More About the Coming Out Process in School

When I was in school starting the coming out process I did not know any gay guys I could relate to. Most of the guys I met were very much into disco, and I was more interested in punk and twentieth-century composers. I did not find any guys who were interested in me either. I would not have let differences in tastes keep me from making friends of having sex with a guy, but I could not get any of the gay guys to talk me. They only made catty remarks. Mostly I wanted to have gay friends. I did meet someone at the end of my sophomore year, and we became friends. He got me to see a counselor at the school. At first I was sating I was bi, but I knew this wasn't true. The counselor helped me, but only saw him that semester. I felt uncomfortable when he asked me to write down my sexual fantasies for him. I did not know much about gay sex yet, so I did not have any concrete fantasies. I just knew I wanted to suck dick. I could not find any gay guys who were willing to help me with the coming out process. I went to some meetings of gay students, but none of the guys would speak to me. some of the guys acted like they were afraid that I wanted to have sex with them. I do not know why none of them wanted to do that. I was trying to figure out who I was sexually, spiritually and politically. I guess the bitchiness of the guys I met my own age was one of the reason that I became attracted to older men. I did develop some crushes on straight guys my first two years at school, but I would never have said anything to them. The only action I saw in school was masturbating in the shower. I was very frustrated sexually by the time I graduated from college. It was not until years later that I found gay men my own age with whom I could relate. I am very open minded, and now for me age is no longer an issue. What matters to me is that we both treat each other with respect. I like all types of men. I still like to mix masculine and feminine clothes. I think it is fun to mix the two. No dresses for me though, except as a joke. I accept others as they are, but I do not know if I could have a love relationship with a feminine man. The main reason for that is that I tend to be submissive in relationships. I am open to the possibility though. I just want someone who is comfortable with who he is.