Sometimes I Take Expressions too Literally in English

One of the things about myself that I have found embarrassing about myself is my tendency to take expressions in English literally. For some reason unknown to me me this does not happen with other languages. I remember when I was maybe six or seven years old someone asked me how high I could count. I thought he meant how high I could count before I got bored with doing or physically able to count. My answer was two hundred. He asked why I couldn't count higher if I could count that high. It was then that I realized he had wanted to know how high I knew how to count. I did not answer. I did not want him to think I was being disrespectful. I have never been especially fond of people asking if someone can do something when they want to know if they know how to do that thing. At times in workplaces my tendency to take things too literally has caused some awkward moments. I cannot remember any specific instances at this time, but if I remember them later I will write about them if they are amusing enough. I do not have this problem with a few of my favorite expressions in French. One is "chercher des champignon." Literally this means "to look for mushrooms," but it is used when one is going into the woods to pee. Another is definitely not politically correct, but I like it anyway. It is "être con comme la lune." In French "con" can mean cunt or stupid. It is definitely not a polite term. "être con comme la lune" literally means "to be cunt (or stupid) like the moon." It is used to call someone very stupid. Sometimes I like to say "Je suis con comme la lune." I really do not think of myself in that way, but I think it sometimes as a way not to take myself too seriously or in an ironic way, saying the opposite of what I mean. That, in a way is taking myself too seriously. Another expression I learned years ago is "parler français comme une vache espagnole." I do not know if this expression is used currently. Literally it means "to speak French like a Spanish Cow." I saw it translated into English as "to murder the French language" or "to speak French very badly." It makes no sense to me why my brain is more flexible in languages other than English than it is in English. I may never know why this is true.