more micro-stories

bastards on parade

the man across the street was performing the rites involved in avoiding excessive ritualistic behaviour. he was expecting his daughter to come over to kill him, as she did every evening before he went to bed, so that his snoring would not keep his pet goldfish awake all night.
the next day he called his boss to say that he would not be able to go to work, because he had to powder his nose, but first he had to grow a new nose. by noon his nose was in full bloom, but he had no currency or spoons so he had to use a turkey baster.
his neighbour's cousin's family doctor's landlord's son came by with a fresh supply of air and started to breathe.
the sun went down on the house and the day was done.


beethoven's last enema

the music of the spheres was on sale at the corner drugstore, but i was already out of tomato juice. the sales clerk threw me out the window and onto the street where i was run over by an extremely large group of transvestite squirrels who were protesting the war in my right ear.


a boring tale of boredom

at his birth he was acknowledged to be the most boring male human in the western part of the eastern hemisphere, his doctor, who was put to sleep by his crying, dropped him on his head and he bounced to kalamazoo.
the day after his arrival was proclaimed one of the days of the week.
his first day in kindergarten he was expelled for putting the entire student body into death-like comas of boredom when he said hi.
he later tried to get a job with an accounting firm, but he was told that the other accountants would only be able to tolerate a certain amount of boredom per second or they would get overly excited and die from broken eyelashes.
he ended his day in his den not being able to decide whether or not to make a decision.


bunting

it was large. it had green things growing around its edges. its primary purpose was to do what it was supposed to do. when it was so inclined it would get up and leave, leaving albania without any. on alternating wednesdays it would wink at those who did not exist.it was easily excited by the passage of time. the only thing that it would not admit was that its parents were.
2/27/90


buried bosoms

i was walking down the street when i tripped on a comma,