Coming out is a never-ending process. I long for a time when I do not have to worry about the reactions of people if I talk about wanting or having a boyfriend. I sometimes feel left out of conversations when people talk about their spouses and/or families. I would love to be able to find a man with whom I could settle down and get married. I would like to be able to walk down the street hand in hand with someone I love. Starting a new job always involves coming out. I think all of us should be able to speak openly about the people who matter to us without fear of not being accepted by others.
I have become slow in opening up to others about my views. Part of this is having had people say that I was trying to be different. Another part of this is that not many people where I am currently living and working have heard of many of the things that I enjoy. If I tried to talk to people about my love for the films of Krzysztof Kieslowski I would probably get blank stares. I do not know many people who are familiar with the work of Jan Svankmajer. I would love to have someont with whom I could share my interests.
I had a friend years ago that I miss dearly. When we were roommates my last year at school we got to the point of finishing each other's sentences. We would speak in French or English. Sometimes we would be speaking in one of those languages when one of us would hesitate trying to find a word. Then we would both say the same word at the same time in another language. He would say that I was more intelligent than he, but I knew that was bullshit. He wrote several books on Latin, and he was better at languages than I. He had a wonderful sense of humor. He died from pneumonia several years ago.
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