Journal Writing and Absolut and Cranberry Juice

Once years ago I was keeping a journal to write about things that I hid from most people. I am now writing openly about many of these things here now. Then I was afraid of what other people would think if they knew the true me. I wrote this journal in French, Spanish, Portuguese and English so that most people would not be able to read most of it. I lost it long ago, and I do not remember what I wrote about. I think that mostly it was about my sexual orientation and things concerning that. I no longer feel the need to hide a lot of things I hid then. I may have written things down, but I was still keeping them bottled in.
I have fragments of what I had written as the beginning of a novel. I started this when I was twenty. I reread it later, there are some good things in it, but mostly I think it is boring, pretentious crap. I have some poems that I wrote in my twenties and thirties. I may post some of them eventually.
Here is one thing I have been hesitating to write about. Even in my most painful memories I can find humor. I had been going through difficult times. I had no money and little contact with friends. I did not know where to go for help. I did not know where to go for help. I made a feeble attempt at suicide. The funny thing is I tried to do this by drinking most of a bottle of Vodka with cranberry juice and a box of over-the counter sleeping pills. The funny thing is that I refused to do it with cheap vodka. I bought a bottle of Absolut, the trendy vodka of the time. Really, I was being such a drama queen. Really, if someone really wants to die do they care how good the vodka tastes. Oh, well, I still laugh about it twenty-six years later. (By the way I still cannot drink Vodka and cranberry juice, but I can enjoy it with other juices. I prefer Polish or Russian Vodka now. I do want to try Babička, a Czech vodka made with wormwood, but it is not available in the U.S.) I did get the help I needed. I will write more later about my time in a mental hospital and years spent on mental-health disability. It will not all be pretty, but I hope you will laugh with me at times along the way.