You Can't Go Home Again

I have often been reminded of the title of the title of the novel by Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again. I definitely need to read it. Anyway this is very true, especially when home stopped being home long ago. I know there are some kind people in the area, but I feel cut off from the people who matter the most to me. I have exchanged some texts with some good friends this evening, and that has helped. It helps to know that I have friends I can count on. I have been back here for more than a year, but I still have not gotten used to some of the idioms used here yet. Most of them I grew up with but never used myself. Sometimes I almost feel like I speak a different language from the other people here. I felt more at ease in Prague learning the language than I do here. I do not want to lose contact with my family here, but I do not want to stay here. If I had to choose between having friends with whom I could talk openly, drink a few beers and laugh and having sex I would choose the former. I am glad that I don't have to make that choice, but I do have my right hand and internet porn. I miss having real dialogue with friends. I also miss laughing and enjoying drinking a few with them. I do not want to fit in in a place where I can only do so by not being myself.