Monday, October 6, 2014

one of my longer pieces: the ultimate guide to absolutely everything

the ultimate guide to absolutely everything

he got up and took his head out of the refrigerator. after putting it back between his shoulders he gor dressed for jogging through the park.
usually while jogging he would mug several pigeons to amuse himself. today was an exception, he spent the entire time trying to decide whether to mug a rapist or rape a mugger, because of his indecision he got nothing done aside from jogging, he was disappointed.
when he got back to his apartment he took a long hot shower, he then got dressed for his job as a security guard in a marshmallow museum.
it was an uneventful morning except for a guy who thought that a grape marshmallow would make an ideal pillow for his pet hamster. anthony, the hero of our story, decided to teach him a lesson he would never forget, the piano lesson lasted an hour.
during his lunch break he went for a cup of hot chocolate, unable to take his mind off of his job.
his most strenuous task during the afternoon was keeping visitors from whistling, whistling was strictly forbidden.
his dinner that evening consisted of fried pigeon and sauteed mushrooms.
that evening, he went to a hot-chocolate bar frequented by left-handed security guards. since the next day was his day off he forgot his usual limit. he hoped that in the morning he would not regret it.
he went home alone and put his head in the refrigerator to keep from snoring. the next day he slept too late to go for his usual jog. tuesdays were always anthony's day off and he went to see his therapist on that day. they discussed several ways for anthony to get his mind off of his job. anthony failed to tell dr. hopkins about the hot-chocolate bar where he spent his evenings.
after the session with dr. hopkins, anthony went for a walk through the park. he mugged several pigeons for lunch, since there was a strike on by the rapists and muggers union local number 590.
that evening he went to the cinema and stood in line for an hour, he decided not to see the film since he had seen it ten times already.
he went to bed after putting his head in its traditional place.
the next day he made a radical change in his routine, he jogged in a clockwise direction through the park.
the rest of the week went along in basically the same way, except for a little of this and that thrown in.

No comments:

Post a Comment