I have lost too much weight. I am not sure if I want to know how much.

Moving On

I have not been going to church lately. I have not felt like they really want me there. I don't exactly fit in there. I may be a bit too radical. No one contacts me when I am not there. It is a question of right and wrong. I just think that it is time to move on. This is not an easy decision to make, but I need to be around people who accept me as I am. There are people there whom I will miss very much. My heart will hurt from their absence, but I will be able to deal with that pain. I have new friends who accept me as I am, and I am thankful for them.

21/8/2017 A New Best Friend

It has been a month since I have been here. I have been spending time with friends. I have a new roommate. He is a great guy. We are best friends, but I have only known him for about a month. He is straight, so we will be nothing more than friends, but that is fine. I need friends. When there are problems we talk about them. It is great to have open communication. There are people who think that we are lovers, but they do not understand that two people can be close without sex and romantic entanglements. It will hurt when we have to move away from each other, but I am going to enjoy the time we have with each other. I know that if he starts a relationship with a woman we will still be close friends. I prefer to open my heart to someone to living in fear of being hurt. He knows that I would do anything that I can do for him, and I believe he would do the same. He is part of my family, and I love him.

I Need to Get My Ass in Shape

I need to work on my ass. It looks flabby, and I am not happy with that at all. I need to gain some weight too. I can do what I like most, sucking cock, without taking my clothes off, but I want to be happy with my physical appearance. I also need to find a way to relax my asshole so that a select few men could fuck it. A couple of friends owe me some dick. I have given them money for it already. I am not going to give them any more money until they fuck my face. I want to taste more cum and pee. I have another friend whose cock I have not yet tried. I want to fine him and please him. I also know two guys who are brothers who might want me to suck them both off together. That sound like fun.

I Wonder as I Wander: An Autobiography by Langston Hughes

I Wander as I Wander  is a book that more people need to read. Langston Hughes wrote about travels in Cuba, Haiti, the Soviet Union and Spain. He dealt with racial stereotypes, political systems and other issues. He was invited to travel to the Soviet Union in order to participate in the making of a film. Several other African Americans were also invited as well, because it was assumed that they would all be able to sing well.  This was assumed, because they were African Americans. This proved not to be true, and the film was never completed.

I remember from history classes that the Spanish Civil War had been used by the Fascists as a practice field for what became World War II. From this book I learned the role of African Americans who volunteered to go to Spain to fight against these Fascist forces. At the time in Spain these people were recognized as heroes, but they were forgotten afterwards. We say that the allies fought for freedom, but where was the freedom for Spain? The Spanish had hoped that Franco's Fascist government in Spain would be overthrown by the allies, but this did not happen. This government was in place until the death of Franco. The heroes about whom Hughes wrote in this book need to be remembered.

There is much more of interest in this book, but you would gain more by reading it than you would by reading whatever I can write about it.

14/7/17

I pampered myself by having a haircut and having my facial hair and eyebrows trimmed at a barber shop yesterday. This was the first time having a hot cloth placed over my face. It would have been nice if having the barber fuck my mouth as part of that. I had to wait until this morning to have a man cum in my mouth. I definitely felt better when I left the barber shop. I hope to be able to do this occasionally.

I spent close to five hours sucking a special friend's cock the other night. He did something that makes him super horny but unable to cum. I definitely enjoyed sucking his cock, but could have used a break during that time. The bad thing about giving head for that long is that the quality of my performance goes down. I like to perform at my peak level. Getting rewarded by having my mouth filled with yummy cum is not the only goal. I love pleasing a man.

I want to continue to be able to please men orally. I still love doing it in front of an audience.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley

The Autobiography of Malcolm X As told to Alex Haley is a book that I think that we should all read at least once. I am rereading it now. I cannot remember exactly when I read this book the first time. If one wants to understand race relations in the USA this book is necessary reading. Along with this book I recommend the writings of Nikki Giovanni and Maya Angelou. I want to read more of the autobiographical writings of Maya Angelou. I do not know how anyone can remain unmoved by the writings of these three people. When I see photographs of Michelle Obama I am reminded of the Autobiography of Malcolm X and the writings of Nikki Giovanni. I am an admirer of Michelle Obama, but I wonder why she chooses to wear the hair style that she does. I wonder why she does not keep her natural hair style. She has the right to choose her own hair style, but what statement does this send to young African Americans? I think that all people should be able to be who they were born to be. I love and accept myself as I am, and I want to do what I can to help others to do the same.

6/7/2017

I staid overnight at a friend's place a couple of nights last week. I did not have my medication with me, and I had seizures on two nights. I knew when I woke up after the first one that I had had a seizure, because I was very confused. I did not know where I was or how I got there. Gradually I remembered both of these things. I need to remember to be sure to have my medication with me when I sleep away from home. The second seizure must have been mild, because my mind was alert when I woke up. I made the mistake of letting a friend borrow some money. I am sure that he will not pay that money back.I have to pay rent before I spend money on anything else. I don't want to be homeless again. I am going to do more job hunting. I like the temp job that I have, but I need to be able to work more than eight hours. While at my friend's apartment I was able to suck his cock some, and I was rewarded with some yummy cum.

Dead Man's Gold and Other Stories By Paul Yee

Dead Man's Gold and Other Stories is a small collections of stories by Paul Yee illustrated by Harvey Chan. The ghost stories stories included here  were written in the tradition of Chinese folklore. It is an enjoyable collection. I would thing that the author's other writings would be stories that I would enjoy. The illustrations have a haunting quality that fits the mood of the book.

I Suck at Giving a Blow Job when I am too Tired

I love sucking cock, but sucking cock for three hours can be tiring. If a guy has taken a drug that makes it hard for him to cum I think that it would be considerate for him to  let me rest from time to time. If someone does not let me rest the quality of the blow job is going to decrease. I love making a man feel great, but unless I am on something I cannot do it well that long. I enjoy sucking cock for hours, but I feel bad when I cannot give a man my best, and I cannot do that when I am overly tired. For me pleasing the man I am with is top priority though.

X: A Novel by Ilyasah Shabazz, Daughter of Malcolm X, with Kekla Magoon

I found this book, X: A Novel by Ilyasah Shabazz, daugheter of Malcolm X, with Kekla Magoon when looking in the library where I use the computer for a book to read. This book is based on the life of the author's life up to when he is released from prison. Conversations are fictional and people are combined or added. The basic story is fact based. I recommend this book. I learned more about Malcolm X's life and family. I intend to reread The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Why is so little said about the Organization of Afro-American Unity now? People tend to talk about Malcolm X (or El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz) being racist and an extremist. This is an inaccurate portrayal. I prefer to focus on what he did after he became a leader in the Civil Rights Movement, but it is helpful to learn about his family background and his personal story. It is time for Malcolm X Day to become a national holiday.

Changes Are Needed in the USA

The Democrats talk about improving healthcare in the USA, but they do nothing about the high cost of healthcare. They only talk about insurance for everybody. Even with insurance many necessary tests are too expensive. Many medicines are too costly. Yes, many people have insurance when they could not have it before. Many people still cannot get insurance. The healthcare system in the USA is still completely fucked up.

Elected officials in  this country receive pensions that are much too big. Many elected officials say that social programs are a drain on the economy. These pensions are a much bigger drain.

The healthcare system, the electoral system and the government of this country need to be completely overhauled.

More on my Birthday

A special friend came to my place with food which he cooked for me, yummy chicken and mixed vegetables. We slept together in my bed. He says that I don't share anything about myself with him, but he will never let me talk long enough to do that. I seem to attract people who tell me all about themselves but won't listen to what I have to say about myself. I like to listen to them, but I need someone who will listen to me. I want to be a supportive friend, but I need friends who will be there for me too. People say that I should let go of things from my past, but that is easier to do when I have talked about them. It did help that this friend cooked this meal for me. I love him, and I know that he loves me. I don't know where our relationship is going, but I am happy to have him in my life. The other night I sucked his dick for three hours. I love sucking his cock, and he is very good at sucking cock.

Ein besonderer Freund kam zu mir mit dem Essen, das er für mich gekocht hat, leckeres Huhn und gemischtes Gemüse. Wir schliefen zusammen in meinem Bett. Er sagt, dass ich nichts über mich selbst mit ihm teilen, aber er wird mich nie lange reden lassen, um das zu tun. Ich scheine Leute zu gewinnen, die mir alles über sich selbst erzählen, aber nicht hören, was ich über mich selbst sagen muss. Ich höre ihnen gern zu, aber ich brauche jemanden, der mir zuhören wird. Ich möchte ein unterstützender Freund sein, aber ich brauche Freunde, die auch für mich da sein werden. Die Leute sagen, dass ich die Dinge aus meiner Vergangenheit loslassen sollte, aber das ist leichter zu tun, wenn ich über sie gesprochen habe. Es hat dazu beigetragen, dass dieser Freund diese Mahlzeit für mich gekocht hat. Ich liebe ihn, und ich weiß, dass er mich liebt. Ich weiß nicht, wo unsere Beziehung geht, aber ich bin glücklich, ihn in meinem Leben zu haben. Die andere Nacht lutschte ich seinen Schwanz für drei Stunden. Ich liebe es, seinen Schwanz zu saugen, und er ist sehr gut am Saugen Hahn.

На мой место пришел специальный друг с едой, которую он приготовил для меня, вкусной курицей и смешанными овощами. Мы спали вместе в моей постели. Он говорит, что я ничего не рассказываю о себе, но он никогда не позволит мне говорить достаточно долго, чтобы это сделать. Кажется, я привлекаю людей, которые рассказывают мне все о себе, но не будут слушать, что я могу сказать о себе. Мне нравится их слушать, но мне нужен тот, кто будет слушать меня. Я хочу быть дружеским другом, но мне нужны друзья, которые тоже будут там. Люди говорят, что я должен отпустить вещи из своего прошлого, но это легче сделать, когда я говорил о них. Это помогло, что этот друг приготовил эту еду для меня. Я люблю его, и я знаю, что он любит меня. Я не знаю, куда идут наши отношения, но я счастлив, что он был в моей жизни. В ту ночь я сосал его член в течение трех часов. Мне нравится сосать его член, и он очень хорош в сосании петуха.

Špeciálny priateľ prišiel na moje miesto s jedlom, ktoré si pre mňa pripravil, báječné kuracie mäso a zmiešaná zelenina. Spali sme spolu v mojej posteli. Hovorí, že s ním nič spoločne nehovorím, ale nikdy mi nedovolí hovoriť dosť dlho, aby to urobil. Zdá sa, že priťahujem ľudí, ktorí mi o sebe všetko hovoria, ale nebudú počúvať to, čo musím povedať o sebe. Rád ich počúvam, ale potrebujem niekoho, kto ma počúva. Chcem byť priaznivým priateľom, ale potrebujem priateľov, ktorí tam budú aj pre mňa. Ľudia hovoria, že by som mal dať veci z mojej minulosti, ale to je ľahšie, keď som o nich hovoril. To pomohlo, že tento priateľ pripravil toto jedlo pre mňa. Milujem ho a viem, že ma miluje. Neviem, kde sa deje náš vzťah, ale som rád, že ho mám v živote. Druhá noc som si nasiakala svoj penis tri hodiny. Mám rád sania jeho penis, a on je veľmi dobrý pri sania kohúta.

Особливий приятель прийшов на моє місце з їжею, яку він приготував для мене, смажена курка і змішані овочі. Ми спали разом у моєму ліжку. Він каже, що я не поділяю нічого з ним, але він ніколи не дозволить мені говорити досить довго, щоб це зробити. Я, схоже, залучаю людей, які розповідають мені все про себе, але не будуть слухати те, що я маю сказати про себе. Я люблю слухати їх, але мені потрібен той, хто мене послухає. Я хочу бути прихильником, але мені потрібні друзі, які також будуть для мене. Люди кажуть, що я повинен відпустити речі з мого минулого, але це легше зробити, коли я про них говорив. Це допомогло, щоб цей друг приготував цю страву для мене. Я люблю його, і я знаю, що він мене любить. Я не знаю, де йдуть наші стосунки, але я радий, що він у своєму житті. Іншою ніч я смоктати його член протягом трьох годин. Я люблю смоктати його член, і він дуже добре в смокче півень.

"Ghost of a Flea" by James Sallis

The main character of Ghost of a Flea had been a detective, but this is not a detective novel. There are parts of this novel that I like very much, and there are parts that could have been eliminated. In the latter parts there are extended quotations from books and references to writers and artists that could be considered obscure. The narration is first person, and people in the book say that he uses quotations too much in his books. The other parts of the book are very original and entertaining, I would like to find other books by this author. I hope that he was able to be more confident in his own imagination instead of hiding behind quotations.

Another Birthday

My Birthday started out well, but it has been lonely since early morning. When I got home a friend was waiting in his car in the driveway. We had a few beers, and sucked his cock for a long time. He was not able to cum though. We both had fun though. I hope that I see him tonight before I go to bed. Hopefully I will get some cum from him the next time I see him.

I am used to being alone on my birthday. I don't know why I am more likely to be alone on my Birthday and holidays than I am on other days. I have occasionally been able to suck some cock on Thanksgiving. I just wish there were people who were willing to spend these special days with me. Oh well.

It is hard to believe that this I turned 58 today. I may be getting older, but I am getting more radical too.

Why Spread Vanilla Rumors When The Truth Is More Colorful?

There are people at my church who spread rumors about me or exaggerate things that they know about me. I don't know why they spread untrue things about me when what I tell about myself is more interesting than what they say about me. Why tell untruths that are not really very interesting when the truth is more colorful? Why would someone say that I am dating someone who is just a friend? I write about water sports here. I write about having multiple sex partners. I write about drug use here. Why spread vanilla rumors when I reveal things that are far from vanilla?

У моїй церкві є люди, які поширюють чутки про мене або перебільшують речі, які вони знають про мене. Я не знаю, чому вони розповсюджують неправдиві речі про мене, коли те, що я розповідаю про себе, цікавіше, ніж те, що вони говорять про мене. Чому висловлювати неправди, які насправді не дуже цікаві, коли правда більш барвиста? Чому хтось каже, що я знайомлюся з тим, хто просто друг? Я пишу про водні види спорту тут. Я пишу про кілька статевих партнерів. Я пишу про споживання наркотиків тут. Навіщо розповсюджувати ванільні чутки, коли я відкриваю речі, які далеко від ванілі?

В моей церкви есть люди, которые распространяют слухи обо мне или преувеличивают то, что они знают обо мне. Я не знаю, почему они распространяют ложные вещи обо мне, когда то, что я рассказываю о себе, более интересно, чем то, что они говорят обо мне. Зачем говорить неправды, которые на самом деле не очень интересны, когда правда более яркая? Почему кто-то скажет, что я встречаюсь с кем-то, кто просто друг? Здесь я пишу о водных видах спорта. Я пишу о наличии нескольких сексуальных партнеров. Я пишу об употреблении наркотиков здесь. Зачем распространять слухи о ванили, когда я раскрываю вещи, которые далеки от ванили?

Es gibt Leute in meiner Kirche, die Gerüchte über mich verbreiten oder Dinge übertreiben, die sie über mich kennen. Ich weiß nicht, warum sie sich über mich aussprechen, wenn das, was ich über mich erzähle, interessanter ist als das, was sie über mich sagen. Warum sagen wir Unwahrheiten, die nicht wirklich sehr interessant sind, wenn die Wahrheit bunter ist? Warum sollte jemand sagen, dass ich jemanden bin, der nur ein Freund ist? Ich schreibe hier über Wassersport. Ich schreibe über mehrere Sexpartner. Ich schreibe hier über Drogenkonsum. Warum verbreite ich Vanille-Gerüchte, wenn ich Dinge offenbaren, die weit von Vanille entfernt sind?

16:35 19/6/17

I got tested for HIV, Hep C and STI's earlier this month, and everything was negative. I am going to be tested again tomorrow, because I did something that I should not have done. I just want to be sure. Some things should not be shared. I knew this, but my brain was not functioning fully. I will have to be sure that I do not make the same mistake. I should not do some things whether or not it involves sharing.

My bed still smells like my friend, and I get an erection when I get in bed. I have to masturbate before I can go to sleep. The scent will not last forever, so I will enjoy it while it lasts. I have a pair of his dirty socks in a zippable bag, so their scent will last longer. He knows that I jerk off while smelling them.

On Saturday I swallowed cum from two special men in my life.

I am continuing my job search. I have not heard anything yet, but I am not giving up.

The Scent of a Man Can Be a Big Turn On

It is interesting to me that the body odor of some men really turns me on while I do not like the body odor of others. I have a friend whose scent really turns me on. I can sniff his dirty socks and shoot a big loads when I am masturbating. Maybe some day he will let me suck on and lick his dirty feet. He slept in my bed last night without having taken a shower. I may not wash them when Io do laundry later today. I may just see how long his scent remains there. I probably will have to jerk off before I can sleep in them. Maybe he will be in my bed again soon.

Secrets and Lies

There is one thing that scares me about myself. That is the ease with which I can tell lies. I have not told any lies here, but there are some secrets which I will not reveal here. I can look at someone and say something that is completely untrue. I only do this to protect those whom I love. I sometimes do this to protect myself. I do not tell lies that would hurt anyone. Some of the secrets that I keep can be a burden to keep sometimes, but I do not want to do anything to hurt anyone. Sometimes it is better to bear a burden that to say or do things that would hurt others. There are some people to whom I have never lied. I believe in being open and honest, but this is not always the right thing to do.

15-6-17 15:16

I have been filling out job applications online. I need to update my resume. I will go to some temp agencies. Most of my interview clothes no longer fit. I have lost weight.

It may be time for me to leave my church. It is not an easy decision to make, but it may be the right decision to make. I have some friends there, and I do not want to lose their friendship. Some of the friends that I have want me to do drugs with them. It scares me some that the people who want me around are into drugs to such an extent. I have to be careful and protect myself. I want friends, but I cannot endanger myself.

I will have to consider these things before making any decisions.

I Am Rambling Again

I wish I could stay at the job I have now, but I need to have a steady income. I have started looking for another job. I tend to have more success in finding employment when I work with temp services. I am a good worker, but find job hunting stressful. I need to get new clothes that would be suitable for job hunting.

I have to remember that I cannot depend on other people to make me happy. If I am not happy with myself no one else can make me happy. Mostly I think that I am happy with myself. I also need to make sure that I eat enough. Not eating enough has a very real effect on my mood. When I am depressed I do not eat enough, and this makes me more depressed. It is a downward spiral that only I can stop. I am working on that.

I am happy with who I am. I will find the balance that I need in my life. Who knows if that will involve occasional sex with friends and occasional drug use. I do not want to indulge self destructive behavior. I may be a slut, but I am happy being a slut.

Руслана - Her Music Helps My Mood

I am listening to Руслана. Her music lifts my mood. "Dance with the Wolves" is one of my favorite songs. I love the video. It has beautiful wolves and sexy men. In the videos that I have seen for her songs there are people who would appeal to men and women. Her songs make me want to dance. I would love to see her in concert especially if I could see her in Ukraine.

Тимати is someone else whose music I like very much.. He is another sexy man.

Russian and French reggae are the only reggae to which I listen. Аддис-Абеба is one of my favorites. I cannot remember the names of the other Russian reggae musicians, and I am too lazy right now to look them up. There is one song with a humorous video, "Legalize it."

I wish I could listen to my CDs by Григорий Лепс and Александр Рыбак too. Александр Рыбак is a very talented musician who sings well in several languages and plays the violin.

Gionnyscandal is another rapper whose music I enjoy very much.

Music, food and sex can always put me in a good mood.

I Am Struggling, but I will Survive

It looks like I will have to find another job. One day I am told that I will be working every day. The next day I am told that I may go for weeks without working. This is difficult financially and emotionally. I cannot continue doing this.

I spent time with friends last week. I sucked one friend's cock. Another guy says that he wants me to give him head. He wanted money for this, so I gave him some money. He keeps making excuses for not following through with this. They seem valid, but he will not get any more money until I get so suck his cock.

I reach out to people who claim to be friends, but they do not call. This is true when I am happy and when I am depressed. I think it is time to let these people go and find new friends. Some other people who claim to be friends seem more interested in getting money from me, doing drugs with me or having me suck them off. I do not mind doing these things, but sometimes I need people who will just spend time with me. I learned last week that I know at least one guy who is willing to spend time with me and will listen to what I need to say.

Sorry that this is not the most entertaining post. I just need to express how I feel.

Honestly: I am Not 100% Altruistic

It is better to identify a potential problem and prevent it than to let it become a real problem. I know that with the help of friends that I can keep from becoming an addict. For years I have had a fear of addiction. I believe that I can have fun without becoming addicted. I am already addicted to dick, but that is not an addiction that I want to give up. I can never get enough dick, piss and cum. I may say that I do it to make other men feel, but honestly I do it for selfish reasons. I love having a cock in my mouth. Hopefully I make the men I suck off feel good. It is less satisfying for both of us if I cannot make him cum. It is less important to me for me to cum. I will see what mischief I can get into today. I plan on having fun.

6/6/17 I Need Moderation in Some Areas of my Life

When I talk about experimenting with drugs I do not mean that I am doing a lot of drugs. It has only been a few times, just enough to get a little high and a bit horny. I just need to be careful not to let it get out of hand, and I do not plan on doing that. I cannot afford it financially. I have to pay rent. Also I want to stay in good health. I have lost weight, because I have not been eating enough. I am working on that. I still think that weed should be made legal. It would probably be better for my health than the medication that I take to keep from having seizures. I have not had any seizures since last May. I have not been able to afford to get any of the tests that my neurologist wants me to have. Even with insurance they would be too expensive. The healthcare system in the USA is completely fucked up.

I have to use moderation in my spending money, drug use and cock sucking. I am not going to stop taking care of myself.

14:31 thoughts on addiction

I have to be sure to pay rent before I spend money on anything else. I do not want to be homeless again. I know that I have not hit rock bottom, and I do not want to find out what that is like. I do enjoy how some drugs make me feel, but I do not want to be an addict. I have an addictive personality. I do not want to get in contact with people from whom I could buy these drugs, and I do not want to do them unless I am with a few friends. I have to be careful. I know that I could lose everything that I have, so I have to be careful. The addictions I want to keep are to cock, cum and pee. I am going to be careful. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and I have to choose the right things to enjoy.

I do want to enjoy the cocks of two of my friends at the same time. I want to find a way to relax my asshole, so that I can suck one of them while the other fucks me. I want to cum and pee when I am with both of them.

My First Post for June 2017

I may have fucked up big time earlier this week. I spent more money than I should have. A friend promised to pay me back about $100.00 today. I hope that he does that. If not I will have to try to work out something with the friend from whom I rent my apartment. I will have to be more careful with my money. I need to give him money for rent before I see anyone else. Another thing that I may regret was sharing a needle with a couple of friends. I know that that was stupid, but I got caught up in the moment. I enjoyed what we did together, but I hope that I do not have to pay a big price. I have not hit rock bottom, and I do not want to do so. This was the first time that one of these friends saw me with the cock of the other in my mouth. That was a turn on for me. I was also turned on by taking risks with them. I just have to be more careful.

I also spent some time with another very close, intimate friend this week. We smoked some and had some fun together. He picked me up and took me to his place. After we had our fun he took me downtown to catch a city bus. I had some of his cum in my my hair. I was still very horny because of what we smoked. I was tempted to jerk off on the bus, but I resisted that temptation. He told me not to get in trouble, and I would not want to be a registered sex offender. It was fun just thinking about doing it though.

Tomorrow I am going to suck off another new friend. I hope he shows up.

They say that with age comes wisdom. That is not happening with me.

Random Shit...some involving urine

I may be have been acting childish lately, but I was acting on my feelings. I was not able to go to my church for almost a year without hearing from anyone. I went back to the church, and people were encouraged to reach out to those who were absent so that they would know that they were missed. I do not feel very welcome sometimes. I do not know if anyone at the church reads my blog. If they are reading it I understand why they don't miss me. I am not going to apologize for being a cock-sucking, cum-swallowing, piss-drinking slut. I struggle with faith. I pray, but there are things in the Bible that do not make sense to me.

A very good friend (One with benefits) lost his job. He is depressed. I wish I could help him. He has helped me a lot. He said he does not want me to contact him until he figures some things out. I love sucking, and he is great at giving head. I love other things about him. I have fun with him with or without alcohol and drugs. I want to make him feel good in every way that I can.

How the fuck is Donald Trump getting away with the shit that he has done and continues to do? The political system in the USA needs to be replaced.

This week I drank a 4 Loko (12 or 14% alcohol) with a friend in the parking lot of a hospital. We had one before that at my home. On the way to the hospital we went into a convenience store restroom where he pissed in my mouth. He said that felt weird to pee in my mouth. He pissed into the toilet, and I drank his pee like I was drinking from a water fountain. I liked the idea of having a little of his urine in my facial hair.

I hope that I get to suck some cock soon.

samedi 13/5/2017 14:50

I hope that I work more next week. I worked two days this week. Things may be moving in the right direction. I was asked what size t-shirt I want. I hope they hire me as a full-time employee. The job helps me to be in good physical shape.

I have not heard from a special friend. He is going through a hard time. I wish I could help him. We had a hot time the other night. I love pleasing him, and he is very good at giving head. He is one of the few men who have been able to make me cum from sucking me.

I am going to look for the men who want me to suck them. I am especially going to look for a friend who has slept in my bed a couple of times. He is sweet, and his cum is tasty. The frist time that I saw him I wanted to get my mouth on his cock.

I will write soon about some books that I read recently.

J'ai recommencé à rêver en français.

16:10 I need something hard to suck

I think that I need to find a new job fast. One week I work enough hours, but the next I work less than eight hours. They say that they want me to be trained on new tasks, but then they don't need me to work. I need to have enough money to pay my rent and to eat. I do not want to depend on food stamps to eat. I know that things will work out, but I don't want to end up living on the streets.

The other day there were at least four men who wanted me to suck their cocks. I sucked two of them. I sucked one guy for about three hours. I got a nice mouth load of his cum. I did not get much sleep that night, but I don't mind. Maybe I will be able to suck the other guys and more guys soon.

5/5/17 15:06

It looks like I may be hired on at the company where I am working as a temp. I need to be do some more training. I don't mind doing that. I like the atmosphere and most of the people working there. I like most of the beers that they brew.My favorites are not available all of the time. I like the dark, rich ones. There are some really good ones brewed in bourbon barrels. My Favorites are Sexual Chocolate and Dead and Berried. They make a very good sour too.

I have been getting cock at least once a week. YUM!

A friend is back in town, but we have not been to see each other much.

I wish I had something on which I could listen to my Russian, French and German music and watch DVDs.

16:20 29/4/2017

I had a good week this week. I hope that I will be able to work more though. I worked two days this week. Those days went well. It is not the most interesting job, but I like the people with whom I work.

Yesterday I wore my t-shirt that has "Buddhist Atheist" on the front. I understand the views of Buddhists and atheists. I struggle with faith. I believe in being open to differing views on religion. Many Christians think that one has to be a Christian to be a good person. I completely disagree with this point of view. I know some very good people who are atheists. I also know some open-minded Christians. I also like to wear that shirt to remind people that not everybody has the same views that they do.

I had three cocks in my mouth this week. I got loads of cum from two of them, and I swallowed pee from one of them.

I had some very good beer this week. I tried a sour last week. I liked it a lot. One of the things that I like about the place where I work is that they make some very good beer.

I also smoked some very good weed the other night.

I hope I get to suck cock more soon.

Random Shit

I have been spending more time with friends, at work and at church lately. In ways going to church is like a step back in time, because people there still call me Bruce which is the name that I used before I had my first name changed. I have not given up on faith completely, but I still have struggles with it. I pray, but there are contradictions in the Bible that bother me. I know that most of the people at my church would not like some of the things that I do with friends. I have had played sexually with some of my friends. I have had threesomes with a couple of my friends. I smoked something (not pot or tobacco) with a friend yesterday, and he pissed in my mouth. We drank some beer in a park too. That was a lot of fun. I do not want to be addicted to anything other than cock, so I will have to be careful. I also need to be careful not to spend  too much money on drugs. Work is going well, but I hope that I will be able to work more hours.

Thinking about what I did with my young friend is making me horny. I hope I can play with the friends with whom I had the threesomes. I would like to play with them together and separately.

I need to get a working computer soon, until then I will try to post on my phone.

A post with adult content for 20/4/17

I moved into my new home, but I do not have a working computer at home yet. I have been working more most weeks, but I still need to make more money. I am happy to be able to sleep in a king-size bed. I hope that I will be able to share my bed with someone from time to time. I have been able to please someone special lately. It is nice to be closer to him. I know how to please him orally. A couple of times after sucking him off I had a threesome with a couple of other friends. Both of them have been able to make me cum when they suck me. Only one other man had been able to do that previously. If things go as planned I will be able to play with them more frequently. One of them is older than I, and the other is younger. We usually kiss, suck and fuck. I hope that I will be able to have one-on-one time with both of them too.

I have another friend with whom I want to play in my bed. We played in a public restroom once before, but he was not able to cum or pee. I paid him that time. I enjoy paying for sex. It is a big turn on for me. He has introduced me to a couple of drugs. I want to be careful with that. He has talked about pissing in my mouth after doing one of them. He said that it would get me high too.

I have not heard from another friend much since I do not have much money to give him. I miss him. I know that he may only be interested in me when he can get money, but I miss him. I sucked him once, but he did not cum. He sucked me, and he did that very well. He has pissed in my mouth a couple of times. One time it was on a sidewalk beside a fence. I love him, and it is hard on me not to be able to give him money. He still owes me some promises. He kept saying that he would feed me his cock. That is not all that I like about him, but I would love to taste it.

I love all of the men I have mentioned in this post.

29/3/17 17:59

I will be moving in a couple of days. I may need to find a new job. My hours are not regular enough at my current job. I like the company where I am working, and I like the people there. I do not want to look for another job, but I have to earn enough money to be able to pay my rent. I do not want to be homeless again. I hope that I can move somewhere where I can have a room of my own and have friends visit.

I wish I could do more for friends. I enjoy spending time with friends. I like to make special friends feel good in every way that I can. That includes making them feel good sexually, but I like making them feel good in other ways. I feel sad when a friend is going through hard times and I cannot help them. I have made some very good friends while I have been homeless. I will continue to value their friendship when I have a home. I am saddened that I will not be able to help them as much financially after I move into my new home.

On an unrelated note paying a guy for sex is a really big turnon for me, especially when he tells me what to do. I love to pay to suck a cock and swallow cum and pee.

A Post for Adults Only

I will be moving somewhere before the end of this week. If I am not able to move into the dungeon I will be moving in with another friend temporarily. I wish I could move into a larger apartment with the other friend. In either place I will be having sex more often on a regular basis. I fucked a friend recently. One night not long ago I sucked his cock for about three hours. I enjoyed doing both things, of course. Maybe someday soon we will have a threesome. I would not mind sleeping under a bridge with the right man, but I would not want to do this for more than one or two nights. I have sucked a man under a bridge. I was aroused by the idea that someone might have seen me sucking his cock.

Now I am horny. I can never get enough cock.

I have experimented a little with a drug that made me feel very good, but I do not want to be an addict. I will only do some drugs with friends whom I trust a lot.

"Ladders to Fire" by Anaïs Nin

I am very fond of the writing of Anaïs Nin. I especially like her fiction. I recently read Ladders to Fire, one of her novels. The influence of the writings of Djuna Barnes in evident, but it is not overwhelming. The writings of both of these authors contain beautiful use of words. When reading the works of Anaïs Nin I feel myself transported to other times and places. Her descriptions are very vivid. I wish her books were easier to find.

Another Post with Adult Content

I hope that I will be moving into my new home soon. I do not know what is going on concerning that. If I am not able to move there by the end of this month I could end up without a place to stay. I am trying not to get nervous about that, but it is not easy at times. I am not giving up, but I do not want to end up sleeping outside.

There are a couple of young friends who can persuade me to do almost anything. I could say it was because of their cute, seductive smiles, but they would probably be able to be as persuasive without the smiles. I think that both of them know that they have this power over me. It is fun for me too. I have made it clear here that I enjoy pleasing the special men in my life.

I have another friend whom I enjoy pleasing, but I have not been able to see much lately. He is very sexy, and his cum is yummy. I would love to be able to how far he can take me into BDSM. I think that we will be able to have a lot of fun together. We have not been able to do much together yet, but we have had fun. He is the second man who has been able to make me cum by sucking me. I definitely love sucking him.

Too Many Temptations on the Street

On the street I am being tempted in ways in which I do not want to be tempted. I have long had a fear of addiction. There is someone who can give me a seductive look and tempt me to try something to which I could become addicted. I do not think that he has bad intentions, but I want only to be addicted to the male anatomy and things that come out of a penis. I just have to be strong. I find it hard to say no when I am face to face with a man with a seductive look. I do love pleasing men.

The Essential Clive Barker

The Essential Clive Barker contains selections from novels and stories by Clive Barker. This book is a rich banquet. Mr. Barker has a marvelous way with words. Here is an example of this: "I'm like a man who's hired to break into his own house, who finds - much to his astonishment - that he's asleep in his own bed." There is much to delight the reader in this book. When reading his works, watching his films or looking at his art I am amazed at the richness of his imagination. He is able to portray vividly different landscapes and living beings that are outside of one's experience yet seem somehow familiar. I am always moved by the power of his art. He says that one of his influences is Jean Cocteau. I can see this influence, but he has a voice that is completely his own. I have not read all of his books, so I am happy that I have more to discover. I know that I will not be disappointed. In reading his works my intellect, imagination, libido and other parts of my mind are stimulated. I highly recommend the works of Clive Barker in any medium.

More About Some Important Men in my Life

I have some friends whom I love very much, and I will continue to love them. I will be moving into a house with one of them. He knows how to make me feel good, and I enjoy making him good. He stimulates my intellect, imagination and libido. I hope that I will be able to continue to love. I am afraid of loving another of these friends too much. He knows that I will do anything for him that I can. It is not just because he is cute and I would enjoy giving him oral pleasure that I love him. He has a lot of potential, and I want to see him fulfill this potential. I will not give up on him. There is a new man in my life. I want to see how things develop with him. I love pleasing him, and he enjoys pleasing me. Choosing just one is very difficult. I have had little contact with another friend, but he is still important to me even though he has hurt me more than he knows.

A Very Short Post, Some Day I will have time to write longer posts

I will soon have a home, and I am looking forward to that. I try not to be too attached to material possessions, but I would still like to have shelves where I could put all of my books, CDs and DVDs. I would like to be able to put all of my photos and other works of art in frames on walls. I look forward to being able to walk around my own home without having to wear clothes. I would love to live with a man who will have me on my knees whenever he wants a blow job or needs to pee. I also want to give him a tongue bath whenever he wants. Just thinking about doing those things is making my cock hard. I just hope my erection does not show too much. I am in a public library...*winks*

Four More Books

These are four books which I read during the past week. I am writing about them in the order in which I read them. I had not read any books by the authors of these books.

I had seen Maeve Binchy's name prior to reading A Week in Winter, her last book. She died shortly she finished writing this novel. Mostly it takes place in a town on the Atlantic Coast of Ireland. The story centers around a woman from this town who, against her family's wishes, travels to the USA with a man whom she meets while he is travelling in Ireland. She hides from her family what happened to her during her stay in the USA. She returns to Ireland and turns an estate into an inn. We are given the background stories of the first guests at this inn and the stories of their stay at the inn. There are visitors from USA, Sweden, England and Ireland. There are other characters from the town where the inn is located. The main theme of the book seems to be fulfilling one's own destiny instead of doing what other people think that one should do with one's life. It is a delightful life.

I had heard of Mickey Spillane and his character Mike Hammer for many years, but I had not been interested in reading his novels, but I found this book, The Killing Man. I thought I would give his books a chance. I must admit that I did not have high expectations. I did enjoy the book more than I thought I would. I am not sure if I will read any more of his books. At times the descriptions seemed melodramatic. There were some unexpected twists in the plots, but the writing at times seemed formulaic. It is good light reading, but it is not what I find completely satisfying.

Good Talk Dad: The Birds and the Bees...and Other Conversations We Forgot to Have is a mildly amusing book by Bill Geist and Willie Geist, father and son journalists and TV personalities. There are some laughs here. I can relate to their stories somewhat. There are some things that remind me of my relationship with my own father, but mostly it is outside of my realm of experience. I think that many people would find things here to which they can relate.

Warriors Don't Cry is a moving book written by Melba Pattillo Beals. SHe was one of nine African American students in Little Rock, Arkansas who were chosen to integrate the city's Central High School. I find it hard to imagine how they could be treated as they were by the white students and their parents. They were attacked physically and verbally. They showed great bravery during this ordeal. It is a story that is well worth reading. No one should ever be treated in the manner in which they were treated, and we need to make sure that no one is ever again treated in this way.

A Post for 14:52, 25/2/2017

I worked four days this week, but I will not work any next week. I need the money, but I will be able to do some things that I need to do. A special friend has gone into a rehab facility. I do nope that he will get the help that he needs. He means a lot to me. I know that I love him more than he loves me, but I accept that. I would so anything that I can for him. I definitely want him to stay from needles. He could have lost one of his arms because of an abscess. I do not want to lose him. He speaks of going to school. Some people have turned their backs on him because of some things that he has done, but I will not give up on him. None of us is perfect. I want to see him happy and healthy.

I want to find someone who will want me to have sex only with him. I would like for that to be the man who was going to be my Master. He says he may have lost interest in that, but I hope that I can revive his interest. I have played someone else, but I would be happiest if he told me to be only his and not to have sex with anyone else. It would be difficult for me, but I want to be faithful to the right man.

Some Men in My Life

It looks like I will be moving into a new home soon. I hope I get to work more at the job that I have or find a new job. I do not want to end up living on the street. If I do not make more money that is a real possibility. I do have a possible relationship if my Master has really lost interest in having me as a sex slave. I hope that he wants to keep me. I have wanted to have a Master. I still have my special friend, but I know that I love him more than he loves me. He is straight. I will still love him even if I never get to taste his cock, cum and pee again. No matter what I want good things for him. I am getting to know another guy. I think that we will have fun together. He is a cute, intelligent guy. Another guy wants to have fun with me. There is another guy whose cock I have sucked a few times, but that is not going to happen again. He has insulted me too many times. Something will work out.

A Sunday Afternoon Post

It looks like there are going to be some major changes in my life soon. I will be moving into a basement apartment soon. I will probably need to find a new job very soon if I do not get to work more hours at my current job. I am trying not to fall in love with a close friend. He knows that he can talk me into giving him more money than I can afford to give. I do not blame him. I am as much to blame for this. I know that he has sex with other men who give him money. I am a bit hurt that he promises to let me suck him without doing so. I think that he does not want to hurt our friendship, but it does hurt that he does it with others not me. I still love him without the sex. I do want him to be healthy and happy. I just have to remember to take care of myself too. As hard as it is for me to believe, a guy who is younger than I may be willing to pay me to suck him.

"The Bazaar of Bad Dreams" by Stephen King

I recently read The Bazaar of Bad Dreams:Stories by Stephen King. There were a few stories in this collection that I really enjoyed. "Bad Little Kid" and "Cookie Jar" are among those. There are some stories with vague endings, and these are among the better ones. "Mile 81," a story about a monster car, is one of the less successful. There is a reference to the movie "Christine" in this story. That film was based on a novel by Mr. King. Years ago I read Carrie by the same author. I liked that book, but I am not intrigued enough by his writing to read his longer books. To me his writing lacks the bite that I find in the writing of Clive Barker. It is like reading a light beer when a rich, dark stout is available. I will pick the stout every time.

The Radicalism of the American Revolution by Gordon S. Wood

It is easy to see that The Radicalism of the American Revolution was written by a conservative. According to the author British citizens, including those in their American colonies, enjoyed greater freedom than citizens of European countries. This may have been true, but, according to this book, they did not enjoy very much freedom. Only white males who owned land were allowed to participate in any form of politics. In regards to elections in the United States it is interesting that there is no mention of the Electoral College in this book. I think that this is something that should have been included. The author also says that at the time that he wrote the book that almost all U.S. adult citizens were able to find employment. The book was published in1991. I know that at that time I was having difficulty finding a job, and I knew other people who had the same problem. Also, the author ignores the religious persecution that had happened in Great Britain before the revolution. There may have been more religious freedom than there was in other countries, but there are many recorded cases of that religious persecution, especially against Roman Catholics. This is an interesting book, but it definitely has a conservative slant.

This book won the Pulitzer Prize. The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker was another winner of the same prize. These books and other winners of the same prize make me want to avoid books that win the same prize.

En extremely brief post

I will try to write something interesting soon, but I am not feeling well. My brain seems to have gone on strike, My posts have all been too similar to each other. I will be in top form soon I hope.

A Kinky Sore-Throat Remedy

I have a sore throat. I think if I could get one of my special friends would pee in my mouth it would help make it feel better. I know that I would enjoy it anyway. They would enjoy it too. It would be more fun than the usual cold remedies. The perfect thing would be pee then cum then more pee. One of my fantasies is to be shopping with someone who would take me into a dressing room or restroom and use me as his urinal and cum dump. This would be particularly fun if at least one other person was watching. I may have to settle for a cup of coffee at lunch. I need to please one of my three special friends soon.

Don't Try to Stick Anything Down My Throat. I Prefer Being Able to Use My Tongue.

There is a guy whose cock I have sucked a few times, and now he wants to act like he owns me.He has insulted me too many times. I do to be submissive to the right men, but I do not want to be insulted. It takes more than for a man to fuck my face for him to claim ownership. He just wants to stick his cock down my throat, and that is not enjoyable for me. I prefer to give a man a full treatment with my mouth and tongue and to build up good suction. I do have someone special who likes for me to chew on his cock. He is the first man I have known who wanted me to use me to use my teeth on his cock. I also like to please all of a man's body with my tongue and hands. Being submissive does not mean that I do not have self esteem. There are three men here to whom I would love to be obedient, but two of them are definitely more important. The guy I mentioned above is not one of them. I may not suck him off again. One of the two is my Master. I probably love the other more than he loves me, but I don't mind. Both of these men know how to make me feel good. I know how to make them feel good too.

I Do not Do "Special Favors" for Just Anybody

I was approached by a cute guy who said that he had heard that I did "special favors." He had heard that I gave someone money to suck his cock. He was trying to get me to do it with him instead. I do give a friend money, but I do not really give him money for sex. I have only had his cock in my mouth four times. The first time he did not cum or pee. The second and fourth time he did pee in my mouth. The third time he was not able to pee. I would give him money if I did not think that I would be able to get his cock in my mouth. I probably love him more that than he loves me. Anyway, this new guy said that he has a banana-sized cock. It takes more than a big cock to make me want to pay a guy to give  him a blow job. I only give money to one man. Soon I will be paying rent, so I will be giving two men money. This new guy told me to look for him when I have money. I will only look for one guy to give him money. If he wants me to give him money for sex he has to at least pretend that he likes me some. There are two men whom I really love, and there are two guys with whom I would like to play. Also if I just wanted a big dick there are men with big cocks to whom I can give blow jobs free. I do admit that I am tempted by the new guy, but I love my other friend too much to give into that temptation.

A straight friend showed me his cock a few weeks ago, but he swears that he would not show his cock to another man. I would not have tried to look at his cock for two reasons. The first is that I would not want him to think that I was trying to make a move on him. The second is that I would not want to look at it if I was not going to be able to suck it. Another time the same friend reached into the front pockets of my jeans. He said he was looking for change. The back of one of his hands brushed against my cock. He joked about my liking that. I think that he was only joking around.

I will be glad when I move into my new home and I am able to please my Master more often. I will have cum and pee more frequently. I will also be happy to have a home.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin and the people of both countries, Дональд Трамп и Владимир Путин и народ обеих стран

Many people in the USA do not support Trump and do not want the rest of the world to think that his supporters speak for the rest of us. The same thing can be said about Russia and Putin. The actions of a country's leader do not necessarily represent the feelings of everybody in that country. People in the USA and Russia are not as different from each other as some politicians want us to believe. If people from different countries got to know each other better we would get along better as long as we approach other with open minds. The boundaries between countries are artificial. They separate people, and this is not necessary.

Многие люди в США не поддерживают Трампа и не хотят, чтобы весь остальной мир, чтобы думать, что его сторонники говорят для остальной части нас. То же самое можно сказать и о России и Путине. Действия лидера страны не обязательно отражают чувства всех в этой стране. Люди в США и России не так отличаются друг от друга, как некоторые политики хотят, чтобы мы поверили. Если люди из разных стран должны лучше друг друга знают, что мы бы лучше ладить до тех пор, как мы подходим к другой с открытыми умами. Границы между странами являются искусственными. Они отделяют людей, и это не является необходимым.

Багато людей в США не підтримують Трампа і не хочуть, щоб увесь інший світ, щоб думати, що його прихильники кажуть для решти нас. Те ж саме можна сказати і про Росію і Путіна. Дії лідера країни не обов'язково відображають почуття всіх в цій країні. Люди в США і Росії не так відрізняються один від одного, як деякі політики хочуть, щоб ми повірили. Якщо люди з різних країн повинні краще один одного знають, що ми б краще жити до тих пір, як ми підходимо до іншої з відкритими умами. Межі між країнами є штучними. Вони відокремлюють людей, і це не є необхідним.

Beaucoup de gens aux USA ne soutiennent pas Trump et ne veulent pas que le reste du monde pense que ses partisans parlent pour le reste d'entre nous. On peut dire la même chose de la Russie et de Poutine. Les actions du chef d'un pays ne représentent pas nécessairement les sentiments de tout le monde dans ce pays. Les gens aux Etats-Unis et en Russie ne sont pas aussi différents les uns des autres que certains politiciens veulent nous faire croire. Si des gens de différents pays se connaissaient mieux, nous nous entendrions mieux tant que nous approchions d'autres personnes ouvertes. Les frontières entre pays sont artificielles. Ils séparent les gens, ce qui n'est pas nécessaire.

Viele Leute in den USA unterstützen Trump nicht und wollen nicht, dass der Rest der Welt denkt, dass seine Unterstützer für den Rest von uns sprechen. Dasselbe kann man über Rußland und Putin sagen. Die Handlungen des Führers eines Landes stellen nicht notwendigerweise die Gefühle aller Menschen in diesem Land dar. Die Menschen in den USA und Russland sind nicht so unterschiedlich, wie manche Politiker glauben wollen. Wenn Menschen aus verschiedenen Ländern einander besser kennen gelernt hätten, würden wir uns besser verstehen, solange wir uns mit offenen Köpfen anderen nähern. Die Grenzen zwischen den Ländern sind künstlich. Sie trennen die Menschen, und das ist nicht nötig.

Mnoho ľudí v USA nepodporujú Trumpa a nechcú zvyšok sveta, aby si myslia, že jeho stúpenci hovoria pre nás ostatných. To isté možno povedať o Rusko a Putin. Pôsobenie vodcu danej krajiny nemusia nutne predstavovať pocity každého v tejto krajine. Ľudia v USA a Ruska nie sú tak odlišné od seba navzájom, ako niektorí politici chcú, aby sme verili. Ak sa ľudia z rôznych krajín dostal do navzájom lepšie spoznali by sme si spolu lepšie tak dlho, ako sa blížime druhá s otvorenou mysľou. Hranice medzi jednotlivými krajinami sú umelé. Rozdeľovať ľudí, a to nie je nutné.