Making the Most of My Current Situation (Adult Content)

I am still not particularly happy with my current situation, but I am making the best of it that I can. I have learned to accept more about who I am. Personal growth does not stop at a certain age hopefully. I have never felt completely masculine, but I would not say that I am feminine. I recently learned the word that mostly fits, qenderqueer. Some things about me are neither masculine or feminine, sort of neuter. The term neuter has too clinical sound to me. Being submissive to me is not a feminine trait, nor is it a masculine one. Why do we feel the need to identify personality traits as masculine or feminine. Some traits are neither. Being the one in control is neither feminine nor masculine. It is just a role that fits some people more than others. As I mentioned before I enjoy wearing clothing that is considered masculine; jock straps, work boots. I would enjoy wearing chaps. I also enjoy wearing clothing considered feminine, lace underwear, camisoles. I would enjoy wearing high heels, but they hurt the balls of my feet too much. I would enjoy wearing clothes that I do not think of as either but are considered masculine; leather vests, harnesses, and pants. I enjoy wearing a collar. I do not think of that as masculine or feminine.

I tend to be attracted to men who are masculine, but that covers a wide spectrum. Men who are hairy with beards are sexy to me, but I a am also attracted to men with shaved heads without beards. A man with a shaved head and a beard can be very sexy too. I am attracted to men who are chubby and hairy and to men who are slender and smooth skinned or men who are chubby and smooth skinned and men who are slender and hairy. Men who are muscular can be hot. I like men with tattoos and piercings and men without them. What turns me on most in a man is how comfortable he is with being who he is. (I am not saying that this is not important for women, because it is good for people of all gender identities to feel comfortable with who they are. I am mentioning men [I include those, who like myself identify as genderqueer.] because it is to men that I am attracted for sex and hopefully a love relationship.)

Enjoying sucking cock is not masculine or feminine. It just is one of my characteristics. Being penetrated anally is the same. There are men who are not gay who enjoy having things inserted into their anuses to have their prostates massaged. There are gay men who do not enjoy this. I am one of those. It hurts too much for me. I am not saying this is a permanent state, but I have not met a man who can relax me enough to loosen up enough to enjoy being fucked in the ass. I do enjoy fucking a man in the ass.

It would be a turn on for me to get together with a man who is dressed in leather pants and jacket or vest and other leather accessories and to discover when he undresses that he is wearing lace panties underneath.

I continue to discover more things about myself, and I continue to grow more content with who I am. If I cannot be make myself in all circumstances no one else can make me happy in any circumstances.