Addiction

For years I had premonitions that one day I would become an addict. I avoided this. I was afraid of becoming an addict. According to these premonitions there is a reason for which I would become an addict. I do not know if I would be considered an addict. I have been self medicating. I have tried cocaine a couple of times, but it did not do anything for me. I felt like I had not done anything. I have tried heroin twice. The first time my heart started beating intensely. Then it seemed like I was watching a slow motion film in reverse where I saw each frame of film. After that I felt like I was going to regurgitate. Eventually I felt like I was going to pass out. It was not a pleasant experience at all. The second time I tried it I was completely wired. I felt good, but there are drugs that make me feel better and are less dangerous. I need to be careful not to try heroin again. I need something to stop my depression. Addiction still scares me somewhat. I don't want to die from an overdose, but I am not ready to stop using.