Three more pieces

Here are three more pieces


#10

he was a man who saw whatever he saw. he lived where he lived on the street where he lived. every morning he would wake up when he stopped sleeping.
his neighbours were upset because he had an annoying habit of being, especially on thursdays.
every week he went to work at the place where he was employed.
his meals consisted of comestibles which he chewed and swallowed and beverages which he swallowed without chewing, causing his family great distress.
he also had an unusual habit of breathing in and breathing out. people often said that he had a remarkable resemblance to himself.
and then suddenly on the day that he stopped living he died.


a ph.d. named phred

thomas decided to be a philosophy professor so that he could get a discount at the copy store on the corner. he worked his way through college by styling the nasal and pubic hair of students who had never studied calculus.
thomas, or as most of his friends called him, thomas, graduated within the top one hundred percent in his undergraduate class at generic u.
he was able to get his master's and doctoral degrees in the amount of time that it took him to do the amount of work required to get those degrees.
he was finally made a full professor after many large meals.
he had been teaching for twenty-seven years five months and one day when he realised that he had developed no personal or impersonal philosophy of life. so he sat on the collected writings of danielle steel and pondered this problem.
he finally found the answer in a remote corner of his mind behind six cobwebs: life is life without hte commercials.
8/6/91


a period piece

the yard sale had been a success, everything had been sold except for a few used metaphors, some of them had gotten mixed together and as a result had gone sour. someone had bought all of the dented similes, she said that the wanted to use them as kitty litter. he sold his collection of split infinitives to a librarian who needed book ends. a biker from delaware bought three fifths of his dangling modifiers to hang from his pierced body parts. almost everything else left was purchased by a family restaurant to be used in a stew.

To be continued...