I still find it hard to completely open up and not censor what I write about my true feelings here and when talking to people. I have been open here, but I often hold back about talking about personal feelings. There is always the fear of offending people and scaring away readers.
I am sometimes afraid that I would not be able to have a committed relationship with one man. I do want that, and I want to be with someone who wants me to be committed to him. I have only really tried twice, and these relationships did not last long. One lasted a few months. I was in my early thirties, but I did not really know how to keep a relationship going. It was not helped by him not wanting anyone to know we were in a relationship, not even people who knew we were both gay. He was afraid of what rumors would be spread if we broke up. I wish he had focused less on that and more on keeping our relationship from ending. It did not help that our sex was very boring. I would always lose energy whenever we tried to do anything together. I tried to be faithful, but I did play with a couple of guys, but not a much as he thought. The other guy was the one in Rhode Island.
For me the be best sex is when there is an emotional attachment, but I do enjoy sucking dick in parks, restrooms, cars, etc. The danger of being caught adds to the excitement. I try to be careful, but I like the idea of a man seeing me on the street and wanting to take me home so I can give him a blow job. I do enjoy making making a man feel good. I do like for a man to tell me what to do sexually, but this does not mean that I do not want to be respected. I do get a lot of enjoyment out of being able to make a man cum through my oral skills. Speaking languages is not the only thing I can do well with my tongue.
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