One of my first memory of consciously thinking of myself as being gay was when I read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley for a science fiction class. I remember when reading and discussing the parts of the book that dealt with feelies, movies where the audiences would smell and feel the actions in the movie, that when kissing took place in the feelie that I thought that I would feel the man kissing me not the woman. I was glad that we were not asked what we thought we would feel while watching it. I knew before then that I was gay, but this was one of the most concrete thoughts. Well there was the time when I was in about the seventh or eighth grade I was "camping out" with friends in a camper that my father had in the driveway behind the house. My friends and I were wandering town when we were supposed to be sleeping. When we were out a friend of my friends left a message on a tape recorder that was in the camper. The only part that I remember is that he said, "Suck my dick." I did not tell my friends, but I was turned on by the thought of doing that. There was also the time that a friend talked me into playing with his cock when I was younger than that. He said it was part of a massage. I enjoyed doing, and he did too. I also remember feeling some ambiguities concerning gender when I was a child. I remember once when I was playing with friends we pretended to be girls and gave ourselves feminine names. I think I used Brucella or something like that. Once I asked my mother for a doll for Christmas, and I was disappointed when she said no. I remember having a Green Beret doll. (This is from before they were called action figures.) I remember being disappointed that his clothes could not be removed.
Yes, I know that jumped around a bit, but I just typed the memories as they came to mind.
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